Somewhere Only We Know .......

Somewhere Only We Know
…….

Leanne Burn

www.sweetserendipitymedia.com

© 2014 Sweet
Serendipity Media Ltd

147751

Copyright
© Sweet Serendipity Media
Ltd -
Somewhere Only We Know …….
2014

L Burn has asserted her right
under Copyright to be identified as the author of this work.

This book is a work of fiction.
Names and characters are the product of the author’s imagination
and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely
coincidental.

This book is sold subject to
the condition that it shall not, by the way of trade or otherwise,
be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without prior
consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it
is published and without similar condition, being imposed on the
subsequent purchaser.

Somewhere
Only We Know

Leanne
Burn

Copyright Leanne Burn
2014

Publishing at
Smashwords

Caroline’s
eyes glanced up into the rear view mirror. The outline of the Tyne
Bridge could clearly be seen, the lamps lighting it making it
appear to be on fire on the wet, dismal October night. Caroline
took a peep at the digital clock on the dashboard, it was just
turned midnight. Another look in her mirror showed the shadow of
the bridge fading into the background. ‘Ironic’, thought Caroline,
‘the Bridge looking like it is burning, that’s what I am doing,
burning my bridges, well and truly burning them’.
This was no flight of fancy, this was the
culmination of the past 6 years. This was the only road open to her
now, a road she was travelling alone. Everyone she loved was on the
other side of that bridge.

The Satnav
illuminated the car interior. She had 275 miles to go, 275 miles
until she was able to breathe. 275 miles would take about 5 hours,
5 hours to do nothing but drive and think. Think about what she had
done and the consequences of her actions.

The rain
continued to fall and the windscreen wipers beat out a steady
rhythm, tonight was not a night for music; that would be too much.
Caroline knew that one familiar song, and that’s all it would take,
one song that reminded her of him and she would be done for. She
would turn the car around and head back home and shit with the
consequences. No, it would be safer to let the sound of the wipers
and the engine soothe her.

The sign for A1 South came into view.
Caroline hit her indicator and merged onto the slip road. Her
breathe caught in her throat and her eyes suddenly stung with
tears. ‘This is it’ she thought to herself. This was the start of
the rest of her life, a life she was choosing to live on her own
because she couldn’t bare living her life the way it was. ‘I could
have done it if no one knew, but not now it is out in the open, I’m
just not brave enough to do it by myself. I could have done it if
he was with me, but that isn’t going to happen, not now’.

273 miles to
go. Caroline continued into the darkness. The night stretched
ahead. 265 miles to go. A little bungalow at the end of her
journey, hastily rented over the internet, cheap because it was out
of season and the seaside town she had picked would be virtually
closed down. A place Caroline had never been to before, a place
where she had no job or family; no friends. For the first time in
her 46 years she was going to be quite alone.

A new
beginning? Maybe! Running away? Definitely! All this because she
had fallen in love. She hadn’t just fell in love with any old bod
though, she had fallen in love with her son’s best friend and he
had fell in love with her. Or so she thought. Her chest tightened
in the too familiar feeling that a panic attack was coming on. ’Oh
God, what have I done?’ Caroline said to herself. A long time ago
she fell in love, it was all secrets and lies, but he was a
temptation too hard to resist. But that temptation had led her to
where she was now, her car full of her belongings. That wasn’t much
to show for her 46 years, but her real legacy was distancing itself
by the minute. Shock, betrayal and the lies and secrets recently
revealed of the double life she had been leading for the past few
years.

The services
at Scotch Corner were appearing in the distance. The Satnav showed
233 miles to go. Caroline slowed the car and hit the exit into the
services. A cup of coffee and a cigarette was needed. As she pulled
into the car parking space a thought ran through Caroline’s head.
’What if I had turned a different corner? Would I still be a
divorced mother of 3 grown up children, a new granny, a good
daughter and a reliable friend?’

Throwing her
handbag over her shoulder, Caroline made for the loo. ’If ifs and
ands were pots and pans?’ she said to herself - funny that old
saying had never made much sense. ’Maybe there is more to it!’ Well
she would have plenty of time on her hands when she got to Helmsby
to find the answer to that one out! And if that was all she had to
worry about then life beside the sea would be plain sailing. She
almost smiled, almost but not quite. 233 miles to go.

