Spoiled Secrets (25 page)

              “H…he…wan…wanted…m…m…me…to die?”

              Chase asking those questions were like brutal hits to my solar plexus, knocking the wind right out of me.  But, that did not stop me from asking the question that I have been afraid to ask since the day I was allowed to come back to him.  When I asked what happened, everyone just glossed over what had happened when Chase arrived at my parents’ house.  All my mother said was, she had seen a side of my father that sealed their marital fate.  My father wanting me dead should not have been that big of a surprise, but it was. 

              “
Did he want you to die
?  That motherfucker would rather for you to have bled out in that goddamned shower stall, than to see anyone touch you!  He lost his fucking mind that night.  Tell me Amber, why would a father act like that? 
TELL ME!?”

              I stand voiceless and shaking.  I’m shaking not because I’m frightened of him, but because I’m frustrated and angry at myself.  I was told to trust in him and I do.  But, for some reason I can’t seem to tell him this.  The shame of what I have allowed my father to do over the years, eat at my psyche. I can’t help, but to wonder if I spill my secrets will he love me and look at me the same?  The uncertainty of his reaction, the possibility of him leaving me, of him turning away in disgust of me, that’s what has my body quaking where I stand.  I’m terrified of the outcome if I divulge my many wicked deeds. That level of compounding fright has me standing on unsteady legs, mute and staring in the eyes of my judge, jury and executioner.

              “The things that goes through my head daily, of why he would act in such a way…it kills me!!  So, don’t question me about secrets, when you have a fucking graveyard full of motherfucking
SECRETS
!”  He turns and leaves the room.

              I am left alone as I slide down the wall and cry my frustrations in my trembling hands.

Chapter 29

(Chase Mitchell)

              “Amber, come on!  We’re going to be late.”

              It’s been a long tense weekend.  I’ve realized that pushing Amber for answers to the many questions that I have, is the only way I will get her to talk to me.  I’ve tried the whole being patient thing, it doesn’t work!

              Amber questioning me about secrets pushed me right over the edge this weekend, mainly, because I have none.  My life, my soul, my commitment when it comes to her, have been laid at her feet for her taking.  I’m hers, mind, body and soul, I hide nothing from her. My fear of why she holds her secrets so near is starting to become abundantly clear.  But, I want verbal confirmation of the dirty bastard’s unspeakable acts.  No, it’s not a matter of want any longer.  I need…just as surely as I need GOD’s air to breathe…I need the words spoken from her mouth, of his tainted fatherly love.

              I’m begging for the words that will seal his fate.  My mission from that moment, when the condemning words are spoken will be to decimate his sorry ass. 

              “I’m coming!”  She yells from the bedroom.

              “Hurry up babe, I’ll be in the car.”

              As I sit behind the wheel of my whip, I can’t help, but smile.  It’s a little bittersweet.  This black cloud hangs over our head.  At times it steals the joy out of what should be the happiest days of our transitioning lives.  Senior day is upon us, the last chapter of our childhood, as they say.  It’s ironic, I keep hearing that being said, ‘
It’s the last chapter of your childhood
’.  I haven’t been a child for a long time.  I have worn adult shoes for a while now.  Childhood, is a foreign concept to me.

              “Sorry, I couldn’t find my phone.  I finally found it in the restroom.”  Amber explained as she entered the car.

              “Are you excited about today?”  I ask, as I start to drive to school.

              “I’ll be more excited when we leave all of this behind next week.”  I look in her direction to see her looking out the window.  Her reflection shows her smiling.

              “You’re that excited about moving to the ATL?”  A dark cloud tries to infiltrate my mood.  I can’t help but to think, why is she so gung-ho on a hasty retreat.

              “I’m eager for the new start.  I know you wanted to establish roots for your family here…”

              I cut her off.  “Where you go I go, Amber.  Peanut and mom understands that.  It’s not like we will be moving from city to city every year.  We’ll setup roots in Atlanta, all of us.”  I grab her hand and bring it to my lips for a quick kiss.  She turns so that she’s looking at me.

              “Chase, you were right.”  My heart starts to flutter.  “You’re right, I have secrets.  I have a shit load of scary secrets.  Secrets, which will have anyone pissing their pants.  Promise me that you can hold off until next week to hear them.  I’ll tell you everything, anything you want to know…my secrets will be yours.  I’m begging you, allow me to leave this place and the people behind before I share what my dirty soul has hidden for way too long.  Allow me to break the shackles that has bound me…let me leave this place.  Then, I will truly be free to speak.”

