But he hadn’t pul ed away. Instead, she felt him press more deeply inside her, groaning at the sensation.
Selena couldn’t argue, didn’t want to. Dan knew what he was doing, and she was aching to have him. Her mind understood the risks, but her body didn’t care.
He thrust the tip in and pul ed away again and again.
Every few thrusts, he al owed himself a little further.
She couldn’t touch him with her hands, but her legs were free. She gave up al her hesitation and wrapped them around him. Whether he knew it or not, he wasn’t going to turn back now.
“Please,” she moaned, trying to pul him in. His hesitation lingered but with every breath, she managed to draw him in further until final y, she had him completely.
He barely moved against her, as though he stil wasn’t sure and didn’t even realize that he was ful y inside her. His hands were clenched hard on the blankets beneath them.
He probably didn’t know it but his slow non-committal rocking was a terrible tease. She ground her teeth in frustration. She wanted desperately to touch him.
“Untie me,” she begged.
He didn’t.
“Untie me, please.”
It was like he couldn’t hear her. She was beginning to feel frantic. Each little pulse brought her just a tiny bit closer and she had felt close for so long now. He kept her on the edge torturously until she wanted to scream.
He tugged her shirt up, exposing her chest and when he squeezed her breast in his demanding grasp, she final y felt her climax swel . This time, it built up slowly, hovering felt her climax swel . This time, it built up slowly, hovering higher and higher with his light thrusts.
As she moaned and moved desperately against him, he went stil again. He didn’t have to move. She pushed her hips up against him al by herself and it was enough.
Final y he let himself go and strained against her, thrusting slow but forceful y hard, pinning her down beneath his weight.
Under any other circumstances she might have felt painful y crushed, but al she felt now was an ecstatic and astonishing pleasure that blocked out al the world.
Six
When Selena awoke the next morning, it was later than her custom. At first, she couldn’t remember why. She sat up blearily and the covers rol ed off her chest. It was bare.
Oh yeah.
The night’s events came back to her.
She looked for Dan and for once, he was right where he ought to be. He lay next to her on his stomach, his pil ow on the floor. The covers were only half on him, so she pul ed them up gently.
Laying herself back down, she settled on her side to watch him sleep. It was strange how he could look so peaceful yet somehow, stil dangerous.
She’d learned over the past couple of months that waking him was risky when he was in a deep sleep. She at least made sure she was clear of his reach when she did so. This morning, she wasn’t going to wake him at al . He needed rest and she admittedly enjoyed making sure his needs were met. Her thoughts drifted back to the meeting of his needs the night before. She marveled at how completely they’d lost control. There were herbs to help reduce the risk of pregnancy and fortunately, they’d managed to grow the most important ones here.
She listened to his slow and steady breathing, feeling lucky to be at his side now. It occurred to her that everyone was at their most vulnerable when they were asleep. Sharing a bed was an act of absolute trust. So was everything they had done the night before. They had certainly broken new ground.
Selena remembered how she’d wanted to kick him and to her own surprise, her eyes wel ed. She sat up again, trying to brush away her tears, but Dan reached out and caught her arm. His eyes were stil closed. He pul ed her close. Of course, that made everything worse and she sniffled despite herself.
He lifted himself up a bit to look at her through squinted eyes.
“Can’t there be something you don’t notice? Just once?” she complained.
“Are you crying?” he asked, ignoring her question and looking seriously concerned. He lifted her chin and took in her tears. “Selena,” he sighed. “I’m sorry about last night. I get carried away with you. I have to learn how to deal with this.”
She couldn’t help but giggle as she wiped away the moisture from her eyes.
“Now you’re laughing. I’m missing something.”
“I’m not crying because of anything you did,” she sighed, sobering.
“What’s wrong then?”
“Nothing.”
“Selena,” Dan admonished impatiently. He did not al ow anything to be kept from him.
She stared blankly at the ceiling and answered him, feeling a little numb. “I wanted to hurt you.”
He was quiet for a few seconds.
“When?”
