So Much to Learn (19 page)

"That's what
you think I did?" He said wonderingly, pushing a hand through his
hair and making it stick up even more.

"No, that's what I
know
you did,” I said pointedly. “I was there, Jack,
and you beat a pretty hasty retreat, you've got to admit." That he
was trying to deny what happened was just making me angrier, did he
think that I would have just forgotten?

"I wasn't
running from you!" He exclaimed. "I was trying to do the decent
thing, and not just for Haley, but for you too."

What
? I gaped at him for a moment and
then gestured for him to explain what he meant.

"We'd just had
this big serious talk about why you're uncomfortable around guys
and you'd told me more about that jerk at the party and, well,
you'd done the whole crying thing..." He looked a bit uncomfortable
at this point and I grimaced. Why was it that guys got so weird
over a girl crying? It's not like we do it on purpose…well most of
the time anyway.

"I was trying
to give you a bit of space so you didn't think that I was all
'that's terrible, but never mind, sweetheart, that's in the past
now so give us a kiss’,” he continued. "But mostly I was trying to
show you that I'm not like those guys who've messed you around
before, I'm really not." His voice, so sincere and sweet, damn near
broke my heart and I wanted to scream 'But I know you're not, I
already know!' But somehow my mouth construed that as,

"So to show
that you're not like the guys who've messed me around and
ultimately gone off with other girls you messed me around and went
off with another girl? Your logic is truly astounding." A piece of
hair whipped me in the eye as I finished speaking as if to say
'shut up, idiot!'

"I didn't go
off with another girl!" Jack exploded, his voice rising as I had so
rarely heard it do. "For God’s sake, stop bringing Haley into this,
it’s not her I was thinking about, it was you." His voice dropped
suddenly and, as if he couldn't help himself, his hands came up and
cupped my face gently. "It was you," he repeated and his expression
was so intense I felt my breathing become ragged.

We stared at
each other for a moment and, although I desperately wanted to just
wrap my arms around him and tell him that I believed him, some
little insecurity in the back of my mind prompted me to whisper,
"Prove it."

"What?" Jack's
hands pushed my tangled hair away from my face so he could look at
my expression searchingly. "What do you mean?"

"You say that
it’s not Haley, it’s me and I want you to prove it." My mouth was
on complete auto-pilot now, saying whatever it wanted, it seemed,
without any consultation with my brain.

"How?"

I took a deep
breath and looked straight into his blue, blue eyes.

"Kiss me."

I spoke so
softly I half hoped that he wouldn't have heard me, but I could
tell by the widening of those gorgeous eyes that he had.

I have no idea
where I got the courage to do what I did next.

As if in slow
motion, I reached up, pulling his hands away from my face and
placing my lips ever so gently against his. It wasn't a proper kiss
by any stretch of the imagination, it was an invitation and it was
up to Jack whether he accepted it or not.

For a moment
the pair of us seemed to be frozen in time, I held my breath as if
scared that any move I might make would scare him off. My lips were
tingling and the butterflies in my stomach, as if delighted to be
released from their cage, had sprung to life and launched
themselves up through my chest and into my throat.

Kiss me
, I willed with all my
might,
please just kiss
me
.

But, in the
next second, Jack had pulled away from me and muttered one Earth
shattering word.

"No."

My eyes filled
with tears hot with humiliation and I released my held breath in a
constricted choke of surprise.

No. So that was
it. Well he'd pretty much spelt it out for me with that one.

"Fine." I meant it to come out as defiant, but to be honest,
it sounded much more like a sob. Scared I was about to burst into
full on bawling, and I've already explained how unpleasant
that
looks on me, I
turned from Jack and made a dash for the door. I wanted the hell
off that roof!

"Wait!" I heard
Jack shout, but there was no friggin' way I was going to wait.

