SHIFT (Mackenzie Grey #1) (14 page)

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel an attraction to either Bash or Jonah, but my self-preservation overrode it all. No matter how emotionally compromised I might have been, it wouldn’t change my mind. I couldn’t be with either of them.

“That’s not true,” I said hoarsely.

“You’re a horrible liar, Kenz. I know you see it and if you didn’t, you do now. But I get it, you know, if you’re not ready after James, it’s cool. But don’t pretend these guys don’t care about you because they do and it’s obvious to everyone but you.” And that was the worst thing she could have ever told me—I could become their weakness.

I shivered and shrunk into my coat. With gloved hands, I tried to warm myself up but I wasn’t cold. The idea that both Sebastian and Jonah liked me caused my skin to tingle.

“Heads up,” Bernard yelled over to us and we jumped up to our feet. The plan was for us to blend into the night, just in case Sebastian was followed.

Jonah came and stood in the middle of the mosaic with Bernard and that’s when Sebastian came into view. He appeared sluggish but okay all the same.

“Don’t worry, I’m alone. I still have my sense of smell,” Sebastian grumbled.

“Sorry Boss, we’re just taking precautions,” Bernard said.

“Good. I’m glad you are, where is she?”

“Here,” I said and came out of the tree lines; Amy following behind me. Damn, that spray worked well.

In three long strides he came to stand in front of me and grabbed me from my upper arms, pulling me closer to him. His cold blue eyes pierced me in place, scanned my face and then my entire body. “Did I hurt you?” he mumbled and I was confused by how he was speaking to me. He usually hated my guts and was always pissed off.

“Uh, no, I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“Yes.” His calloused hand came up to my cheek and he softly caressed it with his rough knuckles. The crinkles in the corner of his eyes appeared and he smiled at me. “Good. I was worried for a moment.”

I felt like I was in an alternate universe, why was he being—unlike Sebastian. “Bash, are you sure you’re okay? Did you hit your head?” Amy snickered behind me.

His face darkened. “Why?”

“Because you’re never nice to me, what gives?” After my conversation with Amy, I get it if he wanted in my pants but to be, well, loving like Jonah usually was, well that’s just weird.

He smirked and stepped away, leaving an empty gap between us that made me feel hollow. “You don’t take compliments well, you know that Mackenzie?”

“Nope, she doesn’t,” Amy sighed.

The three of us went back to Bernard and Jonah, who looked like he’d just swallowed a whole bag of Sour Patch in one shot.

“What do we have so far?” Sebastian asked, getting down to business.

“Both the vamps and Fae have one of their kin missing,” Bernard started, “which rules them out as suspects, unless someone within them is working off their own accord.”

“What other supernaturals are out there? If one is missing from each race, then there might be more missing from others,” Amy piped in.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her. “Very smart and correct. It seems like we have someone collecting different species,” he said as he scratched at his five o’clock shadow. “But for what? Is someone making a menagerie?”

“Possibly, but one of us? I’m not really sold on that. The only thing that makes sense is if a human was collecting,” Jonah said and looked straight at Amy. He better not even think about it. She would never do that.

“A human?” Bernard scoffed. “They aren’t strong enough to subdue a wolf, much less three.”

“Not unless they’ve gotten close to us and we didn’t see it coming,” Jonah continued and I shot laser beams at him.

“Don’t even think about it, asshole,” I snarled and got everyone’s attention. Amy hadn’t noticed he was insinuating her and I wouldn’t let him put any of those thoughts out there.

“How well do you even know her, Mackenzie? Jackson was clearly attracted to her when they first met,” Jonah asked.

“Oh wow, now we’re on a full name basis? Got it, but if you must know, I’d put my life on how well I know Amy.” She gasped. “Don’t you dare accuse her without proof! She’s the only person who’s been with me from the beginning, while the rest of you had no idea you had a lone wolf in the city who was lost and scared! If you blame her, then be ready to blame me too,” I said and my body was getting warm. The coat I was wearing itched my skin.

“I didn’t kidnap anyone!” Amy shrieked. “Hello? Do you not see how tiny I am? I can’t even reach the top cupboard in the kitchen!”

“Enough,” Sebastian said, but it wasn’t as strong as before. Which reminded me…

“How’s your, uh, your—” I started, looking down at his crotch, not so smoothly.

“My family jewels?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“Uh, yeah…” I looked away, feeling a blush creep up my neck.

It got quiet for a few seconds and then Jonah, Bernard and even Sebastian exploded in laughter. And I mean really laughing, like slap your knee, dry heaving.

I cleared my throat loudly. “Um hello? What’s so funny? This shit is serious! I could have ripped your balls off!”

Sebastian composed himself but still spoke between bouts of laughter. “Mackenzie, I’m fine, nothing an ice pack can’t cure,” he said and my face fell. Well duh.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “Whatever, you get what I’m trying to say so shut it.”

“Kenz, you really need to learn to fight,” Jonah said, coming up to my other side. “You’re lucky Bash didn’t hurt you,” he paused, “I don’t think he was willing to do that.”

Oh boy, did Jonah know something? How did everyone else know but me? Better yet, this was all bullshit. He was boning V the other day in his office, this was crap.

“Bash,” Jonah looked to him, “I think she needs to go on a vision quest. She needs to get in touch with her wolf.”

“How did we go from me needing to learn how to fight, to this?”

“It’ll help if you’re connected to your wolf during a fight. Every Pack member does it.”

“Don’t worry about my wolf,” I said a little too aggressively. I didn’t like that they were automatically including me in Pack stuff. “She and I have an understanding.” Which we did. It wasn’t something we’d actually spoken about but it was a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. Whenever someone mentioned joining the Pack, I felt dread—and I didn’t think I was the only one who felt it—the wolf did as well. I think she likes being a lone wolf, which was fine by me.

Jonah watched me and then looked to Sebastian. “What do you think, boss?”

He sighed. “If you think you have a hold on your wolf then you wouldn’t have almost shifted in front of your brother and boyfriend. A vision quest could help you with that.”

“What’s a vision quest?” Amy asked.

“It’s a rite of passage for our kind. We spend anywhere between one to four days secluded in nature to connect with our inner wolf. Sometimes it’s just guidance or understanding that we receive, and sometimes we get visions of our future. It depends,” Sebastian said.

“We’ll have to wait until we go to the Estate,” Jonah said.

Sebastian nodded. “In the meantime, I can prepare you for it. It’s not easy, we usually don’t take our pups out until they hit puberty and have had years of preparation. You could lose control.”

“What do you mean?”

He cleared his throat. “We have had cases where the wolf overpowers our humanity. Their animalistic side takes over and they become savage—deadly. It’s rare, but it still happens and since you haven’t been prepped for this all your life like most wolves have, you have a higher probability rate.”

“So what can we do to prevent it?” My voice sounded so small, even to myself.

“Cram as much info as we can before we go to the estate—and in the meantime, teach you some self-defense.”

“Be
careful
,” Jonah said and his eyes flashed gold.

“I won’t hurt her,
Beta
,” Sebastian said, emphasizing Jonah’s position.

I rolled my eyes at the two men who pulled at my heart strings. Preparing my mind and body to get my ass handed to me. I lucked out the first time with Sebastian, but I doubt I’d get away with it again.

“Alright, let’s get this started then,” I mumbled and walked to the middle of the mosaic. I dropped down and placed a palm on top of the carved in IMAGINE.
I’m sorry if I mess this up, John
, I silently apologized in case we cracked the Lennon memorial.

“Hold on, Mackenzie,” Sebastian approached me. “Not here,” he said.

“Where are you thinking, boss?” Bernard questioned.

“I think we should split up,” he said and avoided looking at me. “You, Bernard and Amy should find shelter for the night. Mackenzie and I will do the same.”

I quirked an eyebrow. I didn’t know if my imagination was running wild now that I let Amy put crazy thoughts in my head, but it was starting to feel obvious and the look on Jonah’s face wasn’t helping. His nostrils flared—he was trying to keep his wolf at bay.

“Why?” he clipped out. Bernard and Amy backed away a little and I felt like doing it as well. I didn’t want to be the reason they fought.