              BINGO!  If that’s not a confession, you can murk me now!  I knew it…I knew that
dirty-bastard-muthafucka
had something to do with her secrets.  I try with all of my might to bottle my emotions.  There is no need to show her the devil which is riding me.  The devil, who’s pulling my strings, who’s whispering in my ear…KILL HIM!

              “Next week is fine.”  This was my tight response.

              What I really want to do is pull over to the curb and demand that she tells me everything, right now.  What I really want, is to drop her off at school and go hunt down this sniveling bastard for the things that have been said and done to her.  Things that I do not have knowledge of because she’s holding them close to her heart.  But, once the words are spoken, no matter the distance, I will hunt him down.  No distance will be too far. 

              “Thank you!”  She breaths out in relief.  “Time to change the topic.  Why didn’t you take me with you to, Atlanta, to view the house?”

              “Damn, not you too!  First, mom and Peanut and now you.  I’m telling you like I told them, it’s a surprise.  I wanted to pick out something that would work for all of us.”  I give her a devious smile.  “I will let you know this, the house has two master rooms.  One for us and one for mom.  That’s all you’re getting from me.”  I wink at her.

              “Something’s up, I can feel it in my bones.  What did you do?”  She starts to laugh.  “Tell me?”

              “Okay, I know for a fact the estrogen crew got accepted at Morehouse.” 

              “The
estrogen crew
!  That’s priceless, I’m straight telling on you.”  Amber’s chuckling.

              I join in her laughter. “Keisha, Emil and Jazz all got accepted at Morehouse, is that better?  I have no doubt my boys will get in too so, I got a little something for them as well.”

              “
You bought them a house?
!”  She yells.

              “No, I bought two rental properties.  I purchased a pair of duplexes that’s ten minutes from our house.  This way, everyone will be nearby.  Both duplex have three bedrooms, two baths and a finished basement.”

              “Both?”  She’s bouncing in her seat in excitement from the news I just dropped on her. 

              “Yeah!”  I join her in her excitement.  “Girls on one side and my homeboys on the other.  I think this will make for an interesting couple of years to come.  I can’t wait to see what troubles the Black Fifty Shades and Miss. Prissy will get into.  Amber, they’re really nice properties.  I plan on charging everyone three hundred dollars each, a month.”  I smile.

              “Chase, you’ll be making eighteen hundred dollars a month in rent!”

              “Yeah, the properties were foreclosures.  I got really good deals on them.  While I was in Atlanta, I was able to get a quick sale and secure a contractor to do all the repairs.  The combined mortgages is only, eight hundred dollars a month.”

              “That’s one thousand dollars in profit, a month!”   I laugh out loud at the mix of emotions crossing her face.

              “My dad wasn’t the only smart business man, you know!  Now, we just have to sale everyone on being my new tenants.”

              “I don’t think that will be hard at all.  I’m going to call my girls now and tell them about the new place.  I know they will be down for it.”

Chapter 30

              I decide against calling my girls with the news.  This is news that must be dished in person.  A quick text telling them to meet up at our usual parking space ASAP, will do the trick. 

              We pull into the schools lot not even five minutes after the text was sent.  I notice my girls standing there waiting on our arrival.  When I exit the car Keisha screams with exuberance as she runs towards me. 

              “Can you believe it
CASPER
, it’s our last day!”  I wince at her greeting.  Since my near death experience, she has given me a new name, hence, Casper - the friendly ghost.

              “I wish you would stop calling me that.”  I say as I give her a big hug.

              “Why?  You don’t like it?”

              “Keisha, what the hell!  Who the fuck would want to be reminded of their death?  It’s like insensitive, you know?”  Emily tells Keisha.  “The whole dying thing didn’t happen to me and I’m ready to kick your ass and throw away our BFF friendship card, every time you call her that.  Here’s a clue, Dora the Ghetto Explorer, the shits morbid!”

              “Here’s a clue!”  Keisha flips Emily the bird.  “Vete a la mierda puta.”  (
Fuck off you whore.)

              “Well, I don’t know Spanish that well, but I defiantly know what
puta
is.  Back at you, whore.”  Emily sticks her tongue out at Keisha.