I reached the
door, grasped the cold metal handle and pulled at it. It didn't
budge. For one awful moment I thought that somehow it had locked
and that we were going to be stuck up there until someone realised
we were missing and, considering we lived with Matt who probably
wouldn't notice if a piano landed on his head, who knew how long
that could be.

Then, of
course, I realised that Jack had caught up with me and had one hand
on the door, keeping it closed.

"Let me out!" I
blinked quickly to keep my tears from sliding down my cheeks.
"You've had your say, I get it, and I've got some tute work to
prepare for tomorrow so let me out." I pulled at the handle with
both hands, but the door didn't even move a millimetre. Frustrated
by my weakness I slapped the hard, metal surface of the door and
then leant my forehead against it, unable to understand why Jack
wanted to humiliate me like this.

"Tally." I felt
his free hand land on my shoulder, but I shrugged him off.

"Leave me
alone," I said miserably.

"No, I won't leave you alone." He put his hand on my shoulder
again and managed to gently turn me around this time. "You
clearly
didn't
get
it."

"How ambiguous
can a flat out 'no' be?" I asked in a pathetic imitation of my
usual scornful tone.

"I don't want
to kiss you-" he began and I lifted my red eyes to him angrily.

"See? That
is
what you meant-"

"You didn't let
me finish," he said, a little smile playing at the corners of his
mouth in a way that made me want to smack it right off him. Seeing
that dangerous look in my eyes, no doubt, he continued quickly, "I
don't want to kiss you to prove something to you that you should
already know."

He gave me a moment to let his words get through my barrier of
anger and hurt then continued, "Kissing you for that reason seems
wrong and tacky. But, God, Tally," he dipped his head so that we
were so close I could feel his breath on my lips, "give me another
reason,
any
other
reason, and hell and high water wouldn't be able to keep me from
kissing you."

How could two
sentences so completely alter your world? For a moment there I
think I actually felt the world tilt to adjust to this new,
thrilling revelation.

The look in his
eyes as I met them made me want to cry more than ever and, in fact,
a couple of tears did finally make a break for freedom and slip
down my cheeks. Using his thumbs he gently wiped them away and
smiled down at me. "Well go on then," he said, continuing to gently
brush my cheeks with his thumbs even though all traces of my tears
had been obliterated, "give me a reason. I bet if you think really
hard you could even come up with two."

And, finally, I
felt myself smile in response, although it must be said it was a
fairly weak one as I wasn't really able to fully keep up with all
the ups and downs I was experiencing.

"Well," I said
shakily, "how about because I want you to...and because I think you
want to, too."

"Now see
those
," he said softly, as my eyelids fluttered closed, "are two
very good reasons."

And then he
kissed me.

All my thoughts
on what it would be like to kiss Jack, and, believe me, I'd had
plenty, were dodgy little home video versions compared to the
proper, blockbuster reality.

Jack's lips, at
first cold due to their exposure to the whipping wind, warmed
quickly against mine. That warmth seemed contagious and I felt my
lips tingle and plump up as blood rushed to the area as if worried
it might miss all the excitement.

But, to
clarify, just because I likened the kiss to a blockbuster movie
don't think that it was all tongues and R-rated groping right off
the bat. At the outset he simply bestowed soft, gentle kisses,
breaking away every other second or so. Just when I thought I had
properly captured his lips they moved away again. I wanted more
and, I'd bet my life on it, he wanted more too, so why was he
holding back?

Still, as the
seconds past I found myself enjoying the gentle touches of his lips
and the light hold he had of my hips and stopped trying to strive
for more. I hadn't consciously realised that the dregs of anger,
confusion and hurt of the few moments ago were still swirling about
my body until I surrendered myself to Jack's light touches and felt
them drain away.

Then, and only
then, did Jack move forwards and gather me into him. He wrapped one
arm securely around my waist and gently cupped the back of my head
with the hand of the other. My hands found their way to his
shoulders and I held on to him tightly as little shots of desire
zipped and zinged through my body.

