The colour drained from Emma’s face. God, she’d been too wrapped up in her own problems to give her father’s flat a thought. She had no idea how Horace had wangled the rent, or if he was going to let it continue.
‘I…I’ll have to tell him that Horace has gone.’
‘Yeah, I suppose so, but watch it, Em. You know what he’s like and rather than pay rent, he might want to move in with you.’
‘No! Never! I’d have the girls like a shot, but not him, or…or that woman.’
‘Look, don’t get in a state. If someone comes knocking for rent, you’ll soon know about it. Dad will come marching down to see Horace, but until then, say nothing.’
Emma nodded, and when Dick indicated the shop, they went inside. She inspected the prams, a frown on her face. A lot of them were rusty, the insides dirty, but finally she found one that looked in a decent condition. It was large, well sprung, and opening the hood she couldn’t see any sign of wear. ‘I like this one,’ she whispered to Dick.
‘Leave the bargaining to me,’ he hissed back,
and then Emma stood back to watch her brother’s haggling skills.
They left with smiles on their faces, but Dick had to go back to the stall whilst Emma continued her shopping. Her first stop was the pawnbrokers. Handing him a small Royal Doulton figurine, she watched as the portly, almost bald man inspected it.
The bargaining began, the man trying to wear her down, but Emma wouldn’t give in. She knew it was a valuable piece, and finally, when he offered her a price she felt was acceptable, they shook hands on the deal.
Her next stop was for bedding for the pram, which she immediately put into use, covering Patricia with a new pink, fluffy blanket. She then bought nappies and clothes, worried by how rapidly the money was going down, but then brightened. There were many ornaments left to sell, and if she continued to get good prices, there would be enough money to keep her going for a long time.
When Emma returned to the market, the pram piled high, Dick added to it, loading her with vegetables. ‘But I can’t take all this,’ she protested.
‘You can pay me back when you’re on your feet,’ Dick said dismissively. ‘Are you still going to Balham today?’
‘It’s a fair old walk from my place, and to be honest, I’m worn out already. I’ll go tomorrow.’
‘All right. Let me know how you get on.’
Luke finished serving a customer, and joined them to hear the last part of this conversation, his expression anxious. ‘You won’t say anything, Em?’
‘Don’t worry, I won’t,’ she assured him and then gave both brothers impulsive hugs before moving away.
It was a long walk home, and by the time she got there, Emma was reeling with exhaustion. The birth had been hard, but surely she should have recovered by now? A wave of sadness washed over her. Her recovery might be slow, but if her mother had been in hospital, if she’d received the same medical attention, maybe she’d have survived a breech birth too. Oh, why was life so cruel?
Emma pulled the pram into the hall and, soothed by the movements, the baby remained asleep. She looked at her daughter’s tiny, innocent face and felt a surge of love along with a fierce sense of protection. Yes, life was cruel, but she would do all in her power to make sure that Patricia was kept safe, wanting for nothing. Horace had abandoned them, but somehow she’d cope. Even when she had nothing else to sell, she’d find a way to make enough
money to ensure that her daughter would never know poverty, but as Emma went through to the kitchen a small voice whispered,
‘Yes, but how?
’
Polly had sent the girls out to play on Tuesday morning and was now alone in the kitchen. She’d be glad when the summer holidays were over and they were back at school. Yet it wasn’t the girls who were upsetting her. She was worried sick and almost at the end of her tether. She couldn’t stand it any more. She couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, the uncertainty agonising, and it had been like this every day since Luke had left home. She’d told Tom that the lad had been cheeky and had walked out when she had tried to discipline him, but then had stupidly overplayed the part of a concerned mother. Tom told her not to worry and had gone looking for Luke, whilst she sat at home shaking with nerves. If the lad opened his mouth, and his father believed him, she knew her marriage would be over.
When Tom returned he said that Luke was staying at Dick’s and as they had fallen out, he
wanted to remain there. Fallen out! God, she had almost fainted with relief.
What had possessed her? Why did she have these cravings? It was unnatural, she knew that, but they were so powerful that in frustration she had turned in desperation to Luke. Oh, he had protested at first, but gradually she knew he had come to love it as much as she did. It had been wonderful and she’d enjoyed initiating the lad, teaching him how to please her, but then he’d grown sullen, beginning to turn her down. God, why had she forced the issue? Why hadn’t she stopped? But she hadn’t, continuing to push him until one day he’d walked out without any explanation as to where he was going.