              “Ladies...Ladies!  I think we should make a promise to clean up our vocabulary.  Lately, we have been using bitch, whore and a whole lot of other unsavory names at each other.  We’re on the threshold of adulthood.  Maybe…just maybe, we should start to act and speak as such.”

              “Ummm, Amber, shut the hell up!  No one wants to hear that crap from you right now.  This
punta
, just called me a whore.  Did you hear her?”  Emily points in Keisha’s direction.

              “Yeah, I heard her and I’ve heard plenty of insults spewing from your lips as well.  GOD, if someone overheard us talk to one another they would swear we were enemies.”

              “I don’t know why you’re trying to explain anything to her, Amber.  You know she’s as dumb, as a box of rocks!  ‘
This punta, just called me a whore’.
  That’s like the pot calling the kettle black.  Honestly, for you I’ll try to clean my act up because on some days when I’m not particularly in the mood for her crap and she starts on me, I can see my fist connecting to her face.  I never want to cross that bridge with either one of you.  I’ll try my best to tame myself, but…no promises.”

              “I’m not promising shit!  It’s my mouth and I’ll speak the way I want!”  Emily’s acting like a petulant child, as always.  “Keisha, you’re delusional!  Maybe you should go back to that shop and have them loosen those braids on your head because on your best day,
Dora
…your fist could never connect with my face.  So, go find “Map and Boots” and
explore
the nearest ghetto and leave me out of your fantasies!  Your fist…my face…hilarious!”  Emily starts to laugh.

              “You’re such a brat!”  Keisha yells at Emily.

              “That’s the best you got?  How’s that no name calling working for you?  I bet you twenty dollars this walking in the light routine won’t last long.  I’m the queen of pushing both of your buttons”

              “And, you’re proud of that?”

              “Yes I am.  It’s the highlight of day when I’m able to fuck with the both of you.”

              “What an accomplishment, your parents must be so proud of you.”  Keisha deadpans her response.  She turns in my direction.  “Sorry.”

              I know that look that has come across Keisha’s face. She didn’t mean anything by call me, Casper.  I truly believe it’s her way of dealing with everything that has gone down.  She’s always trying to make rainbows and sunshine out of the gloomiest days. 

              Unfortunately, I had a front row seat to her breakdown in the hospital waiting room.  So, if she needs this to cope with her feelings of what went down, I can and will endure my new nickname.

              I pull Keisha into a tight hug.  “It’s okay, I know you don’t mean it in a hurtful way.  Emily, its fine.”  I look over Keisha’s shoulder at her.

              “I’ll stop calling you that if you want me too.”

              “Call me what you want, I don’t really care.  Hey, I didn’t text you two to meet us here to start an argument.  I actually have some good news.”

              I look over to find Chase leaning against the car talking on his phone.  I motion for him to come over, he holds up one finger telling me to give him a second.  I wonder who he is talking to.

              “What’s the news?”  They both say in unison.

              “Hold on, I want Chase to be here when I tell you.  He’s the one who put all of this in motion.  I’m so pumped!”

              It’s crazy how his masculine voice evokes my body to crave him.  He can be singing the ABC’s, it doesn’t matter…his voice just does it for me.

              “That was the fellas on the line.  What did I tell you?  I knew they would all get accepted.  When I told them about their accommodations, they all flipped their wigs!”  Chase pulls me against his body as he leans back against the car.

              “Whatever “
Wonder boy”
here is taking about, can wait until later.  He’s here now, spill the beans, come on already and tell us the news!”  Emily demands.

              “Okay…okay!  Actually, the conversation Chase was having ties into the news I have to tell you both.”  I know I look like a complete looney tune with this silly smile plastered across my face.

              “The whole gang will be together again!  Everyone has been accepted into Morehouse and you don’t have to live on campus.  Chase purchased a pair of duplex; boys will be on one side and girls in the opposite unit.  It has three bedrooms and two baths per unit.  The best part is that it’s only three hundred dollars per person for rent!”

              I’m completely animated as I deliver this nugget of information.  My arms and hands are waving about, my voice has risen to glass shattering decimal levels and I can’t seem to get this shit eating grin off of my face.

              “What?!  So, you’re saying all the fellas will be there and Jazz?  Everyone in Atlanta… I get to see Polar again!”

Polar…who the hell is Polar?

              “Well, Jazz is technically a fella!  She is missing an essential tool, but I’m guessing she straps that part of her invisible anatomy on.”  Emily states.

