Seeing Red (19 page)

“Moody.” he mumbled under his breath.

“Neanderthal! Adults drink out of glasses! Listen
Xander, Oliver emailed. He’s coming back. He’ll be here in about a
week, and by the way, you are an ass. You didn’t tell me about his
emails.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is. He’s fine. So I
forgot to forward the emails. Who cares?”

“I care! Alexander. I care! I was worried. You only
care about yourself.”

“And you only care about Oliver!” Alexander replied
without missing a beat.

“That’s not true. I care about you, too, but you
make it so damn difficult.” They were back to yelling at one
another.

“What do you want from me, Jill? I’m sorry. I’m so
sorry. I screwed up. I should’ve been around all those years, but
I’m around now, and you can push me away as much as you want, but
I’m not going anywhere. So deal with it!”

She took that as her cue to sneak off to the
bathroom and text Heather. Two minutes later, Jill’s phone
rang.

“Hello.”

“Hi, it’s me. I’m calling you as per your text. What
am I supposed to say?”

“Hi, Heather! How are you? How are your parents? How
was dinner last night?” She was talking louder than normal and
plopped down in the recliner right next to Alexander.

“Um . . . fine . . . I thought that we already . .
.”

“Yeah, I spent it alone. Nothing notable happened.”
She looked at Alexander, who was surly.

“You suck at this you know. You sound like a robot.”
Heather laughed.

“Oh that’s great. Yeah, right.” Jill was just
pretending and nodding at the conversation. She even laughed a
little as if Heather were telling a joke. “Hey, Heather, let me ask
you something. Did you come home last night for anything?”

“Seriously terrible! You are talking in complete
monotone. He’s never going to believe whatever lie you’re conjuring
up.” Heather muttered.

“Oh yes, my blue scarf, yes. Of course, no problem.
You can borrow anything.”

“Blue scarf? What are you talking about?”

“But Heather, you have to be more careful; you left
the door unlocked again.”

“Huh?” Now, Heather sounded concerned.

“Oh it’s fine. It’s just I knew I had locked the
door, but when I got back it was unlocked, and I was worried that
someone had come in, but it was obviously you. Just be a little
more careful next time.”

“Okay, I don’t know what y’all are doing over there
or what you’re talking about, but you better tell me as soon as I
get there on Sunday, because now I’m a little worried.”

“You bet.”

“Can I hang up now?” Heather asked.

“Oh that’s good. Really? Oh, okay, of course. Yes,
yes. That’s true.” She was babbling but wanted to fill in some more
space to make it seem more realistic. She noticed that Alexander
sat up and listened intently.

“Okay, I’m going to hang up now. By the way, I also
want details as to why he is in our apartment. Did you y’all have
some fun while I was gone? Bless your heart, you did, didn’t you?”
Heather squealed.

“No way, Heather! Okay, gotta go. See you
Sunday.”

“Bye.” Both girls hung up simultaneously.

“What do you know? Heather came back last night to
get something from my closet and left the door unlocked.” Jill said
to Alexander.

“Why did she come back?”

“She needed my blue scarf?”

“Why would she need a blue scarf? It’s like one
hundred degrees outside?” He was so damn perceptive.

She shrugged and was dusting the table nervously,
trying not to make eye contact with him. She was a terrible liar.
“For her flower dress,” she answered immediately without
hesitation.

“Flower dress with a scarf?”

“What are you, the fashion police? She wanted a
scarf and looked through my closet. I look through her closet all
the time too. It’s no big deal.”

He grabbed the hand she used to dust and pulled her
close, forcing her to stop. He tilted her chin up with his index
finger so she could meet his gaze. “I’m kind of doubtful that you
would be in the clothes swapping stage with your new BFF, but since
I also just found out you love chocolates and flowers, I guess I
don’t know you as well as I thought I did. You’re a lot of things,
Red, but you’re not a liar. I hope to God that you’re not lying to
me. If you’re telling the truth, then I’m going to go, but if
you’re lying, and I leave and something happens to you, I will
never forgive myself. Are you sure you are being truthful?”

She looked straight into his eyes and did something
she’d never done—lied straight to his face. “I swear.”

