Selby's Stardom (6 page)

‘He went in the machine, Willy!' Billy said.

‘I know,' Willy said. ‘We got him! We got him!'

Willy and Billy raced around to the other end of the VDM.

‘I think he's going to be one of those sausage dogs, Billy,' Willy said.

‘Hey, that's not funny, Willy. We're in big trouble. We grinded him up. And it's all your fault!'

‘It's not my fault, Billy, it's your fault!'

Just then some very strange smelling sausages came out of the machine. Willy and Billy each picked one up in their fingers.

‘I think I'm sorry,' Willy said looking at the sausage.

‘Are you sorry we deaded the doggie, Willy?'

‘Yeah.'

‘I'm sorry too, Willy. I want to talk to him again.'

‘You can't talk to him now, Billy.'

‘Why not?'

‘Cause he's a lot of sausages, that's why.'

The boys looked at the pile of sausages on the ground and then the ones in their fingers as tears streamed down their faces.

‘Boo hoo hoo,' Willy wailed.

‘Boo hoo
(sniff)'
Billy wailed even louder.

‘Hey!' Mrs Trifle suddenly appeared with Dr Trifle just behind her. ‘Didn't I tell you not to turn on that machine? And look what you've done to my vegetable garden!'

‘I'm sorry, Auntie,' Willy said, with tears streaming down his face.

‘I'm sorry too, Auntie,' Billy bawled.

‘What's that awful smell?' Dr Trifle asked Mrs Trifle. ‘It doesn't smell like vegetables.'

‘No, it doesn't,' Mrs Trifle said, suddenly turning to her nephews. ‘Look at the mess
you've made! All right, boys! Now you eat the sausages you have in your hands — and I hope they taste terrible!'

‘I don't think they're good,' Willy said.

‘Eat!' Mrs Trifle said and she sounded like she meant it. ‘Now!'

With trembling fingers, Willy and Billy raised their sausage to their mouths and then lowered them again.

‘I can't,' Willy cried.

Mrs Trifle snatched both sausages and with one quick motion shoved them deep into Willy and Billy's mouths.

‘Now eat them!' she said, ‘That's your punishment for doing something very very silly!'

Willy and Billy, bawling their eyes out, chewed their sausages and then swallowed them.

‘We ate Selby!' Willy wailed. ‘We made him into hotdogs and we ate him!'

‘You whaaaaaaaaaaaat?' Mrs Trifle cried.

‘We did!' Billy said. ‘We put him on the thingy and it crunched him.'

‘Why, you despicable little beasts!' Mrs Trifle said. ‘Selby, where are you? Selby?'

Mrs Trifle went running around to the back of the VDM and spotted Selby lying in what was left of the vegetable garden.

‘Thank goodness you're all right,' Mrs Trifle said, rushing over and picking him up. ‘Oh, Selby, those naughty boys had me so frightened.' Mrs Trifle turned to the boys again. ‘And now you're going to get punished for lying to me and scaring me half to death!'

‘But he went in the machine!' Billy squealed. ‘He did! I heard him crunch!'

‘I think I just solved the mystery of the crunch,' Dr Trifle said to Mrs Trifle. ‘Did you say that you left those two bags of horse poo on the ground here?'

‘Yes, why?'

‘Because one of them is missing.'

Dr Trifle looked over at Mrs Trifle and they both smiled.

‘Well, boys,' Mrs Trifle said, ‘I don't think you'll be needing that punishment after all.'

Willy and Billy just stood there for a minute. Suddenly, Willy coughed and gagged, holding himself around the middle.

‘No! No!' he yelled. ‘Billy!'

‘What?'

‘We just ate horse-poo dogs!' ‘Horse-poo hotdogs! Horse-poo hotdogs!' Billy screamed. ‘Oh, yucky! Yucky! Yucky poo!'

‘And just what you deserved,' thought Selby from back under the pumpkin leaves.

I'm not a dog for mushy stuff
But once I had a tiny crush
On an anaconda in a tree
Then suddenly it had a crush on me!

Selby looked up at the castle, perched high on top of a hill in the middle of the town of Twin Castles.

‘Wow!' he thought. ‘This is like a knights and damsels movie. It's like when I went back in time.
Only this isn't long ago, it's today.'

