Perhaps this was what she was seeing in Dan.
“Selena,” he murmured, catching her face with his hands and drawing her gaze to his. Only then did she realize she’d looked away. His expression was gentle and reassuring, as if he could read his effect on her. “Come here,” he whispered, although they couldn’t be much closer.
He bent down slowly to rest his forehead against hers, gently nudging her nose with his.
Selena’s knees felt strangely absent as he pressed his cheek to hers, kissing it with careful deliberation. He kissed her again and again as he nuzzled his way closer to her lips. Just when she thought he would take them, he moved to the other side and kissed her there. Next, it was her forehead. Her nerves were dancing with anticipation by the time he was ready for what he wanted most. She had to reach up and grasp his shoulders to steady herself. Her blanket fluttered to the ground when he slowly grazed her lips with his own. She waited, her breath shuddering in anticipation. He put his arms around her and final y touched his mouth to hers, lightly at first, then pressed in deeper and deeper, his grip tightening with his growing insistence until he gave in to his desire completely. He let out a quiet moan of satisfaction. His lips sank into hers and he worked against them eagerly, as though devouring a rare meal with al his favorite flavors. His tongue tasted hers softly, and she al his favorite flavors. His tongue tasted hers softly, and she couldn’t stifle a whimper at the overwhelming potency of his intimate hunger. If he wasn’t holding her firmly in place, she didn’t think she could have remained on her feet. Her chest was heaving before he freed her mouth from his demanding attentions. It was difficult to open her eyes, so she buried her face in his chest as she fought to steady the pounding of her heart.
“What a chase you gave me,” he murmured in recol ection a few breaths later, stroking her hair absently.
“But here we are.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through al of that,” Selena blurted, drawing back to look at him, meeting his gaze bravely. She felt her eyes misting, but refused to hide them.
She needed him to know how terrible she felt for how he’d suffered, and how she had spurned him until the moment that he’d nearly met his end to save her, to save them al .
“None of it should have happened. Not like that,” she whispered, her voice trembling.
He cocked his head and watched her face with wonder at the sincerity of her sadness. To her surprise, he smiled.
“That was nothing. Not compared to what I
would
have gone through to bring you to me.”
Selena winced and covered her face with her hands, shaking her head with a soft groan of guilt.
“Don’t worry about any of that,” he urged stoical y, drawing her hands down. “It’s just the past now.”
She nodded. He was right, but her love for him had been born from that torturous experience. She would never forget it.
When her emotions cleared, she found him regarding her careful y.
“I’m leaving for a salvage today,” he told her. “A lot of horses got left behind after that first fight. I’m guessing most of them are stil around there somewhere. There’s water and good grazing. I’m going to round them up and bring them back, along with whatever decent equipment I can find.”
Selena nodded. She wanted to go with him, but maybe he would have asked her along if he didn’t have his reasons for doing it alone. “Okay,” she answered, trying to keep the disappointment off her face as she stooped down quickly to grab her blanket and wrap it around her again.
“Aren’t you cold?” she asked with a frown of concern. Al he wore was a black tee shirt and green fatigues. At the same time, she felt like it was too soon for him to ride out, but she reminded herself that his injuries had safely mended.
“No,” he answered, staring past her.
He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face the Crater.
By now, steady beams of light were filtering up through the clear, pale blue sky of dawn. They could hear the melodic songs and eager cal s of many birds, and as Selena gazed down at the little brown rooftops tucked amongst the trees below, she resolved to focus on how lucky they had al been.
Dan left a hand on her shoulder and raised the other to point at the highest ridge on the horizon.
“Between those two peaks,” he said. “Look.”
Selena gazed wistful y at the exact spot and waited.
After a few moments, a white-hot bead of light appeared just where he’d known it would. She smiled and watched the gold touch the rugged landscape that surrounded them before peeking over her shoulder at Dan.
