Somewhere Only We Know ....... (5 page)

Soon I had
friends popping in to spend the day at mine, I
don
’
t know how we
weren
’
t caught in the first
week, I was cooking enough food out of the freezer to feed an army.
But the truancy went on for months, sometimes I stayed home and
sometimes I actually went into school for registration and then
skived off before the first lesson. The woods behind the school was
a good meeting place for all us truants. There was always tabs to
be had and everyone always seemed to have the foresight to buy food
to take with them using their dinner money. These were good times,
there was always a different crowd so every time was different, but
it was all brought to an abrupt end when my mam and dad were called
into the school, my attendance was atrocious and as well as being
put on report I was kept in - every night for a month, and the
worst of this was I wasn
’
t
even allowed to my Granny
’
s.

I made lots
of friends, but there was no one I could call my best friend. There
was a large group of us girls and we rarely broke into anything
smaller than groups of three, this suited me fine, I had done the
best friend thing and that had ended up hurting me, so to have
light weight friendships didn
’
t phase me.

The party
scene in Kinsley was sparse. Groups of us tended to hang around the
local park or bus shelter. There was rarely an opportunity to party
as even if me and my friends did have a parent free house, the
neighbours were always quick to disperse any groups of people,
Kinsley was like that, everyone knew everyone
else
’
s business. We drank
and smoked though and some people sniffed glue, I
couldn
’
t get my head around
that at all, it seemed to make them appear weird and a little off
balance. I was bad enough with my alcohol so never dared to try the
glue and aerosol thing but I still liked to go with
boys.

Around this
time I discovered my weakness for crushes. I had them on all sorts
of people, a lad in my class, some celebrity or other, a
friend
’
s dad, even my
science teacher, who was a pretty 20 something with gorgeous
brunette hair, a petite body and the biggest boobs I had ever seen.
No one was out of bounds. For the whole of the duration of the
crush I was totally and unblinkingly obsessed. I fantasized about
them, mimicked their mannerisms and would do anything to make sure
I was noticed by them.

Darren Roberts was a crush. He was
beautiful. He was in my year group at school. He was Mr Popular and
at 13 looked much older. His body was big and toned with the amount
of sport he played and at 6 foot he towered above the other lads in
our year. Being the school football captain he had no shortage of
girls around him, he oozed maturity and wore his prowess with
pride. On the back of his black leather jacket he had blatantly
attached a football stud, he was a stud and God did I want him.

I started to
hang around places where I knew he would be. Football matches,
shops, the bus stop where he and his mates always met up and
eventually he noticed me. I don
’
t think that he hadn
’
t not noticed me before, but streetwise sexy Caroline had
come out to play and there was no way I was going to let him out of
my sight. His friend asked my friend to ask me if I wanted to go to
a Newcastle match with him the following Saturday - what a
result!!

As confident
as we both appeared when we were around our mates we both turned
out to be really shy on our date. The conversation never stopped
but it wasn
’
t edgy, it was
nice, he was nice and I really liked him. When we got back from
town he asked if I wanted to go to his, his parents always went out
on a Saturday night so he said that if he could get rid of his
younger brother we would have the place to ourselves. I was over
the moon, that day just got better and better.

And that was the start of my first proper
relationship. For the next 3 years we were inseparable, we went to
school together, spent breaks together, came home together and as
soon as we had finished our teas we were back together again.

Darren was
the one that distracted me when my mam and
dad
’
s relationship went into
total meltdown. The arguments continued, but they also seemed to
have grown distant from each other. The laughter in the house
disappeared and they were forever sniping at each other. And as
their relationship disintegrated, mine did too. I barely spoke to
them, was moody and surly and stayed out of the house as much as
possible. They were hypocrites and I
didn
’
t like it, to the
outside world, their Churchgoing friends they were Mr and Mrs
Perfect, but if they looked at me hard enough they would see that
the late night arguments were taking its toll and I was black eyed
and ashen. Darren was my bright spot and very quickly the
relationship became all consuming, I gave him everything, including
my virginity.

I
didn
’
t have any hesitation,
in the beginning we kissed continually, which obviously led to
heavy petting sessions, I loved every part of his body, we would
lie in his little single bed on a Saturday night and I would lick
and suck on his cock, bring him to the brink them stop. Id tease
him for ages, until he begged me to get him off.

For us being
so young we were certainly in control of our sex lives and oh that
tongue of his. His favourite thing was to get himself between my
legs and lick my pussy while I sat on the sofa and watched the
telly. I had only ever been fumbled down there off lads, I knew how
to get myself off quickly but to have someone use their fingers and
tongue to bring me to organism was just amazing.

By the time
we actually got around to having penetrative sex I was ready for
it. I trusted Darren, he knew my body inside out and
wasn
’
t a virgin so knew what
to do. From then on in we gave the Karma Sutra a run for its money.
We couldn
’
t get enough of
each other.

With what was happening at home and Darren
my school work suffered. Darren and I often played the nick, so
when it came to exam time I struggled, I had always been bright but
when it came down to my exam papers it was obvious that I had
missed too much, any thoughts that my mam and dad had that I was
University material were out of the window, but they had to take
some of the responsibility for that as well mind.

