Step Up (17 page)

“I do understand. And I'm sorry. I learned my lesson.”

Mommy glanced at me sideways. “I'm sorry that you had to go through that stuff with Vance.” She grabbed my hand and held on to it.

“At least now I don't have to worry about what he's doing, right?”

“We'll get through this…together, baby. You know that, don't you?”

I shook my head yes and then glanced out the window. Suddenly it was depressing to think about going through this pregnancy alone, bringing my baby into a broken relationship. This was not how it was supposed to be. I thought about that night with Vance, the night he showed up at my door when my parents were gone. I had escorted him to my
bedroom that night. Lloyd's “Love Making 101” playing softly in the background as we did everything that the song said we should. And now I was paying the price.

As Mommy turned into our subdivision, tears began to flow from my eyes. How did everything get so messed up?

Marcus

I held
on to the arms of my seat as the plane made its descent into Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. I felt the wheels of the plane touch the runway with a thump as I peered out the little window and watched as we taxied to the gate. As soon as the plane came to a complete halt, I could hear the unsnapping of seat belts all over the plane. I touched the pocket of my jeans just to make sure that the little blue box was still there; a silver chain with the letter
I
dangling from it was inside. It was an inexpensive gift that I'd picked up at one of the shops at the Boston airport. It seemed perfect for Indigo.

I hoped to see her face within the next few minutes as she waited in the baggage claim area with my father. I hadn't talked to her personally because she was still ignoring my calls, but I had asked Pop to go next door and ask her to come along. I wasn't sure if she would be there but I hoped and prayed that she would.

As I took the long escalator up, adjusting the strap of my carry-on luggage, my heart started to pound. I couldn't wait to see Indigo's face; it had been a long summer without her and I missed her like crazy. I had messed up—I knew that.
But I hoped with my heart and soul that I could get her to forgive me. Once at the top of the escalator, I looked around—in search of my beautiful Indigo Summer. My eyes roamed rapidly around the airport at all the other strange faces, in search of one familiar one. I found a familiar face, but it wasn't Indigo's—it was Pop's.

“Hey there, son.” He was all grins, dressed in a pair of oily coveralls and waving to me. Once I reached the top, he grabbed me into a warm embrace, despite the oil.

“Hey, Pop,” I said and gave him a quick handshake. “Been working on your truck again?”

“Put a new alternator in it,” he said. “Just in time to get here and pick you up. Barely had time to wash my hands.”

“Thought you were bringing Indigo with you,” I said.

“I went over there, asked her if she wanted to come. Said she had something else to do,” he said nonchalantly. “Guess you'll have to catch up with her later.”

My stomach felt as if someone had just punched me in it. I guessed that whatever Indigo was dishing out at this point, I deserved it.

“Guess I will,” I told Pop as we made our way over to the carousel to pick up the rest of my luggage. “Did she say what she had to do?”

“Nah, son, she didn't gimme any details. Just said she had something else to do. Matter of fact, I think she was on punishment anyhow. Something about her and her little girlfriends sneaking down to Grambling, Louisiana, for the weekend. Harold and Carolyn weren't too happy about that at all.”

“Grambling, Louisiana?”

“Yeah, I didn't get many details from Harold when he came over and had a beer the other day.”

My heart rejoiced—just a little. That was it! That was why she wasn't answering or returning my calls. And that
was why she hadn't come to the airport. She was grounded. Probably had gone to Grambling with her friend Tameka whose boyfriend attended school there. It didn't surprise me one bit that their little diva squad had come up with one of their schemes—a scheme that they obviously hadn't thought through, because they got caught. Whatever the case, I felt better.

“So she probably couldn't come to the airport anyway,” I said to Pop.

“Well, Harold said that she could come along if she wanted to. She just didn't want to.”

My celebration ended quickly and that punch-in-the-stomach feeling was back again. He could've saved that comment.
She just didn't want to.
Those words rang in my head all the way home. What if I really had lost Indigo forever this time? What if she had moved on, found someone else? It was true that she'd visited Grambling for the weekend. She was a beautiful girl. It would only take a hot second for someone to notice her, push up on her and steal her away. Maybe she had already kissed him, exchanged numbers with him, and they were sending text messages back and forth to each other at this very moment. Maybe he was making her smile, telling her how beautiful she was. Maybe he was telling her that she had the dumbest boyfriend in the whole world because he had let her slip through his fingers.

“Did you hear me, son?” Pop was asking.

“What'd you say?” I hadn't heard a thing my father was saying. I was too busy letting my thoughts take me to another place, a place I didn't really want to be.

“I said, are you hungry?” he repeated.