He wore a determined expression. The warm hues of the new light bathed his skin and brightened his dark eyes. Even his short black hair reflected traces of warm brown in the delicate glow that surrounded him.
“Another day alive,” he told her. “Al we have to decide is what to do with it.”
Selena rol ed over in bed, burying her face in his pil ow. The place next to her was empty, but the slightest trace of his scent remained. He’d been gone for days now, and his absence was taking more of a tol than she’d expected.
She felt irrational y concerned for his safety, even though their enemies were dead, even though Dan wasn’t the man to be afraid for, but rather the man to be afraid of.
His reason for leaving was sound. There were stil precious resources to be found in the remains of pre-Crash civilization, aside from those their enemies had left behind.
It had been almost sixteen-and-a-half years since the workings of organized society had crumbled. Few had anticipated the catastrophic consequences of the growing energy scarcity that was the herald of the beginning of the end. By the time the world began scrambling to correct the problem, the colossal machine that the global economy had become was col apsing. Together, between the debilitating lack of energy, technology and the subsequent anarchy that took root with shocking swiftness, law, order, and government were eroded to irrecoverable weakness.
A great many people could not survive without medical care, but the majority of losses were owed to the absence of industrialization. Without the mass production and organized distribution of food and other necessities, the vast population it had made possible in the first place disappeared soon after. Now, it seemed as though the brief spike in the population that was al owed by power and mechanization was just an anomaly in the pages of human history. But no one could see into the future. Who knew what to expect from those who remained, or if and when the old technologies would be revitalized?
For this moment in time, at least, the hardened survivors of the Crash had to know how to make the most efficient use of what supplies and materials were left to them as they struggled to live off the land. It was chal enging to sustain any significant number of people because of the sheer volume of food consumed by each individual and the work required to provide it.
Selena’s community provided for their own needs, rather than stealing from others, but there were only ten adults and three children in their little sanctuary. She herself was the latest newcomer here, thanks to Dan’s forceful determination.
She was beginning to wish she had asked to go with him, but they had been together such a short time, she didn’t want to cling. There was stil so much she didn’t know about Dan. This made the condition of her new and fierce love for him especial y difficult. He tended to keep his thoughts to himself. The morning that they’d watched the sunrise was the most expressive he’d ever been. Before then, she’d spent much of her time trying to read his moods. The mystery was as al uring as it was frustrating.
She knew her isolation made her ignorant of many things, like how to be a partner, so she didn’t know what to do much of the time. It didn’t help that simply looking at him caused a deep ache in her chest more often than not.
Her love for him was powerful, but it also came natural y. What felt strange was the lust that mingled with it.
This part of her was foreign, and unbearably strong. She often wondered if she was normal, but how could such a question be answered? She found her only reassurance in his ferocious desire for her, in the way he matched and his ferocious desire for her, in the way he matched and overwhelmed her with his own passion. Selena was acutely aware of how little she knew, but her trust in Dan and his mirrored feelings eased her fear that something was wrong with her.
His emotions ran extremely hot, and when he unleashed them, they swept her away like a twig down a waterfal , so perhaps he suffered from the same struggle as she.
Selena grudgingly sat up and stretched. The light told her it was stil early morning. Breakfast would be ready soon. Dragging herself to her feet, she dressed slowly and passed the mess of her leatherworking supplies in his front room before she went out the door.
She frowned with guilt. His quarters had been so orderly before she’d shown up and made things untidy. She resolved to keep things organized from now on, for his sake, even if he didn’t seem to mind.
The brisk morning air made Selena hug her sides as she set off to the kitchen, just a few minutes’ walk away.
After only a few steps out into the open, the world reeled and her heart began to race. Her vision gave way to speckles of yel ow, and she bent down to hold her knees for stability as irrational feelings of claustrophobia battered her mind.
It wasn’t the first time she’d had an attack like this.