Shortly
after my 16th birthday my Granddad died. I was devastated, I had
never had anyone die and found the whole thing a scary and lonely
experience. My usually sane family became a group of weepers and
wailers and I didn
’
t know
how to handle it. My mam and dad seemed to pull themselves together
and my dad comforted my mam and helped her through the ordeal of
the funeral. It seemed to be a turning point for them and although
their relationship would always be volatile, they seemed to have at
least met on some common ground.

My Granny
went into some type of shock, she busied herself with arrangements
and making sure everyone else was ok, but when I stayed with her
she roamed the house all night. It
wasn
’
t until after the
funeral that the family seemed to return to some kind of
normality.

And all the
time this was going Darren was there for me. Whereas before my mam
and dad hated the relationship and
wouldn
’
t allow him in our
house, now they welcomed him with open arms, probably glad that he
was taking me off their hands.

And then my world went tits up.

My mam and
dad were still regular churchgoers and every now and then I was
dragged out of my bed on a Sunday morning, usually nursing a
hangover. I always complained that it
wasn
’
t my thing but it fell
on deaf ears. So off I
’
d
trot with a face like a backside for the duration of the service.
Anyway, on this occasion I fainted.
I
’
d never fainted before so
when we got home all hell broke out. I tried to tell them that I
had been drinking but they were having none of it. The

main topic
of conversation was had I been having sex?
“
No no no!
”
I protested, but on the Monday morning my mam
marched me off to the doctors where low and behold her
‘
virgin
’
daughter was pregnant.

My dad, always the disciplinarian was
furious, I was going to be kept in forever. They just went on and
on about what a disappointment I was and how I had shown them up.
Inwardly I was delighted. A baby all of my own and the first
opportunity I had I went to find Darren and tell him the news. He
was terrified, but when I said that it meant we could be together
in our own little place he was as pleased as punch.

I mean that
just proved what a man he was, none of his mates were dads. So for
the next few days we spent hours looking through the Brian Mills
catalogue putting little stars on all the things we would buy;
furniture, stereos, televisions and of course things for our
baby.

I had
another doctor’s appointment towards the end of the week and the
doctor spoke to my mam about arrangements being made for an
hospital appointment for me on the following Tuesday, obviously I
thought this was all a quite straight forward thing to be happening
when you were pregnant. But on the Monday night my mam and dad sat
me down and told me that I was going into hospital for an
abortion.

I was
screaming and crying and telling them that it was my baby and I
wanted it and they couldn
’
t
make me have an abortion. They kept saying that it was for the
best, that I was throwing my life away and I would regret it, that
I was showing them up, their daughter a slut. But I continued to
cry and scream. They then brought out their trump card, Darren
hadn
’
t turned 16 and in the
eyes of the law he was still a child because I was already 16. They
told me that if I had this baby then the police would come and I
would be arrested. That they would split me and Darren
up.

And that was
that, I loved Darren more than life itself and the thought of being
separated from his was unbearable and of course the police coming
to arrest me didn
’
t help
either. I had no fight left in me, they had me and I knew that come
Tuesday there would be no more baby.

I hated them.

I went on Tuesday and I killed my baby.

I came home and shut myself away in my room
and hated them more.

The
following weekend they asked me to come down and have a chat. They
told me that because they had wanted everything sorted out quickly
they had paid for me to have the procedure privately, obviously it
had cost a lot of money, so they thought that it was only right
that when I started my office job at the end of the summer I should
give them some of my wages each week until they had been paid back.
I didn
’
t care about money so
I agreed. Then they told me they were forbidding me from seeing
Darren, at that time I didn
’
t care about Darren so I agreed. They also told me I was
never to talk to anyone about what had happened, it was our secret,
I didn
’
t care so I agreed.
So this was my punishment for disappointing them.

What
surprised me was that they asked me if I wanted to go and talk to
Darren, I didn
’
t care, so I
agreed.

I found
Darren and we walked out into the fields surrounding our village.
It was a lovely Sunday in August and the sky was blue. We sat on a
hill and I told him what was happening. For once gobby Darren was
quiet, he held my hand and we looked across the valley at the
gliders high in the sky. There was nothing to say. He cuddled me
and then he walked away.

My pain was almost tangible.

As I stood up to walk home I noticed that my
tee-shirt was soaking, I was producing milk for my baby.

I was a
different person to the one I was last weekend. I knew I would
never be the same again. I would never forgive them for making me
have the abortion, I would never forgive them for not listening to
me and even though in my heart of hearts I knew me and Darren
wouldn
’
t make it - I would
never forgive them for splitting us up.

And I was right, I never did.

Right contestant number one
…
..
Chirped Cilla

Caroline
’
s mobile
lit up on the table and Caroline was pulled back from the
past.

That
’
s What Friends Are For

The little envelope on the front of the
mobile screen showed that Caroline had a new message.

She let
out
a huge sigh then checked her watch,
it was a little after 2am, she had been in this café for over an
hour. Mrs Costa Coffee was still bustling around behind the counter
and apart from a middle aged man sitting behind a paper, the place
was deserted.