Shattered (18 page)

There was a big pounding on the front door.  I didn’t want to know who it was but I got up and opened it.  To my surprise it was Jason.
Great just what I needed.

“What do you want Jason?  I am not in the mood to deal with you right now.  And shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I wanted to see you. Look Ryan I really miss you.  I messed up.  I want us to be a family again.”

I couldn’t take it, not today.  I have cried too much today over these stupid men in my life. What would make him think I would want him back? Not handling this I started laughing.

“Why are you laughing? I want you back.”

“Why Jason?
Because you saw me with another guy? Well go back to your little girlfriend. I am no longer with Caleb.  I don’t want either of you in my life.  I stepped out the front door so that way he wouldn’t go inside. I was still laughing.

“What do you mean
it’s over with him?”

“Just what I said Jason.
I don’t want you or him. So please leave before the kids get home.  I can’t deal with you.  Go back to your life.  Ours was over a long time ago.  I may have forgiven you but I have never forgotten.”

“
Sweetheart, I know I messed up but please take me back.  I am empty without you. I need you.” God how I hated when he called me sweetheart. With that statement he sent chills up my spine. And not the good ones that I would normally get with Caleb.

Not taking my words for what they are worth Jason grabbed me and bent me over for a kiss.  I tried to push him off but he wouldn’t let go.  I felt nothing, more than nothing I felt disgusted, slimy.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!”  When I heard those pissed off words I pushed more with my might to get Jason off me. He let go and I feel to the ground.  I looked up and was staring into pissed off blue eyes.

“What the hell Ryan! I thought you said you and him weren’t together.” Jason looked shocked and pissed at the same time. “We aren’t.  And I don’t want you either. Now leave Jason!”  I was screaming and yelling.  I looked over to Caleb and could still see the madness in his eyes. “Caleb you need to go too.  I
can’t handle you both right now. You both have broken my heart. Please.”  That last part I could barely get out, it came out in a whisper.

“Baby you need to let me explain.  And then you can explain why you are making out with your ex.”

“Because I love her and want her back.”

I couldn’t hold it in any longer.  I wanted them both gone and out of my life. “
Both of you need to leave!”  My fists were called and my teeth were clenched together. I was seething mad.

“Baby just answer this
, do you love him or me?” Tears running down my face I looked at both of them. The two men that have broken me. The two men that have taken my heart and would never give it back. They both held a piece of me. One had the old me while the other had the new.

“I
can’t love either of you.” With that I left both men standing on my front lawn.  I couldn’t look back.

I cry for two reason tonight, for the man I loved and lost and for the man that I lost and couldn’t love.

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