“Nah, I'm good. I had a burger at the airport in Boston. I just want to get to the house,” I told him. I wanted to get to
Indigo as soon as humanly possible. Break up her little text messaging party with her new boyfriend. I wouldn't let her go without a fight.

 

I had hoped that she would be sitting outside on her front porch when we pulled up but she wasn't. I hopped out of the truck, grabbed my bags out of the back and rushed inside. I rushed upstairs to my room, lifted the window, pulled a package of candy out of my overnight bag and threw a few of them at Indigo's window. My heart skipped a beat when her face appeared in the window; even with the frown, it was still beautiful. Her hair was a wild mass on her head as if she'd been sleeping.

She lifted the window and stood there with her hand on her hips. “Yes?”

“What's up, girl? I'm back in the A-T-L!” I tried to sound as if nothing had happened between us. As if my lips hadn't been against Daria's less than two weeks prior. “Aren't you going to welcome me back?”

“Welcome back,” she stated dryly.

“I'm glad to see you.” I smiled. Hoped for a smile from her. She didn't give me one. “Can I see you for a minute. At the creek?”

The creek was where Indigo and I would meet from time to time. It's where serious conversations took place, where we had our first kiss. It's where I asked her to be my girl for the very first time. Lots of firsts at that creek. I knew that I needed to win her heart back, and what better place than that?

“Can't,” she said.

“Why not?”

“Got chores.”

“It won't take long,” I promised.

She sighed. She was playing hard, and I realized that it
wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. But I knew that if I could get her back there, she would give in. She had to. I needed her to.

“Gimme five minutes. I just woke up,” she said and then slammed her window shut and disappeared. She was being rude but I didn't care. I just needed to see her, hold her in my arms. I needed her like I needed fresh air.

 

At the creek, I sat on a huge rock and tossed smaller rocks into the water. I couldn't wait to see Indigo, up close and personal. I wondered what she would be wearing, wondered if she'd changed any since I left for Harvard. I'd changed. Not physically but definitely mentally. I'd grown up over the summer. I knew that I'd taken Indigo for granted and that the grass is not always greener somewhere else. I used to hear my parents use that phrase, but never really understood it until now. I knew that whatever pretty girls were out there in the world, none of them could compare to the one I had—or used to have.

When I heard the light rustling of her flip-flops amongst the leaves, I turned to face her. She wore a red tank top and a pair of denim shorts. She'd tried to tame her hair by pulling it into a ponytail but it didn't help much. Her face was a little red from being sunburned. Her lips were shiny from the lip gloss that she'd obviously just rubbed on. They looked kissable, and if I played my cards right I'd be kissing them soon.

“You look cute.” I smiled.

“Thanks.”

“Heard you and your girls got in trouble for going down to Grambling without permission.”

“Yeah, the whole trip was a nightmare.”

“What were y'all thinking?”

“Tameka's friend Sean was going down there to hang out
with his cousin, so he invited us along. None of our parents really knew Tymia's mother so she was our perfect alibi. We all said that we were spending the night at Tymia's house, hoping that none of our parents would find out the truth.”

“How did they find out?”

“It all started when Tameka and Vance broke up,” she said.

“What? Tameka and Vance broke up?”

“Yeah. She busted up on him with another girl having dinner at this stupid fancy restaurant. The girl claimed to be Vance's girlfriend, but when Tameka waddled into the restaurant, stomach and all, the girl started trippin'…long story short, Vance called Mel to let her know that he broke up with Tameka and to make sure she was all right….”

“So was she all right?” I asked. I knew that Indigo's friend Tameka really cared about Vance Armstrong. But I also knew that Vance was a ladies' man and wasn't the type to settle down with one girl. Tameka was sixteen and pregnant, and I knew that Vance would bolt one day. I just didn't expect it so soon.

“She's dealing with it.”

“Are you all right, Indi?” I asked her. Indigo had been hurt, too—by me. Knowing that was tearing my heart apart.

“I'm dealing with it.”

I reached for her hand and she pulled it away.

“I'm so sorry, Indi. I don't really know how to make it up to you. I know I can't change what happened, but I know that I don't want to lose you. I'll do whatever it takes to win your heart back.”

“You hurt me too bad, Marcus. I don't know if I wanna do this anymore.”

“Are you for real?”

“I'm for real, Marcus. I can't believe you were down there kissing all up on another girl. I don't know what she got!
And then you think you gon' kiss me again? I don't think so!” She said, “Nah, I think we just need to step back for a little while.”

My heart dropped to the ground when she said that. I didn't really know where to take the conversation from there. The last thing I wanted to do was
step back for a little while,
as Indigo suggested. I decided to lighten the conversation a bit, charm her with my humor. I rushed toward her and grabbed her around the waist. She didn't pull away this time and I was glad.

