Shadow of the Horsemen (Kalie's Journey) (15 page)

They walked through the camp to where the horses grazed under the watchful eyes of many guards. The camp had settled down by then, Yasha’s body dumped beyond the borders of the tribe’s territory and left for the scavengers. As they walked, Riyik made a point of asking if anyone had seen Maalke, and to direct him to Riyik’s tent when they did, as he was anxious to conclude their business.

The horse camp was different from the beastman camp. If there was anything in this world Kalie could call beautiful, it was this. The grass was only knee high and more green than brown, especially by the one of the small springs that fed the lake. Reserved for the horses, the water was still sweet, the land around it fresh and green.

The horses, too, were beautiful. In the early days of her captivity, Kalie had speculated that it was the horses that had shaped the beastmen into monsters. Astride the mighty beasts, men looked down on the earth and those who spent their lives upon Her, as something less than themselves. They tasted power, and the speed at which they could now travel seemed only to inflame their desire for more. As if increased speed actually decreased their ability to think through their actions. It certainly brought them more rapidly into conflict with others like themselves.

Now, as Riyik stopped beside Thunder, preparing him for riding, she could only marvel and the grace and nobility of such animals. Surely there could be no evil in them. Surely they were no more to blame for their rider’s behavior than the women who were held equally captive.

Perhaps, Kalie thought as she watched Riyik calling to a second horse, it was that horses were like mirrors: it was what each individual human brought to them that determined what they did. Evil men used the horses for evil purposes. But Kalie could imagine many positive uses as well. Improved travel and communication; Healers brought where they were needed at lightning speed. And imagine how much more productive farms could become if horses could be taught to pull hoes…

“Well, do you want to ride or not?” Kalie came out of her reverie to find Riyik in front of her, holding out the reigns of a placid gray mare.

Kalie stared. “Women do not ride, or so I am told,” she said coldly.

“True,” said Riyik. “But you once said you wanted to. Do you still?”

“Yes, of course!” To her great embarrassment, Kalie found she could not keep the enthusiasm from her voice. Then to her greater embarrassment, she found she had no idea how to mount the animal Riyik held out to her. Rather than admit that, she demurred. “I had thought we would ride on one horse. It is a part of your marriage ceremonies, is it not?”

“Yes, but if you and I are to marry, it would not be as any marriage among my people. We would have to find a way to live as equals. I thought we might start by riding as equals—side by side, each on our own horse. Unless you are offended by the notion of riding on animals, and thus treating them as less than each of us ourselves would wish to be treated…”

Kalie shook her head, unable to believe what Riyik was saying. Yet with all her being, she knew he spoke the truth. Or rather, from his heart. How this new truth of his would stand when met by reality—that was something neither of them could know.

But she wanted to be part of it, for as long as it lasted.

“I would like to ride,” she said, petting the nose of the lovely gray mare, who rasped a tongue across Kalie’s palm, searching for treats. “But I don’t even know how to get on her back, let alone guide her.”

Riyik smiled. “If you could allow me to pick you up without breaking any of my bones, I could set you on her back. She’s a gentle creature; I’ve used her to teach many boys how to ride, and I think you will take to it quickly. Would you like to try?”

For a moment, Kalie stiffened, at war with herself. Later, she was never sure if it was desire to learn to ride, or desire to learn more about the man beside her that made the decision. Perhaps it was both, but she let Riyik pick her up and put her astride the horse. His touch was strong and confident, and not at all threatening. Kalie was surprised by what a simple thing like a man touching her for purposes other than torment and control could mean to her. Once, it had been an unquestioned part of her life.

For the next space of time, Kalie had no thoughts to spare for anything save riding. Once she had learned to move with her mount in a gentle walk, the rest was easy. Riyik showed her how to stay seated until a bone-jarring trot passed into a smooth canter.

And then the world changed.

Kalie was flying! The world passed beneath her, as it must for the birds she had watched with such envy as a child. The horse’s muscles bunched and stretched beneath her body with a power she had never before imagined—and now it was a part of her!

They rode through the tall grass with nothing but the vivid blue sky to stop them. As the wind cooled the sweat from her body, Kalie finally saw just how beautiful the summer sky was. How could she have ever seen that endless blue glory as cruel or oppressive?

Finally, however, the horses slowed, the heat returned, and Kalie began to feel aches in places she didn’t know she had. Riyik led them to a nearly dry watercourse. Three skeletal trees stood guard on the hill above it, providing enough shade to make the place welcoming. Then he showed Kalie how to rub down their tired mounts, who were soon contently drinking water from what looked to Kalie like nothing but mud. Grinning, she saluted their patient ingenuity, and went to join Riyik on the grass beneath the trees.

He had brought bread and cheese and full skin of water. Kalie’s own water bag was only half full, and not nearly as cool, but she offered it to Riyik after drinking from his. He accepted with thanks, and made no complaint when he tasted it. And for just a moment, Kalie found herself admiring him without reservation.

They ate in silence. Kalie, who had been eating less than she might have in order to pay her spies, nearly devoured her share. She could have eaten Riyik’s as well. He was clearly willing to give her all of it, but by then, Kalie had regained a measure of control.

“Is it strange for you,” Riyik asked at last, “to enjoy a picnic, so soon after seeing a woman stoned to death?”

Kalie thought about it. “Yes. And no. Maybe I’ve lived here long enough to grow used to such things.” She glanced at him curiously. “Is it strange for you?”

“Yes. But not for the same reasons it would have been a year ago. Back then, I would have felt as any man of tribe—dishonored by her actions, partially mollified by her death, but still angry; perhaps angry enough to begin a blood feud with her family.”

“And what do you feel now?”

