Authors: Elena Aitken
It was true. Taylor had recited the same lines to Darci all afternoon, each time with a little less patience and a lot more attitude. She looked at her daughter. Really looked at her. Almost thirteen, Taylor was no longer her baby, and although Darci knew she had to let her go, it was a whole lot harder then she would have guessed.
"It's not a big deal, Mom," Taylor said. "I promise. And anyway, don't you have a date tonight?" She flashed her mom a mischievous grin.
Darci had never kept secrets from Taylor, so, when she'd asked Darci what she was going to be doing with her free evening, Darci mentioned causally that she had dinner plans with Cam. She certainly hadn't called it a date. "We're just going for dinner," she said.
"Right." Taylor winked. "I'm not going to lie, Mom. It's kind of weird that you're going on a date with Coach Cam."
Darci's heart lurched. "If it's at all strange for you, I'll cancel."
Taylor tipped her head and examined her mother with a wicked grin. "I thought you said it was just dinner?" She ducked and just missed the cloth that Darci tossed at her head. "Gotcha."
"Not funny," Darci said.
"I knew it was a date," Taylor said once her giggles were under control. "And seriously, it is kind of weird, but it's also pretty cool."
"You're really okay with it?"
"I really am." She gave her mom a quick hug then pulled back. "But please don't tell me you're wearing that?"
Darci looked down at her jeans and white blouse and shrugged.
"And your hair, Mom." She grabbed Darci's pony tail. "Seriously?"
"What? This is how I always wear my hair."
Taylor sighed dramatically and grabbed her mother's arm. "And that's the problem." She pulled her mother in the direction of the bathroom. "Wow, it really has been awhile since you've done this. Come on, I'll help you."
###
After a bit of searching, Taylor managed to dig out a denim skirt and red low cut shirt, that she deemed date appropriate, from the back of Darci's closet. With Taylor's instructions, Darci brushed her hair out and used a bit of hairspray. Examining herself in the mirror, Darci had to admit, it was an improvement over the ponytail and jeans.
"You need lipstick, Mom. And please tell me you own mascara."
Darci stared at her. "How do you even know what mascara is? You're only twelve."
"Please," Taylor said, as she dug through Darci's drawers. "I'll be thirteen, like, right away. And I'd wear mascara if you'd let me."
"No." Darci grabbed the tube and applied a few quick strokes on her eyelashes. "Better?" She batted her eyes.
"I guess it'll have to do." Taylor started giggling and Darci gave her a gentle shove. "Okay, okay," Taylor conceded. "You look great."
The door bell rang, and Taylor sprinted for the door. Despite feeling weird about it, Darci had agreed to let Cam pick her up at the house. The plan was that they would drop Taylor off at the party on their way.
Darci took one more look in the mirror, flicked the light off and started down the hall. As she got closer, she could hear Taylor say, "I can't believe you guys are going on a date."
Darci couldn't make out Cam's response.
"Well," Taylor replied, "Mom looks hot."
A smile split Darci's face and she walked out to greet her date.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Cam took Darci to Nicola's, one of the nicer restaurants in Bayfield, not that there were a lot of options, but the food was delicious and more importantly, Darci was enjoying the company. Through appetizers, and their entrees, conversation had been easy and comfortable.
It wasn't until the plates were cleared that he said, "So, I want to hear about your running."
Darci raised an eyebrow. She was impressed it had taken him so long to bring it up.
"Well," she said. "I took your suggestion. And you were right."
"I was?" He tilted his head and smiled.
She swatted her napkin at him. "You were. Running has been a huge stress relief for me. I didn't realize it before, but it's actually very freeing to be able to just take off and not worry about anything. Even if it is for only an hour."
Cam nodded and took a sip of his wine. "That's why I suggested it. Maybe we can go for a run together sometime?"
"We'll see." Changing the subject, she picked up the dessert menu and said, "I'm definitely in the mood for a piece of chocolate cake. Want to split one?"
"Absolutely."