             
“Emily!”
  Everyone says in shock at her comment.

              “What?  It’s the truth!  I didn’t mean anything by that comment.  I was just pointing out the obvious.  And, what the hell is a Polar?”  Emily looks offended at our combined reprimand as she asks her question.

              Keisha’s silly smile matches mine.  “Polar is no other than, Chase’s brother from another mother, mister white chocolate himself, my Polar Bear…Cam!”  Now, that’s an intro.

              Chase can’t seem to keep his laughter bottled up.  I soon catch the laughing bug, as well.  When did he graduate to her Polar Bear?

              “What!?  This shit is crazy!”  Chase blurts out.

              “How did he become
your Polar
?  You haven’t seen that dude since that unspeakable night.”  Emily looks royally confused. Hell, I feel her; I’m silently asking the same damn question.

              Keisha turns and blinds Emily with her mega-watt smile.  “For your information, I see and talk to Polar almost every single night – we skype!  After the Christmas/New Year’s trip was nixed, we stayed in contact.  He told me that they were all talking about visiting us this summer in, Atlanta.  He didn’t mention anything about attending school there.  This is going to be so COOL!”

              “Hold up, wait a minute.”  Emily raises her hands in the universal sign for, stop.  “This will mean that, that freaky bastard will be living next door to me?”  Her eyes get wide as the realization of this offer sets in.  She starts to shake her head.  “I don’t think I can live next door to a black reincarnate of Don Juan, mister lady love himself.  That fucker pushes my buttons in the worst way.  I don’t think I’ll be able to take his freak flag waving in the wind, so close to me.”  Her voice has started to shrill from the irritation this news is causing her.

              “Can you imagine all the half-witted trollops that will be coming in and out of that place, begging that sick fuck to tie them up?  He’s a self-proclaimed DOMINATE!  That bastard has a shit load of mental problems and you expect me to move next door to him?”  She’s really worked up behind this.

              “You can’t say no, Emily!  You can’t let him make you give up such a great opportunity.  You’re not going to find a better deal and I for one, will not be following you to live on campus when we can have our own place.”  Keisha states.

              Emily visibly shivers.  “You’re just saying that because you want to live next door to
your Polar
.”  She sneers that last words at Keisha.

              “Hey!  Don’t say it like that and please stop calling him Polar.  That’s only for me.  He’s my white teddy bear.”  Her eyes go dreamy.

              Damn, I’ve never and I stress never, seen her like this over anyone.  Keisha is so afro power, from her hood gear, attitude and hairstyles.  I would not have thought she would be into a guy outside of her race, a guy like Cam.  A fleeting glimpse of him carrying her out of the hospital waiting room, him speaking comforting words in the midst of her grief.  I can see why she would cling to him.

              Chase’s phone ringing and his masculine chuckles behind me brings me back from the image of my best friend and her…
guy?

              “What’s up
Polar Bear
?”  Chase taunts the caller as he answers the line.

              “Chase!”  Keisha screeches in our direction and tries to grab the phone from him.  It’s futile, she has nothing on his height or reach.

              “What do you mean no one calls you that except for your little twerp…I mean squirt?”

              “Chase, give me the phone!”  Keisha has been reduced to jumping up and down like a small child, throwing a tantrum.  She tries to unsuccessfully grab the phone, yet again.

              “Dude, you know I have to tell all the fellas this!  You two have graduated to nicknames and skyping!  Who would have known?  Damn, it’s just my luck that we’re only here for two hours, to clean out our lockers.  Do you know what I will be doing the rest of the day, brother?”  Chase lets out a burst of laughter.

              “No, I will not be going to fuck myself.  Here’s a clue, I will be calling the crew to tell them what I have just learned.  You’re royally fucked my friend.”  He hangs up the phone smiling, showing off his pearly whites.

              “Why would he call you squirt?  It’s not like you’re petite or anything.”  Emily’s looking at Keisha with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

              If possible, Keisha’s face flushes with embarrassment.  She has never been able to hide her emotions.  A poker face, she does not have.  Her embarrassment spurs Emily on.  She’s like a dog with a bone.  Emily turns and pins Keisha where she stands with a look that says,
I know what you’re not saying
.

              “Skype…Squirt…you’ve been a naughty, naughty girl, Keisha!  Haven’t you?  Enquiring minds would like to know, what have you been doing on late nights?  Dare I ask, is your
Polar Bear
white all over?”