“Last night. When I …”
“Oh. Hmm. Like a cat,” he said with amusement, lowering himself to the mattress again. “Wait. That’s why you were crying?” he asked, popping up to watch her face again.
Selena frowned. That
was
something that cats did.
“I’m not a cat. And just because cats do it doesn’t mean it’s okay,” she muttered, covering her face and struggling with another bout of emotion. “It’s horrible just
imagining
hurting you.”
Dan paused, then reached out and pinched her thumb, but not too hard.
“Ow!” she said, slapping his arm.
A moment of silence passed before she laughed. Dan smiled, looking satisfied.
“You should take a swing at me every day for al the things I do to you. I’m surprised you don’t,” he informed her.
She scoffed.
“I don’t know if you realize this,” he went on. “But if you didn’t have some fight in you, I wouldn’t be interested.”
“You wouldn’t? Why not?”
He shrugged. “It’s instinct probably. A strong woman means strong kids?”
Selena mul ed that over. She’d always considered herself a survivor, but that was only because she could get out of bad situations, albeit narrowly. She thought of herself as wary but never as a “strong woman” per se.
She looked out the window. “I think we missed breakfast.”
He grunted and lay back again.
“I have to go,” she said abruptly, climbing over him to get out of bed.
“Where?” he asked in confusion, grabbing her by the waist.
“Precautions.”
“Oh,” he said, releasing her. “I brought something else for you,” he added, gesturing to a bundle on the floor.
Selena knelt to open it and found a stack of smal shirts, pants and shorts. She quirked a brow at him. “You were hunting for clothes for me?”
“I was hunting for clothes for
me
. I came across these, and they looked to be about the right size for you.”
She wrinkled her nose at the garments.
“They’re comfortable,” he said patiently.
“So are mine,” she answered, holding up a black cotton tank top with two fingers. “How nice. We’l match.”
Dan scoffed. “Comfortable. Right. I don’t know how you can wear that stuff al the time.”
“I’l try it out some other day,” she said, donning her usual leather and skins.
Dan watched her quietly as she got dressed and left the bedroom.
On her way to the herb garden beyond the dining hal , Selena passed the wagon. Ben was bent underneath it, examining the framework and discussing it with Jack. As soon as she saw them, Jack saw her.
“You missed breakfast,” Ben cal ed when she was close.
Selena didn’t answer him and strode right by. Jack watched her careful y as she passed. If he guessed why she and Dan had missed the meal, so much the better.
He’d just have to accept it. As for Ben, she wasn’t real y mad at him anymore, but she planned to smack him later for good measure anyway.
The morning air was already warm, thanks to the hot sun and cloudless sky. The oaks that dotted the Crater lent some shade between the cabins so they always had some respite from the heat.
Selena spent the next hour harvesting her herbs and preparing the tea. She heated the water using Blaire’s smal cook fire that always burned near the backside of the dining hal .
When the tea was made, Selena sat down and gazed out at the orchard and the little lake beyond. It looked like more of a pond, real y, but its great depth earned it the more dignified title. She sipped from a ceramic mug, courtesy of the original inhabitants of the area when it was a research facility. The morning was peaceful; the ambiance of birds singing and the occasional sound of another voice were soothing. There had been a time when any hint of another human being triggered immediate alarm in her mind. That was when she’d lived her solitary, nomadic life. Now she felt comfortable knowing and trusting those around her.
By the time morning became afternoon, Selena was busy at her leatherworking. She was eager to hold up her end of the bargain for the items they’d agreed to trade.
She’d tackled Amy’s pair of pants first because the girl was close enough to Selena’s size for her to easily guess her measurements. Between her exertions and missing breakfast, she had final y grown hungry.
Dan, she supposed, was working somewhere with Cal. When they weren’t salvaging, they were usual y building or repairing things. They’d fashioned fences to keep in the livestock that Bear had col ected and bred over keep in the livestock that Bear had col ected and bred over the years. This consisted only of chickens, pigs and cows, but they had a fair number of each. As Selena had been told, they managed to get a hold of a few goats once, but the animals were impossible to contain. They could stil be spotted hopping around the high wal s of the Crater, occasional y.
