Surrender To You (4 page)

Oh yeah? Watch me.

No doubt seeing the dare in my eyes, he winked before turning to face the others.

“So, mom’s final wishes are that she be cremated,” he said softly. “She doesn’t mind a wake but you know her, being put in the ground just wasn’t something she ever desired.”

I stiffened, the declaration of her final wishes news to me. She had told me otherwise years before.

“But, I…” Stefan glanced over at me with a questioning look as I tripped over my words. “W-when did she change her mind?”

They all stared at me then, the bewildered looks something that would perhaps have been amusing at another time.

“What are you talking about?” It was Penny who asked this, her eyes growing misty. “She told you she wanted to be buried? When was this?”

“Uh…” I had stuck my foot in my mouth this time. “Well, she…before I left…we had a discussion.”

I knew my explanation was lame, but I couldn’t go into detail without giving away more information than I wanted or desired to share.

Stefan pulled his hand away as if it were on fire, his voice clipped as he glared at me.

“When did you and mom have this discussion about death exactly? And why? That doesn’t seem like something she’d discuss for no reason.”

I didn’t know why he was mad. Why they were all staring at me as if I grown another head all of a sudden.

“We…uh…” I stumbled over my words, my embarrassment growing with every second. “We talked about it after you left that summer. It was like, two months maybe?”

I knew exactly when it was. The day was etched into my mind permanently, never to be forgotten.

Pushing up from my chair, it screeched rudely across the floor as I hurried over to the door.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…I’m sure you all know her best. I…I have to go.”

“Ellie!”

Ignoring Stefan’s voice - and obvious irritation with me - I ran. And I didn’t stop until I was driving away, silent tears streaming down my face as the memory of what had happened six years ago flooded over me.

CHAPTER FOUR

“Are you ready for a fun night out?” Grace called out to me.

I stood in the bathroom, trying to finish putting on what little make-up I liked to wear - some mascara and eye liner. A few seconds later, we left our apartment and got into the car.

Stefan had been gone just over a week and I already missed him like crazy. We stayed in touch over Skype but not being near each other was way worse than I could have ever imagined. And his trip abroad would take the whole summer. Part of me just wished he missed me so much that he’d come home sooner than originally planned. I didn’t know how I’d survive that length of time without him. Dramatic maybe, but that’s how I felt.

Grace’s answer was to go out and I couldn’t find a good reason to say no. The drive to the club took nearly an hour, which was the nearest city to our small rural town, and we blasted music the whole way there. Nothing like a little prep work to prepare for the loud music in the club.

After finding a spot to park and walking roughly ten minutes in our heels, Grace grabbed my hand and sailed to greet the bouncer at the door.

“Hey Billy! What’s a girl gotta do around here to get in faster?”

As she batted her eyelashes at Billy, I rolled my eyes. Billy had a thing for her and she took great pains to keep him interested, but not let him into her pants. I had to give it to the girl, she was smooth.

“How ‘bout a kiss, Gracie?”

Grace looked back at me and winked, to which I promptly made a gagging motion with my hand into my mouth. She giggled and turned back around, stepping up on her toes and kissing him square on the lips.

The people in line simultaneously laughed and booed, realizing she was bribing her way into the club. But it was over quickly and we were let through, Grace laughing like crazy.

Inside, the amount of bodies shocked me. Having only been here twice before, I walked behind Grace as she flitted her way through the club, greeting people by name. The loud music made it hard to hear so introductions were very scarce and eventually we made it up to the bar, where Grace ordered us some drinks.

“We’re gonna have so much fun!” She screamed at the top of her lungs. I smiled back at her, unsure of her assessment with the situation. We were in near danger of being squished by all the bodies packed around the bar and I became afraid to move.

In truth, all I wanted right then was Stefan. I desired a quiet night at home, snuggling on the couch while watching a movie and an occasional kiss. Touching and kissing that would lead to some awesome sex with my man.

