Sex Snob (25 page)

Thirteen

A week passed, and while Lily’s words still rang in my head, I didn’t think they applied to my situation.
It’s not that Shane didn’t deserve a chance; he did. But
I
didn’t. I had put so much stock in the idea that no guy would be able to deal with his girlfriend or wife making more money than him. However, the truth was that
I
wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I would be living my life waiting for the resentment to kick in. I would always be waiting for him to run like Nate had.

So the only thing I could do was
try to get back to my old self. But that was easier said than done. Deep down, I wasn’t sure I could relate to my old self anymore. Things were . . .
different
.
I
was different. And this change caused a heaviness to settle in my chest, an oppressive weight that told me just how much I didn’t like who I was right now. I was in limbo, confronted with a fork in the road and I had to choose a direction. But the roads laid out before me had no distinguishing characteristics. I figured it was because I had no clue what the hell I wanted anymore. Both choices were grey and dull, void of vibrancy and thrill.
God,
I am totally lost.

This feeling was new.
Not because I hadn’t been lost before. I probably had been for years. But it was cloaked in life. A desire to experience and enjoy everything I could made it seem as though I had purpose and direction. But having a good time can only be an end goal for so long. Eventually, you have to become a big girl and choose more meaningful aspirations. But I clearly wasn’t ready to be a big girl.

So, when Lily suggested a night out on Friday, I jumped at the chance.
I had been working, going to the "Gym for Future Stepford Wives" and then going home to bed every day for weeks. It was time to go out and drink until I forgot how miserable I was. Lily told me to spread the word to Danielle and Steph and she’d talk to Kyle. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Kyle coming, since he’d undoubtedly bring Kate, but I had to suck it up. Kyle was my friend and I needed to start acting like it.

We decided to meet up at the High Noon Saloon, a bar with peanut shells on the floor and wood paneling on the walls.
The rustic feel was comforting in a down-home sort of way. And they served moonshine, which was definitely a win in my book. Lily and I were the first ones there—due to my new insistence about being punctual—so we staked out a spot near a pool table. There were three high tops there that were far enough from each other to give us some space, but close enough that we could all talk without shouting. Steph and Danielle showed up soon after with Dan and Brandon. We all fell into easy conversation about Master Bader and his . . . idiosyncrasies. He had actually been fairly tolerable lately. The only explanation we could come up with was that he was ill. That, or he had finally graduated from peeping in windows to kidnapping girls, locking them in his basement and making
them
listen to all of his awful stories.

Kyle and
Kate showed up almost forty-five minutes after the rest of us. From the uncomfortable look on Kate’s face, I guessed that she had tried to resist coming here tonight, and that was probably what had delayed them. I watched them closely as they approached, said my hellos, and then sat at one of the high tops. There was none of the usual affection between them, no physical contact, not even any eye contact. There was an evident awkwardness radiating off them that instantly made me feel guilty. Kyle had clearly insisted on coming, feeling a need to be there
for me, and thus putting me before her. But he was wrong to do that. He should have done what any sane person in love would do. He should’ve chosen Kate.

As I began wondering how many people I was going to inconvenience with my drama, Danielle pulled a stool close to me and sat down.

“So, you’re either going to love me or hate me, but I have a surprise for you,” she said in a hushed voice so that only I could hear her.

I eyed her warily.
“What is it?”

“Oh, you’ll know it when you see it,” she said with a smirk as she raised her glass to her lips.

“Is there a timeframe for this surprise? I want to make sure I’m paying attention.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that.
Besides, I think I just saw it walk in.” She quickly stood and moved away from me, not wanting to be too close in case my reaction wasn’t what she was hoping for.

My eyes darted toward the entrance and what, or rather
who,
I saw made my face break into a wide smile.
That crazy bitch.
As he strode toward me, I quickly turned to find Danielle. I just shook my head at her as she beamed at me. This was just the surprise I needed.

“Amanda, long
time no see.”

“
Rod, likewise.”

“So, what’s been going on?
Danielle called me out of the blue yesterday and told me that you guys were all going out and that you specifically requested my presence.”

“Oh, she did, did she?”
I shot another look at Danielle, narrowing my eyes in a look of mock threat. “Well, I’m glad you could make it.”

“Yeah,” his eyes gazed into mine, adding meaning to his words, “me too.”

A heat spread over my skin as I remembered why we called him Hot Rod. Not that I had
really
forgotten, but it was still nice to freshen up the mental image I had of him.

“So, you look like you need another drink.
What are you having?” He rubbed his hands together as if his words suggested a challenge.

I puckered my lips as I thought about whether I was game.
I was. “I’ll have a dirty martini with moonshine and a shot of Patron.”

Rod
’s smile widened. “Good choice. I’ll be right back.”

I watched him make his way through the growing crowd.
Thankfully, he was taller than most men and my eyes were able to follow him with relative ease.
I bet that rock hard ass will be just the distraction I’m looking for.
I was so caught up in my visual molestation of Hot Rod, I didn't even notice the couple that sat down at the table with Kyle and Kate. But as they settled in, I felt it. The magnetic pull that I hadn’t felt in what seemed like years was back. And it made all of my emotional baggage come flooding back in. The misery, the sadness, the heaviness: it was all there. And as my eyes dragged toward the intruders, I already knew who I’d see.

“Shane.”

