Seven Days (5 page)

“You could read the York notes, but it’s nothing compared to the actual novel,” Phillip says.

“Either way, I have to read more of it before English otherwise I’m screwed.”

Phillip glances up at me; I can see his eyes have softened. He knows a bit about what’s going on at home. “It’s last period isn’t it? Meet me at lunch and we’ll talk through it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Sure. No problem. Meet me down in the lunch hall; we can talk as we eat.”

I nod, pushing the book back into my bag. A tiny sensation of panic is just starting to nibble at the lining of my stomach. My first concern is that I have to eat in front of someone. Usually at lunch I take myself off to a quiet place to have my food – after all, who wants to see a fat girl get fatter?

But my second worry is that the lunch hall will be packed. And she will be there. Kez.

I’m really not sure I can face her today.

All morning, I carry around that horrible nervy feeling inside. It could be worse; I could have every lesson with them. But they are both in my Science and PE classes, which is a problem. Science isn’t so bad, I can usually sit at the front away from them and just ignore the giggles, but PE is a different kind of hell. I’m hoping Mum will write me a note to excuse me – yet again.

At break, I go to the library again. Phillip’s not there, he usually goes to the IT suite. But I’m pleased to see Hannah by the door as I walk in. Hannah is usually nice to me, even though she is friendly with Lois. I think it’s because we were friends at primary school and Hannah’s not forgotten this. She lives a few streets away from me. Years ago we played hopscotch on the chalked pavement between our houses. It wasn’t so long ago that I could tell her anything. But then we came here, and everything changed.

“I thought I’d find you here,” she smiles. “Do you always come at break?”

“Yeah, mostly,” I smile back. My body is awkward next to Hannah’s perfect skinny one. I would absolutely die for her long blonde hair, which is dead straight, like a Disney Princess. I guess her face is what you’d call more average-looking. Her eyes are small and heavily made-up, her nose is wide and her skin is very pale and bumpy, where she has attempted to hide her spots under clumps of foundation. I think she’s trying to fit in too.

“Have you been on Facebook?” she whispers, her face creasing up in concern.

I nod, dipping my head so that I don’t have to see the pity in her eyes.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry they’re being like this. It’s not nice.” She moves closer to me. “My mum says you can report it. It’s bullying. Maybe you should?”

I really want to laugh in her face. Honestly, has she a clue what’s it like? It’s bad enough being an ugly, fat freak. An ugly, fat sneak would be even worse.

“I don’t think Lois likes it,” she says softly. “But don’t tell her I told you that. I think she’s scared of Kez finding out and starting on her.”

I look up then. I can’t help myself. Kez and Lois used to be stuck together like glue. Why would she be against it? “What’s she said?” I ask.

“Not much. I think she thinks it’s going a bit far. She told me last night that they should leave you alone.”

“Do you think they will?” I ask.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Honestly, I haven’t a clue.” Hannah is looking shifty now; her eyes are flicking over towards the door. “I should go really, I’m meeting Lois.”

“Oh yeah, don’t risk being caught talking to me!” I spit. The words come out a little too loud and a Year Seven boy by the main bookcase looks over at us, a puzzled expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I don’t mean it to sound like that. I’m trying to help. Really I am.”

She flashes me a smile, before slipping back out the door. I think it’s meant to be an “I’m on your side” smile, but I could also read it as “rather you than me”.

I walk to the far corner, wanting to hide away. And then I remind myself that I can’t push people like Hannah away.

I need all the friends I can get.

The bell rings at the end of French. I shove my books in my bag, fumbling. Usually I rush to get to the lunch hall so that I can grab my food and run. But today there’s no point in doing that. Phillip is in PE so will be over much later. I can’t bear the thought of being in the hall on my own for too long. There’s Hannah of course, but I know she probably won’t want to sit with me. My best bet is to find a place with some of the less popular Year Eights, who might tolerate my company.

As I walk past Ms Noble she smiles. It’s one of those sympathetic smiles that adults always give victims. I’ve got used to it now. It’s like the little pats on the arm and the murmurs of understanding that they give. When I first got teased about my weight at the end of Year Seven – at the time, mainly by the boys – I used to report it regularly. I truly believed that, eventually, they would get the message and stop. I would open my heart to the school nurse, Janice, who although very sweet and happy to listen, would always end the session by suggesting diet plans and healthy-eating programmes. Sweet Janice. What could she know about it anyway? She is as skinny as a twiglet.

I slip into the hall and join the queue at the back, standing behind some older boys. They are loud and intimidating and I immediately want to leave again. One steps back and elbows me in the side. It’s an accident, but they laugh. I shrink back, my cheeks burning up. I turn my face away, not wanting them to see me. It’s times like these when I wish I could just evaporate.

“All right, Ben, don’t get too close – you’re making her blush.”

I look again and realize it’s Lyn speaking. I didn’t see him at first as he had his back to me. A small smile escapes me, I can’t help myself. He’s always had that effect, even when we were little.

“You all right? Did I say something funny?” He says this loudly and his friends laugh. My stomach plummets to the floor. This could be bad. Is he pretending he doesn’t know me?

“No… It’s nothing.” I stammer.

He smiles and then suddenly swoops forwards so his face his right in front of mine. I can smell his smoky breath and want to back away, but don’t. “Don’t be daft, Jess. You’ve gone all red. Are you OK?”

Relief sweeps through me. It has been years since we last spoke properly. We’ve both taken such different paths and I tend to avoid him now, especially since he’s hooked up with Kez. I usually walk past him with my head dipped, avoiding all eye contact. After all, why would he want to be seen with me?

“How’s your family?” he says.