Polly rose to her feet, pacing the room. Her relief that Luke had said nothing was short-lived. When Dick had called round to see the girls he could hardly meet her eyes. She continued to pace, wringing her hands. Maybe she’d imagined it. Surely if Dick knew he’d have said something? Oh God, the uncertainty was driving her mad.
Polly’s eyes flicked to the mantelpiece. Her sister’s letter had been a godsend, a way out, but Tom still hadn’t come to a decision. He had to agree, he just had to, and she’d try a little more persuasion when he came home from work. In the meantime she had to do something to occupy her mind or she’d go batty.
Polly set to work, giving the place a thorough clean, then tackled the ironing. By three in the afternoon she was worn out, but calmer, until there was a knock on the front door. God, who was that? Nervously, she opened it, forcing a smile when she saw Emma.
‘Hello, love. Dick told us you’d had the baby. I can’t wait to see her. We would have called round to see you, but well, we know how Horace feels about us coming to your place.’
‘Yes, he can be difficult,’ Emma said, her face set. ‘Where shall I put the pram?’
‘Bring it into the hall. I must say you look a bit pale. Surely you didn’t walk all this way?’
‘Yes, I did. I admit I feel a bit tired.’
‘Leave the baby to me, love. Go and sit down.’
Emma didn’t argue, but as Polly lifted the baby out of the pram, her heart was thumping in her ribs. Emma hadn’t cracked a smile yet. Was it just that she was tired, or did she know? She looked at the baby, seeing a tiny face, a wisp of pale hair, and, carrying her through to the kitchen, she stood rocking her. ‘She’s lovely.’
Emma held out her arms, her face still straight. ‘Thank you. I’ve called her Patricia Myra, after my mum.’
‘That’s nice,’ Polly said as she laid the baby in Emma’s arms. ‘Now, would you like a cold drink or a cup of tea?’
‘Something cold would be nice, thank you. Where are the girls?’
Emma was being so polite, so formal and as Polly poured her a glass of lemonade, her hands were shaking. ‘They’ve gone out to play. Here, I expect you need this.’ She handed over the glass. ‘The girls will be chuffed to see the baby, she’s a real little beauty.’
For the first time Emma smiled, though to Polly it looked forced. ‘Yes, they’re little aunties now.’
‘Gawd, yeah, and Ann’s only eight.’
The baby stared to cry and, frowning, Emma said, ‘She seems to want a feed every couple of hours. Do you mind?’ she added, opening her blouse.
‘Of course not,’ Polly said, and as she watched the baby suckling, the room grew silent for a minute or two.
‘Oh, by the way, Polly. What’s this Dick tells me about a job for Dad in Kent?’
‘It’s a good offer and more than a job,’ Polly said eagerly. Perhaps Emma didn’t know about Luke after all. ‘But your dad hasn’t made up his mind yet. You see, my sister and her husband, Alfie, have a little pub in Hythe, but she wrote to say that poor Alfie has passed away. She’s devastated, and not only that, she’s worrying about running the pub on her own. My sister is being more than generous, offering us an eventual partnership if we’ll help her out.’
‘Really!’ Emma said, her eyes widening in surprise. ‘And where would you live?’
‘On the premises, above the pub.’
‘And you say my dad hasn’t made up his mind. I’m surprised that he hasn’t jumped at the chance. Living above a pub would be his idea of heaven.’
‘Oh, he was dead keen at first, but for some reason he went off the boil. I tried talking to him last night, but he just says he needs more time to make up his mind. If you ask me, he’d be mad to turn it down. After all, a partnership in a pub isn’t something to be sniffed at. Maybe you could have a word with him, Emma?’
‘Oh, I’d love to have a word with him,’ Emma said, her eyes now hard, a chilly undertone in her voice, ‘and about more than a job in a pub.’
She knew! God, she knew!
Polly felt sick and, unbidden, the words blurted out. ‘Don’t tell him, Emma. Please, I beg you.’
‘Don’t tell him what?’
‘Please, don’t play games.’ Polly rose to her feet, fear making her voice high. ‘You have no idea how awful I feel. It was wrong of me, dreadful.’
‘Couldn’t help yourself! My God, what are you, sex mad or something?’
‘I dunno, Em, it’s just that when your dad lost interest, I couldn’t help myself.’
‘God, you make me sick!’
‘Is…is Luke all right?’
‘No he isn’t,’ Emma spat. ‘He’s eaten up with guilt. Not that
he
should be the one feeling guilty.’
‘Emma, please, I’m so sorry, but I beg you, don’t tell your father.’
‘Luke also begged me not to, and I agreed, but I’m not happy about it.’
