Sweet Torture (Fated for Love) (6 page)

“It wasn’t you I was running from, I was just…
overwhelmed, I suppose.” She smiled blandly and slid over on the bench. “Would you like to have a seat?”

“
It still isn’t like you. Is something amiss?”

His brow creased with concern
, and at once, Lydia’s heart gave a hard thud. She looked into his eyes and fell into them. He cared for her, it was true, maybe he didn’t know it, and perhaps it wasn’t the true love she dreamed of, but he did care for her, and in that moment, she wanted him to kiss her, to hold her. In that moment, she wanted to believe that they could be together and in his arms, she would find that passion and that fire that his kisses alluded to. She hadn’t even realized she reached for him until her fingers threaded into his hair and her gaze moved to his lips. He would not deny her, and true to form, he dipped his head without question and gave her what she wanted.

Their lips brushed and then clung. Lydia brought her other hand up to his hair and held him to her as if any moment they could be ripped apart. Devon brought one hand to her nape and held onto the bench for balance with the other. His tongue swept acr
oss the seam of her lips, and she gladly opened to him. They tasted of each other with searching caresses, exploring and satisfying. Her fingernails bit into the skin of his scalp. He pulled away until they broke apart. Lydia turned away and looked out over the water. She gently touched her kiss-swollen lips with her fingertips.

“What are we doing here
, Lydia? This can’t go on like this.”

He broke the silence
, and began the very conversation Lydia had thought of only moments ago. She was not sure what she needed from him, but she wasn’t ready to let him go.

“I was going to ask you to meet me here so we could talk
, but you found me anyway. I wanted to ask you the same thing.” She turned to him and found the same painful confusion in his eyes. It seemed the torture was mutual.

“I won’t deny I want you. I can’t explain how it came to be
. I just suddenly… and there you were.”

“I don’t understand it either but…
I don’t want to deny it. I know I can’t expect marriage from you, and I am not asking it of you, but I won’t be treated like some… mistress. I want to know what this is… I want to experience this before I become some docile proper wife. Is that horrible?”

“Being a docile and proper wife? Yes
, that sounds absolutely horrendous,” He quipped.

“You know what I mean.” Lydia elbowed him in the ribs
, but he succeeded in making her smile. “I will not be your play thing or just some conquest.”

“Is that what you think I feel, like playing with you?” He scowled. “If you believe I could treat you that way then you don’t really know me at all.”

“No, I don’t believe that, but it needs to be said. You have quite the reputation, and I want no part of it. No one must know of this—whatever you call it—affair?” She looked at him dubiously.

He stared back at her dumbfounded. “Lydia
, do you know what you are saying?”

“Yes and no
,” she replied honestly.

“
I need to know how you feel about me before any of this can continue. Do you want me?” He asked firmly.

“I don’t even know what that means
, Devon, to
want
someone.” She blushed furiously and looked down at her hands in her lap.

“It means you want to kiss me and want me to kiss you
. It means you want to touch me and I you. It means you want to give yourself to me.”

Lydia felt those last words snake down her spine. She could feel goose bumps rising on her skin
, and her nipples hardening under her bodice. She felt so wonton and shameless, but yes, that was exactly what she wanted. Did she have the nerve to say it aloud to him?

“Yes
, I want that,” she whispered.

Devon was silent but a powerful energy radiated from him
, warm and alive. His breaths grew quicker and louder, and then he spoke. “But what will it all mean. You made it clear you would never marry a man like me. Am I just a champion stud? Will I be paid for these services?”

“That is cruel
, Devon. You know I don’t see you that way, and you know I cannot marry someone with your reputation; my mother has made it clear. I don’t have a choice in the matter. I will be married off to some aging gentleman of good means who will never be anything more than a breakfast companion. That is the life that has been chosen for me.” She stood and faced him. “What I want is to know what I am feeling for you, and to experience it before becoming that cold placid wife that I will spend the rest of my life loathing. Can you understand that? As a man, you have the right to live and experience passion and desire. I do not. I just want the chance, Devon. Now here you are kissing me and touching me, and I’m discovering that I like it and I want it. I want you.”

“That’s settled then, but how far are you willing to go?” He stood and pulled her closer. “The road to paradise can be long with many exciting and satisfying stops along the way
, but it must end somewhere. It all leads to something. Are you prepared for that? Will you greet your future husband without your innocence intact?”

“I can only go so far Devon. Can you accept that?”

Devon didn’t like it. In fact, the mere thought made him feel sick. He had the opportunity to guide her in her sexual awakening, and receive all but the ultimate gift. If he refused, he got nothing. Some of Lydia would always be better than none at all. He would cross that bridge when he came to it, and luxuriate in each blissful step along the way. In fact, he would be sure to make each moment unforgettable, so that when she went to her cold marriage bed, she would have only thoughts of him to warm her.

“I will agree as long as you agree to follow my lead? In this arena
, I am the master and you are the pupil.” He smiled tensely.

He was clearly not happy, but
relief flooded her. “I agree. Now that that’s settled, we should return to the party separately. I will go first.” She paused and looked to him. “I don’t know what to do from here,” she admitted.

“Just follow my lead,
you can trust me.”

Lydia nodded and left the folly. She had already spent to
o much time away from the party. She felt dizzy with anticipation, but whatever happened next between them would be up to Devon. As she merged with the outer edges of the party guests, she could see her mother parading Lord Caverly from group to group. It reaffirmed her resolve. Lord Caverly wouldn’t necessarily be her future husband, but he was the exact type her mother expected she marry. She spotted Olivia holding court next to the refreshment table and headed in her direction. Olivia beamed excitedly when she drew sight of Lydia and waved her over.

