“I’m sorry,” William said, pulling away. “We shouldn’t have to resort to this. You’re too good to have to sneak around. You deserve better.”
“You deserve better than Kelly,” Jason said.
“I ruined his life,” William said. “I took his leg and ruined his dream. He’s the one who deserves better. I know I’m not the right guy for him, but until that person comes along, he’s not going to be lonely. At least not until I join the Coast Guard, but I have to. It’s the only way I can make up for it.”
“For what?” Jason asked.
William swallowed. “I ruined one life, but maybe if I save another, it’ll kind of equal out. You know?”
Jason felt a lump in his throat. “I wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. And you’re right that Kelly deserves to find someone who loves him, but if you’re going to be out of his life eventually… Why not now?”
William considered him. “My parents are divorced. I hardly see my dad anymore, but I’ll never forget what he put my mom through by leaving. I don’t want to be that guy, so I’m hoping Kelly will leave me. I keep pushing for us to go to the youth group, hoping he’ll meet someone. Maybe that’s happening right now. I hope so, because then I won’t have to break my promise.”
Jason was tempted to argue that William was breaking an equally important promise now, but then again, all they had done so far was hug and talk. They could spend the entire hour talking, and part of Jason wanted to, in the hopes of walking out of the room together as a real couple. But if he didn’t get anywhere with words, then all of this would feel like a waste.
William must have had similar thoughts, because he unclipped his bow tie before stepping forward to do the same for Jason. Their faces were close together, William smiling before he got down on his knees. Jason held his breath, but exhaled when he felt his shoes being untied. He watched as William loosened the laces, then lifted his feet so the shoes could be taken off one by one. Jason wiggled his toes in relief. Then William rolled onto his rump and made short work of his own shoes. When he stood again, he took a few steps back and placed a hand on his belt.
“At the same time?” he asked.
“Sure,” Jason said casually, despite the pounding in his chest.
Was he having a heart attack? Wasn’t there something about one arm tingling? Thankfully both arms felt normal as he copied William’s movements. It felt like getting undressed in front of a mirror, except he didn’t recognize the body as his own.
Then William pulled down his pants and underwear in one smooth motion. He was already hard. His cock matched the rest of him—thick and pale and smooth. Jason stared, barely aware that he’d pulled down his own pants.
“You’re not hard,” William said, nodding at his crotch. “Are you sure you’re really gay?”
“Shut up,” Jason said with a chuckle. “I’m a little nervous.”
William raised an eyebrow. “We’ve spent weeks around each other in nothing but swimwear, and you’re nervous about the last skimpy piece of clothing being gone?”
Jason shook his head as he pulled his feet free from the pants bundled up around his ankles. “I wish we had more time. I want to spend the entire night with you, but the clock is ticking, and there’s so much pressure.”
“There isn’t any pressure,” William said gently. He shook off his pants the rest of the way and offered his hand.
Jason accepted it and allowed himself to be led to the bed. William got in first, lying on his back, switching hands so he wouldn’t have to let go for long. Then he pulled Jason in and on top of him.
“Lay on me,” William said. “All of your weight.”
This Jason understood. He pressed their waists together, placed his legs alongside William’s, let their socked feet nudge against each other. Their stomachs came next, then their chests as Jason tucked his arms beneath William’s pits. They kissed momentarily before Jason lay his head against William’s neck. The heat from his body, the slight smell of the food they’d been serving on his skin, the way William’s arms pulled him closer—this was paradise.
“Breathe with me,” William said.
Jason held his breath for a second, timing his so that when William exhaled, he was inhaling. When William’s chest rose, filling with air, Jason’s chest constricted. Not only were they pressed together now, but they were moving in perfect harmony, flawless and inseparable, like the way the ocean touched the sky.
“Not so nervous now,” William pointed out.
That was true. Jason was aroused and ready for anything. William chose what this would be, flexing his muscles and rolling Jason over onto his back. William lay next to him, propped up on one elbow as he slid his palm over Jason’s chest—fingers brushing against his ribs. Then William scooted down and bent over him. Jason gasped as William took him in his mouth, pumping and slurping. Then he laughed because it felt too damn good.