Dr and Mrs Trifle and Selby got out of the taxi at the entrance to the castle.

‘Wasn't it generous of the Count and Countess Karnht to invite us to their country,' Mrs Trifle said, pressing the doorbell at the side of the drawbridge. ‘But do remember that you're not to believe anything the Count says
that has numbers in it. He is hopeless with numbers. He gets them wrong all the time.'

‘I almost forgot that Count Karnht can't count,' Dr Trifle said. ‘I was surprised that he wanted Selby to come along. I thought he was terrified of dogs.'

‘The Count is a bit strange. He told me that Selby saved his life — and that Selby actually talked as well
,' Mrs Trifle said with a chuckle. ‘He was hoping that Selby would help him get over his fear of dogs.'

‘Not a chance,' thought Selby. ‘This guy is a total fruit-loop.'

Suddenly the drawbridge lowered and the iron gate lifted.

‘Welcome to the Kingdom of Tallstoria, Dr and Mrs Trifle,' the Countess said, coming out to greet them.

‘Greetings to the nine of you,' Count Karnht said.

‘I believe he means the three of you,' the Countess whispered.

‘Forgive me for not inviting you later,' Count
Karnht added. ‘I hope you can stay for two whiles.'

‘He means, “Forgive me for not inviting you
earlier.
I hope you can stay for a while,”' the Countess said.

‘Oh, and I see that you've brought your dogs, Selby,' the Count said. ‘We shall get to know two another better a little l-niner.'

‘I think he means “We shall get to know
one
another a little later,”' the Countess said. ‘Do come in and see our castle.'

‘Yes, our castles,' the Count said. ‘We've spent the past twelve minutes of our life here.'

‘We no longer have servants or guards here in the castle,' the Countess said, ignoring her husband. ‘We lost all our money when my husband made himself the country's treasurer.'

‘We used to have one guard to protect me,' the Count said, ‘but we had to let them all go.'

‘There were fifty-seven guards,' the Countess explained wearily. ‘We now have a burglar alarm. It's one of those things where you put in a number to set the alarm when you go out and the same number to turn it off when we come home.'
‘That could be a problem,' Mrs Trifle said, ‘especially with you-know-who.'

‘Who are they?' the Count asked.

‘It's all right, darling,' the Countess said. Then, turning to the Trifles, she said, ‘The secret code is the simplest one I could think of: 1—2—3—4. I was hoping that the Count could learn it but, so far, he hasn't been able to.'

Selby thought the Countess looked sad when she said this but maybe she was just tired of all the confusion.

The Trifles and Selby had a lovely meal of takeaway pizza with the Count and Countess, but Selby had to eat his at the far end of the room so as not to frighten the Count.

‘I want to get used to your four dogs,' Count Karnht said, pointing to Selby. ‘But it's not easy. Sorry, Selby,' he called out.

‘My husband really thinks that Selby can talk,' the Countess said. ‘I have no idea where he got that notion.'

‘He got it from me,' Selby thought. ‘And it's a good thing that nobody believes him.'

‘Excuse me, dear,' the Countess said to her
husband when everyone had finished eating. ‘Would you like to show the Trifles our crowns?'

‘The crown!' the Count cried. ‘All ten of you, please follow us.'

Selby and the Trifles followed Count Karnht down a long corridor to the Crown Room. Selby could see that the Count was eyeing him nervously.

‘I'll keep my distance,' he thought. ‘I don't want to freak him out.'

Looking into the room with the treasure, Selby could see a glass case with two jewel-covered crowns.

‘Don't go through that doorway until I turn off the alarm,' the Countess said as she punched the numbers 1—2—3—4 into the keypad.

‘What would happen if we did?' asked Mrs Trifle.

‘A minute or so later, the alarm would go off,' the Countess explained. ‘The phone would ring and the Captain of the Guards would ask for the secret code number. If I didn't give it to him then he and his men would come running from the town. I'm afraid that these crowns are the only valuable things left in the whole kingdom.'

There were two beeps to show that the alarm was off and then the Count barged into the room.

‘Follow all of I,' he said.

‘Wow! Look at those crowns!' Selby thought. ‘They've got jewels everywhere! They must be worth a fortune!'