Stubborn Heart (20 page)

“It is incredible,” Mark said appreciatively. He looked out at the white mountains in the distance and the gray clouds overhead, grateful for the glass and walls that separated him from the cold outdoors. He leaned over and kissed Trevor on the shoulder. “Anything you need me to do to help out?”

Trevor smiled faintly and relaxed against Mark. “Not a thing. Just you being here is perfect. I can’t tell you how much it helps.”

“I’m glad I could be here.” Mark wrapped his arm around Trevor and hugged him close. He leaned his head over and rested it against the taller man’s shoulder. They sat in silence, looking out at the mountains.

“Well, there’s a perfect Kodak moment!” Derrick teased as he walked into the sunroom. He placed a hand on each man’s shoulder and squeezed. Both men looked up at him and laughed.

“So did you solve all the world’s problems back at home?” Trevor asked, tilting his head up to see Derrick.

“Everything is fine,” Derrick said, waving his hand dismissively. “I had to rearrange some of my shift rotations, but I have it all worked out.”

“I’m really glad you’re here but I hate that you have to go to all this trouble and rearrange your schedule.”

“Don’t be a dope,” Derrick scolded. “Where else would I be?”

“I just want you to know how much I really appreciate you being here.” Trevor’s expression was a mixture of sadness and gratitude.

Derrick rolled his eyes. “Stop being weird. I only came out here to tell you to hurry and get ready. Helen wants to leave soon.”

T
HE
ride to the funeral home was quiet. Trevor drove the car, a silver Cadillac. Helen rode in the front seat, Mark and Derrick in the back. The roads were mostly clear, but there were still patches of ice in places. Mounds of snow lined the streets where a snowplow had gone through recently. In spite of the heat from the car, Mark shivered and pulled his coat tighter. He was glad Trevor was driving.

Trevor pulled the car into a space near the entrance and shut off the engine. The funeral home was a two-story brick building with white trim. There was a large front porch and carports on either side of the building. The parking lot and walkways had been cleared of all snow and ice.

“Be careful not to slip,” Trevor told Mark as they got out of the car. He touched his forehead briefly to Mark’s and then walked around the car, taking Helen’s arm.

“I don’t need you holding on to me, son,” Helen fussed as she started toward the entrance.

“Maybe it’s for me,” Trevor answered firmly, not letting go.

Helen nodded and placed a hand on top of Trevor’s, and they all walked into the building together. The main room was a pale green with white columns and trim. They were greeted at the door by a balding man in his forties who wore a black suit with gray pinstripes. He introduced himself as Wayne Richards and offered to escort them to the viewing room.

The anteroom was decorated with floral wallpaper and furnished with two sofas facing one another from opposite sides of the room. They were the first ones to arrive. Mark looked into the viewing room. The casket was a beautiful dark wood color, polished to a high gloss. An assortment of potted plants and flower arrangements surrounded the coffin. Floor lamps provided soft illumination.

“I’ll be there in a moment,” Helen said as she walked over to speak privately with Mr. Richards. Trevor reached over and took Mark’s hand. Wordlessly, he walked into the viewing room, and Mark followed. He stopped in front of the casket.

“Dad, this is Mark,” Trevor said, speaking directly to his father. He turned to look at Mark. “Mark, this is my dad.”

Mark met Trevor’s gaze and then looked at his father. It was like looking at an older version of Trevor. Robert Hayes had been a handsome man. Other than a slight graying at the temples, his hair was the same reddish brown as Trevor’s. Mark would never have guessed the man in the coffin had been in his late sixties. Mark wasn’t sure what to say, so he simply squeezed Trevor’s hand.

Trevor continued to speak as though he was having a conversation with Robert. He talked about his work, and about things he had done with Mark. Mark stood silently watching, amazed that Trevor seemed to be so calm and collected. After a while, Trevor excused himself and Mark followed behind, still clutching his hand.

At some point, Camille and Sarah had arrived with their husbands and children. The anteroom was now full, and everyone seemed to be talking at once. Mark was surprised he hadn’t heard the chatter until now. Both sisters hugged him as if they hadn’t seen him in days. Camille looked over at Trevor. She reached up and softly tugged on one of his ears. He grinned and shooed her hand away.