“Hey!” William said, squeezing Jason’s cock with his fist. “This is serious stuff!”
“Totally,” Jason said before laughing again.
William sat up on his knees, shaking his head as if he disapproved. “I see there’s only one way to shut you up.”
“Oh yeah?” Jason asked, pushing himself up on his elbows. His grin faded slowly as William swung a leg over him and brought his crotch close to Jason’s face. He stared a moment at the pink cock head, the thick meat bouncing and flexing in anticipation before he looked up at its owner.
“That’s got to be the most beautiful dick I’ve ever seen,” he said with rapt admiration.
William looked smug—a surprisingly naughty expression from someone so nice. This only turned Jason on more. When he opened his mouth again, it wasn’t to speak. Soon William started thrusting in him, growling and groaning as if working out his frustrations. He reached a hand down and placed it against Jason’s cheek, which bulged sometimes when William changed angles and positions. Then he pulled out, scooting down so their tongues could twirl together. When William moved like he wanted to go down on him again, Jason grabbed him by the arm.
“Keep kissing me,” he said.
“But how—” William glanced around, spotted a bottle of lube and condoms on the side table and grabbed at them.
Or just the lube actually, which made Jason nervous. He wasn’t ready to do something like that, and really didn’t know which role he was expected to play. Besides, he felt they should be safe. He was about to express this concern when William squirted cold liquid on him, making Jason suck in air and then moan as William began stroking. He started kissing Jason again, chasing the worries from his mind. As it turned out, he had nothing to be concerned about. William lubed himself, then rolled over onto Jason, pressing their hips together.
One of William’s hands had a grip on them, but he was so thick that a single hand was barely enough, so Jason reached down to help out. Hands partially covering each other, they thrust and moaned, the sounds they were making silenced when they began kissing again. Then William stopped suddenly, pulled away, and stared at Jason with a look of surprise.
“You okay?” Jason asked.
“Yeah,” William said. “Great. Are you close?”
“I was getting there,” Jason said.
“Sorry,” William said, hand moving again. He placed his forehead against Jason’s, staring him in the eye. Jason stared back, trying to read what was going on, but soon pleasure overtook them both. Their huffing increased, Jason’s eyes shutting as he bit his lip, not wanting this moment to end, but William was pumping harder. He pressed his lips against Jason’s and held them there when he came. Jason only lasted a second longer.
William’s body relaxed onto him. All that muscle was heavy, and Jason had a difficult time breathing, but he didn’t want him to move. Eventually William rolled off. Propped up on one elbow, he traced a finger around one of Jason’s nipples, then down to his bellybutton, which was full of liquid.
“Like a little hot tub,” William said.
“Ew,” Jason replied. “How can sex be so appealing one second and so totally gross the next?”
“It’s not gross,” William said, but he laughed anyway. “We better get cleaned up. It’ll be obvious if we return to the party all sweaty.”
Jason sighed. “I guess so. How much time do we have?”
Twenty minutes, they discovered. They hopped into the shower together, playfully washing each other. Once they were dressed and about to leave the room, William became solemn. He had that shell-shocked expression again, and as they walked down the halls, he almost seemed haunted. Jason thought he could imagine why, and as much as it hurt to ask, he had to know. He stopped walking, causing William to do the same.
“Do you regret it?”
William shook his head. “I just forgot what sex feels like when it’s with someone you love.” He said the word so casually, without any hesitation. He didn’t even seem concerned about Jason’s possible response. Instead he placed a hand on Jason’s back, urging him forward. “Come on. We’re running late.”
Jason’s head was spinning as they made their way to the kitchen. Waiters were already heading back into the ballroom, carrying trays. Before they could enter the commotion, William spoke words from Jason’s past that made his stomach sink.
“This is the last time.”
Jason spun around, not understanding. “Why?” he croaked.
“Because you deserve better,” William said. “The next time we’re together, we won’t be sneaking around. I’ll figure something out. Okay?”