“Because I’m the best fighter and the best person to teach her how to defend herself. And mainly, because I’m
Alpha
.” His blue eyes glowed fierce.

“Whoa! Slow down there, tiger. I don’t need self-defense classes. I’ve survived the concrete jungle for the past four years, I’ll be fine,” I said as I looked at a very quiet Jonah.

“You need to learn some basic self-defense,” Jonah said softly. I wasn’t convinced he wanted me to but I didn’t argue.

“Mackenzie, your mouth is going to get you into a lot of trouble in the future. This is best,” Sebastian said and it was hard to take offense. He was right. And to think I was worried about Amy and the Fae. I should have been worried about myself.

“Well, Amy needs to come with me, I don’t want her out of my sight.”

“If something—not saying it will—but if something were to happen, I can’t defend the both of you. You also can’t be distracted, which is why it should only be the two of us.”

I looked to my best friend and I could tell she wasn’t liking the plan any more than I was. But with a slight nod, she agreed and that was that.

“Where will you two go?” Bernard asked.

“Don’t worry,” Sebastian turned to look at me, “I have the perfect place in mind.”

We exited Central Park through 5
th
Avenue and all I had a chance to do was give Amy a quick hug goodbye. I tried to talk to Jonah for a moment but he wouldn’t even look my way. I missed seeing his one dimple. He left the park with Bernard giving me an apologetic wave behind him.

I wasn’t too fond of this plan because I wanted Amy as close to me as possible, but I knew Jonah wouldn’t let anything happen to her. And I shouldn’t underestimate my tiny best friend. She’s bad to the bone and even though I’ve noticed how quiet she’s gotten lately, I know she can hold her own when push comes to shove.

“Where are we going?”

Sebastian looked down at me with a smirk. That’s a first.

“You’ll find out soon enough, Mackenzie.”

I huffed. “Can we talk about something? I’m kind of bored just walking in silence and my feet are hurting.” I sounded like the immature child that irritated him, but the suspense was killing me and I couldn’t help but feel awkward around Sebastian. Aside from the intimidation and that we’ve been walking for what felt like miles, he’s just so goddamn perfect I can’t help but stare and drool. Okay, I exaggerated but it’s hard not to when the man wore shirts so tight they looked like another layer of skin. Every cut of muscle was as if God himself carved them.

“Fine. How about you tell me what’s going on between you and Jonah,” he probed without looking back at me. That made me pause.

“Why don’t you tell me about you and V?” I retorted and that got me one of his regular glares. There’s the Sebastian I knew.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Then Jonah and I aren’t any of your business,” I said and dug my hands into my coat pockets. There was nothing going on between us, but there was…did that make sense?

“Any wolf of mine is my business.”

“Luckily, I’m not your wolf. If you have any questions, please refer them to Jonah,” I tilted my chin up high and gave him a smug look. He wasn’t getting any answers out of me—because I didn’t have them. I would get struck by lightning if I said there wasn’t something between Jonah and I, and these past two days at my parents complicated our friendship further.

We stopped in front of the New York Public Library and my eyes rolled up the steps, past the two marble lions and at the entrance that went into Astor Hall.

“Uh…what are we doing here?” I said with my mouth slightly agape.

The library was secretly a safe haven for me. The access to unlimited amounts of books that ranged from classics to everyone’s favorite mommy porn. A place where you could be anyone and go anywhere—just in the pages of a book. It was magic.

“I thought this would be the perfect place to hide out. It’s the last place the Pack would come to look for us.”

“I guess it makes sense.” I followed Sebastian up the stairs and once we made it to the door, an older gentleman opened it for us.

“Mister Steel, how nice to see you again,” the older man bowed and stood to the side to let us pass. My jaw fell as we crossed the breathtaking, white marble entrance of Astor Hall.

