FAITH
“W
hat do you mean, he's in the hospital?” Faith asked, but the person hung up.
Faith pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it.
“What's going on?” Siddiq asked.
“Someone just called and said Raheem's in the hospital.”
“Did they tell you what happened?”
“No, they just said I need to get there as soon as possible, then the line went dead.”
Â
Â
Earlier that day Faith and Siddiq literally ran into one another with their shopping carts at the grocery store. Both looked up at the same time.
“Hey beautiful,” he greeted.
Faith was pleasantly surprised to see him. “Good morning, how have you been?” Faith asked him as she took in his relaxed look. Siddiq wore a lightweight baby-blue Sean John sweat suit. On someone else, it would have looked just plain wrong but not on him.
“You look smooth,” she complimented.
“Thanks.” Siddiq pulled his cart next to Faith's and peeked in. All he saw was vegetables and fruit.
“So, healthy eaters are we?”
Faith laughed because if only he knew how addicted she was to junk food.
It just so happened that she recently made the decision to try and go cold turkey and not have anything white, which included flour, sugar, and salt. It was making her cranky as hell. “I'm trying,” she told him.
“Listen, what are you doing later?” he asked her.
They'd seen each other a few times since the beach outing. Faith had to admit that Siddiq had gotten into her system. She was truly feeling him, so much so it frightened her because she knew she was headed for trouble.
“I'm open, what are you doing later?” Faith replied.
“Let's get together, maybe go to this little theater I heard about in North Jersey.”
“Yeah, I'd like that.”
They made small talk a little longer and agreed to meet up later.
Â
Â
On the way home, Faith stopped by Susan's to say hello. When Susan asked Faith what she'd been up to, Faith told her, “Well, I've kind of been seeing Siddiq.”
“Siddiq? Lisa's brother?”
“The one and only.”
“Girl, are you crazy? Why? Why are you doing that? What about Raheem?”
“What about him? I told you how he does me. Shit, this is the first time I've ever stepped out of my marriage.”
“Well, two wrongs don't make a right,” Susan offered.
“I know, but I'm tired of letting him be the one enjoying his life doing whatever the hell he wants to do, whenever he wants to do it, with whoever he wants to do it to.”
“But still, you need to think about this. You're going from one relationship to another. Actually, you are still married. In the rooms, you've stated that going from relationship to relationship is one of your issues. Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“You're acting like I'm going to marry Siddiq, I'm just having a little fun, enjoying his company, that's all. I've been unhappy and in a half-ass marriage for a long time, Susan. I deserve this.”
Susan looked at Faith like she was crazy. “Girl, you don't think it's too late to be talking about you want to have fun?”
Faith didn't think it was too late at all. She'd never casually dated. She's had boyfriend after boyfriend, caretaker after caretaker and her drugs.
When she really gave it some thought she realized that she'd never truly been in a relationship sober, clean, or drug-free. She was either under the influence or in transition. This was the first time she'd been confident of her sobriety and wanted to experience life in a new way.
She wanted a relationship where she just didn't go through the motions, where the small habitual things you did together made you a couple, the waking up, getting in each other's way, brushing your teeth, and maybe even drinking coffee before running off to work.
Was she fantasizing, was it wishful thinking? Did this kind of relationship even exist in this day and age or was it just what was shown on television, in the movies, or read about in books?
“I respect what you're saying, Faith, believe me. I understand how you feel about enjoying life in a new way, but please think about what you're doing. A lot of times, when couples are going through rough patches in their relationships and they start seeing someone else, it's usually just a Band-Aid that covers a wound.”
Faith knew that what she and Siddiq shared was more than that.
Susan went on. “What if you could work on your marriage? What if Raheem was open to counseling? What if it can be turned around?”
It's not that Susan was on Raheem's side. Faith revealed to her his many indiscretions and Susan knew that if Timothy cheated on her with such disregard, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she would not be the type of wife to accept it. As a matter of fact, she'd probably end up in jail for assault or something, assault on Timothy and the female.
Susan shook her head to get out of that whole thought process. There was no need to go there mentally. She and Timothy had overcome much worse, more than the average couple, and that was why she believed Faith should try and make it work. Marriages were worth fighting for and people could overcome anything when they really wanted to.
“Do you not think your marriage is worth saving? Is that why you just want to end it?” Susan asked Faith.
Faith believed that the relationship was done and that's just what she told Susan. “I'm done.”
For some reason Susan couldn't seem to let it go. “Faith, you need to give this some more thought. Look at all you put Raheem through. Those nights you disappeared and went missing for days at a time, how you would be clean for a while and he'd think everything was good between y'all, only to one day come home and find that you've had yet another breakdown or relapse. I don't know Raheem that well but what I do know of him, he could have left your ass a long time ago, he could have left you when you needed him the most.”
“Well, damn, Susan, how long do I have to repay that debt? Is that the debt that never gets paid up? Is that the debt that will leave me broke emotionally? I cannot live like that, feeling I owe somebody my life, not today and not ever again. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound ungrateful because that's the last thing that I am but my mind is made up.”
Faith was irritated with Susan because this was not the shit she wanted to hear, she wanted support and encouragement, not to be questioned, doubted, and made to see Raheem's point of view. She knew two wrongs didn't make a right but hell, something that feels so right can't be but so wrong.
Her marriage was done. She was going to pack up her shit and move out. The question was when.
