Tahn (35 page)

Duncan and Stuva came in behind Briant. “We can go back and see him, can’t we?”

But Tahn suddenly appeared in the doorway at the back of the sanctuary. “No need.”

They all looked up. He walked to them on his own, leaning on the staff first, then the church pews. Netta knew it was difficult for him, but he scarcely showed it.

“I am pleased to see you all healthy,” he said. “Even taller, it almost seems.”

They just stared at him, unsure what to expect or how to respond.

“I’m not fragile.” He smiled. “Temas,” he called the little girl and opened his arms to her. “I believe I owe you first.”

She burst into a wide smile and raced forward into his hug.

“You didn’t hate it?” she asked. “When I hugged you?”

“No, child. I didn’t know how to take it. No one had ever—”

He hadn’t finished before Duncan, then Doogan, Rane, and the rest crowded in to share the embrace.

Netta stood back with tears in her eyes. Vari walked up and put his arm around her. “They’ve been praying for all of us to be a family. They want you and the Dorn both to continue as their teachers. They want us all to stay together.”

She looked at his youthful eyes and knew that he, like them, would not understand if it could not be so. She thought of the Dorn, but it was not him only that drew her. She could gladly give her heart and her life to these children. They should have the security of a fine home, and she would love to have a part of it. In truth, she wanted their happy dream as much as they did.

Then she looked up to see Jarel standing at the outer door and watching the scene. He turned abruptly and went back outside.

24

T
ahn was glad to hear the report Vari brought him of Marcus’s words, and he knew he was not the only one. Such news added to the Triletts’ growing sense of security. And with the threat of Samis diminishing, the children were beginning to relax and be children.

But Benn was still cautious. He had plenty of men with them two days later when he decided it was time to take everyone to see the springhouse estate on the southern edge of Onath.

Once again, Tobas went with them. He drove a wagon with Tahn seated beside him. Benn was leading them. Vari pranced ahead toward him on a horse.

“He’s a good boy,” Tobas told Tahn. “But he thinks he’s a man already. He did the young warrior a good turn, but I’m not so sure about the farmer’s daughter.”

Tahn was surprised at his words. “You mean Leah Wittley?”

“Yes. They were kissing when I went to the Wittleys’ barn for our horses. And it was not the kiss of children.”

Tahn looked up at Vari now riding happily alongside Benn.

“I don’t mean to cause him trouble, sir,” the craftsman said. “But it concerned me. She’s a young thing.”

“Thank you for telling me. She’s almost his own age, I expect.”

“And how old is he?”

“Thirteen.”

“Lord above! I would have guessed him at sixteen and thought then he acted too old for himself.”

Tahn sighed. “Never had a father’s guidance. I’ll talk to him.”

“I meant him no trouble, now.”

“You’ve not caused it.”

They had barely left the homes of Onath when Benn stopped and pointed. As the wagons caught up, he turned and looked at the group with a smile. “There she is!” At the end of a lane stood a beautiful two-story house of white stone with a railed roof garden.

“It’s big!” Doogan exclaimed.

But Tahn’s heart fell within him. Why hadn’t he realized where they were going? He shook his head. “No.”

Netta was suddenly beside his wagon, but he couldn’t look at her. He could barely speak. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I told her not to,” Benn said immediately. “I wanted you to see how it can be made secure. You said you thought it unwise to leave the safety of such good friends. We are near town here. Our cottage at Fjord is much further out, and smaller.”

But Tahn shook his head again, imagining Karll’s blood to be staining the roof tiles still. “I can’t believe you would want me here.”

“I knew it might be hard for you,” Benn told him. “But I hope you agree it’s sensible. Our horses and men will require the space. We must return to a more normal life, and your children need to experience one. This place has all we need. We can rebuild our primary home, but that takes time.”

“How can you stand it, Lady?” Tahn asked, still unable to look at her.

“There is more to this house than the tragedy,” she said with tender voice. “Please, Mr. Dorn. It
is
home.”

“She’s right,” Tobas said. “Practical men do what is practical.” And without another word from Tahn, he drove the wagon swiftly through the gate and down the pebbled lane.

The rest of the children were soon running about, exploring the spacious courtyard. But Vari waited with Tahn, who sat on the wagon watching them. They looked so happy.

“Let me help you down,” Vari offered.

“I need to go back to the church.”

“Tahn, they’ve laid down the past. It’ll be all right.”

Jarel glanced at them and then at his uncle. “When will Hildy be here?”

“She should be already. Go in and check the kitchen. I asked her to prepare us a meal.”

Jarel went in through wide double doors that opened to a grand entryway.

“Do you think we can live like this?” Vari asked in a whisper.

“I know I can’t.” Tahn looked across the yard to a sudden commotion. Duncan and Tam had scared a group of chickens out of their coop. Just past them, Rane was on his way up a tree.

“I’ll be lookout!” the little boy yelled.

They deserve a decent home,
Tahn was thinking.
Which is something I can’t provide.
He turned and watched Benn’s men moving in different directions. Some took the horses to the large stable. Others, presumably, would watch the road.

He looked around him. Benn was right. The place could be carefully secured. Alone in his silence three years ago, he’d had little trouble at his task, at least on the way in. But the lack then had been for watchfulness. That would not be a problem now.

He turned his head and saw Temas pulling Netta toward an apple tree. The lady looked like she belonged here, with her lovely dress and regal manner. But strangely enough, so did the children, who were so immediately comfortable. Netta glanced up at him, and he averted his eyes.

“Come on,” Vari urged. “Let them put up the wagon. It won’t kill you to stay for a while. They’re good people, and they don’t hold anything against you. God doesn’t either, remember.” He took Tahn’s arm and helped him to the ground just as a robust woman came charging out of the house with a delighted squeal.

