Stiltskin (Andrew Buckley) (39 page)

o this is what it’s like to be dead,” said Robert as he floated in an infinite sea of nothingness. “I’m actually disappointed.”

“It’s phenomenal, really,” said the voice in his head.

“How is this phenomenal?”

“Well, you’re floating around in your own subconscious; you’re actually inside your own head. That’s not something that happens every day, you know?”

“You’ve lost me,” said Robert, floating upside down. At least he assumed it was upside down. As everything was nothing but an inky blackness, it was impossible to tell which way was up and which way was down.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Would I look this confused if it was obvious to me?”

“I don’t know, I can’t see you, it’s too dark.”

Although he was dead and floating in infinite space, Robert suddenly felt as if he wasn’t alone. It was a creepy feeling and he’d feel better if he had something to look at, but he couldn’t even make out his own hand in front of his face.

“So you’re here with me?”

“Of course,” said the voice.

Robert suddenly realized that the voice was no longer in his head. He could actually hear it.

“Who are you?”

“I go by many names.”

“Am I dead?”

“Not in the slightest. But like I said, you’re in your own subconscious, which is amazing when you think about it. It’s like you’re a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a person inside a per―”

“All right, all right I get it! I hope you don’t take this the wrong way but are you mad?”

“Probably. It’s hard to make it through life without being thoroughly mad, which is why you’re so good at it.”

“And I’m in my own brain?”

“Your subconscious. Where all your deep dark memories are sitting. Your only memory of your father is in here somewhere.”

Robert was beginning to think that death would be a better option than being trapped in the dark with the voice that had been speaking to him in his brain and was now telling him that he was actually in his mind somewhere.

“Why didn’t I die?”

“You fell through a door just before you hit the ground. I saved you.”

“Why?”

“Some people are worth saving. And being that I recently took up residence in your subconscious I thought it was a better option that you lived.”

“Who are you?” Robert asked again.

“I’m the Cat,” said the Cat.

“The kitten I found?”

“Yes, that was me, too.”

Robert thought about it for a moment. “Then you
are
the Cheshire Cat?”

“That’s ridiculous, I’ve never even been to Cheshire.”

“But you are the Cat.
The
Cat? The one that was powerful and then vanished.”

“Self-important wizards thought they should control me. Ridiculous. They tried to bind me and hold me and failed miserably. The fun had gone out of this world and everything was so strict and orderly. Everything that your writers in Othaside had seen that made this place magical was slowly slipping away. And so I slipped away, too.”

“Where did you go?” asked Robert.

“Wherever I pleased. I removed myself from Thiside completely. I floated through space as far as I could go and then I went further. I dropped into Othaside occasionally. I’ve always favoured Cannock Chase woods in England and appeared there many times as a large cat. I believe it made the news a few times,” said the Cat.

“Why are you back now?”

“I felt a pull. A tugging. As if something had been introduced into Thiside, a catalyst that felt like it would bring change, and it drew me back.”

“What was it?”

“It was you, Robert Darkly.”

“Me?” said Robert. “I really don’t think I’m the catalyst type.”

“You’re shaking things up and you don’t even know it. Just by existing, you allowed the Dwarf to escape. Jack put his plan into action. Your father will probably get what he wants out of the deal. Lily found a connection with you. Things are changing. You’re bringing the magic back to this world.”

“Lily told me that you were a source of magic.”

“And it’s because of you that I came back. You are a bringer of change and chaos, my friend.”

“Why haven’t you shown yourself before now? And why not explain all this while you were the voice in my head?”

“I tried to become corporeal but there wasn’t enough magic left in this world to allow me to remain. The best I could manage was a kitten, which in turn started a most unfortunate fire. But even the corporeality of the kitten began to slip away, so I chose to be incorporeal again, but instead of floating in nothingness I decided to float in your subconscious; that way I could stay in touch with you. And let’s face it, you needed my help.”

“You healed me after the werewolf attacked me,” said Robert as pieces began to fit together. “You created the doors! When I needed them, it was you!”

“I don’t create doors, silly boy. But sometimes I can move them where I need them to be.”

“I was beginning to think I was going mad! Why not tell me you were the Cat all along?”

The Cat let out a light laugh. “Well, it was funny, wasn’t it? Your lineage lends to being a little off the deep end, so those around you almost expected it of you.”

“My lineage?”

“All in good time. We have more pressing matters at hand.”

“So what now?”

“We’re in the remains of the Emerald City and Rumpelstiltskin is casting a spell that will make the magical field churn and expand. I believe that if you can get me close enough, I’ll be able to become corporeal.”

“And if you’re corporeal, you’ll be able to help us stop him?”

“There are great things ahead of you, Robert Darkly, and I don’t see any advantage to the Dwarf completing his spell.”

“So how do I get out of here?”

“This might hurt a little.”