“Come back in with us,” Sarah said to Trevor as she reached out to take his hand. He nodded his agreement, and the three of them walked into the viewing room, arm in arm. Mark walked over and sat by Derrick, who was texting away on his phone. Helen sat nearby, playing a game with one of the children. Ben and Edward sat on the other sofa, intermittently talking with each other and the older of the children. A baby carrier sat at either end of the sofa. Mark found it both amusing and comforting to watch the interactions among the family members. From where he sat, he could see Trevor standing in front of the coffin, one sister on either side. He held both women close to him.

After a few minutes, both sisters turned and walked out of the viewing room. It was obvious they had been crying. Mark felt a pang in his heart. He stood and walked over to the door. Camille raised a hand to stop him and shook her head.

“Give him just a few more minutes,” she said quietly.

Mark leaned against the door frame. He watched as Trevor appeared to be talking with his father again. Mark could hear Trevor, but he was unable to make out any of the words. He started as someone touched him from behind.

“You know you’re all he ever talks about,” Sarah said with a smile as Mark turned to face her.

Mark felt a lump in his throat at her declaration. “I doubt that I’m quite as wonderful as he says I am,” Mark said lightly, attempting to mask his emotions with humor.

“If you are half the person he believes you are, then you must be pretty close to perfect.” Sarah smiled and kissed Mark’s cheek. She turned and walked over to sit near Edward.

Mark shifted his focus back to Trevor. Trevor leaned over and kissed his father on the forehead, and then turned to walk out of the room. Mark felt his stomach knot as he saw Trevor’s red eyes and heard him sniffle. Crossing the gap in seconds, Mark threw his arms around Trevor. Trevor sighed and returned the embrace. Together they walked out to where the rest of the family waited. All eyes were on the couple as Mark followed Trevor to sit on one of the sofas. Looking around, Mark couldn’t decide if the silence was because no one knew what to say, or because nothing needed to be said. He simply sat quietly while Trevor held his hand.

A
T
FIVE
o’clock, Ben, Edward, and Derrick took the children on an emergency burger run. Helen had refused to leave, wanting to be there in case visitors started coming early. Mark had almost tagged along, thinking this might be an opportunity for Helen to spend some private time with her children. One look at Trevor convinced him that wouldn’t be a good idea. His face was outwardly calm, but his eyes held such pain and sadness. Mark ached every time their eyes met, wishing he could do something to make the hurt go away. He had an idea.

“Come on,” Mark said as he stood and tugged at Trevor’s hand.

“Where are we going?” Trevor asked. He looked up, confused. Obviously his head had been somewhere else.

“Just for a little walk to stretch our legs,” Mark answered.

“We can’t go too far away, Mark. People will start coming soon.”

“Oh, we’re not going outside,” Mark said with a grin. “The weather is ridiculous out there. We can just walk around inside the building.”

Trevor nodded and followed as Mark led him into the main entry room. It appeared to be deserted, and all the other doors were closed. They walked from one end of the room to the other, occasionally stopping to look at artwork on the walls or the now raging storm outside the windows.

“Is there a reason you are leading me back and forth like a little puppy?” Trevor asked, a slight smile breaking through.

Mark stared at him briefly, then laughed. “Nope! No reason at all. It just feels good to be stretching my legs.”

Trevor nodded his agreement. “It feels so strange. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I want to be strong for my mother, but I think she’s handling this better than I am. I feel like every minute I’m about to dissolve into this glob of emotions again. The only thing keeping me together is knowing you’re right here beside me.” His voice broke a little at the last statement.

Mark swallowed as he felt a huge lump in his throat. “Trev. Baby. You’re doing fine. This is a terrible time, and you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. That includes crying when you feel like it.” He squeezed Trevor’s hands for emphasis. “I wish I could do something other than just be here, but you really don’t need anything else. You’re strong as an ox.”

Trevor placed his hands on either side of Mark’s face, forcing Mark to meet his gaze. “I wish you knew how much your being here means to me. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Mark reached up and placed his hands around Trevor’s wrists. He pulled Trevor’s hands closer and kissed each palm. “I think I do know,” he said softly with a smile.