Â
Â
Later that day, Faith was looking for something to wear on her date with Siddiq and nothing was suitable. She looked at the clock and noticed she had two hours to get ready.
She decided to run to one of the boutiques in downtown Asbury Park.
Faith walked into Le' Chic, a swanky boutique on Madison Avenue. The store was empty of customers, so she wasn't surprised when the salesgirl rushed over and asked if she needed any help.
Faith glanced around the store and looked at the girl and said, “You're that bored?”
The salesperson laughed and said, “Yes, yes I am.”
“Well, I'll let you know if I need you.” Faith walked away and started to peruse the store.
About a half an hour later, she was at the cash register pulling out her wallet when the bell chimed, alerting the salesperson that a new customer was entering.
Faith turned around and when she saw who it was she turned back around with the quickness.
“Here you go.” She handed the salesgirl her credit card. As Faith tapped her feet she could feel her impatience rise. It seemed like this girl was taking forever to ring up her shit.
The young lady started to put her items in a bag, when the patron who entered called out, “When you're done I'd like some assistance.”
“I'll be done shortly,” the salesgirl told her as she handed Faith her receipt. “Thanks and have a good day.”
Good
, Faith thought, she just might get out of the store before Raheem's ex-wife, Lace, recognized her.
She and Lace were casual with one another, had always been, even when Faith was raising her children, but that was it.
Faith turned around with her head down, thinking she could get out unnoticed.
No such luck, right when she got to the door the salesgirl called out, “Ms. Faith?”
Faith turned around but not before she glanced at Lace, who had just recognized her.
“Your credit card.” The salesgirl was holding out her card.
“Faith?” Lace was walking toward her.
“How are you?”
Faith took the credit card and told Lace, “Fine and how are you?”
“Doing well.”
There was an uncomfortable silence between them that was broken by Faith when she said, “Well, I have to get going, I have an appointment.”
Lace moved to the side. “Oh okay, I don't want to hold you up.”
As Faith walked toward the door, Lace told her, “Faith, call me sometime. I'd like to talk to you about something.”
Faith paused before replying, “I will.” She had no intentions of doing so.
On her drive home Faith wondered what Lace could possibly want to talk to her about. She hoped Sherry hadn't opened her mouth and told her mother about the conversation they had.
Â
Â
Over the phone, Faith and Siddiq agreed to meet for dinner prior to seeing the show. She tried to put what Susan said to her out of her mind.
When she pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant Faith could feel her heart beating.
She turned the car off and looked around to see if she spotted anyone she knew. She always did this; she saw no one. She went inside the restaurant and stood by the entrance looking around.
“Looking for someone special?” Siddiq whispered in her ear. He had snuck up behind her.
Faith jumped and placed her hand on her chest. “You shouldn't sneak up on a girl like that.”
Siddiq placed his hand on the small of her back and pushed her through the door with a light touch.
“Mr. Bradley,” the hostess greeted. “It's so nice to see you again.”
“So you're a regular here?” Faith noted.
“Let me show you to your seat,” the hostess said.
If Faith was not mistaken, the hostess was walking extra close to Siddiq. She led them to a table in the corner.
“She likes you,” Faith informed him when she walked away.
“You think?” Siddiq asked, amused.
“You know she does.”
Siddiq looked in the hostess's direction. “She's like what? Twenty? She's a little girl.”
“Well, today's twenty is yesterday's thirty,” Faith pointed out.
Siddiq agreed but made it a point to let her know youngsters weren't his style.
“That's good to know.”
“What? That I'm not a pervert?”
“Exactly.”
Siddiq picked up the menu that lay on the table.
Faith followed suit. “What's good to eat here?” she asked.
“Everything.”
“Well, what do you suggest?”
“How about I place your order and surprise you?”
“I'd like that,” Faith said.
Siddiq called the waitress over and placed their orders. He ordered the salmon dish.
When she walked away Siddiq leaned back in his seat. “Faith? What are we doing? We can't keep seeing each other like this,” Siddiq told her.
“We're having dinner.” Faith tried to act like she didn't know what he was talking about.
He knew the game she was playing. “Talk to me, tell me what's really going on in that heart and head of yours. I'm feeling you, girl, and I believe you're feeling me.”
He was right, she was feeling him. Siddiq made her laugh, made her feel valued, made her feel appreciated and beautiful. All the things she hadn't felt in a long time.
“I thought we were just supposed to be having dinner.”
“We are having dinner, but we need to discuss this âfriendship.' ”
“What's there to discuss?”
“I think we're more than friends.” He had put her on the spot. “I need to know how you feel about me,” he told her. “I think you care more than you're admitting.”
He was right but she wasn't ready to tell him that.
“Have you made a decision about your marriage?” he asked.
Faith told him, “I am getting a divorce.”
“Well, what does that mean for me, for us?”
“I'm not sure what it means, Siddiq. There's no denying that we both are developing genuine feelings for each other. You've awakened something in me that I thought was dead a long time ago.”
“Do you remember when I told you that when I want something I don't go through the back door?” Siddiq asked her.
“Yes.”
“Well, I want to make love to you.”
“I thought you were celibate.”
“I thought so too, but a man can only be around a woman he desires for so long.”
“I want to be with you too,” Faith told him.
“Stay with me tonight?” Siddiq asked.
Faith didn't respond.
“Well, what do you have to say?” Siddiq asked.
Faith figured
to hell with it.
“Truthfully, Siddiq, we can skip the play.”