After they ordered it, guilt washed over Darci. She sat back in her chair and started fiddling with her napkin. "Is it terrible that I want a piece of chocolate cake so bad because we haven't been able to have any in the house?" She looked up at Cam. "I mean, it's not even like we used to eat sweets a lot. But now that I can't have it, I want it even more."
"It's not terrible at all." He reached out and took her hand, releasing it from the napkin. "It's normal."
"But I can have the cake and Taylor can't. It makes me feel terrible."
"You're a fantastic mother," he said. "Don't let yourself feel bad. Not for a second. Ever since I've known you, you've done everything for that girl. You've devoted your entire life to making Taylor happy. And you've done a great job. But, you need to live too."
His gaze held her, and Darci felt her pulse speed up. There was no way that Cam could understand how she was feeling, but it didn't matter. Just the fact that he cared enough to be her friend through everything, was enough. Much more than enough.
"Darci," he said, his voice low, "I think you know how long I've waited to do this again." Cam sat up out of the chair and leaned across the table toward her.
Her head raced with a thousand reasons why she shouldn't, but she ignored them all and met him half way. His lips were soft, the kiss gentle. He continued to hold her hand as they each sat back.
"That was-"
The ring of Cam's cell phone interrupted her. He ignored it, but the moment was gone.
"Go ahead and answer it."
"No," he said, "it's fine. If it's important they'll leave a message."
Darci tried to ignore the ringing. "You're not even going to see who it is?"
He laughed. "Does it bother you? Don't tell me, you're one of those people who just has to answer a ringing phone, aren't you?"
"Guilty. Now, please, answer it."
Still laughing, Cam pulled his cell out of his pocket. The smile fell from his face when he looked at the caller ID. "It's Barb."
Fear pricked at the back of Darci's neck.
Taylor.
"Barb," Cam said into the phone. "What's up?"
Darci could tell he was trying to sound causal, but he wasn't doing a very good job of it.
She waited while Cam nodded in response to whatever his sister said. He wouldn't meet Darci's eyes.
"What is it, Cam?"
"We'll be right there," he said into the phone. Pressing end, he put the phone in his pocket and threw some money on the table.
"It's Taylor," she said pushing her chair away from the table. "Isn't it?"
She didn't need him to answer. She knew.
###
When they got to the hospital, Barb jumped up from the chair where she was waiting for them in the lobby.
"She's okay," Barb said. "It was a scare for sure, and the girls were-"
"What happened?" Darci interrupted. "Where is she? Where's Doctor Wilson?"
Cam put his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. "Barb? Where is she?"
"Emergency room," Barb said. "She's fine, Darci. Really."
Darci didn't hear what else Barb said. She was already running towards the ER.
"Mrs. Johnson?" Joelle appeared from around the corner, right as Darci pushed her way through the doors. "She's in here." She grabbed Darci's arm and gave it a squeeze as she lead her toward a curtained cubicle. "She's going to be fine, it was just a scare."
Darci pushed through the curtain and Taylor's eyes fluttered open. "Mom?"
"Hey kiddo." Darci crossed the floor and took her daughter's hand. It felt small and cool in hers. "What happened?"
"Taylor's blood sugar got a little low," Joelle said. Darci hadn't realized the nurse was still there. She shuffled to the side as Joelle moved in to take Taylor's vital signs. "It caused a seizure, but she's going to be fine."
"A seizure?" Darci looked from Joelle back to Taylor. "Oh my God. Are you okay?"
Tears leaked down Taylor's cheeks. "I don't even understand what happened. We were watching a movie, and all of a sudden I started feeling dizzy, even though I was sitting down. And then Abby asked me if I wanted some popcorn, and I totally yelled at her. Everything got blurry and... that's all I remember." Taylor sniffed and Darci handed her a tissue.
"It's okay."
"No, Mom. It's not okay. When I woke up everyone was freaking out and Abby's mom called the ambulance. I totally ruined Abby's party. She's never going to forgive me."
Darci took Taylor's hand and squeezed, forcing her daughter to look at her. "It's not your fault. Abby's your friend, she's not going to be mad at you."