“What you mean I can't kiss you again, girl?” I whispered.

“I don't know where your lips have been, Marcus. And I definitely don't know where hers have been, either.”

I pulled Indigo even closer, brushed my lips softly against her cheek and then her earlobe. “You know you wanna kiss me, girl…trying to play hard to get.”

“I don't wanna kiss you,” she said it with attitude, but her lips were saying something different because she didn't pull them away when I kissed her.

I held on to her for dear life. Didn't want to let her go.

“I brought you something,” I said and then dug into my pocket for the little blue box. I pulled it out and handed it to Indigo.

She opened it and then held the chain into the air. “It's pretty. Thank you, Marcus. Is this a guilt gift?”

“It's just a gift to say that I love you and missed you.”

“Cool. Put it around my neck.”

I secured the clasp around Indigo's neck and watched the charm dangle in the middle of her chest. It looked good there. As I kissed her lips one last time, I hoped that through all of this, we could recover from the aftermath of a girl named Daria Charles.

Tameka
A week before Thanksgiving…

My
greatest fear: walking through the halls of my high school for the first time with my stomach the size of a watermelon. The first week had been worse than I imagined. And even though it had been months since school first started, people still stood with their lockers opened as I passed, staring, some of them whispering. I was a spectacle and it hurt. It hurt worse than the time I fell on the playground and ripped a huge hole in the knee of my white tights. I had to walk around like that for the remainder of the day with a bloody knee. And it was worse than that time I had the hickey on my forehead from running into a tree, or the time I got my period right in the middle of World History and messed up my lime-green capris. This had to be far worse than anything I'd ever been through.

There were other pregnant girls at my school—Tasha Hunter was pregnant, Rita Young and Missy Collier. It was nothing new to see girls my age waddling through the halls, but everyone seemed to zero in on me; as if I was the only one on the face of the earth who'd made a mistake. I kept my eyes straight; tried not to look at
anyone as I made the way to my locker. I put in the combination—22 left, 10 right, 25 left. Tried opening it, nothing. I put the combination in again—22 left, 10 right, 25 left. Nothing. All I wanted to do was grab my books and rush to my class.

“Sometimes you have to jiggle the lock a little bit,” Rita Young said as she approached. Her stomach looked as if it might pop at any minute. She jiggled the lock and opened my locker. “See?”

“Thanks,” I said. “It sticks sometimes.”

“I didn't know you were pregnant, too. How many months are you?”

“Nine,” I said. “I'm due the day after Thanksgiving but I'm praying that it's sooner.”

“I'm due on Friday.” Rita giggled and rubbed her belly. “But it can be any day now.”

“Thanks for helping me with my locker.” I smiled.

“No problem,” she said. “And don't let the folks around here intimidate you. You made a mistake. So what? At least you're still here trying to get your education. Just ignore the stares and the whispers. They don't know what it's like.”

“I'll try.”

“Who's your baby's father?”

“Vance Armstrong.”

“Oh, I remember him. He played ball,” she said. “Didn't he graduate last year?”

“Yep, went away to college,” I said, “and we broke up over the summer.”

“At least he's still alive, though. Not like my baby's daddy who was murdered. He was involved in a gang and some fools shot him. Just shot him in cold blood and left him for dead.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.”

“My baby is all I have left of him. And since my parents
kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant, I been trying to do this on my own.”

“Who's gonna help you raise the baby?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Just me.”

The more I talked to Rita, the smaller my problems became. I had parents who loved me, and Vance's parents had promised to help with the baby's expenses. Although Vance and I had broken up, he promised that he would still be there for the baby. At least I had support. Rita didn't have anything. I watched as she waddled down the hall and went into her classroom. I grabbed my books and slammed my locker shut and went to my first class.

 

“Where have you been all day?” Indigo and the girls found me right before lunch. “I've been looking for you all day!”

“Keeping a low profile,” I told her.

“A low profile?” Tymia chimed in.

“Whatever!” Asia said. “You can't hide from us, girlfriend. Not with a stomach like that!”

“Now that we found this hoochie, can we go eat lunch, please?” said Jade. “I am starving.”

“I'm not going to lunch,” I announced.

“What?” they all said in unison.

“I'm not going to lunch,” I repeated. “Not hungry.”

“Are you crazy?” Indigo asked and placed her hand on my belly. “You have to feed this child.”

“And besides, lunch is our time to hang out.”

“I don't wanna hang out.”

“Tameka, look…you're not the only pregnant girl at this school. Nobody cares,” Indigo stated. She had no idea how hard it was just to walk down the hall. With her skinny little body, she didn't know what it was like to be in my state.

“You don't see the looks that I get from people…the whispers and the stares.”