The light
ing in the
toilets was harsh. Caroline looked at her reflection in the mirror
while she washed her hands. Was that her own face staring back at
her? Or did the people who ran the services use some sort of trick
lighting to make people look tired so they would stop off and rest,
paying over the top prices for coffee and sandwiches in the hope
that it might revive them to their normal looking self before
continuing on their journey. She liked the thought of lighting
trickery but knew in her heart that it was her own reflection
staring back at her. The dark ringed eyes, the white face, the
unkept long hair which was long overdue a cut. ‘In what world could
she ever have competed?’ she thought to herself.

‘
What was it Ben used to call her, a MILF - a mother I would
like to fuck? Well babes I don’t think you would find me very
tempting now if you could see me’, Caroline thought. She didn’t
feel sexy, she didn’t feel anything; maybe middle aged which
theoretically she was. She was a grandmother for God’s Sake. The
woman staring back at her didn’t have what Caroline had always had
- a spark! The eyes; usually blue and vibrant were dull and lacked
lustre, in fact her whole persona looked dull. The spark was
out.

The need for
a caffeine injection shook her out of her thinking, so she made her
way into the swanky Costa Coffee area. For 1.00am there were quite
a few people in, well maybe 5 or 6, but still for that time in the
morning!! ‘Was everyone running away?’ She thought to herself as
she waited at the counter for the waitress; who was cleaning at
some stubborn stain, to notice her.

She ordered
a latte and a chocolate muffin. The woman smiled broadly at her as
she served her. Maybe this happened all of the time, thought
Caroline. Women turned up and ordered latte and muffins at stupid
o’clock in the morning, whilst on the run from their previous
lives. Or maybe the waitress just wasn’t interested, she just
served her beverages, smiled sweetly at the customers and collected
her wage at the end of the month, which probably wasn’t enough for
working the God awful shift she was on now.

Caroline took her overpriced latte and
muffin to a table next to the window. There wasn’t any view out of
the window, it was still dark and the rain continued to lash down,
but the lights from the vehicles travelling on the A1 sparkled and
it was a comfort to know that even though her life seemed to have
ground to a halt, the rest of the world continued as
normal.

The chocolate muffin was dry, perhaps
it had been sitting on the counter all day. It broke and dropped
crumbs all over her jumper and jeans. The latte was too hot, but
the smell of it was lovely. With a jolt he was back in her head
again. For fuck’s sake will he never go away? That’s what he used
to say, she always smelt of coffee. Most women are told they smell
of perfume and flowers, but her smell was coffee, coffee and sex.
He loved the smell of her when she smelt of coffee and he loved the
smell of her when she smelt of sex.

The young couple on the next table had
their heads together laughing at something on a mobile phone. They
reminded her of the kids and a pain shot across her heart. ‘I hope
they understand’ she thought, ‘I hope that they can forgive me for
what I have done now that I have left them!’

She dug into
her handbag and pulled out her own mobile phone. She had knocked it
onto silent when she left, not wanting to be distracted whilst she
was driving. But there were no missed call, no messages, just a
picture of her beautiful Ava smiling at her. Ava, her
granddaughter, so small at the minute, ‘will she ever know me?’ The
tears that had threatened to fall earlier were back, stinging
behind her eyes. She took a gulp of her latte, still too hot, but
the burn distracted her and another potential meltdown
passed.

The muffin was tasteless, but Caroline
continued to nibble away at it. She needed something in her belly,
there were still 233 miles to go. Not that she would keel over from
starvation mind, she was a comfort eater, so the previous weeks of
stress had laid lbs on her, she felt like a whale - ‘all these
weeks I have been preparing my body for a long and lonely winter,
no wonder these jeans are nipping!’

A long and
lonely winter!!! Well she had been lonely for a long time, maybe
lonely wasn’t the right word, maybe just alone. In fact alone was
probably the perfect word, she had always been alone, even in the
midst of her family. Or a loner!! That was a far more appropriate
word to use to describe her, she needed and loved her family more
than anything, but no one really knew her, especially these past
few years. She changed personas like most people change their
socks, being a mother, being a daughter, being a friend, taking on
each role with total commitment. Then there was the time she was
with him.

Then what was it she became? A Mrs
Robinson in the beginning, then towards the end more Norman Bates,
a psycho!! Paranoid, jealous, insecure. And all the while being the
same as ever as a mother, a daughter and a friend.