Seven Days (13 page)

“You needed to be taught a lesson,” he hisses, before storming out the room. The door slams.

I wipe my face, letting a great lump of potato fall on the carpet. I hope it stains.

I look at my mum and I could scream at her. I didn’t cry once and I’m not going to.

I’ll never be like her.

Never.

Kez Walker: BIG changes. I’m not bein made a mug of again…;o(

3 hours ago.

Marnie: You OK babe?

Kez: NO!

Marnie: Dont worry. We’ll sort it

Kez: Yeah. We better. Not bein made a fool of by anyone!

Lois: I’m sorry if ur still mad at me … I just had 2 say somethin

Kez: Not mad at u, but things changed. The stig is winding me up. And others

Lois: Really? Tell me 2

Kez: Will do

Lyn: You ok?

Kez: We need to talk.

Lyn: Ok. C u tomorro.

“Why don’t we ever see Dad now?”

Hollie is walking slowly today, dragging her bag along the floor, making a nasty scraping sound. She’s been whining all morning. I had to literally pull her out of bed this morning and then she just laid herself on the floor in a hot, crying lump. It’s impossible to love her when she’s like this, it would be like loving a creation from a horror film.

“He’s busy,” I say.

“Doing what? I want to see him. I made him a picture.”

“Working, I think.”

I hate lying to her. I want to take her grubby hand in mine and march her over to number 32, Beaches Rise and knock on the door.
There you go, there’s our dad. He actually lives ten minutes away, he just can’t be bothered to see us. Oh, ignore the crying in the other room – that’s his other kid, your little brother or sister. Go on, say hello…

“But Tyler’s daddy works and he still sees him.”

Tyler is Hollie’s best friend. The two of them usually walk round the playground holding hands, or searching for bugs together in the mud. A bit like someone I used to know…

“I don’t know, Hollie, it’s complicated.”

That’s what Mum always says when she wants to fob me off, so it sounds like the right thing to say in this situation. Hollie seems satisfied; she nods and finally decides to skip ahead of me. This is good as it leaves me to wallow in my own worries, these being:

1) Going back into school, after bunking, with no note to explain why.

2) Going back into school and facing Kez again.

3) Going back into school and facing PE, with no note to excuse me from it.

I’m particularly annoyed about 3) as I’d asked Mum last night to get me away from the HELL that is PE but she forgot. So now I’m going to be subject to the torture of undressing in front of the other skinny, perfect girls and then made to run around in shorts that are far too small for me. It’s not as though the PE teachers are even that horrible. Miss Gregory is sweet, blonde and perky with lovely long legs and a bright, barky voice that bounces through the gym. Miss Frazer, who’s much older but even more muscular, even tries to encourage me, tells me I’d make a good hockey player if I’d let my confidence issues go. It’s just neither of them really understand how hard PE is for someone like me. It’s not just the session itself. It’s the before and after. The constant humiliation.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t wobble. It wouldn’t be so bad if my skin wasn’t such a ghostly white, marked only by the bluish stains of bruises and veins that stand out like tattoos.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it were just me in the room.

“Jess! Jess!”

Hollie is tugging on my arm. We are at the gate on the school. Throngs of children are pushing their way through.

“You stopped,” she says. “Why did you stop?”

She is looking at me so confused. I had no idea I had just been standing there. “I’m sorry,” I say, grabbing her hand, “let’s go.”

“You looked sad. Like Mum does.”

I stare down at her wide eyes. Sometimes I forget just how small she is. She must get so scared too.

“I’m not sad,” I say, as firmly as I can. “I’m not sad at all.”

I march her into school, forcing all the worries into the back of my mind.

Silly worries. Not important.

It will be OK. It has to be.

“So this Lyn… What sort of name is that anyway?” Phillip is looking particularly confused. He’s studying me like I’m some kind of weird insect that he’s just found on the chair. It’s a bit unnerving.

“It’s short for Lyndon.”

“Oh. I see. So, this Lyn, he’s decided to invite you to his party and he just happens to be dating the girl you hate the most?” Phillip’s nose wrinkles. “Interesting.”

“I guess, when you put it like that; but we used to be friends, good ones.”

Phillip is sitting in the library, working on his maths project. He looks more relaxed today. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he’s allowed his hair to fluff out a little. It kind of suits him.

“I take it you’re going?” he says, not looking at me now as he adds more lines. He is so careful with each one.

“Well, I said I was, but I wasn’t really thinking then. Now I’m not so sure.”

“Why?” Phillip waves his ruler at me. “The host has invited you. It would be rude not to go, surely?”

