Star Struck (9 page)

Frustration bursts out of me like a shaken soda. “I don’t want him to respect me. I want him to want me like he does all those other girls.”

Lola’s mouth gapes open. “Did you seriously just say that?”

I slink back. “I’m just as surprised as you
are.”

Lola jumps down from her bed and walks toward me. After sitting by my legs, she rests her hand on my arm. “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

I laugh and throw my head back. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Lola. I’ve always been so practical when it comes to boys.”

“Yes, I know. You went out with that dud Spencer for like three years.”

“And then he cheated on me.”

“Bastard,” Lola mutters under her breath. “And you were always too good for him.”

“I’ve just never felt like this around a guy before. He makes me different.”

“Good different or bad different?”

“I don’t know.” I sigh. “But whenever he looks at me, I just want to jump into his arms and kiss him. And tonight I almost did.”

“See, I knew something happened.”

“But that’s just it. Nothing happened. I told him I desired him, and he told me to go home.”

“You what?” Lola shouts.

I run my hand over my face. “I know. I’m such an idiot.”

“Okay, okay, start from the beginning. Tell me what happened.”

So I do. I spill the entire humiliating story. When I finish Lola strokes my arm, a look of pity cloaking her face. “Maybe he thought you were talking about someone else. It’s not like you point blank said that you desired him.”

I fix her with an incredulous stare. “C’mon, it’s totally obvious what I meant. And when I first looked at him it seemed like he desired me too.”

“He probably does.”

“Oh
, yeah, that must be why he kicked me out.”

“Star, don’t take this the wrong way, okay?”

I cock my head to the side, almost afraid to hear her out. “Okay,” I say, drawing the word out slowly.

“I think it’s probably for the best. I mean, you yourself said that Beckett makes you act differently.  I know you’re attracted to him, but I don’t think he’s the right g
uy for you. According to Ryker, he treats women like dirt.”

“You and Ryker sure spend a lot of time talking about Beckett.” I feel a little bad for how bitter I sound.

If Lola notices she ignores it. “Only because I told him where you were and he got all worried.”

“About me? Why?”

“He really likes you being in the band. He doesn’t want Beckett to screw it up.” Lola nudges me. “Ryker says that lots of guys were asking about you after the last show. Maybe you’ll start dating some hot fan.”

“He really said that?” I smile.
“Yeah, maybe I will.” Even as I try to convince myself that’s a possibility, Beckett’s face emerges in my mind.

I enter the club, my heart hammering in my chest. The breeze kicks up my dress and I smooth it down.  In the dim lighting I can barely make anything out.

“You’re late,” Beckett’s annoyed voice rings out.

I squint, and see the band already on the stage for the mic check. Determined not to let my disappointment at his behavior toward me show, I cross my arms over my chest and stalk toward them. My boots stomp on the ground as I head up on the stage.

I glare at Beckett while walking toward my mic
rophone. “Maybe if someone had picked me up I wouldn’t be late.”

“Fine. Ryker will pick you up for all future gigs, okay?”

Way to dig the knife in deeper, Beckett.
“Sounds great.” I glance back at Ryker with a smile. “Lola says hi, by the way. She’ll be here later.”

“Can we get the mic check ove
r before the show starts?” Beckett asks in a bored voice.

I turn back around. “I’m ready.”

“Great,” Beckett replies.

All through the mic check I study Beckett. He seems to be doing his best to avoid me the same way he did at this week’s practice. I must have really freaked him out that night at his house. If only I could’ve kept my thoughts of desire to myself. My cheeks warm just remembering. I need to do something to ma
ke this okay again. I mean, I know that Lola’s right. He’s all wrong for me, but I at least want us to be friends. This whole awkward thing is too brutal. When we’re finished, we all head off stage. Beckett leans against the bar in the back, taking in the room. The other guys are huddled together chatting near the stage. Mustering up all my courage, I head toward Beckett.

“Hey,” I say to him, and rest my back against the bar.

He nods in response.

I consider just walking off
, and leaving him to his grumpy attitude. A few people walk past us and sit down at one of the tables. I know it’s nearing time for us to play. Just when I’m about to head toward the other guys, boldness takes over. “Have I done something to upset you?”

“No.” Beckett slips back into the bored voice he used when we first met.

“It’s just that you’ve been sort of weird since the night we wrote together.” I hate how pathetic I sound.  Trying to lighten the mood I wink. “Was I really that bad of a songwriter? Now you don’t want to associate with me?”

He smiles ever so slightly. “You weren’t that bad.”

I nudge him with my elbow. “I promise next time I’ll write all about dark clouds and sadness. No more sunny skies or flowers.”

“Now you’re talking.” His smile is full blown now.

“Does that mean you’ll give me another chance?”

He shrugs. “I
guess I have to. We have a deal, remember?”

“Yes, we do
.” A warm feeling flutters in my stomach, and I’m happy that we’re back on good terms.

Beckett’s eyes rove over my body, landing on my legs. “You didn’t wear the short skirt and little sandals this time.”

I raise my brows. “You don’t like the dress?”

“It’s not about me. It’s about our male fans. I think they’re gonna be disappointed that you covered your legs up with those boots.”

“But you’re not disappointed about it, huh?”

Beckett swallows hard. “Like I said, I’m just worried about the fans.”

“Yes, your loyalty to our fans is commendable.”

“Isn’t it?” Beckett leans over the bar in that sexy way that looks like it belongs on a magazine cover. I glance around the room to see that it’s filling up fast.
Beckett grabs my elbow. “C’mon, it’s almost show-time.”