A
DOOR
opening interrupted their moment, and one of the twins came bounding over and grabbed Trevor’s leg. Trevor reached down, picked him up, and tossed him in the air before pulling him into a hug and kissing his cheeks.

“We had french fries,” Jeff announced between giggles. He ran both little hands through Trevor’s beard.

“I hope you gave some to Joey.” His expression was serious, but his eyes lit up as he watched Jeff’s face.

“He had his own french fries,” Jeff answered matter-of-factly.

“How can you tell them apart?” Mark asked, looking at Jeff.

“Well, Jeff was born first,” Trevor explained. “So he looks much older than Joey.” He winked at Mark as he spoke.

“Twenty-five minutes older,” Jeff answered, solemnly nodding his head in agreement.

“Plus,” Trevor continued, “this one is the noisy one.” He began poking Jeff in the tummy for emphasis, which reduced the toddler to squirms and peals of laughter. Trevor and Mark laughed as well. The three of them walked back to join the others, Trevor still carrying Jeff.

The next few hours were exhausting. Visitors began arriving, many in small groups. Soon the entire floor was filled with family and friends. Several of the visitors were Robert’s former patients. People filtered in and out of the viewing room. Trevor had positioned himself near the doorway, not too far from his mother. Mark stood beside Trevor. He gave up trying to remember names as guest after guest filed by. Mark did note pleasantly that very few people showed any reaction at all when Trevor introduced him as his “boyfriend.”

The crowds started to dwindle a little after eight o’clock. Both sisters and a few other close family members followed the group back to the house. A little after ten, Helen started sending people on their way. It was well after midnight before everyone got to bed. Trevor crawled into bed and spooned Mark. He fell asleep almost immediately.

T
HE
next morning everyone agreed to meet at the church, rather than come to Helen’s house. The weather was not cooperating. Strong winds blew snow sideways, creating drifts everywhere. New snow falling only compounded the problem. With temperatures predicted to remain in the low twenties, Helen’s decision to have a private graveside service seemed even wiser. Trevor and Mark were in Trevor’s room finishing up donning their suits. Trevor was dressed in a dark-gray suit with cream-colored pinstripes, a white shirt, and black tie. Mark wore a simple navy-blue suit, a white shirt, and a dark tie. He fussed with Trevor’s tie, more for the physical contact than any need to adjust the tie. Trevor placed his fingers just inside the waistband of Mark’s pants, anchoring himself to Mark. Helen called up the stairs to say the car would be there in ten minutes to take them to the church. Mark pulled Trevor close and gently kissed his lips.

“Get a room,” Derrick said from the hallway. He was dressed in a pin-striped suit very similar to Trevor’s. He walked over and threw his arms around the two of them, laughing.

“We have a room, intruder,” Trevor replied as he returned the hug. He turned off the lights, and they headed down the stairs.

T
HE
church was already packed when they arrived. Music from an organ could be heard from the parking lot. An attendant escorted Helen and her children to the front pew. Mark and Derrick sat on the second row with Edward, Ben, and the children. Jeff insisted on sitting in Mark’s lap. Not to be outdone by his older brother, Joey took his seat in Derrick’s lap.

“Doesn’t this make you want one of your own?” Mark whispered into Derrick’s ear.

“Not on your life,” Derrick mouthed back, grinning.

O
KAY
,
this is even worse than I imagined
,
Mark thought as they stood at the gravesite. He shivered as he tried to wrap the coat tighter around his body. The snow had stopped falling, but the winds continued relentlessly. He tried to listen as the minister said a few final words. Helen had insisted that Edward and Ben take the children home. She stood beside her husband’s casket with Camille and Sarah on one side of her, Trevor, Mark, and Derrick on the other side. Other than the small funeral party, the cemetery was deserted. When the service concluded, Trevor took Helen’s arm and walked back to the car. Everyone else followed behind. Trevor offered to ride back to the house with Helen, but she sent him to the car with Mark and Derrick. During the ride back, she called Trevor to tell him that she was stopping over at Camille’s house and Ben would bring her home later.