Surrogate (6 page)

    
Why does everyone keep staring at me,
Robbie thought, clenching his jaw.  Knowing he wasn't going to get an answer, he forced himself to pick up his pace and trudge to the truck, grateful to escape the constant public scrutiny which made no sense.  Thankfully, by the time he'd reached the truck and numbly driving to the rounded entry at the front of the hospital, he felt he could breathe again.

     As he waited for his wife, he considered heading back inside to check on Carrie, but the thought of all those watchful eyes stopped him cold. It was one thing to hold his emotions together because of Carrie's wreck but quite another to know that all those people were watching him, perhaps expecting him to fall apart.

     It turned out to be just as well because Robbie had only been waiting for Carrie for about five minutes when he saw the nurse push his wife through the revolving door.  His breath caught as he saw Carrie in the wheelchair, staring around her.  She seemed not to recognize much of the world.  A small smile crossed his face as he saw what could only be described as a sense of wonder claim his wife. Her lips turned into a smile as she watched white drifts float through the air from a nearby cottonwood, some of which landed in her hair.  Even though he rejoiced in the sudden, unexpected emotional reaction, he didn't have a clue why it had happened.  Carrie had been here before, and there was nothing new or beautiful about this place--well, except maybe for the cottonwood seeds blowing off the trees.  The rest of the old county hospital had seen much better days and definitely needed an overhaul.

     Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to get out and walk around the truck to open the door for Carrie as he always had.  It didn't matter if things were strained between them.  He had to hope that by maintaining the status quo, Carrie would eventually settle back into her old habits.

     The nurse stopped the wheel chair just in front of the vehicle and applied the brakes before moving the feet rests to give Carrie an easier way to move.

     "Are you ready to get up?" the nurse asked, brushing hair from her eyes even though the slight breeze pushed it right back where it had been.

     Robbie watched Carrie's face and frowned as she looked at the nurse but didn't answer, at least not with her voice.  Carrie seemed not to be able to remember even a simple word like yes.  Her feet, however, touched the concrete, and as Carrie started to stand, Robbie edged a little closer, ready to catch her should she lose her balance, not caring that the nurse was close enough;  Robbie needed to be as close as possible, just in case.  He knew it was because he hadn't been close enough when the wreck might have killed her.  That was something he'd probably never get over.

     As Robbie had expected, Carrie stumbled slightly, and he was ready: he caught her elbow, steadying her.  As his fingers touched her bare skin, Robbie's mind was suddenly filled with a million memories of times they'd shared, from when they'd been teenagers and kissed for the first time to finding out she was pregnant.  It was like there were a million little movies running through his mind, like he was dying and parts of his life, the very best parts, flashed before him.

     He gasped and reeled, trying to understand what was happening.

     "Are you all right?"

     The nurse turned her watchful gaze on him as Carrie looked away and climbed into the truck.

     "I'm fine."  He drew his fingers into fists and released them, still struggling to make sense of what had just happened.  Had it been real?

     "You need to buckle your seatbelt, dear," the nurse murmured, pointing.

     Carrie’s fingers awkwardly reached for it, but she suddenly seemed not to know what to do.  Normally, Robbie would have been right there to help, but he was still trying to come to grips with what had just happened, so it was the nurse who belted her in, and when she'd finished, she gave Robbie a half-hearted smile, something meant to relieve the sudden tension.

     "Looks like you're both good to go."

     "Yeah, I guess we are."  Absently, Robbie nodded, giving another look at his wife, then he stepped back around the truck and got in, still numb.  What had...that...been?

     Instead of trying to make small talk or even pursuing conversation, Robbie went with the path of least resistance the whole drive home.  Silence flourished between them, and he let it while trying to understand what he'd just experienced.

     By the time he'd pulled onto the road along which the wreck had happened, he had started wondering about that, too.  He constantly fluctuated between needing to see what was left of the car and really not wanting to know.  In the end, needing to see the car won out, but it didn't matter.  There were no telltale marks and the landscape seemed much the same.  What had he expected?  That the car would still be where Carrie had left it?  No, a wrecker had surely taken it to the Clint's Salvage, and if Robbie were going to go look at it, he was going to have to go there to do it.

     Once he realized he'd wasn't going to see anything that would tell him about the wreck, Robbie turned his focus back to getting them home as quickly as possible in the hope that, once Carrie had returned to a safe environment, surrounded by all the memories they'd created over the years, she'd get back to her old self. 

     She had to.  He couldn't imagine otherwise.

     Robbie pulled into the long dirt drive that led to their house, and while travelers might have seen the lake that spread out across their property, they wouldn't necessarily have seen the ranch-style home tucked away at the far end of the drive.  The driveway was flanked by trees--lots of them--and that had afforded Robbie and Carrie much privacy, just the way they had both liked it.  He was going to need lots of privacy with Carrie to understand what was going on, seeing as how no doctor seemed able to get to the heart of it.

     Robbie pulled up to the brick house and parked the truck.  As he glanced at Carrie, he saw she had fallen asleep again; she was probably pretty tired from all the chaos, and he couldn't blame her.  Yes, he'd managed to sleep in the hospital, but not well.  He was pretty exhausted, too.

     Key in hand, Robbie walked to the front door and unlocked it, then swung the door open, figuring doing so would make it easier to get Carrie inside.  Trudging back to the truck, he opened Carrie's door, carefully slipped her into his arms, and walked up the front path.  She never woke, yet another thing that brought a smile to him.  Carrie could sleep through anything.

     A small blossom of hope flowered within him.  Things could all somehow go back to the way they had been.  He had to believe such were still possible, that whatever was affecting Carrie was temporary, and that the life they had created together would be much more permanent than anything that could come between them.