I shrug. “Not great. Mum’s stressy these days. Dad left us.”

Lyn nods softly. “Yeah, I did hear that. My dad told me. He was just saying the other day that he doesn’t see him down the pub any more. Look, I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

Lyn nods. “Well, I guess these things happen. You still in the bigger house at the back of the Estate? Do you remember when we used to play in your garden? It seemed huge. I was always so jealous.”

I dip my gaze again, as I can remember being in the paddling pool with him semi-naked. God, imagine that now! I was what? Four? So long ago. I loved that house; it was still on the Mac, but much bigger with a proper garden and everything. In those days everyone seemed happier. I swear when I think back everything seemed sunnier somehow.

But then of course Dad left and the clouds came.

“We had to move out,” I say instead. “I’m in a smaller flat now, in Bevan Court.”

“They’re OK. You’re lucky. At least you’re not still stuck in the terror towers like me.”

He obviously hasn’t been inside one of the two-bed ones. There’s barely room to keep a cat, let alone swing one. Obviously I don’t say this.

A small smile is settling on his lips. “Anyway, you’re still one of us. A Mac girl.” I swear I’m glowing. I nod, try and make it seem like no big deal.

His friend Ben leans in towards us. His face looks pinched and evil. I start to feel uncomfortable again. I knew this was too good to be true.

“Surprised you’d fit in a flat that small. Don’t you knock everything flying?”

For a split second I want to run away, like I always do. Or duck my head. Or pretend to laugh it off, act like the “fat jokes” are fine by me.
Hey, mate, I’ve not heard that one before
. But then I see his face, his stupid rat-like face, and something in me just clicks.

“Ha. That, coming from Frodo! Shouldn’t you be living in a hobbit-hole or something?”

I don’t expect his friends to laugh too. But they do. Really loud. I feel my cheeks burning again.

“Frodo! That’s great. He does look like that hairy sod. That’s a classic.”

Now Ben/Frodo is the one turning red. Not me. He is glaring at me. But I don’t care.

“She always did have a good sense of humour!” Lyn says, tapping my shoulder. “Better than this lot anyway.”

“Shame her body ain’t so hot,” mutters Ben/Frodo. The others start to snigger. I can feel my earlier confidence begin to melt away.

“Oi!” Lyn says, scowling at them. He turns back to me. “Don’t listen to them. They talk rubbish. You’re looking great.”

I only wish he’d said that a bit louder so that his friends could hear. I only wish I could believe it. I see something in his eyes. Is it pity? Does he know what they all say about me? He must know what Kez thinks of me, surely? When we were friends, it was different. We were little. We argued over Disney movies and shared giant ice pops. Besides, we were both chubby then…

The line shuffles forwards and I keep my head turned away from the main hall, worrying that Kez may appear at any time and break the spell. I pray that Phillip comes soon and we can disappear together, talk about books in the safety of our nerdy hideaway corners.

It’s Lyn’s turn to move over to food counter. As he goes to walk over, he carefully leans backs and whispers to me, “Keep smiling, dimples. Seriously, we should hang out again. It’s been way too long.”

Despite myself, a piece of me dies of happiness.

I’m starving and the canteen is full to bursting already. Typical. I look bleakly over at the queue and see that Lyn is right at the front. My heart leaps, which annoys me. I’m no good at playing it cool.

But maybe he’ll get me some lunch. Save me having to line up. I hate standing alone, it makes me feel exposed. I will him to turn round and notice me, but of course he doesn’t. Sometimes I think I would need to be wearing a bikini and be draped head to toe in fairy lights for him to notice me.

I move towards him and then I see that he’s talking to someone. For a moment my brain can’t quite take in what I’m seeing. He’s laughing with a girl. And she’s laughing back. It’s Jess. The stig.

He knows I can’t stand her. Is he doing this to wind me up or something?

I rub my temples. I know I’m getting twitchy, nervous even. This isn’t right. I wish Marnie was with me, but she’s at a drama meeting and won’t be here for another twenty minutes or so. I can’t walk over to him now. He might be cold with me in front of Jess. I can’t face that.

I can’t believe she’s laughing like that. I’ve never seen her look so relaxed and happy. She looks so different. Cocky, even. Does she know Lyn’s with me? Probably. This must be some kind of sick joke.

I hang back for a bit, getting my phone out and fiddling with it. I could sit with Lois, but she’s still in a mood with me. Pippa is waving at me. She’s good fun, but a bit of a gossip. I wave back, realizing I must look really odd and awkward. I want to walk over to them, but my eyes fall back on Lyn.

Lyn is now at the counter with Ben and some others. Jess is still in the queue. She has her back to me. I flash her a look of pure evil anyway. How did she manage to make him laugh like that? He’s never laughed like that with me.

Finally, Lyn is walking over to a table, carrying a tray, still deep in conversation with Ben who scuttles beside him. I don’t know what Marnie sees in him. I put my phone away and casually walk over to them. I want this to look accidental, like they’ve just crossed my path.

“Hello, you,” I say as I approach. Lyn lifts his head and smiles at me, slightly cocky, but still sweet.

“Hi,” he says. “Good day?”

“Not bad. Getting better.”

I want to kick myself. That’s so naff. If Marnie was here she would be ramming her fingers down her throat. Lyn just grins. I think sometimes he looks a bit arrogant, just by the way he stands and the way his lip curls slightly when he listens to me; but I love this about him. I like the fact that he’s slightly remote, it makes me feel like he’s worth fighting for. He’s a prize that I really want to win. It’s no wonder Jess was enjoying talking to him, he’s so much better than the geeks she’s used to being around.