“What will hurt?” asked Robert, who was becoming accustomed to painful experiences.

“This,” said the Cat.

A door appeared next to Robert and he was instantly sucked into it―

―and was thrown up into the air twenty feet before crashing down on a patch of grass amongst the ruins of the Emerald City.

“Oourgg,” groaned Robert.

“I did warn you,” said the Cat, now back in Robert’s head.

Robert stood up and looked around. The Emerald ruins glowed and in the distance he could see people moving around.

“Robert!”

Robert turned to the voice to find Lily just as he’d left her. She was carrying an unconscious man who looked like he had the legs of an ostrich. She dropped the man and ran to Robert, throwing her arms around him. They embraced and Robert was happy that he wasn’t a smear on the ground somewhere.

“You’re welcome,” said the Cat.

“I saw you fall,” said Lily, “I thought you were dead.”

“Nahh,” said Robert, “takes more than a fall from a Screech Demon to kill Robert Darkly.”

Lily pulled back and Robert was surprised to see tears in her eyes. “How did you survive?”

“It’s a long story and we don’t have time. We need to get to Rumpelstiltskin. Who’s that?” asked Robert pointing to the unconscious Humanimal.

“I think he’s a henchman.”

“He has ostrich legs.”

“Nothing slips by you, does it? Come on.”

Lily took Robert’s hand and together they weaved a path through the rubble and dead creatures toward the courtyard that became more and more illuminated, as if the luminescence from the ruins was being concentrated toward it.

Jack held Rumpelstiltskin by the front of his shirt. “You’re a double-crossing little weasel!”

“I just thought by tricking you,” said the Dwarf, “that it’d throw the Agency off my tail and relieve you of any suspicion. After all this is said and done, you still want to be an Agent, don’t you? I thought that was the whole point. Bring back the good ol’ days! I assume you want to appreciate those days from anywhere other than the inside of the Tower. It adds to the charade; I’m the fugitive, you’re the brilliant Agent on my tail.”

“Just finish the spell,” said Jack and released the Dwarf.

“How did you get here, anyway?” asked the Dwarf.

“Special order of the Director. She used emergency orders to send me through a door created by the Wizards’ Council to get me here and take control of the situation.”

“But that means…”

“That there’ll be more Agents coming soon. And the Emerald Guard.”

Rumpelstiltskin’s blood pressure shot to its peak and he turned a lovely mauve colour. “Why did you do that?”

Jack shrugged. “Like you said, it adds to the charade. When they get here, I’ll tell them you’d already completed the spell and got away. So finish fast and then get out of here.”

“It’s not that easy!” shouted Rumpelstiltskin. “It’s intricate, it takes time, you idiot!”

“Then get on with it,” said Jack matter-of-factly and went to stand next to Blarfunder, who was polishing the horn on the end of his rhino’s snout.

Rumpelstiltskin resumed his incantations and a ball of green fire appeared in the courtyard above the gathered objects. The glow from the surrounding ruins crept toward the courtyard, making the surrounding rock and masonry brighter and more distinct.

“I wonder what happened to Ian?” said Blarfunder to Crushnut.

“Mehh,” said Crushnut.

Robert crouched next to Lily behind a large piece of masonry thirty feet from the courtyard. The air had taken to crackling and snapping and sometimes swirling. Thanks to the green ball of flame currently floating in the courtyard, it had been easy to find Rumpelstiltskin. Robert had noticed Lily bristle at the sight of Jack.

“How did he get here?” she growled.

It looked like the Dwarf had employed two other henchmen and one of them had a large rhino’s head on its shoulders. The other was picking its nose and aside from looking like he could rip entire telephone companies in half, let alone a telephone book, he didn’t seem like much of an immediate threat.

“Now what do we do?” asked Robert.

“Get us as close as you can to the emerald flame in the middle of the courtyard,” urged the Cat in Robert’s head.

“I don’t know. I think I can take the two henchmen. But we need to stop the spell,” said Lily. “And I don’t know how to do that.”

“Destroy the papers he’s reading from,” said the Cat.

“We have to destroy the papers,” said Robert.

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

“Know what?” said an unfamiliar voice. Blarfunder lifted the piece of masonry they were hiding behind over his head and grinned at the pair. There were few things in life more disturbing than the grin of a rhino.

“Kill them!” shrieked Rumpelstiltskin and continued reading from the spell pages.

“Sorry,” said Blarfunder. “Nothing personal, just business.”

He swung the piece of masonry down but Lily caught it and threw it backward over her head.

“Time to move,” said the Cat. Robert’s legs realized they should be doing something and he sprinted toward the courtyard. He made it an entire five steps before Jack tackled him, knocking him to the ground, driving the air from his lungs.

“You are very strong,” said Blarfunder to Lily. “I’m going to enjoy this.”

“Rrreeaaaaa,” agreed Crushnut, joining his friend.