Sighing, I picked up my drink as it was placed on the counter, nodding my thanks at the bartender. My plan was to only drink one because I wanted to be sober by the time we headed home, which would be at least four hours from now.

Grace grabbed my hand and pulled me into the crowd. Finding an open space, she held her drink high up in one hand, swaying her body back and forth as she stands close to me. Winking, she dances around me as I awkwardly try to mimic her actions, as I wasn’t much of a dancer.

After a few dances, Grace went to get another drink and I moved to stand against the nearby wall. That’s when I noticed the bouncer’s buddy, Lawrence, staring at me. Giving him what I’d hoped was a ‘keep your distance’ look, I anxiously awaited for Grace to come back. Standing up on tiptoes, I saw her coming through the crowd and let out a sigh of relief. I had no desire to end up alone at any point this evening.

We began dancing again when a hot guy came up to Grace and asked her to dance with him.

“I don’t want to be alone!” I yelled to her and she just smiled.

“You’ll be fine! It’s just one dance!”

I went back to standing against the wall, arms crossed as I watched Grace and the guy grind together on the dance floor.

Lawrence, seeing me standing all alone, must have believed I was up for a chat as he sauntered over to me.

“Well hey there, sexy. I’ve never seen you around here before.” His words were slurred and when he smiled at me, I wondered how such an attractive man ended up to be such a sleazeball. The creep vibe from him was strong and I backed up.

“Yes, you have, Lawrence. I’ve been here before with Grace.”

He looked confused for a second before he nodded. “R-right. I remember. You’re much prettier than her, y’know. Billy is blind.”

“I can’t say I’m upset about that.”

He grinned again, leaning against the wall. “Neither can I.”

Unable to stop my eyes from rolling with annoyance, I pointed behind him. “Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom.”

The smile left his face even as he nodded and I walked away.

When I came back out, he was nowhere to be found and I let out a sigh of extreme relief. I really didn’t want to deal with that bullshit tonight. Looking for Grace and unable to find her, I approached Billy who now stood inside the doors in case of trouble.

“Hey Billy, you see Grace anywhere?”

Not really moving any muscles except the ones for his mouth, he replied, “Yep, she just went outside a few seconds ago for a smoke.”

Ugh. I despised smoking and she only did it on the balcony of our apartment because the smell alone gave me a migraine. But I really just wanted to go home now, so I thanked him and headed outside. Looking to my left and right, I didn’t see anyone.

The eerie quietness of the street started giving me a bad feeling and as I turned around to go back inside, a voice called out to me.

“Hey pretty girl, where you going?”

As I turned around to tell him off, something hit me in the side of the head and I blacked out.

~*~

I awoke in bed, confused.

Surrounded by darkness, I tried to figure out whose bed I could possibly be lying in. At the sound of soft crying to my left, I decided against turning my head that way, the ache in it almost unbearable.

Instead, I licked my lips and spoke. “W-where am I?” The words were softer than I’d intended, yet I knew I’d been heard as the person gasped.

“Oh god! Elizabeth, I was so worried!” Grace moved into my line of vision, her eyes red and swollen. “What the hell happened?”

I closed my eyes before opening them again slowly. “I don’t…know. I got..hit in the head and…that’s all I remember. Where am I at and how…did I get here?”

“I brought you to Stefan’s mother. Billy came up to me saying that somebody had reported that you passed out in the alley and I was like what the hell was she doing outside by herself! I was gonna take you to the hospital but you woke up when we moved you and begged me not to, that you just wanted to go home.”

I didn’t remember that. How had I ended up in the alley?

She took my hand in hers and squeezed. “Since Stefan’s mother is a nurse, I brought you here so she could check you out. I gotta go get her, she wanted to know when you woke up.”

Leaving the room before I could reply, I scoured my mind. Who had hit me? And why?