“Benn!” She hugged Lord Trilett with a motherly fondness. “I was thrilled for your message! How we’ve prayed for you. Thank God you’re spared!” She turned her attention quickly. “Netta! Netta, let me look at you! Are you all right, child? Come here!”

She started for the yard, but Netta ran to meet her. “Hildy! A blessing to see you!” Their embrace was a familiar one, and Tahn supposed she must be a trusted servant of years.

“We’re so glad to be back!” Hildy was saying. “Ham’s gone for feed for the horses, but he’ll not be long. I’ve got you a feast. Come ahead. My, all these children!”

Tahn turned away and seated himself on a bench beside a pillar. He set his staff between his boots and looked outward toward the pond behind the house.

“Netta, dear,” Benn said, “take the children with Hildy and let her feed them. Show them the house. We’ll be in soon enough.”

Vari stood in silence, watching Tahn.

Benn put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Go with the others, Vari. It will be all right. I’ll talk to him.”

“Maybe you could keep the little ones,” Vari offered. “He and I could stay together and … maybe visit.”

“I want you all to stay,” Benn told him. “I have lost much of my family, and now God has given you all to me. Pray for your friend that he may see that.”

“All of us? Not just the little ones?”

“Vari, you and your teacher amaze me. I would be honored to have you both. You inspire me to look past myself.”

Vari smiled.

“Go on. I will speak to him alone.”

Tahn heard the footsteps behind him and knew it was Benn. He bowed his head. “You have a good home. The children are already happy here.”

“You are content that it can be safe?” Benn sat beside him.

“I think so. Once you have men organized to their tasks.”

“I would like your help with that. I know you are uncomfortable, but we can forget what is behind us, friend. Whether here or elsewhere, I would like you to stay, not just till you’re stronger. I want you all to be a part of my family.”

“They are a lot of children to take on, sir. And they know not the way of fine houses.”

Benn smiled. “I would be pleased to adopt them all, with your permission. I always wanted a houseful of strong sons. I had one boy, but he died as an infant. I had nephews, but now only Jarel is left. We have plenty to give them, Mr. Dorn. You don’t need to worry for their sakes.”

Tahn sighed. It made sense. Benn Trilett could provide for them and keep them safe, once he had his standing soldiers. But Tahn could not see himself in the picture. He knew it was the answer to his prayer for the future of the little ones. But it hurt terribly, like he was losing his family. “I will stay long enough to see to their safety,” he said slowly. “And then I will grant you your wish, sir. You are right. They should not have to steal for food anymore. They can become good men. And you can help them more than I can.”

“I don’t think you understand me. I want you to stay as well.”

Tahn looked down at his boots and shook his head.
Dear Lady Trilett! There will always be blood between us.
He glanced up at Benn. “I can’t live off the kindness of you and your friends,” he said, unable yet to voice the rest.

“I need you,” Benn told him. “I will have men coming who are untrained and untried. I would hire you to help me mold them to our needs. We have resources. I can pay you well. You would be protecting my family, and yours.”

“It would be robbery to ask you to pay me for that.”

“Why, Mr. Dorn?”

“Because I would do it unbidden. It is my heart.” His voice broke, and he turned from him. “But you have many men willing, sir. You will not need me, and I don’t belong here.”

Benn placed a hand gently on his shoulder. “If you will not work for me, allow me to adopt you as I would the children. Let me claim you to my house.”

“I am not a child as they are.”

“That is not what my daughter tells me. She says you are a brave child who carries far too much pain.”

Tahn tensed at the words. He whirled around. “Did she also say I am a man who terrorizes her? She knows it is true!”

Benn nodded, but there was a softness in his eyes. “You did terrorize her once. You hurt her terribly with the death of her Karll. And I am glad to see how deeply you realize that. I couldn’t trust you if you didn’t.”

Tahn took a deep breath. He leaned down for his staff and then stood and took a step.

Benn was immediately at his side. “Let me help you.”

“You brought me here unwarned to test my heart.”

“No. I brought you unwarned because otherwise you wouldn’t have come.”

Tahn limped toward the pond, refusing Benn’s arm. “I don’t belong here, sir. Grant me permission to visit the children. In a few days, I will be much stronger, and I will go.”

“You don’t hear what I’m saying?”

“She does not need a reminder before her daily.”

“God rest your heart, Mr. Dorn. I want you to stay. My daughter respects you deeply, and she has forgiven you for what happened.”

Tahn only bowed his head.
She said that once,
he remembered.
But what of the thoughts I think of her? Surely such thoughts would frighten her. And I am not worthy.

“You know God has forgiven you?” Benn asked gently.

“Yes, sir.” There was eternal peace in that. Tahn looked up at the hazy sky.

“It is time you forgave yourself, then, son.” Benn stepped in front of Tahn. “We need you here. I have never had a standing army, but I must protect my family. I want you to train the men I hire to be honorable guards for us. You know you are able. And your family is here. None of the children will want you to go.”

“You don’t understand.” He swallowed hard. He would have to tell it plainly and perhaps become abhorrent in this nobleman’s eyes. “I care for your daughter, sir.” He took a deep breath. “I should not be here to trouble her with such a thing.”

But Bennamin only smiled. “I have no fears in that. She’s an intelligent woman. She will know her own heart. And how to manage yours.”

Tahn could not have been more shocked. He trembled. “You don’t object to my feelings?”

“I couldn’t very sensibly, could I? If you did not care for her, I would not have her with me, alive and well.”

“But, sir … I—”

“I understand what you meant. And I will leave the matter between the two of you and God.” He must have noticed Tahn’s trembling, because he helped him to a rock to sit down.

“I will never hurt her again,” Tahn told him, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat.