Sweet Torture (Fated for Love) (20 page)

Lydia hesitated
. “Why do I feel as though I am consigning my soul to the devil?”

“We are far past the mere consigning of your soul
, princess, as I already own your body.”

Lydia’s mouth actually popped open in surprise.

“Let’s not pretend, Lydia. We are much too old for such childish things, and playing the maiden won’t work either. There is no where else we can be more ourselves than in this room together, alone.” He reached over to the bedside table and pulled a deck of cards out. “What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?”

Lydia anxiously looked over at the door.

“I certainly would prefer it closed, but I will leave up to you.” He gave his attention to shuffling the cards as he sat cross-legged on the bed.

There really was plenty of room for them both
to sit without being scandalously close, but then again, this was Devon, and in this arena, he had ways of turning any situation into an opportunity. Did she really object? Her wonton heart whispered no. Her head warned her to be cautious, but then again, there were certain benefits to being close to him. If he physically wanted her, surely that meant his heart was not far behind? What did she have to lose?

“I suppose.” She bit her lip and caught his half smile as he looked down
, and shrugged nonchalantly.

He was playing some game with her, she was sure of it now. She boldly walked to the door and closed it, then returned to the bed and scooted onto the mattress. She sat on her knees and adjusted her skirts around her as he dealt the cards.

“Do you know how to play Put?”

Lydia nodded
, and she picked up her cards when he finished dealing.

“What prize should the winner receive?”
he asked slyly.

“Isn
’t winning sufficient?”

“Have a little imagination
,” he teased.

Lydia bit her lip. Her imagination was functioning just fine
. In fact, it was busy imagining all the ways a simple card game could end with her in his arms, and she was feeling quite warm now.

“What is it you would wish to win?”
she asked.

Devon stroked his chin thoughtfully, “An article of clothing for every point won?”

“You want to trade articles of clothing?” She laughed.

“No
, minx, I want you to remove an article of clothing for every point I win.” He smiled wickedly.

Lydia gasped. Trails of excitement skittered across her skin
, but she would never agree to something so scandalous. “Try again.”

He pouted
. “I would be happy to do the same for every point you won.”

“I have no doubt of it
, but it will not be happening.”

“Fine.” He snapped. “Should I win you shall have to kiss me. If you don’t agree then my suggestions will only become more radical and a mere kiss will be like a god send.

Lydia doubted it. “And if I should win?”

“What ever you desire, you may
have,” he said valiantly.

“I will take a favor
, then.”

“A favor?
” He said with scorn.

“Yes, a favor. At some time in the future
, I will call in a favor, and you must fulfill it, whatever it may be.”

His shoulder
s slumped in exaggerated defeat. “Fine. I’m telling you now that I won’t be easy on you. We would both enjoy it if I win.”

Lydia didn’t comment as she looked at her cards
, but she bit her cheek to keep from smiling.

“Best of three
,” He said tersely, and they started to play.

With each
hand, Lydia’s excitement built. He tried to distract her with taunting jests and lewd comments, but she held her own. She had won the first game, he had won the second, and now they were neck and neck for the third with two points each. Either way, she was going to win, but he didn’t know that, and she could see he desperately wanted that kiss.

She wanted it
, too.

Heat and joy spread through her body like a miasma. She tried to look serious, li
ke she was focused on winning the game, but it took all her effort not to smile and laugh at him. She held three cards in the end, all destined to defeat him.

Her pulse quickened as first one hand tied, then the second, and then she put down her card and scored the only point.

She looked up and smiled. Devon was scowling blackly at the cards.

“I believe you now owe me a favor
, Devon Brentton.”

“Blooming cards,” he cursed. “What will it
be?”

Lydia took a deep breath. She felt shaky as she leaned over the discarded cards
, and grabbed the neck of his shirt.

His eyes widened,
but he remained motionless, his face blank with surprise.

She pulled him forward and pressed her lips to his. It was brazen and bold, and entirely unlike her
, but that made it all the sweeter. She had already lost everything before, now she would take risks to gain it all back.

At
first, he remained stunned, his lips unmoving, but then they molded to hers, and he came to life in front of her, coming up on his knees and pulling her against him. He was so warm and alive, like holding ones body against fire without being burned. He held her tightly and delved into her mouth. She let him take over, to kiss her as roughly, and as passionately as he wanted. Emotions and memories flooded her, a tidal wave of sensation and want that took her breath away and scattered her wits.

He broke the kiss and clung to her. She could feel him shaking. Was he as affected by it as her?

“Oh god, Lydia, I dreamed of this moment.”

“So have I
, Devon.”

He pulled her hips tightly against his
, and she could feel his arousal. She was shaken to her core with her own need but… she wasn’t ready for this. She already knew that she could succumb to him, but that didn’t mean he was ready to forgive her. Would this be anything more to him than physical desire?

“I want you
,” he growled

“I want you
, too, Devon, but I won’t be trifled with.”

He pulled back and stared at her. “Haven’t we discussed this before?”

“Yes, but what I want from you is much more than just the physical. Until you are ready for that, this cannot go where we both want it to go.”

“You
’re torturing me, Lydia,” he said in exasperation.

She desperately wanted to put an end to his misery and her own
, but there was so much at stake. She couldn’t afford to let him think he could use her and then turn his back on her.

He sat back on his heels. “Do you honestly think I would use you like that? Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?”

Lydia balked. His words stung as if he’d slapped her with them.

“I was up front from the beginning about what we had between us. It was you who changed the rules.”

“And do you regret it? Do you regret falling in love with me?” He sat up again, and he was only inches away.

She could feel the heat from his body
, and her own need was roaring in her ears. “I regret nothing except the end. I regret every moment that we’ve been apart. I will never stop regretting that. I still love you, Devon, but I won’t give myself to someone who doesn’t want to love me back.”

“Lydia.” His eyes were so intense. They glittered
fiercely and his hands came up to her shoulders and gripped them tightly. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“Do you think me unscathed?” She said incredulously.

“We have both been wounded, but you ripped my heart out. I cannot forget how you betrayed me… betrayed yourself.” His fierceness faded, leaving a bleakness so aching that she felt the sting of tears in her eyes.

“I will help you
,” she declared. “You will never know a second without my love, and I will earn yours back. When you can tell me you love me with an open heart, then I will give myself to you in every way you desire.”

He groaned.
“You will be the death of me.”

“I think your being overly dramatic.”

“No, Lydia, not being inside you is slowly killing me. I can’t
not
touch you when you insist on being near me.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t touch me
,” she said huskily.

He pulled her tightly against him again
, and they lost each other in the flames of another kiss.

The dinner gong rang
throughout the house. They pulled apart reluctantly.

“I should go. Perhaps you should come down to dinner?”

Devon looked down at the bulge in his breeches. “I’m going to need an ice bath—civility may be beyond me yet.”

Lydia rolled her eyes.
“Your parents want to see you; Olivia and Colton want to see you.”

“Nothing is stopping them from coming here.”

“Well… I sort of asked for privacy for us.”

“What?” His face blanked. “I still cannot wrap my mind around the idea that your mother and my mother are turning a blind eye to you spending so much time alone with me. Has everyone gone mad?”

“I’m fairly positive we all have. I didn’t tell them outright that it would be me and only me tending to you, but I did enlist Olivia’s help in keeping everyone at bay. She can be quite ingenious, it seems.”

“You have no idea.” He pulled her close again.

This time it was Lydia who groaned. “Although I enjoy flying close to the sun with you, I don’t wish for your mother to view me as a light skirt. I’m sure on some level they know what we are up to, but I’d rather not be vulgar about it. I still have pride.

He rested his forehead against hers. “I need to be inside you
, Lydia.”

“I need more than that
, Devon. I need your forgiveness and your love. I want the moon and the stars.”

“You don’t know what
you’re asking.” He pulled away from her. “I don’t think you understand the scope of wreckage you left me in.”

“You left
, Devon, not me. Had you stopped at my door even a second longer, things would have been so different.”

“But they are not, are they?” He tore himself from the bed
, leaned against the mantle and stood motionless, his shoulders and back tensed in anger.

“They could be
. This is our chance, Devon, and that’s all I’m asking for. Please let go of what happened, and let us move forward together!”

“I can’t just let it go
, Lydia. It clings to me as much as the opium did—if not worse. You want me to forget what you did to me, to us, so we can be together, and save your reputation, but I don’t know how to do that,” He growled. “I’m not a saint.”

“Its true I am ruined
, Devon, but I don’t need you to save my social standing. I need you save me from a life without you. I am ruined for any other man, but you. I will never love again. If you can bring yourself to forgive me, we will have all that we want and more. Everything that is between us now and more, a home…” Her voice had dropped to a whisper, “a family.” Her voice reeked of desperation, but she didn’t care.

“I need to be alone, I need to think.” His voice was rough.

Lydia scooted off the bed. She looked back at him as she reached the door, but he still had his back to her. He looked so hurt and so alone. She wanted to go to him, wrap her arms around him, and continue to beg, to prove that they could move past this, but at the same time she felt shut out. She didn’t know how much longer she would last. One moment she was gaining ground and the next, she felt miles away from him.

Devon turned to the door as it clicked shut. He was discovering he wasn’t good at forgiving. He had never been in the position to need to forgive someone who had hurt him so deeply. It was easy to forget. When he looked at her angelic face, felt her soft skin under his hands, all his anger faded, but when she talked about the past, his head clouded with pain again. How does one forgive?

He didn’t know how to do it
. It was that plain and simple. But, he wanted what she wanted, that also seemed pretty simple… except it wasn’t. He wanted to drown himself in her body and not think about the past. He wanted to forget it all and give into her, but it stood before him like a wall. He wanted to break through it, but how?

He felt a headache coming on.

There was a soft knock on his door and his valet entered quietly.

“Do you want to dress for dinner my lord?”

Devon considered it. Despite his black mood, he was tired of staring at the same four walls. He needed to get out more. He had said he needed normal; maybe the answer was to simply act normal—dinners, walks, tea, riding, cornering a certain blonde-haired woman in an alcove and kissing her witless… Normal. The idea was like a light in his black tunnel, an illuminated path forward.