Emma was looking at her as if she was dirt under her feet and Polly hung her head. The girl was eighteen now, but she sounded so much older, her voice hard and her manner unforgiving.
‘I can understand how you feel, but honestly, Emma, I hate being like this.’
‘Then you should try to get some sort of help.’
‘Do you think that’s possible?’
Emma’s expression was still hard. ‘I hope so, but it’s a shame you didn’t think of getting help before you ruined my brother.’
Polly felt tears gathering in her eyes, but the sound of the girls coming in from outside carried in and she quickly dashed them away.
Ann was the first through the door, running straight to her and jumping onto her lap.
‘My friend’s dog has had puppies and we’ve been to see them. Can we have one, Mummy, can we?’
‘You’ll have to ask your dad, darling,’ she said, hugging the child to her. Ann was a smashing kid, sweet and loving, and suddenly realising how close she was to losing her, to losing her marriage, a sob rose in her throat.
Thankfully, Ann jumped off her lap, running to Emma and too distracted by the baby to notice. Both Bella and Susan crowded round their sister, all cooing.
‘Look at her little hands,’ Bella cried. ‘Can I hold her, Emma?’
‘No, I want to hold her,’ Susan demanded.
‘Now then, don’t argue,’ Emma said. ‘If she’s jiggled about she’ll be sick.’
Susan pulled a face, but then she turned away, running to Polly. ‘I’m hungry. Can I have a piece of cake?’
Polly struggled to pull herself together. ‘Yes, but a small slice or you’ll spoil your dinner.’
Susan gave her a swift kiss on the cheek before hurrying to find the cake tin, and now Bella asked, ‘Can I have a bit too, Mummy?’
‘Of course you can, and give some to Ann.’
Emma spoke, her voice low but her tone still hard. ‘I can see they’re still fond of you, not that you deserve it.’
‘Don’t you think I know that?’ Polly hissed. ‘They’re lovely kids and I…I think the world of them too.’
‘At least you haven’t ruined them like you’ve ruined Luke.’
‘Oh, Emma, don’t exaggerate. Given time he’ll get over it.’ Polly looked into Emma’s eyes and felt a wave of fear. She was making matters
worse, and if she didn’t watch her tongue, Emma wouldn’t keep her mouth shut. Suddenly she felt sick, her stomach churning and, holding a hand over her mouth, she dashed to the bathroom.
Despite seeing how loving the girls were towards Polly, Emma couldn’t help feeling disgusted every time she looked at the woman.
While Bella and Ann were munching on their cake, Emma laid the baby on the sofa and they stared at her in fascination.
‘She’s gorgeous,’ Susan said in awe. ‘Look at her tiny fingers and toes!’
‘Yeah, she’s like a little doll,’ Bella said.
‘Hello,’ Susan cooed. ‘I’m your auntie.’
It was lovely to see and Emma smiled, but the smile quickly disappeared. If her father took the job in Kent, they would all be so far away. Emma had to try, had to see if she could keep them close. ‘Do you know, I’ve got loads of room in my house. How would you all feel about moving in with me?’
‘Cor, I’d like that, Em,’ Susan said. ‘We could see the baby every day then.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ Bella agreed. ‘You’ve got a lovely big garden.’
Emma took a deep breath. ‘Of course it would mean leaving Polly and Dad behind.’
‘Leave our mum and dad! Oh, no, I don’t want to do that,’ Susan gasped.
‘Why can’t they come too?’
Emma was about to answer when Polly came back into the room, the girls immediately crowding around her. ‘Mum, we don’t want to live in Emma’s house without you,’ Susan cried.
‘What’s all this about, Emma?’ Polly asked, ashen-faced.
‘I thought that if you and my father move to Kent, the girls could stay with me.’
‘No, Mummy, don’t go, don’t leave us,’ Bella cried, clinging to Polly’s skirt. ‘Take us with you.’
‘Of course we will. Me and your dad wouldn’t go anywhere without you.’
Their cries had set Patricia off, Emma moving to pick her up. ‘Look, it was just an idea, that’s all.’
It took a while for Polly to calm the girls down. Finally she managed, but Emma could see the sullen look that remained on Susan’s face. Ann refused to leave Polly’s side and, watching the scene, Emma realised that as much as she didn’t like it, Luke was right: it would break the girls’ hearts if they lost Polly and she couldn’t do that to them. They’d already suffered enough tragedy in their young lives. If they moved to Kent, she would have to let them go, but the thought saddened her so much that she found herself fighting back tears.