As well as
drawing me into his embrace Jack began to let his lips linger
longer over my mouth. God, but that boy could kiss! I didn't think
there were that many different things you could do with a kiss,
especially the relatively chaste, closed mouth one were we having,
but with varying degrees of pressure and angle, he proved me
wrong.

Still, no matter how inventive you are with your lips
together, there comes a time when the situation demands more…no
scrap that, when
I
demand more. So, ever so slightly, I parted my lips and, a
moment later, I felt him follow suit. That small open link between
us released a rush of heat not only into my mouth, but also
throughout my whole body. It was as if someone had just turned a
massive heater onto me.

I was just
congratulating myself on having control of the situation, i.e. not
melting into a puddle at the feel of his warm breath mingling with
my own, when I felt his tongue gently run along my bottom lip.

Hmm, what is
this thing you call control…?

I made a weird
little sound somewhere between a gasp and a moan and felt Jack
smile against me even as he continued to trace my mouth with his
tongue. I unconsciously tipped my head up higher to press myself
harder against him, and, in response, Jack's arms tightened further
still and lifted me up so I was balancing on my tippee-toes. I
think you would have been hard pressed to manage to even slide a
piece of paper between our bodies we were so melded
together…although why you would want to I'm not sure.

As wrapped up
as we were in each other, however, we still both heard the familiar
choking, grinding sound of Matt's car as it hiccupped up the
street, and our surroundings suddenly came rushing back into
focus.

Jack broke the
kiss, pulling his mouth away but seemingly unable to make the rest
of his body follow suit as we stayed entwined. He leant his
forehead against mine, breathing heavily, and gazed into my,
somewhat dazed, eyes.

"Your brother,"
he gasped, "has got the worst timing in the world."

Or the best
, I thought, which is what
Matt would think if he saw the two of us up here.

Down below,
Matt's car choked into the car park, prompting Jack to reluctantly
release me, and I staggered back feeling the cold air hitting my
face and body like a literal interpretation of reality.

Jack turned
away quickly and held the heavy door open for me. Trying to gather
my wits and thinking that anyone with half a brain would take one
look at me and diagnose me with a classic case of 'interrupted
making out-itis' I pulled my jacket tighter around myself and
walked through the door onto the landing inside.

Following me,
Jack let the metal door close behind us with a clang that made me
jump and look up at him, marvelling, as I did so, that his mussed
up hair, shining eyes and swollen lips were all down to me.

"Hey, Tally?"
He said quietly.

"Yeah?" I
asked, thinking for one heart stopping second that he was going to
kiss me again.

Instead he
grabbed my waist, hauling me back behind him and said, with a
cheeky grin, "Last one back to the flat is a rotten egg," before
disappearing round the stair well, taking the steps three or four
at a time.

"Cheat!" I
shouted, thundering down after him, but only able to jump two steps
at a time to avoid breaking my neck.

Having covered
the distance between the roof and the third floor in about 10
seconds flat, and panting heavily as a result, I jumped down the
last couple of steps and came face to face with Jack who was
leaning casually in the doorway to our flat. Not the slightest bit
out of breath, damn him!

"What took you
so long?" He asked with an innocent smile as I glared at him. "I've
been here for ages."

I laughed
sarcastically. "Oh, you are so-" I was aiming to say 'funny' but
the word got swallowed up as Jack lowered his head and kissed me
fiercely. I clung to him for a second, loving the spontaneity and
the different feel to the kiss, but then I came to my senses and
pulled away.

"Cut it out," I
laughed, giving Jack a shove so he basically fell into the flat.
"Are you mad?"

"I think I just
might be," Jack replied, heading towards his bedroom. "Why else
would I kiss a rotten egg?"

I rolled my
eyes, then, as I heard the distinct noise of Matt galumphing up the
stairwell, I hightailed it into my bedroom and closed the door.
Throwing myself onto my bed I grabbed my book from my bedside table
so when Matt threw my door open a moment later I was the picture of
innocence.