Jason nodded, relieved but still unsure what any of this meant. Was William finally ready to end things with Kelly, or was he still hoping to find some hidden place where they could be together without being caught? They couldn’t talk about it now. William hurried into the kitchen to grab a tray of miniature sandwiches and disappeared into the ballroom. Jason lagged behind, not wanting to make an appearance at the same time. He was almost the last person in the kitchen.
“Why are you just standing there?” a voice demanded. Nathaniel! Again! He walked up to Jason before his expression changed to one of surprise. “Oh, I didn’t recognize you before!”
Jason’s mouth went dry. “You didn’t?”
“No, sorry. Marcello said two waiters would be sneaking around his house. You’re one of them, right?”
“Yeah,” Jason said after a moment. Nathaniel still didn’t have a clue who he really was.
“How did everything go?”
“Good,” Jason said. “Better than I expected, actually.”
“So lucky,” Nathaniel said, eyes shining. “There’s nothing like young love. If I can offer some advice…”
Could this night get any weirder? Jason nodded numbly.
“Don’t let it stay hidden. Love is like a flower. It needs to be out in the open where it can get fresh air and sunlight. Secrets can be fun, but eventually they’ll smother what you have together.” Nathaniel paused and then winced. “Did I really just compare love to a flower?”
Jason chuckled. “Yeah, you did.”
Nathaniel shook his head as if disappointed in himself. “Anyway, you get my point, right? If you like this guy, you’ll both have to come out or whatever the issue is. That’s the only way you’ll make it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Jason said. Then he licked his lips. “So what about you? Anyone special in your life?”
“No.” Nathaniel said this firmly. “No, I think I’m done with all of that. I have better things to do with my time. If love is a flower, then someone ran over mine with a lawn mower a long time ago.”
Did he mean Caesar? Regardless, Jason felt strangely relieved to know they weren’t involved anymore, mostly because it meant Caesar wasn’t here.
“Not that I’m bitter,” Nathaniel said, adjusting the his suit jacket. “I’m just more interested in my career right now. Speaking of which, Marcello didn’t say anything about you slacking off. Grab a tray of cocktail wieners and be sure to laugh when these guys make all the obvious jokes.”
“Yes, sir,” Jason said.
He did as he was told, but found he was tired of flirting, even if it was for a good cause. Besides, the interest and compliments the men paid him weren’t so meaningful. Not when someone like William cared about him. No words could top the one he’d let slip so casually.
Love
. Jason sought out William in the crowd, found him doing the same, and as their eyes locked, he wondered if it could be true.
Jason walked the pet store aisles, trying to look busy when really he hadn’t done much the entire day. If his boss caught him slacking, Jason decided he’d claim a serious bout of love sickness and ask to be sent home. As magical as Marcello’s party had been, the next day had brought unhappy news in the form of a text message.
Better steer clear the next couple of days. Sorry.
That’s all William had to say. Maybe the shut-in had made Kelly more suspicious than usual, or perhaps William’s conscience had finally gotten to him. Jason began to regret it all. He had helped William cheat. Sweet innocent William, the guy who wanted so badly not to hurt anyone’s feelings. The person who had no room in his life for liars. Thanks to Jason, William had both deceived and no doubt hurt Kelly. Not that Jason blamed himself entirely. It took two to tango, but he worried William would resent him for what they had done. Now, three days later, things were looking dire indeed.
Jason found himself in the pet adoption area—a wall of cages sometimes occupied by animals from the local shelter. Normally Jason avoided this side of the store because he wanted to adopt them all. Today he hoped that seeing the plight of these poor animals would make him feel less sorry for himself. He browsed the cats, some of whom considered him with disinterest. Others rubbed up against the cage, desperate for attention. He poked a finger in, petting a few, before moving on to the dogs. He liked all animals, but dogs really pulled his heartstrings.
“Don’t suppose you have room for one at home?” asked the woman from the animal shelter. “We’re overcrowded at the moment.”
Jason had spoken with her before. Her name was Barbara, and she had strawberry-blonde hair that was slowly turning white. Maybe from stress. Her clothes were always wrinkled, her hair frazzled.