The name left my lips in a whisper that only I heard. But with it went all of the air in my lungs. And as my eyes fell on him, I saw that his eyes were already trained on me, the tension he had carried in his jaw the last time I saw him still there.
Tension I put there.
My eyes were locked on his. That is, until I saw a hand run through his hair. A hand that wasn’t his. My eyes flew over to the woman sitting beside him. I appraised her as I would an intruder: with immense hate and disgust.

She was pretty, though.
I could give the bitch that much. She was model thin with silky brown hair and perfect features.
Fuck, she’s beautiful.
Even I wanted to bang her, and I hadn’t swung that way since a late night dare in a frat house when I was a junior in college.
Those had been such simpler times.

I quickly realized that I was staring and averted my eyes to my right where Lily was sitting.
I gave her an accusing stare.
How could she do this to me? Why didn’t she tell me he was going to be here?
But as I took in her wide-eyed expression, I realized that she was as surprised as I was that he was here, and with a fucking
date
no less. As rational thought began to return to me, I realized that Kate would have been the one who had invited Shane. I wondered if he knew I would be here.
Is that why he brought her? To throw it in my face how easily he’d moved on? Well, two could play that game.

I sought Hot
Rod among the crowd, but I didn’t see him. I consciously avoided looking toward Shane, though I did want to steal a look at Kyle. I knew that one look was all I’d need to figure out if he knew Kate had invited Shane or if he was as surprised as the rest of us. When my eyes found Kyle, he was looking in my direction, but he quickly diverted his attention toward the ground.
Bastard.

I opened my clutch and withdrew my phone.
I went into my text messages and clicked on Kyle’s name. Rod returned just as I finished typing out my message:
You’re an asshole.
I hit Send and threw the phone back into my bag, which I tossed down on the table. I took my drinks from Rod.

“Sorry that took so long.
The bar is friggin’ packed,” Rod explained.

“No worries.”
The corner of my eye caught Kyle reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. He started to stand, but stopped as I looked at Rod, said “Cheers” and threw back the Patron. Kyle sat back down and looked away.

Rod
and I began talking about . . . nothing really. He told me about having no luck finding a job, I talked about what he was missing at the office, blah, blah, blah. And though I tried extremely hard to maintain focus on Rod, my periphery wandered to Shane constantly. I documented every shift he made, my body seeming to predict his movements and directing my eyes toward him so that I’d catch it all. And every time I looked at him, he was looking back, either gazing at me or glaring at Rod. The looks were bad enough, but it was the touching between Shane and his whore that really wore me down. Every time her hand grazed his arm, or he smiled warmly at her, or their shoulders rubbed together, it felt like I had been punched square in the gut. But when that sly temptress leaned in and gave Shane a light kiss on the cheek, I lost it.

“I have to go to the restroom,” I said abruptly, interrupting some story
Rod was telling.

I hadn’t even realized that I was staring at Shane and his wench until
Rod turned to see what I was looking at.

“You need anything?”
Rod asked, still looking over his shoulder at Shane.

“Yeah, another round.
You can add it to my tab,” I said absently as I strode off toward the bathroom.

“That’s okay, I got it,” Rod replied
as he walked off toward the bar.

I bare
ly reached the bathroom in time, practically hyperventilating when I rushed through the door and firmly planted my palms on the sink. I stood there, trying to take deep breaths and calm down. My jagged, shaky breaths left me as I tried to put my thoughts in some semblance of coherence.

Okay, so Shane was here on a date.
But I was sort of here with a date myself, so I had no right to be angry. Though, I hadn’t invited Rod, that was neither here nor there. Shane had to know that I’d be here. He invited that estrogen Rockette here to get a rise out of me and I’d played right into his hands. I had to go back out there and regain some power. If I had to fuck Rod on top of Shane’s table, I would show him that he wasn’t affecting me.
You can do this, Amanda. You’re tough as friggin’ nails. Start acting like it.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, took a second to run my hands through my hair and then made my way toward the door.
I had finally instilled in myself the necessary confidence to endure the rest of the night, only to have it drain from me as soon as I walked out of the bathroom.

Leaning against the opposite wall, looking sexy as hell in a tight grey polo shirt that stretched over his chest deliciously and a pair of faded jeans that hung just right off his hips, was Shane.
I stopped abruptly, causing the restroom door to smack my ass as it closed, making me jump slightly toward him. We stood there, silently staring at one another for a moment. Shane moved first. But he didn’t move toward our seats. Instead, without so much as a word, he grabbed my bicep firmly and led me quickly through a side exit at the end of the small hallway.

Too surprised to verbally respond or rail against him, my legs moved in time with his.
Once he pushed the door open, his two powerful hands grabbed my waist and slid me across the brick wall. Shane bent quickly and put a board in the door to prevent it from closing and locking us out. Then he turned his attention back to me, putting his palms against the wall on either side of my head, caging me in with his body. I loved it.

But I’d never let him know it. “What?” I snapped, trying to hide the fact that my heart was beating damn near out of my chest.

Shane leaned closer to me, his mouth precariously close to my jaw. His breath tickled my skin as he spoke. “You tell me what, Amanda. What are we doing?” His voice was raw and deep, the most beautiful sound I’d heard in weeks.

“Looks like we’re both on dates.”
My voice was flippant, and I applauded myself for hiding the effect he had on me.

He tensed as he brought his body closer to mine. “I’m not on a date, Amanda. Jill’s just a friend.”

“Oh, yeah? Could’ve fooled me. You two look awfully close.” I regretted the words, but I couldn’t resist saying them. I wanted to know who she was to him. For my sanity, I needed to know.