     Once across the threshold, Robbie eased the door closed and proceeded through the house to their bedroom.  Although it took a major balancing act, he managed to pull the cover down on their bed and ease Carrie into the mattress.  As usual, she immediately curled onto her side, rolling into a ball.

     For a moment, Robbie watched her, comforted by the ease of her breath and the peace that seemed to consume her while she slept.  Without a word, he gently tucked the blanket around her body, crossed to the other side of the bed, and let himself fall into the peaceful dark of sleep.

Chapter Five

     It was hours later when he woke, the room full of moonlight, and he wondered how he could have slept so soundly for so long. He blinked a couple of times, focusing his eyes, and turned his attention to the other half of the bed, where Carrie always slept.

     It was empty.

     Inhaling sharply, Robbie jerked to a sitting position and glanced around the room, searching.  Carrie was nowhere to be found.

     "Carrie?" he called, rising quickly.  He'd been so tired  he hadn't even remembered to take off his boots, making it that much easier to shoot out of the room, headed for the kitchen.  Perhaps she'd woken up hungry, which wouldn't be too far-fetched.  Carrie's eating habits had been off as well--alternately ravenous and not.  Unfortunatly, Robbie had a hard time predicting which it would be.

     As he slipped down the hall, Robbie noticed the house was dark, which wasn't like Carrie.  Even though she knew the layout just as well as he did and could usually maneuver quite well in the dark, she was hardly graceful enough to do so, what with her pregnancy so advanced, and she wouldn't normally have taken chance of tripping over something.  No, Carrie should've turned on the lights.

     "Carrie?" he called again, upping his pace to almost a run.  He could feel his heart jack-hammering in his chest.  Where the hell was she?

     The kitchen, too, was dark, only the full moonlight pouring through the single window where he'd failed to shut the blinds.  Never mind that he hadn't needed to.  When he'd last been up, it had still been daylight.

     He scanned the kitchen, knowing she wasn't there even before moving to the living room, the bathroom, and everywhere else, all in vain.  For a moment, he leaned against a wall, trying to regroup.  All this felt like a dream--a nightmare--and he wanted to just go back to bed where he hoped to find Carrie, yet he knew that no matter how much he wanted that, it would never happen.

     He started to pull out his cell and call 911 when he thought of all the strange looks he'd gotten at the hospital.  The last thing he wanted was to give them more ammunition.  No, first he would look around outside, and then if he still couldn't find her, he'd call.

     Robbie started just behind the house, knowing Carrie loved the rock ledge that overlooked the lake.  She'd often told him  it was one of her favorite places to sit and watch the moonlight dance on the water.  That's where he hoped he to find her, yet the ledge was empty, barren even without her, and the only sound that broke the overwhelming silence was that of the water gently lapping the rocks.

     Robbie hung his head and raked his fingers through his hair, all the while trying to think of other places he might find her.  She had to be here.  She couldn't have just vanished.  He paced a small circle, frustrated beyond measure.  There were so many questions about what was going on, the first being why Carrie?  Why had this happened to her?

     As usual, he didn't have any answers.

     Robbie looked at the stars.

     A possibility came to him, though he didn't know why or how.  It made no sense, but he kept thinking of the patch of road where the wreck had happened.  But why?  Why would Carrie ever go back there?  It was over two miles in distance, and his truck was still here.  She would have to have walked.

     Once again, why didn't matter.  If she were there--and he sure as hell hoped she was--he needed to go get her and take her away from that awful place.  He needed to make sure she knew he was glad she was alive.

     He drew an unsteady breath, pulled the keys from his pocket, and strode to the truck, sliding behind the wheel.  "Damn it, Carrie," he muttered, edging down the long driveway.

     Although the headlights were on, the night seemed darker among the trees flanking the drive--dark and lonely.  He kept telling himself to keep faith, that he would find Carrie, one way or another.

     As he started down the road, he kept glancing around him, hoping to see some sign--something to tell him he was on the right track.  He just couldn't believe there was anywhere else Carrie would have gone.  If so, he didn't know where it would be, and he sure as hell wouldn't find it.

     "She has to be there."

     He started to speed up but then realized he needed to slow down.  He didn't want to somehow lose her to speed and the night. Although he tried not to panic, he could feel it building deep inside, threatening to overtake him.

     He couldn't remember exactly where the wreck had been, especially not in the dark.  As such, he was almost on top of it before he realized it--or rather almost running Carrie down as she stood in the middle of the road.  He slammed on the brakes.

     "Carrie," Robbie whispered.  Although he knew better than try to stop that abruptly, he couldn't seem to help it, and the truck began to fishtail accordingly.  In that instant, he was worried he was might hit her, but the truck swerved unpredictably to the left and slid into the ditch, missing Carrie, who still stood motionless where she had been.

     As the truck came to a stop, Robbie groaned and eased open the door.  He hastened to where Carrie stood in the moonlight.  While her arms dangled uselessly at her side, and her fingers were splayed.  "Carrie?"  His tone was painfully strangled and disbelieving.  "What are you doing out here?"

     Carrie stared upwards, letting her hair fall down her back in a reddish-blonde cascade.  The moonlight seemed to glow on her skin, giving her the ethereal look of something born of fantasy, not flesh.

     Uncertain, he looked down the road to make sure no one was coming and caught her elbow to bring her closer to him.

     "You shouldn't be here."  His tone came out harder than he'd intended, yet it wasn't from anger but worry and fear.

     As he touched her, his world exploded with memories, just as it had at the hospital; his and Carrie's wedding.  He'd worn a white tux because that had been what she'd wanted--anything for Carrie--and in the end, as they'd danced to a Bon Jovi song at the reception, they'd looked like the couple atop the cake.