He cupped her face in his big masculine hands and
looked into her eyes. She thought he was going to kiss her. Her
legs became wobbly. Instead he kissed her forehead. “Fine, then,
I’m leaving. I know you don’t want me here. In fact, you want me
out of your life. That’s never going to happen, by the way, but
I’ll respect the fact you want me out of your apartment. You and I
have things to work out, but mark my words, Jill,” he was serious
now. “You and I will be together. I want to make something
perfectly clear, just in case you had the slightest doubt. I want
you. I want you in my bed. I want to touch every single part of
your body. I want to own you, completely. I don’t understand why,
every single time we get a little close, you bring up Oliver. I
don’t want an answer to that right now; I want you to think about
it. I’m going to give you the space you’ve been asking for until
you’re ready to deal with
us.
I guess if you can pretend, so
can I. See you in class, Red.”
Pretend? As if she didn’t have
enough things to think about already: first Oliver and now
Alexander—all in the span of two hours.

He grabbed his books and tossed them into his bag
and left. Just like that, he was gone and she was alone, and just
like that, she was sad.

Now that she was alone, she thought about Oliver’s
email. He loved her? When had that happened? She had definite
feelings for him as well. But was it love? With Alexander, it was
most definitely and undeniably lust, but was lust worth ending a
friendship? It wasn’t love with Alexander; she was sure of it. Love
certainly was worth the risk, but was lust worth it? Could she
destroy their relationship by choosing one over the other?

No!

That was completely out of the question. Starting
something up with either brother was completely out of the
question. All her focus needed to be on school, the journals, and
the danger that possibly lurked around the corner.

As soon as Alexander left, she reached for the
stepladder and took the boxes of journals back down. She locked the
front door and made sure the windows were closed—just in case.
Jillian grabbed the first journal and started reading. The next few
days were a jumble of reading journals and reading books for
school.

On Sunday afternoon when Heather returned, Jill
explained what had happened. She downplayed the issue about the
unlocked door and omitted finding the note. She lied and told
Heather she had forgotten to lock the door but had been too
embarrassed to tell Alexander. She told her about the fight she had
with Alexander and that Oliver was coming to town to visit and had
professed his love to her.

“Sugar, what are you going to do about these boys?
You do realize you’re in love with them, too, right?”

“No, Heather, I’m not. I definitely have feelings,
but it’s not love. I mean, I don’t think so. Either way, it doesn’t
matter. I have to put those feelings away, whatever they may be,
and I have to focus on school and anything other than these stupid
boys. I can’t risk Alexander and Oliver fighting with each other or
fighting with me. Case closed. I choose neither of them.”

“Bless your heart. That case is so far from closed
it couldn’t be any more open. But I understand your dilemma. It
would be very complicated. Anyway, are you sure that the door
situation and the journal things are okay? Maybe Alex is right.
Maybe we need to be careful—maybe call the police?”

“No. It’s nothing like that. Alexander has been
M.I.A for eleven years, and now he wants to come in and be this
superhero protector. He’s being overly cautious. It’ll be fine.
Trust me. I’m going to read the journals and see what’ the big deal
is. I don’t want you to worry. Okay?’

“If you say so. I’m going to unpack and go to sleep.
I’m beat.”

“G’night, Heather.” Jill felt a little squeamish
about the possibility of putting Heather in danger; although, she
truly didn’t think there was any real danger.

Never regret something that made
you smile.

-Helen

Jillian

Jill couldn’t get that kiss out of her head. It was
the best kiss of her life; it was raw, primal, and way too short.
But that had been her fault for stopping it. She knew one hot kiss
did not a relationship make.

Pre-kiss life consisted of school, worrying about
the journals, the note, and the images of the red-haired unknown,
who was possibly a murderer. She knew she loved Oliver. That was
not even a question. That almost-kiss four years earlier daunted
her. Even without the email Oliver had sent, she knew that he loved
her. For eleven years since the island, he had been her constant
and she loved him for that. No, she was in love with him because of
that. In a world where she was all alone, he made it a point to
always be there for her.