Selena was accustomed to living on the move. Before her parents died, they had spent years wandering the rugged landscape that was once the American Southwest. It was their way of avoiding other people for the sake of their safety. Her mother succumbed to cancer when Selena was fourteen, and her father was kil ed just a few years later when they ran afoul of a violent band of robbers. She maintained her solitary lifestyle for four years before meeting Dan.
Now she lived under a roof within a forested mountain range to the northeast of her familiar region. She had grown close to the people here and couldn’t imagine leaving Dan’s side, but the transition felt unnatural and things did not seem to be getting easier with time. In fact, sometimes she wondered if they were getting worse. The feeling was usual y triggered indoors, but not always.
Sometimes, when her friends were clustered too closely around her, she would have to fight off these attacks, even outside. This morning, she had the least cause for this of al . It seemed as though the need to move was screaming in her mind like the incoherently violent rage of a tornado.
After several difficult minutes, Selena returned to calm.
“One step at a time,” she muttered, forcing her feet to take her in the right direction.
It was only during these episodes that she was glad Dan wasn’t around. She didn’t want him to see her like this.
So far, he hadn’t, but she worried that would change and she didn’t want to appear weak, or to worry him.
Selena forced her thoughts to return to her leatherworking. Her sole job since her arrival had been making clothes. The redundancy of the task had become a bit grating.
She resolved that she could no longer deny her fierce need to be on the move. Perhaps she could strike a healthy balance? Hunting was probably the best answer to her discomfort, she decided. This was Shane’s duty. He was the trapper of their community, but their old enemies had kil ed his former hunting partner, Jimmy, who had fought back on the night they were raided.
Selena resolved to ask Shane if she could tag along on his next excursion. If Dan could disappear for a week at a time, why couldn’t she? It wasn’t fair that she had to putter around his cabin al day, struggling with living in one place and fighting not to spend every hour thinking about the last time they’d been alone together. It would do her some good for a few reasons, Selena mused as she made her way up the kitchen stairs.
Blaire was as busy as ever with preparations for the morning meal. This was the woman’s passion in life. Her husky frame betrayed an obvious fondness for food, but she enjoyed feeding the others as much as she enjoyed feeding herself. Selena had developed a strong kinship with her. She was honest, good, and incredibly resourceful.
She looked to be in her fifties, but Selena had never asked her age.
“Mornin’ Selena,” Blaire offered in her usual chipper tone.
“Morning.”
“Dan stil gone, eh?”
“How’d you guess?” she inquired flatly.
“Yer hair,” Blaire answered with humor in her eyes.
“Oh,” Selena said dumbly, taking the cue to smooth it as best she could. The woman was right. Normal y its straight, glossy curtain was a source of pride that she made a point to take care of. “I guess I don’t bother to look nice when he’s gone,” she admitted.
“Honey, don’t be ridiculous,” Blaire guffawed. “You couldn’t look bad if your teeth fel out.”
Selena’s eyes widened at the awful image that emerged in her mind. “I don’t know about
that
.”
Blaire shrugged as Selena helped her get the plates ready for serving.
Breakfast was a boisterous affair, and this was comforting to Selena, considering how close they’d al come to disaster. Since she’d come to live here, they had lost only one of their number in the fight with their enemies.
Only Jimmy. Selena had hardly known him, but she could feel the others mourning his absence. His girlfriend Sara feel the others mourning his absence. His girlfriend Sara had been a wreck since he died. Selena snuck a glance in her direction. She was listlessly pushing her food around with her fork and looking miserable. Selena’s heart went out to her, and she supposed it would be a very long time before Sara would recover from a loss so tragic, even if their relationship had been a stormy one. It wasn’t like there were a lot of men around to help her move on. Ben and Cal were the only single ones left. The former, their resident inventor, was even younger than Selena. As for the latter, she couldn’t imagine him being interested. The only woman she’d seen Cal so much as glance at in that way was herself, and since he was Dan’s friend, he never did it again.