“Guilt. Confusion. Perhaps not grief. I didn’t want Yasha. I suppose I agreed to the marriage precisely because I cared as little for her as she did for me. But now…I feel I failed her. Every boy who grows to manhood among my people is taught about honor. It’s the most important thing a man has. But somehow…I’m starting to think that its real meaning has been lost. Most of the men in that crowd today could see only that Yasha had betrayed me. They could not imagine honor demanding that I still remember my duty to her.”

“I suppose they felt your duty to her ended when she failed in her duty to you.”

“I’m sure they did. But where’s the honor in that? I gave my promise to protect her; in this place, that’s a man’s most sacred obligation. And yet, they find it so easy to shed.”

Kalie was intrigued. “Perhaps they felt your obligation only extended until honor was restored by her death.”

“I’m sure that is true,” he said sadly. He looked off in the distance. “Of course, it’s not just a woman who can regain honor in death. Sometimes, it’s the only way for a man as well.”

Kalie felt a cold knot of fear in the pit of her stomach. Instinctively, she looked for any sign that she was in danger and found none. It took a long time for her to realize that the fear she felt was for another human being.

It was Riyik who was in danger. He was being swallowed by despair. And Kalie had nearly forgotten how to deal with such things. Had, in fact, forgotten that she had once been a person who had cared about the pain of strangers.

And suddenly, more than anything, she wanted to be that person again.

“Riyik?” she said finally. “Are you all right?” Oh, brilliant! Anyone can see he’s not all right! Goddess, if you’re there, help me out here!

Riyik shook himself, as if surprised to find himself here. “Yes, of course—“

“Of course you’re not all right. What I meant was, is there anything I can do to help?”

Riyik’s eyes widened. He seemed about to speak, then shook his head.

Kalie sighed. “Tell me, please. I promise, no matter what it is, I won’t break any of your bones. Even if I’m tempted.”

She had hoped he would laugh. Instead, he looked at her sadly. “You could want me as much as I want you. You could marry me with joy instead of a sense of duty. But that’s the problem: you can’t. Not because you choose to deny me, but because you just…can’t.”

And for once in her life, Kalie had no idea what to say.

Then, as if it was part of the same conversation, Riyik asked, “How did it feel, hitting Maalke?”

Kalie cut short the laughter that bubbled up inside her, for fear it would never stop. “Wonderful,” she said at last.

“I imagine it did.” Riyik was smiling now and seemed at ease with Kalie. More surprising was the ease she felt with him. “I’ve never seen a woman do that before! It was incredible.”

Kalie wanted to savor the moment, but there were serious matters to discuss. “Riyik, you should know that if you marry me, you could be taking on a lot of trouble, and getting very little value in return. Yasha and her mother both denounced me before…” She could not finish.

“You have nothing to fear from that. For all that you hate our customs, you’ll find that our habit of dismissing what a woman might say—especially at a time like that—will work in your favor.” Riyik hesitated, and then pressed forward. “And you have nothing to fear from me. When I offered to marry you, and adopt Varena, it was because I wanted to help you; to be a hero in your eyes. I hope someday I can be that, but until then…until then, we do not have to…lie together as man and wife. Not if you don’t want to.”

To her horror, Kalie began to cry. She tried to summon up anger at Riyik for breaking down her defenses, for making her feel things that should be long dead—but it would not come.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she wailed.

Riyik looked away and did not answer.

“Riyik, please! You are offering me so much more than I can ever repay! Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you but my code of honor won’t allow that! You’re offering protection not just to me but to Varena, you’re saying you won’t force me to have sex with you…what do you want in return?”

“For you to keep my tent and raise my son, and do whatever you can to help him walk.”

“You know that I’ll do whatever I can for Yarik whether I live in your tent or not, and—wait, what tent? The one you live in was part of Yasha’s dowry. Won’t you be returning it to her father?”

Riyik shook his head. “It is the custom, when something like this happens, for the man to keep the dowry. I will, of course, insist that Levik take back some of it, as a peace offering, but he will probably refuse, for the same reason. We can, at least avoid a blood feud, if we try.”

“Haraak was angry with Kariik,” Kalie observed.

“Many men will be angry with Kariik,” said Riyik. “He has shown himself to be a fool and unfit to rule—and over a woman, no less!” He glanced at Kalie and looked embarrassed, then continued. “I doubt this will be his last poor showing. That is what Haraak fears.”

 
Pushing a wild lock of hair behind her ear, Kalie discovered that she had cast aside her veil. When had she done that? And why was she just noticing it now? She turned her attention back to her own situation.

Riyik was offering her the chance of a lifetime. More than just a life free of drudgery and beatings and forced sex. More, even, than the best life this world could offer Varena.

He just didn’t know about that part of it.

As the wife of a high-ranking warrior, Kalie would have access to more information than she would ever have as Maalke’s slave. Her resources for buying knowledge from shadow women and slaves would be virtually unlimited. And what about a few feasts in her husband’s tent? If she could persuade him to invite Haraak and some of his lackeys…? Her skin crawled at the notion of being in the same tent with Haraak, but what an opportunity! She might even be able to poison Haraak, which might, in the end, be enough to make the alliance fall apart…

So why did she feel as if she were betraying a friend?

Kalie looked up suddenly, afraid Riyik had seen everything she had been thinking. But he was lost in thoughts of his own. “There is another possibility,” he said slowly, measuring his words. “I have never spoken it aloud.”

Kalie smiled. “Look around you, Riyik. There’s no one to hear except me. And I promise whatever it is, I won’t laugh. I won’t even use it in a story.”

The pain and love mixed in Riyik’s gaze made her want to weep again, but she held his gaze. She would hear what this man had to say with the same kindness and support he had offered her.