“I’ve been searching for you
. Where ever have you been?” Olivia looped her arm through Lydia’s, and turned her towards the group.

“Oh
, here and there, mostly avoiding my mother,” Lydia confessed. She smiled in salutation to everyone present in the surrounding circle.

Olivia gave her a speaking glance then changed the subject. “Mr.
Kinhart was discussing the symbolic use of angels in art. I think they are tediously over used, personally.”

“
Lady Olivia has made her opinion of celestial beings quite clear,” Mr. Kinhart chuckled. “While I cannot say the same for cherubs, I do believe angels portrayed as women can add a depth to the piece, depending on the concept of the work.”

“I see what you mean
, Mr. Kinhart. Would you please excuse us? I need to discuss traveling plans with Lady Olivia.” They nodded graciously and parted from the small group. Stepping away from prying ears, Lydia pulled Olivia aside. “What do you know?”

“Nothing!” Olivia’s eyes widened. “I did
, however, have the pleasure of being introduced to your Lord Caverly.”

“Oh dear, he is not
my
Lord Caverly. I only met him today, as well.” Lydia groaned.

“Well
, it certainly seems your mother wishes for a much closer connection.” Olivia scanned the crowd.

“Is that your impression
, or the general impression my mother is giving to everyone?”

“I cannot say. He didn’t seem a bad sort
, but I could have been reading between the lines. Your mother does seem to be setting the stage for something.” Olivia smile sympathetically.

“She is of the mind that he would be good husband material for me. She has not said as much
, but I suspect she will soon, probably as soon as we enter the carriage to go home.” Lydia spotted her mother again. It seemed Lord Caverly had finally escaped her clutches and was—hopefully—running for the hills. “I’m to cheer him on during the archery contest. I cringe when I think of what sort of gossip that will fuel. I have never given preference to any single gentleman in society. How will it look when I start now?”

“It will look as if you have decided to take a husband
,” Olivia confirmed her fears. “Why is she encouraging an older gentleman? Surely, a younger gentleman would suit you just was well?”

“Why do you think? A young man will only break my heart and humiliate me with his scandalous behavior
,” Lydia said cynically.

“You don’t really believe that
, do you?” Olivia frowned.

“No
, but I can see where she is coming from. She is trying to protect me and I cannot argue with that.”

“That’s preposterous. You are much to
o intelligent to marry a man undeserving of you. I don’t see how you can throw away a chance at love for a safe marriage. An older gentleman is just as capable of hurting you.” Olivia shook her head in disbelief. “What about love, Lydia?”

“What chance at love do I have
, Livie? What good would it do me to love a man who will hurt me and betray me? Young men are fickle, selfish, womanizers,” Lydia said coldly.

“Like my brother?” Olivia folded her arms across her chest and scowled.

Lydia felt her cheeks color with embarrassment. “You deny your brothers reputation?”

“I deny that he could behave with such cruel intentions. He is a
n honorable man and would not betray his wife.” Olivia blushed angrily.

“
I’m sorry, Olivia, but you cannot deny that we both have different views of your brother. I agree there are many honorable qualities about him but… I don’t know… life was easier when we were children.” Lydia turned away. She didn’t want to fight about Devon; he already spent too much time in her thoughts as it was. What could she say? She agreed to a dalliance with him moments ago, and now she is going to criticize his character? The truth was, much to her own surprise, that if it were not for her mother, Devon would be the man she would set her cap for. She could foolishly fall in love with him, if she didn’t know better, but unfortunately, she did.

“The point is
moot; there is no love between your brother and me, so it makes no difference. I will honor my mother’s wishes when it comes time for me to marry.”

Olivia shook her head sadly. “I want the best for you
, Lydia. You are my dearest friend. I hope you find great happiness.”

“I
wish the same for you, Livie.” Lydia hugged her quickly. “What are we doing arguing on such a fine day? It is quite unbecoming of us.”

“I suppose we should mingle amongst the
guests and not behave like such ninnies.” Olivia dabbed at her eyes discreetly. “Let’s make our way to the buffet before all the cucumber sandwiches are gone.”

Linking arms
, they ambled through the crowd. After gathering a sampling of sandwiches and fruits, they found a cozy table under the shade of an oak and sat in quiet companionship. Lydia’s mother held court over a circle of matrons nearby, and she could hear the gentle tone of her mother’s discussing the cut of the latest fashion. Lord Caverly was nowhere in sight, thank heavens, but neither was Devon, and that did cause a pang of disappointment.

“
Dear heavens!” Her mother exclaimed.

Lydia turned and saw her mother holding a folded piece of paper with her hand pressed to her heart. Lydia
’s heart began to gallop in her chest as any number of things went through her mind. Had someone seen her and Devon together and discreetly sent her mother a note? “Mother is something amiss?”

She went to her mother’s side at once and took the note from her
slack fingers as the other ladies’ fanned Lady Covvington, and bid her to drink sips of cool lemon water.

Lydia read the note. “Poor Aunt Beatrice, we must leave at once.” She looked at the other matrons. “It seems
my dear aunt has succumbed to Scarlet Fever and the good doctor is summoning us.” Gasps and nods of understanding followed her words along with well wishes.

“You cannot accompany
me, my dear,” Her mother finally spoke. “You have never had Scarlet Fever, and I could not bear to lose you, as well.” Tears welled and spilled over. Delicate handkerchiefs were immediately offered.