The last time I was here was when one of Amy’s old socialite friends was having a birthday party and I was Amy’s plus one. It was as amazing now as it was then. During freshman year, I would come here to escape and beg the librarians for a free tour of the basement stacks under Bryant Park. Unfortunately with a student budget, I couldn’t afford the costly tours. In those times, I stole toilet paper from The Brew, ate ten cent Ramen noodles for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and drank coffee from the bank. And let’s get real, there’s only so many times a day I could check my bank account balance—which was already a scary sight. I sighed.
The good ol’ broke days.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Mackenzie, this is Gerard Wilson. Gerard, this is Mackenzie Grey.”

I turned around and saw Gerard come my way. He grabbed my upper arms and held me in place. Holding me at arm’s length, he sized me up and down and then grunted.

“You’re a pretty young lady,” he paused and quirked a bushy white eyebrow, “why do you look so manly?”

Sebastian sounded like he choked and I knew he held back a laugh. The asshole.

“I don’t know, sir. It’s just the way I’m built,” I said with a tight smile.

The old man grunted. “You need to stop lifting weights and maybe put on a dress.” He turned back to Bash. “The Wachenheim Trustee’s Room is available for the night. We just had an event and they’re some sofas that haven’t been picked up yet. Just remember, no funny business Mister Steel,” Gerard said and pivoted to leave.

“Follow me,” Sebastian demanded in his I’m-the-boss voice. I rolled my eyes and kept my mouth shut. I was drained and too tired to argue. This plan of splitting up felt like a bunch of BS and I wanted to talk to Amy.

I walked behind Sebastian across Astor Hall, past a hallway, and into the first room on our left.

The room was gorgeous.

“Do you like it?” I turned to stare at Bash, who was watching my expression closely.

“Yeah,” I sighed as I twirled around looking at the ceiling.

He walked to the wall and slid his hand down it. “These are walnut paneled walls and, of course, the fireplace is made of marble. This is one of my favorite drawing rooms here at the library,” he said in a soft voice that gave me flutters in my stomach.

“You come here often?”

He nodded. I was shocked, he seemed like just a werewolf brute.

“I didn’t peg you for the bookworm type,” I said as I settled in one of the sofas. It was a relief to my poor, abused feet. I’d put some miles on them today.

“I’m actually not. I just like the peace and quiet of a library. It’s a nice escape from everyday life. I’m sure you can understand,” he said as he narrowed his eyes at me.

I looked away. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“I’ll be back,” he said abruptly and disappeared into Astor Hall.

I took the time to lie down and pulled out my phone. I missed my best friend. And to be quite honest, being around Bash made me nervous. It’s a feeling I wasn’t particularly familiar with and rather not be.

I dialed her number and smiled when she answered on the first ring.

“Kenz! I miss you! Where are you? I was just about to text you,” she said in a loud whisper.

“I don’t know if I can say where, but I miss you too. Are you okay? Are they treating you good?”

“Everything is fine, we’re back in Alphabet City in the apartment. I’m just bored. I didn’t think werewolves could be so lame,” she said in her typical sarcastic voice.

I chuckled. “Yeah, tell me about it, but hopefully this will all resolve itself pretty soon.”

“Kenz?”

“Yeah?”

“When are we leaving?”

I expelled a heavy breath. I hadn’t thought much about it, but it’s as if I already knew. “After the third full moon,” I whispered into the phone. Bash wasn’t around but I didn’t want to take any chances. I couldn’t afford to have them discover my plans.

“Okay. That gives us like a week, right?”

I nodded as if she could see me. “Yeah, almost a week.”

“Before the first night, I’ll drain my trust,” Amy said and my eyes widened.

“No! Amy no, are you crazy? That’s your money.”

“Kenz, don’t worry. I can always ask my folks for more, but we need something to get out of here and start a new life. We need it,” she said and I felt like shit. I didn’t want to have to owe her more than I already did. I never owed Amy money, but I owed her for sticking by me when I found out about the Change, and that’s something I didn’t think I could ever repay. Now she wanted to throw all her money away because of me again? I couldn’t.

“Amy—”

“It’s a done deal, Kenzie. Drop the subject.” I sighed. “Listen, the guys are coming back, I have to go before they start asking questions. See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” I said and we said our goodnights.

I shut my eyes and covered them with my forearms to hide from the lights above. My recent conversation with Amy still resonated in my head.
Where would we go?
I couldn’t imagine going too far but I felt like that would be my only choice. The farther away I went, the safer I would be.