Only a few moments passed before Liliana came into the room, her worried blue eyes - so like Stefan’s that I wanted to weep with the wanting of him right now - sweeping me from head to toe. Grace stood behind her, wringing her hands.

“Good, you’re awake. What the hell happened, Elizabeth?”

Licking my dry lips, I lifted one arm. “I don’t know. I…nobody called…the cops did they?”

Grace nodded. “Billy did after we left, he has to for legal reasons. They will want to talk to you.”

“No…I don’t want to.”

“Too bad,” Liliana’s voice was stern. “Nobody can just hit you in the head and get away with it.”

“But I don’t…remember anything. Can I get…some water?”

They hurried to get me some water. As I drank it, Liliana kept looking at me funny and I wanted to ask what was wrong but refrained. She then declared that her duty demanded she take me to the hospital so off we went. On the way there I begged her not to tell Stefan and she promised me even though I know she didn’t want to.

***

Three weeks later, after the initial craziness had calmed down, I was sitting at the table with my head in my hands when Lily walked in.

“The police are going to close your case, if you can’t give them something,” she declared, taking a seat next to me.

“Well, there is nothing I can do. I absolutely don’t recall anything. I can’t make my brain work on their schedule.”

She sighed, covering my hand with hers. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Looking at her with burning eyes, I could no longer hide the tears.

“My period is late.”

Her eyes widened as she gasped. “Is it —?”

“No, I’m afraid it’s not. I…think…something happened to me when I was knocked out,” I wailed, the sobs coming full force and I felt her arms close around me. “I don’t know what to do. I am on the pill, this wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“I looked you over…your clothes weren’t torn or anything, but nobody knows how long you were lying there.” I could hear the tears in her voice now. “You were missing for a good thirty minutes, at least, Grace said.”

The fact she’d taken me to the hospital even though I hadn’t wanted to go had been a good thing, since the police required it for the report. The nurse had asked me a bunch of questions about the incident and I’d said no when she’d asked if I thought anything else had happened. I remembered nothing along with feeling fine and just wanted to get out of there. I never considered that something worse had happened after being knocked out.

“How could I miss that? How could I be so stupid? I should’ve known.”

“You’re not stupid! You had been hit in the head, you were fully dressed and no torn clothing. I should have encouraged you to get a rape kit done, even if you didn’t think anything had happened. Have…have you taken a test?”

I shook my head. “No, I…wanted to talk to you first.”

The look on her face said she knew exactly what I wanted to do if I was. “Well, let’s get a test first, okay? Maybe the stress of the last few weeks is causing it.”

Except it wasn’t. And it didn’t take me long to set up an appointment to have the pregnancy terminated. Liliana stayed by my side as they explained the risks and the procedure for taking the pills. A few days later, it was done and over with along with an STD test to make sure I was clean, with advise to come back in again months down the road to be extra safe.

I swore Liliana to secrecy. She begged me to let her tell Stefan, but I told her it was my business and I’d tell him in my own time.

That time never came.

~*~

As my phone rang the next morning, I groaned at the unexpected noise and the bright sunlight streaming into the room. I’d imbibed too much alcohol the night before in a vain attempt to re-bury the memories and now I had a killer hangover. Reaching over and picking up my phone, I saw Stefan’s number and instantly felt nauseous.

Stumbling out of bed, I made it to the bathroom as my body revolted. The phone stopped ringing only to start up again seconds later. Slowly making my way back to the bed, I answered.

“Hi.”

“Ellie,” was all he said, the tears in his voice meaning only one thing.

I’m sorry.
The words stuck in my throat. They were superfluous anyway but I still felt as if I should say them.

I could hear him breathing as he waited for me to say something, anything.

“I…” What could I possibly say? I decided to go with practical. “When is the wake?”

He coughed, the emotion roughening his words as he spoke. “The wake is tomorrow night at seven with the funeral on Tuesday morning at ten.”

“Wow. That’s much sooner than I expected.” Then, his words clicked with me. “Wait, a funeral? I thought…”