Second Chance for Love (3 page)

I was pleasantly surprised to find that Chase had remembered what I liked to eat. The box was full of raspberry pancakes and sausage links.

“You're not getting any of these, Bosco, they're not good for you,” I told him. Feeling guilty for eating in front of him, I hauled his dog food out of the trunk and poured a bowl for him.

After breakfast, I took him for a walk in the park. He chased the squirrels and I sat on a bench watching and thinking. Tomorrow was my father's funeral and I was at odds with my mother and sisters, and to top it off, Chase had brought me breakfast.

Did he think that a to-go box from the diner was going to fix everything that went wrong between us? There weren’t enough pancakes in the world to make me forget how badly my heart ached. How much it still hurt to see him.

Chase had mentioned that Melissa wasn't around anymore. I felt more jaded that ever because I thought that was pretty damn funny. He’d thrown me away for somebody who had done the same thing to him. Maybe karma does exist after all.

***

That night, my mother finally broke down and agreed to let Bosco sleep inside the house. Only because she didn't want the neighbors to talk about how she was making me sleep in my car. My mother has always cared too much about what other people thought about her.

I snuggled close to Bosco in the twin bed of my childhood and sobbed until the pillow was wet with tears. I cried for the loss of my father and the relationship we never had. I sobbed for my sisters and mother who hadn't quit crying since it happened and then I cried for me too.

My sisters had their husbands to console them and tonight all I had to comfort me was Bosco. I might’ve been angry at Chase, but I longed to feel his strong arms around me, offering warmth and understanding. 

In the city, it had been easy to ignore the fact I was alone. Everyday I walked through crowded streets, allowing their noise to mask my loneliness. Here where it was quieter, the pain echoed around my soul, making it hard to breathe. At one time, I thought Chase was more important to me than the air that I breathed.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he was my air.

That night, I dreamed that Chase's father came to Dad's funeral and danced on top of his coffin. I knew it was brought on by anxiety. Still I woke up angrier than I’d felt in years. If I’d seen the bastard at that moment, I would have socked him in the nose and enjoyed it.

I showered and dressed for the funeral. Before leaving the city, I’d stopped to buy a dress that would be appropriate. I looked at myself in the mirror and sighed. My reflection looked just as awkward as I felt. It had been years since I’d worn a dress or high heels.

I slipped into my shoes and went down for breakfast. My sisters were already dressed and gathered around our sobbing mother. I sat on the far side of the room, feeling like an outsider within my own family.  To pass the time, I nibbled on a piece of cold toast though I wasn't hungry.

I sighed in relief when it was time to leave. Since I was the only one without kids, the responsibility to drive Mama to the funeral fell on my shoulders. It was a rough ride with Mama alternating between crying and fussing at me for breaking Daddy’s heart. By the time we reached the church, I was a shaking bundle of nerves.

Chapter 8: Chase

I’d just gotten back from driving Abby to school when there was a knock at the door. When I didn't answer right away, they knocked louder. Aggravated, I walked to the door figuring that it was my mother, but instead Henry stood in his best Sunday suit. He gave me a big grin.

“Why aren't you dressed?” he asked. “You can't wear that to a funeral, Chase.”

“I'm not going to the funeral,” I said and shut the door in his face.

Henry opened the door and stepped inside.

“Yes, you are, young man. You may not have liked Ol' Musco, not many people did, but you have to pay respect, and I think Jetta would appreciate you being there.” He crossed his arms. “You know she's having trouble with her family. She's never been like the rest of them. She needs someone there who is on her side.”

“That wouldn’t be me. She hates me.”

“No, she doesn't. Don’t you know anything about women, you fool?” he asked. “She doesn't hate you. She's hurt, and if she's still hurting after all these years, the woman still loves you, and I know you love her.”

“Mind your own business, Henry,” I said, turning to walk upstairs.

“It is my business! Here I am a lonely, old widower. I miss my Tammy every damn day, boy, every damn day. So maybe I'm a little angry at you for having a second chance to make things right and not doing it. Not even trying. And if you're not going to try, you don't deserve her. Hell, maybe you never did!” Henry stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him. “You’re a damn coward, Chase, that's what you are! A yellow-bellied coward!”

I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands. What the hell was I supposed to do? I didn't want to make a scene at the old man's funeral, but Henry's words had struck a cord. I dressed in the suit I had worn to my uncle's funeral two years ago and headed out the door.

Traffic crawled as the whole town moved towards the church. That's the way it was around here. People who hated you when you were alive would mourn you when you died. It never made a whole lot of sense to me.

I was worried that everyone would think that I was trying to take advantage of Jetta's grief. Once I was caught in the flow of traffic there was no turning back. I could see Jetta's car at the front of the procession, behind the hearse. She was the reason I was putting myself through this. I would be there for her even though I wouldn't talk to her and I definitely wouldn't make a scene. It was the least I could do.

Chapter 9: Jetta

“Why the hell is he here, Jetta?” Mama asked, glancing in the rear-view mirror.

I looked up to see Chase's truck a few cars behind us.

“I don't know, Mama.” I sighed as we pulled into the church parking lot. “I really don’t know.”

“He shouldn't be here. I'm going to tell him to leave. He's the reason you and your daddy had that falling out. Your father wouldn't want him here. You know that. It’s not right.”

“Mom, stop it! Please, I’m begging you. Just stop it!” I said, killing the engine. “I can't handle this today.”

“Oh, Jetta, you never could handle anything. Don't worry about it. I'll get rid of him!” She hopped out of the car. “I'll tell him exactly where he can take his white ass!”