“Screw them!” Jade said, and then glared at two girls who were walking past, staring. “Who are they to judge you?”

“She's right, Tameka,” Asia said. “Everybody makes mistakes.”

“Any girl that's having sex can end up pregnant. Condoms aren't a hundred percent effective and neither are birth control pills,” Indigo said. “Now come on. I know this food ain't Burger King or nothing, but at least it'll hit the spot.”

Indigo grabbed my arm and led me to the cafeteria. The days were becoming harder to bear and I wondered what the days that followed would be like.

 

With toilet paper in between my toes and a fruit smoothie in my hand, I reclined on my bed while Indigo painted my toenails hot pink. I had just painted hers lime green, while Tymia painted Asia's tangerine and Jade painted Alyssa's bright red.

In just a short time I had managed to stop thinking about Vance every minute of the day. I was at a place where I only thought of him every now and then. And even those times didn't last very long. He'd called a few times, just to see how I was doing and to make sure that his parents were still sending money for the baby. And they were. His mother had already purchased a crib, a car seat and several boxes of diapers. She'd brought over undershirts, onesies and lots of little pink and purple socks.

Becoming a mom was becoming more and more real each day. It was becoming a little scary because it was something very new and different for me. I'd never been anybody's mama before and the thought of it had me nervous. When I thought about all the stuff Mommy had done for me and
how she and Daddy raised me, I wondered if I could do the same for my baby. It was even scarier to think about having to do it all alone. I knew I'd be okay, though. At least I had my parents and my friends.

“Okay, chica, I'm done with your pink toes.” Indigo closed the bottle of fingernail polish. “Now you can do my fingernails.”

Indigo rested the palm of her hand on my knee while I painted her fingernails lime green to match her toes.

“So what's up with you and Marcus? You gon' stop being stubborn and grant that boy some forgiveness?”

She shrugged.

“She know she's in love with Marcus Carter,” Jade said. “I don't know why she's playing all hard. He gave her that silver chain that she's been sporting around her neck since he came back from Harvard. She wouldn't be wearing it if she didn't still love the boy.”

“Nobody said I didn't love still love him,” Indigo defended herself. “I'm just mad at him right now.”

“He obviously didn't care anything about that girl in Boston, or he wouldn't be running around here moping and begging for your forgiveness,” Tymia offered.

“Marcus is still a good dude,” I had to say. “He just messed up.”

“Yeah,” Asia added. “Wasn't it your idea two summers ago to have that stupid pact…break up for the summer just in case you bumped into someone else?”

“Yeah, but there was no pact in place when Marcus went away this past summer. He just took it upon himself to hook up with somebody else,” she said. “And I'll forgive him when I'm good and ready.”

“Okay,
good and ready.
You wait too long and somebody else is going to scoop that fine brother up,” Jade said.

When Indigo's ringtone filled the air, everybody looked her way as she stared at the screen. We all knew who it was as she pressed the button and mumbled, “I'm on my way out,” and then hung up.

“Who was that?” I smiled.

“Nobody!” She pulled her nails away, started blowing them dry. “I'll be right back.”

“Where you going?” Jade asked.

“Marcus is out front.” She grinned. “I'm just gonna go and say hi.”

We all burst out in laughter as Indigo opened my bedroom door, rushed down the stairs and out front to meet Marcus. She wasn't fooling any of us. She still loved him and, in her heart, she had already forgiven him. Marcus was a great guy despite his mistake and Indigo knew it. Indigo and Marcus was one of those couples that you wanted to see together forever and ever. It wouldn't be right for them to break up because they belonged together.

As I sat in the middle of my bed, I rubbed my stomach. I knew that I had a long road ahead of me. But I had already made up in my mind that I was going to be brave. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I would be a champion. When I walked the halls of Carver High, I would ignore all the stares and whispers that were sure to come. It was only important that I finished high school and gave birth to a healthy baby. Nothing else mattered but those two things. Everything else would take a backseat.

When Lil Wayne's voice rushed through the speakers, I stood up and started moving my hips to the music. All my girls did the same and before long we were singing along, too. My life was changing. My body was different. My world had already turned upside down and then right side up again. And I was sure that it would continue to be topsy-turvy for
just a little while longer. I was different, more mature than I had ever been at. And I wasn't done growing—both mentally and physically. But in spite of everything that had gone on, I knew that there was nothing I couldn't handle.

As the music filled my room, I looked around as my friends got lost in the music. I knew that they had my back for the long haul. And I would definitely need them. My road was unpaved and sure to be bumpy. As they all danced to the music, I decided to just watch them. Placing my palm on my stomach, I smiled. Let the music take me away. There was something about Lil Wayne's voice that could set a party off right.