I nod and allow him to guide me toward the stage. Our set goes well. Only a couple of minor glitches, but considering that the audience was drinking the whole time I don’t think they noticed. We end with
Can’t Have,
and Beckett surprises me by heading over to my keyboard and singing into my mic with me on the last chorus. I guess he’s trying to recreate the first time we sang the song together. His nearness causes my head to spin. A rush of adrenaline courses through me, and by the time we finish a lightheaded feeling has taken over.

“That was awesome
!” I blurt out, feeling heat creeping into my face.

“Yeah, it was, wasn’t it?”

I stand up and walk toward him. “You were amazing, Beckett.”

“So were you,” he says in a sincere voice
that surprises me.

“Did you just say something nice about me?” I tease.

“Better not make a big deal about it or it won’t happen again.” He winks.

His attitude gives me a surge of courage. “I think someone’s ready for their next lesson.”

“Really?” He speaks in an amused tone.

I nod. “Yeah, maybe we can chat over coffee or something after we clean up tonight.”

His eyes darken, and my insides wither. I can tell he’s going to turn me down before he even speaks.

“Not tonight. Another time, okay?” His gaze flits over to a few over made-up girls standing near us.

“Seriously?” My stomach drops. “You’re ditching me for your fan club?”

“Why? You wanna join it?” He jokes.

I don’t laugh with him.

“C’mon, Star. It was a joke.”

“Whatever. I thought I saw something in you. I guess for a minute I thought you were different.” I whip away from him.

“Star, wait.” His fingers clamp over my wrist.

I slowly pivot on my heels, and glance over my shoulder at him.

“What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you.” I shake his hand off and scurry down the steps.

“Star,” he calls after me, but I just keep going. Lola’s right. He’s not the right guy for me, and the sooner I
come to grips with that, the better.

12

Beckett

I push her up against the wall, my hands skimming her waist.  She reaches under my shirt and dances her fingers over my abs and chest. I kiss her harder, my tongue shooting into her mouth. A moan escapes through her lips, and it’s all the invitation I need. I lower my hand, fumbling with the button on her impossibly short skirt. She thrusts her hips forward, encouraging me to continue, and her hand moves down to my zipper. Our tongues mesh together, and she pants against my mouth.

I groan with desire. “Oh, Star.”

“What?” She stiffens.

Shit.
Did I just say that?

“Did you
call me Star?”

Yeah, I guess I did. What is her name? Cand
y? No, that was a different night. What the hell is this girl’s name?

“Sorry, babe, what I meant was that you’
re my Star. My little rock star for the night.”  Hoping that corny line will appease her, I lean in and catch her lips in my teeth. Her button comes undone, and I rip open her skirt.

She breaks away from me. “But isn’t Star the name of the girl in your band?”

Why did I have to bring home the one girl with a good memory?
“It doesn’t matter. You’re the one I’m here with, right?”

“What’s my name, Beckett?”

I groan, releasing her.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.
” She scrambles to put back on her skirt and close her top. “Man, my friends were right about you. I should’ve known better. It’s just that you seemed so sweet back at the bar, I thought maybe you were different.”

I run a hand over my head thinking how that’s the second time tonight a girl has said that to me. Star’s face fills my mind. I picture her
large dark eyes framed with thick lashes, her pale face and heart shaped lips. She’s the one I really wanted to bring home tonight, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I’m so lost in my thoughts I don’t even see what’s- her- name leave. By the time I look up, my bedroom door is open. I zip back up my pants and walk out into the family room just in time to see her slip out the front door. Shaking my head, I don’t even bother to go after her.

Did I seriously say Star’s name while I was making out with no-name? I’ve never done that before. What is wrong with me?

“Whoa, was that a friend of yours I just saw tearing down the hallway?” Tate enters the apartment, a smile on his face.

“Shut up.”

He slams the door behind him. “Wanna talk about it?”

“No, I don’t.” I turn away from him and hurry to my bedroom. Once inside, I throw myself on my bed. I stare up at the ceiling, my hands behind my head. What is it about Star? Why do I keep thinking about her? Sure, she’s different than
the other girls I’ve been with and she does bear a striking resemblance to Quinn. But there’s got to be more to it than just that. There has to be. No girl has ever messed with my mind like this before. Maybe it’s because she calls me on my stuff. No one else does that. Every other girl just placates me.  Or maybe it’s because she’s so sexy and talented. I sit up, exhaling. Man, I’ve got to stop thinking like that.

It was obvious tonight that if I had wanted to hook up with her she would’ve gladly said yes. And I was seriously tempted. But that can’t happen between us for so many reasons. I have to work on my self control when it comes to her. Somehow I have to get her out of my mind. But even as I think it, I know it won’t be that simple.

I successfully avoid
Star at the next two weeks of rehearsals. Sure I say hi and act cordial, but I work hard not to make eye contact or encourage small talk. It mostly works because we’re so busy trying to get our songs ready for the big winter festival in a couple of months. Every winter Seattle holds an all day festival for local bands to showcase their talent. All of us want to do our best. There will be lots of talent agents and producers attending, and it could be our big chance.

Besides, Ryker keeps Star occupied. They seem to have become pretty good friends. I think it’s mainly because he’s da
ting her roommate, but sometimes I feel a twinge of jealousy at the ease in which he talks with her. I wish things could be that natural between Star and me, but things are different for us. There is a chemistry with us that isn’t present with her and Ryker, and I’m scared of what will happen if I allow it to spark. I know it will only result in someone getting hurt. At first I thought it was a given that it would be her, but now I’m not so sure. Either way, I don’t want to find out. I’ve worked hard to stay away from serious relationships for a long time, and I don’t plan on getting involved in one now.