“Mom, leave it alone. If Daddy hated anything, it was someone causing a scene, so don't cause one!”

“Fine!” She hesitated a moment then stomped off toward the church.

I walked inside alone and sat down next to my sisters. Destiny was busy trying to get her children to sit still and be quiet. I tried not to look back over my shoulder, but I couldn't help it. I was curious to see if Chase was really going to show up. I almost sighed in relief when he walked in the church.

It wasn't like the old days though. He wasn't going to sit next to me and hold my hand through this. Hell, even if he’d tried, I wouldn't have let him. I would’ve slapped him for having such nerve. No, Chase’s presence didn't mean I wasn't alone. It just reminded me how alone I truly was now.

I stared at my lap while the preacher talked about good men, heaven, and how we'd all see my father again someday. My eldest sister sang Amazing Grace and talked about how much she'd miss Daddy.

My body felt numb and the whole experience seemed surreal. This couldn't be happening. It had to be some sort of sick joke. Daddy was alive. Any minute now he'd come out of nowhere and yell “April Fools!” or “Gotcha!” since Daddy always loved a good practical joke.

As I stood for my turn to walk by the coffin, my knees started shaking. My sisters clung to their husbands as our mother led the procession. I took a deep breath and focused on moving my legs. This would be the last time I ever laid eyes on my father. The thought was almost more than I could bear. 

All the emotions I’d managed to hold in over the last few days were swelling up, and I was sure I was going to hit the floor. I watched in agony as Mama leaned down into the coffin, kissed his cheek and told him how much he meant to her. The preacher had to help her walk away.

My sisters and their children said their goodbyes, and my little nephew yelled for his grandpa to wake up. Destiny held him close to her and walked on. My heart went out to him and my knees tried to buckle. I was the last in line of my family and when I stopped in front of his coffin I felt as if the air had been knocked right out of me. Tears flowed from my eyes and I tried to fight back the sobs that threatened to burst from my chest. Seeing him in the open casket was so much harder than I could’ve imagined.

I gripped the side of the coffin tight as I studied him. Only it wasn't him. He looked too peaceful to be my father. The man that was my father was gone, and all that was here before me was an empty shell. I fell to my knees as grief tore at my heart. I heard gasps from the onlookers and heard footsteps running towards me. I looked up to see my sister Keri.

“Come on, Jetta honey, it'll be okay,” she said, leaning down to try to help me up.

In my ear she whispered, “Don't you dare make a damn scene. You've already put Mama through enough.”

“I have every damn right to make a scene,” I shouted back at her. “Mama's not the only one that's been through hell! I'll make a damn scene if I want to. This is my Daddy too!”

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I was having trouble breathing. I stood my ground though. I wasn't going to let Keri make me feel bad about this. Maybe about leaving like I did, about not staying in contact, but not about my pain, not about my grief. I was hurting just as much as they were. And I had a right to grieve just the same too.

“It’s okay, Keri. I got her.” Chase's voice sounded from my other side.

“Get the hell away from her, you bastard!”

I turned to Chase and looked helplessly up at him. He reached out his hand and I took it gratefully. Keri shoved him then her husband was pulling her away. She kept yelling, but thankfully I couldn't make out what she was saying. My mind was blank as Chase pulled me into his strong arms.

I wanted to pull away, to run as quickly as I could, but my feet wouldn't move. I was already in much too deep. I wouldn't live through Chase tearing my heart out again. It would kill me. All I could do was pray that I wouldn't end up doing something I was going to regret in the morning.

Chase gently led me away so the rest of the guests could say their farewells. We sat in the corridor of the church against the wall. I clung to Chase, even though I wanted to hate him. I shoved my doubts to the back of my mind, and just cried, taking comfort from Chase's embrace.

Chapter 10: Chase

My hands shook as I led Jetta to the hallway. She was a mess and her family wasn't making it any better. Keri had always been a bitch and I’d hoped she would’ve toned it down for her own father's funeral. I held Jetta tightly as she sobbed into my chest. There was something about having her close that felt right, even if she was close to me for all the wrong reasons.

I ran my hand over her hair, trying to comfort her. I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say that would bring her father back. I wanted to apologize for what happened in our past. It wasn’t the right time though, and the words “I’m sorry” wouldn’t erase heartache. It wouldn’t change the fact that I was such an asshole. Nothing could ever change the past.

I didn't want to move. Even though I knew Jetta was in pain, I selfishly didn't want the moment to end. For a few minutes I allowed myself to toy with what could have been. I imagined the world where Jetta and I were married. Where our fathers had been different men. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I quickly brushed it away.

It was almost time for me to pick up Abby from school, but I knew I couldn't leave Jetta alone.

“I have to pick up Abby from school,” I whispered against her hair.

“Okay,” she said, pulling away.

“You can come with me. I'm just going to drop her off at Mom's this evening. I don't want to leave you alone while you're upset,” I told her.

I could tell she was considering what I had said. Part of me wanted her to say no, because I knew come tomorrow morning we'd be different people. She'd be back to being angry at me, and I would remember what a dick I’d become over the years.

She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “I'd like to meet Abby,” she said.

I helped Jetta up and we walked out of the church hand in hand. It felt as if time hadn't passed while we were apart. I would’ve liked to believe that we could pick up right where we left off, but I wasn't that stupid. Jetta turned loose of my hand and went off to thank the preacher for the service.

I called Abby's school and told them I would be about fifteen minutes late because I was coming from a funeral. On the way there, we swung by and picked up Bosco. He rode in the backseat, because Jetta was afraid to have him ride in the back of the truck. I thought it was a bit odd to be so overprotective of a dog.