My body relaxed and sleep crept to take me under when Sebastian walked back into the room.

“Wake up,” he barked. I knew his kindness wouldn’t last long. He’s such an ass hat.

“What?” I said, not bothering to sit up.

“I said I’d teach you some self-defense.”

“Can we do it tomorrow? I’m really tired.” I knew I was whining but I was tired. It had been a long day—it was still freakin’ Christmas. So much happened in such a short period of time, I was surprised I was still sane.

“You can rest when you’re dead. Come on, get up. I don’t like repeating myself.”

I grumbled as I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. With my eyes half mast, I dragged my feet over to an empty space by the fireplace.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with,” I mumbled and saw the irritation in his face. No matter how he made me feel, I didn’t care. I was sick of all this bullshit werewolf stuff. I wanted my life back when they weren’t part of it. It was easier. But I guess things can never be as easy as we want them to be.

“Mackenzie, you may think this is a chore, but this can one day save your life. You’re too young to understand now but you will one day,” he said it like he was my father.

“Oh please. You make it sound as if you’re so damn old. What are you, like twenty five?”

He snorted. “Add another ten to that.”

My jaw dropped. “What? You can’t be thirty five?!” Shit. I’d been crushing on an old guy. I know, I was exaggerating again, but compared to my twenty two years, he was thirteen years my senior. That was a pretty big gap.

“We age differently than humans. Our process is a lot slower,” he said in a serious tone.

I plopped myself down on the ground, elbows on my knees, and rested my chin on my hands.

“Does this mean I’m going to live until I’m like a hundred?”

He sighed, grabbed a nearby chair and sat down. “Probably not.”

My face fell. “Why not?”

“Because we also tend to die young. There are many dangers out there, Mackenzie, and we live off animal instinct, which means we’re rash and ill-tempered. Unless we’re able to communicate well with our wolf, we get killed off,” he said, his face grave.

A knot in the pit of my stomach formed and I wondered how long I would last on my own. Jonah said vampires hunted lone wolves. I wouldn’t be running just from the Pack, but from vampires as well.

“Do you think I can survive?” I spoke my thoughts out loud, shocked at how honest the question was, and how important his answer would be.

He watched me for a moment, and I shifted under his scrutiny.

“I don’t know,” he said in a gruff voice and I could feel my insides tighten. “You’re still a pup, Mackenzie. It’s too early to tell, but you seem like a fighter. I’d bet on you.”

I looked up at him and couldn’t hold back a small smile. I know, it’s cheesy but it actually meant a lot that he had some confidence in me, a confidence I wasn’t sure I had in myself.

He slapped his open palms on his thighs and the sound echoed in the sparse room. It made me jump. “Alright, let’s start so we can at least have a couple hours of shut eye,” he said and stood up.

I slowly got up and he came to a stop in front of me. He was close enough that I could feel the heat radiate off his skin. It gave me goosebumps.

His scent was different from Jonah’s but I caught the familiar woodsy smell. While Jonah had a fresh air sort of feel, Sebastian had a rugged musk to him.

I tried to control my breathing at our close proximity. I made the mistake of letting Jonah catch my heart rate, but I wasn’t going to give Sebastian that victory—it seemed more dangerous. And in typical fashion, I babbled to distract both him and my nerves.

“How did Jonah become your Beta? Are you guys really close friends? What about Jackson? Do you think we’ll find him? What if we don’t? Can—”

“Mackenzie,” he cut me off. His lips in a tight line. “Breathe.”

I expelled a breath. Great, so much for being discreet.

“Jonah and I are best friends, like you and Amy. We grew up together, the three of us. But Jackson liked to do his own thing, so it was usually just me and Jonah. That’s why I made him my Beta, my second in command. I wouldn’t trust anyone else.”

My voice hitched. “You guys are best friends? Like besties?” I wanted to face palm myself, but this was not something I expected. Sebastian seemed like a loner, a workaholic—I didn’t think he was capable of having friends.

He nodded and I wanted to crawl into a hole. I was going to destroy a bromance.