"I feel so stupid." Taylor yanked her hand away from Darci and rolled over to her side.
"Give her a minute," Joelle said. She gestured for Darci to follow her out to the hallway.
"Is she going to be okay?" Darci glanced back to the curtain that Joelle slid into place. "A seizure? That's crazy. I know Doctor Wilson said they could happen, but I didn't...why did this happen? She's done everything right."
"She's going to be fine." Joelle led them to a bench pushed up against a wall next to the nurse's station. "The seizures are scary, but sadly that probably won't be the last one. I wish I could tell you something different."
"But I don't understand, Taylor said her blood sugar levels have been great. She's been checking and giving herself the insulin. She's done everything right."
"Darci, Taylor's levels were very low when she came in. And when I talked to her about it, she admitted that she's been having some trouble controlling things."
Darci looked up from her lap. "No. Taylor said-"
"I know what she said." Joelle's voice was kind and soft but it took a minute for what she said to sink in. Darci shook her head, and stood up.
"I don't believe you. Taylor wouldn't lie to me." She took a step towards Taylor's curtained bed, but stopped and turned around. "I'm going to ask her. She wouldn't lie to me, she never lies to me."
"Don't do that," Joelle said. She stood next to Darci. "It's not going to do any good, and you know it. Taylor's having a hard time and she's already upset. It can't be easy to know that you just had a seizure in front of all your friends. I'm going to suggest that Doctor Nate come to speak to her again."
"The shrink?"
"He's the psychiatrist, yes," Joelle said. "I think it will be good for her. Diabetes is a lot to take in. Especially when you're Taylor's age." Another nurse called to Joelle from down the hall. She waved her hand in the air in response. "I have to run. But think about it. I really think you would benefit from talking to him too," she added and then she was gone, jogging away to the next emergency.
Darci watched her go but didn't return to Taylor's bedside right away. Instead, she sat back down on the bench and put her head in her hands.
###
She didn't cry. Ever since the day Taylor learned how to give needles, Darci had reserved her tears for her nightly runs. It was easier to let out her emotions when she was alone and no one could see. Taylor had enough to deal with; she didn't need her mom freaking out too.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, Darci thought. If she hadn't agreed to the sleepover. If she'd paid more attention to Taylor's levels, insisted to see them herself. If she hadn't been spending so much time at the store, and with Cam, none of this would have happened. Her first duty was to be a mother. Especially with so much going on, and with Taylor adjusting to living with diabetes, she should be focusing on her daughter.
The guilt built up inside her. She knew she had to make choices, Darci had always known that. Ever since Ryan died, she'd known that her own needs no longer mattered. Taylor was first. She had to be. Darci rubbed her hands over her face and took a deep breath.
"Darci?" The cushion gave under Cam's weight as he sat next to her. "How is she? Barb said it was a seizure. I'm sorry, that must have been so scary for her. Barb said the girls were watching a movie when-"
"Cam." Darci held up her hand and looked away. "Please."
"How is she now? Is she awake? Poor kid." Cam took Darci's hand and squeezed. "She's been through so much. You both have, and now this."
Darci turned. "How did you get back here?"
"Doctor Wilson let me back. He remembered me from before, and said I could come in and see-"
"He shouldn't have done that." Darci pulled her hand away.
"Pardon me?" She could hear the confusion in his voice, and she hated herself for it, but Taylor had to come first.
"He shouldn't have let you back here," Darci said. She turned on the bench so she was facing him. The hurt in his eyes made her chest ache, but she didn't back down. "I can handle this, Cam. You should go."
"Go?" Cam shook his head, but didn't make any move to get up. "Darci, I don't understand. I thought we-"
"I don't care what you thought." Darci flinched at the sound of her own voice. She swallowed hard to keep herself from apologizing. "Whatever happened," she continued without making eye contact, "it shouldn't have. I don't have the time or space in my life right now for anyone else. Taylor is my number one priority and I need to focus on her."