Now, post-kiss, Jill could only replay that
ten-second life-altering kiss. It was on an endless spin cycle in
her brain. She still struggled for composure. She ignored the
little voice inside her head that insisted she read the damn
journals, but how could she read when she couldn’t stop thinking
about Alexander? Post-kiss Jill was certainly not worrying about
school, was certainly not worrying about the journals, and was not
even worried about the possible murderer that had possibly, maybe,
left a note on her nightstand.

But the kicker was—what completely confused her out
of her senses—that she knew, beyond a doubt, that had she kissed
Oliver that day four years earlier, she would have felt the same
way then she felt for Alexander now. It was as if they were
interchangeable for her. She knew, irrevocably, that she loved them
both, and because of that, she could not, in any way, reciprocate
that love for either of them. It would ruin their friendship and
the already-fragile brotherly bond they shared. So that was it. She
made up her mind. She could never be in a relationship with either
of the Jacobs.

Never.

Never ever.

Since the day he left her apartment on Thanksgiving
weekend, Alexander had not spoken a word to her. It was her own
fault, but it didn’t hurt any less. There was only so much he could
take before he broke, and she had finally broken him. She pushed
him away enough that he actually had listened this time. But the
aforementioned kiss had unhinged her, and she couldn’t pretend it
hadn’t happened. Jillian tried to keep the memory inside a little
crevice in her mind to never be let it out again, because her
decision about the Jacobs had been made.

As usual, girls were always around him in school,
and for the first time in her life, she was seeing red. She now
understood the meaning. She could envisage herself grabbing the
hair extensions of the girls from his harem and dragging them
outside and kicking the asses of each and every one of them.
Post-kiss, he had stopped sneaking in a wink or a light touch or a
kiss on the cheek as he always did when they were alone. Now, he
was distant. This was what she had wanted. This should make her
Jacob-brother confusion less confusing. He finally listened to
her.

Wasn’t that just fucking peachy?

During the next few days, Jill put all her focus on
the journals. She had to put the Jacobs out of her mind. It was
actually easier to deal with a possible homicidal maniac inhabiting
her psyche than focus on her creepy love triangle. So she grabbed
some journals and started reading and reading and reading . . .

May 13, 1989

Esther is petrified, and I think she needs out of
her relationship with RT—pregnant or not. He’s been handling the
pregnancy strangely. He keeps making Esther endure series after
series of tests. This seems excessive and goes beyond the norm.
Maybe that’s how the rich work? The more money the more medical
exams. It seems Esther is being forced, and this worries me. She
has been getting more and more withdrawn. She used to be the most
carefree woman I knew: very confident in her skin, beautiful, and a
total free spirit. I mean, I’m carefree. It comes from our mother’s
side of the family, but Esther was the relaxed happy-go-lucky one.
I know that Esther is scared out of her mind of RT. She’s coming
over tonight to talk about it. She says she has a plan. I warned
her about that man. Every time I hear his name on the news, he’s
always surrounded by drama. There’s something about RT; I just
can’t put my finger on it.

-Helen

May 20, 1989

Tickets are purchased, and Matthew is working on
packing our stuff while I go to Esther’s apartment and pack for her
while she is in RT’s house, distracting him. He can’t know she’s
leaving. If she doesn’t calm down, she’ll lose the baby. She was
shaking like a leaf when she came to talk to me and we decided on
this plan. We’re leaving tomorrow night for our cousin’s in
California We will stay there for a while before beginning the rest
of our journey. If she doesn’t start taking it easy, she is going
to lose the baby. Hopefully she will be able to relax once she is
far away from RT. The plan right now is to have the baby in Laos,
Thailand.

When she agreed to call Liam Reynolds, the doctor
she dated for over 5 years, to tell him about this situation, he
immediately agreed that she go have the baby over there. He’s been
working oversees since they broke up last year. Actually, that is
why they broke up—Esther didn’t want to live overseas. Ironic! I’m
pretty sure he’s still in love with her. Thank God, because after
seeing the police report, I am convinced RT’s guilty. He’s
dangerous. But she seems to think that she can’t just leave. She
has to go far away and hide. Well, Thailand is definitely far.