Selena was one of the last in the dining hal when the mid-day meal was served. She took her seat next to Dan.
When her eyes scanned the room, she found that Jack was absent.
“What are you looking for?” Dan leaned over to ask her softly.
“I just noticed that Jack wasn’t here,” she answered, not trying to be quiet.
“He went swimming,” Amy informed her, munching on a cucumber.
Selena decided in that moment that she would be shocked if Amy didn’t stay and tel her siblings not to let the door hit them on the way out. Her round, blue eyes positively danced with contentment. She real y was pretty, Selena thought. She shared her sister’s bright, golden waves, but while Loraine’s face was elegant, Amy’s was angelic, despite the frequent irritation that her siblings inspired. She sat across from Selena, sandwiched between Cal and Loraine, which was probably a strategic move on her part.
Good for her.
Selena’s satisfaction retreated when she realized that Loraine had positioned herself across from Dan. Selena studied the other woman again. She sat upright, but didn’t look stiff. Her eyes only roamed from her plate if someone spoke. If that someone was Dan, her gaze became dewy and soft. Even the way that she held her fork was graceful. The bites she took were smal and she chewed slowly.
Selena ground her teeth. At least she could say with certainty that Dan would know what she was up to. If Selena could see it, Loraine’s behavior would be completely obvious to him. She was so beautiful, Selena thought, frowning. Worse yet, the intel igence in her eyes was undeniable. Who knew what tricks she might have up her sleeve?
Al of a sudden, the room felt too close. Its dark, wooden wal s were confining and she found it difficult to breathe. Why were the windows so smal ?
Not now!
“Be right back,” she said as casual y as possible before standing and walking at a steady pace toward the door. It felt like forever before she reached the handle and drew it open. Her vision spun as she stepped outside.
Once the door was shut behind her, she stumbled down the wooden stairs and stood doubled over, gasping at the lowest step.
“Selena?” A man’s voice said.
Jack’s arm wrapped around her shoulder as he supported her weight.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay? Selena! Do you have a medical condition?”
“No!” she rasped between breaths. “There you go …
with your big words.”
“What’s wrong? Sit down. Let me get someone,” he insisted, drawing her down to sit on a step.
“No!” She hissed loudly. “
Please
don’t. Please. It’s going away. I’m fine.”
A few minutes passed as she fought to get herself stable. When her vision had begun to clear, she glanced over at Jack. He stil looked alarmed.
Selena shrugged his arm away when she felt almost normal again. He moved to stand in front of her and watched her careful y.
watched her careful y.
“What the hel was that?” he demanded, looking much more serious than she’d seen him yet.
“Nothing,” she whispered, feeling completely exasperated that Jack, of al people, was now the only person to have witnessed one of her attacks.
“The hel it was,” he said, frowning severely. “You’re going to tel me what the shit that was al about or I’m going to ask everyone up there.” He gestured up the stairs to the dining hal .
“Please, Jack,” she begged, feeling too undone to maintain any kind of façade with him.
He lowered himself to a squatting position, resting his elbows on his knees. “Tel me,” he demanded quietly.
She looked into his searching gaze and battled with a sudden feeling of shame. His wet hair dripped from beneath the cream-colored cowboy hat that he wore.
He
really is handsome.
She admitted it to herself only grudgingly, and final y took a moment to appreciate his strong jaw line and the slightly rugged look his stubble afforded him. The dimples that appeared there whenever he smiled somehow added a great deal of charm to the expression. The narrow shape of his eyes exaggerated the keenness in them. In fact, he looked like the male version of his sisters combined. Just like Loraine, the intel igence in his eyes was undeniable and in his case, al uring. Selena suddenly felt that her confession was going to be more difficult.
“My family and I used to live out there,” she gestured off to the west, resting her head against the side of the building. “We wandered. Nomads. I haven’t been here long.
Sometimes I panic.”
He watched her quietly, digesting the information.
Whatever he thought was not evident in his face.