“Duh! Kez will be there. And Marnie! Or have you forgotten that? If they see me there, they will tear me to pieces. I’m sure Lyn doesn’t want his living room redecorated with my body parts.”

Phillip seems to be considering this. His forehead wrinkles and he looks like he’s going into some kind of trance. “But surely she wouldn’t do anything in front of Lyn?”

“Why not?”

“Because that would make her look bad in front of him. If she finds out he invited you, she has to respect that or risk upsetting him. You’re his friend; surely she has to begin to recognize that?”

“I guess.”

“So I’m thinking it would be in her best interests to be nice to you. Or at least tolerate you.” Phillip frowns at me. “Which I admit is hard to do at the best of times.”

“What do you mean?” I say, slightly thrown by this.

“Well, look at you, all slumped over like a defeated maggot. Sit up. Smile. Relax.”

I stare at him, unable to speak for a moment. But he just flaps his ruler again at me. He’s smiling and I know he’s not meaning to sound harsh, his words can just be a bit blunt sometimes. I find myself sitting upright.

“That’s better. Much better,” he grins. “I’m good at this.”

“Maybe. But I’m still not sure Kez will be so happy to leave me alone.”

“You might be surprised. My mum always says that the slowest of worms can turn.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think she’s capable of that.”

“This could actually be your perfect revenge.”

“How’s that?”

Phillip is smiling now; I think he’s actually enjoying this. “Because if you do make her lose control with you, she’ll end up losing her boyfriend.”

I can’t help grinning back. “Thanks. For that I’ll forgive you calling me a maggot.”

Phillip just shrugs and goes backs to his lines. “I think you’ll find they’re actually extremely useful creatures.”

I can’t help loving him just a little bit.

In PE all I want to do is hide.

The benches are cold and unforgiving, as is the hard, heavily marked floor. And the girls are always louder and crueller in this room. The enclosed, windowless walls seem to bring out the worst in them.

I usually sit in the same place, in the corner, far away from the mirrors. The pretty girls crowd there, and Kez and Marnie are normally at the front. They do their hair before PE and their make-up after. The glass is marked with specks of mascara and globs of lipstick. I would like to go over and brush my own hair, make sure it’s all in place, but I don’t want to be anywhere near them. So instead I sit here and wonder if it’s possible to blend into the beige of the wall.

If only I
was
a maggot. No one would see me then.

Getting dressed is the worst bit. I’ve tried both ways, slow and drawn-out and fast and over with. Both have their pitfalls. Slow means I have control. I make sure some item of clothing is draped over my flabbier parts, disguising the flaws – but this also means I’m often the last to be ready. Which leaves them looking at me, smirking. Fast means I go for it and can be done before anyone else, but I have less control and there’s always the risk that they catch a look at my exposed belly or wobbly thighs.

Today I chose fast and of course today I get spotted.

“Errgh. Honestly, your belly is so huge. I swear it’s getting bigger.”

Kez is standing directly in front of me. She’s already half changed, standing in just her shorts and bra. It’s like she wants to taunt me with her beautiful, lean body. I can’t help staring at her stomach; it’s so firm and pink, like plastic.

“What are you looking at?” She moves forward now, swaggering. She points at herself. “Oh my God, Jess, are you copping a look at my boobs?”

“No … I…” My cheeks are burning now. I can see she’s caught everyone’s attention, the whole room is quiet. I pray for Miss Gregory to come back in. She’s usually here supervising, but went out a few minutes ago to check on another student.

“You were. I saw you. So not only are you a fat freak, you’re also a lesbo!” She smiles sweetly at me. “Well, I guess it must be tough. It’s not like any fella’s going to fancy you.”

I turn away. Dig around in my bag for my top. I just want to cover myself up. I can actually feel the weight of my flab pulling me down. My whole body is rigid and cold. I can hear Marnie giggling behind me.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Marnie says. “You’re not even trying to deny it.”

I see Phillip in my head; I try to imagine what he would do. “I shouldn’t have to deny anything,” I say as calmly as I can, pulling the top over my head. For a brief second, in the darkness, I shut my eyes and pray for this to end.

“Well, that just proves it then,” Marnie says, smug now. “If someone said that to me I would punch them. Hard.”

“I’m not you,” I say, my voice wobbling. “But I’m not a lesbian either.”

Kez’s face is colder than ever, like it’s been carved out of ice. I always thought she was so beautiful, but up close like this all I can see are hard lines and heavy make-up. “You were checking me out. I saw you. And you’ve been sniffing around me and my man. It all makes sense now, you sad little freak.”

“I’ve not been sniffing around anyone. I avoid you. And Lyn came to me. We’re old friends.”

Kez’s face freezes. Her eyes are piercing into me now. She swallows hard. “What did you say?”