Second Chance (Cruiser & Lex, Book 2) (19 page)

Cruiser

School sucked-ass today.

The kids looked at Rey and me like we beamed down from another planet. Dad told us it was a small school, but damn. Not that I was planning on making friends or anything.

We come home to our little apartment. I lie in bed, throwing Rey’s stress ball from one hand to the other. He surfs the Net.

I should look for a job. I miss Juice Me like hell. It’s weird to miss work. But I do. When I first got the job, it was to keep me busy. Keep my mind off Lex, my parents, and all I was dealing with coming home from New York. Then I grew to love it.

But Juice Me is what caused Lex and me to break up. Well, not Juice Me, but Erica. Maybe I don’t miss it so much.

At 5:30, I hear Dad park in the driveway. When I come out of the room to say hello, he does a double take like I’m a burglar. Then he laughs. He forgot Rey and I are living with him now.

“Need help with dinner?” I ask.

He lays his briefcase on the small coffee table in the living room. “Thanks, Cruiser, but I can handle it.”

I return to my room. Lie back down and toss the stress ball from one hand to the other.

I won’t text her. I won’t, I won’t.

I texted her five times today. So pathetic. She’s not planning on answering. Ever. She doesn’t give a crap about me anymore. Maybe she never has. Maybe all I was to her was a distraction. Hell if I know.

Love, it stinks. Real bad. I don’t even know why the whole thing was invented. Why do we put ourselves through all the crap when we’ll just get hurt? One good thing about having a casual thing with a girl is that I never got hurt. Never committed myself, didn’t expect anything from them and they never expected anything from me. I told myself I won’t be that guy anymore. Promised myself I wouldn’t go sleeping around with girls anymore. That I was ready to have a committed relationship. With Lex.

Hell, maybe I
should
go back to sleeping around. But deep down, I know I don’t want to. I want to be in a committed relationship with a girl. I want to be with a girl I love. A girl who loves me. Is that even possible for someone like me?

I puff out some air and throw the stress ball to the ceiling. It goes splat before plummeting onto my stomach. Makes me cough. Rey looks up from his laptop for a sec, then returns to whatever he’s doing.

After what feels like hours, Dad peeks his head into the room and tells us dinner’s ready. The smell reaches my nose. Pasta. Rey and I follow him to the kitchen, where three plates and silverware are set on the table. In the center is a bowl of spaghetti and sauce.

Dad laughs sheepishly as he sits down. “I’m still new to the whole cooking thing.”

Rey sits down near Dad. “I’m starved.”

“Me, too,” I say, sitting across from Rey.

Rey grabs the spoon and pours some of the spaghetti into his plate. The thing falls down in one clump. Dad laughs again, his cheeks turning pink. Rey shrugs and puts some into his mouth. “Not bad.”

I take some for myself, then pass the bowl to Dad. We eat in silence. Not that our family were great conversationalists when my parents were together, but it’s a lot different now. More awkward.

Dad clears his throat. “So how was school, boys?”

Rey shrugs. “Fine.”

Dad looks at me.

“School is school.”

Rey got some sense today and wore something decent. When I asked him about it this morning, he claimed he didn’t want to make a bad impression. That there’s no point in both of us making us look bad.

Dad clears his throat again. “Your mother. How’s she doing?”

Rey and I lock eyes. Why’s he asking about her? Rey motions me with his eyes to answer. I motion for him to answer. “Why did you even leave?” he asks.

Dad slowly lowers his fork to the table. Presses a napkin to his lips. “It was the best decision.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Please watch your language, Reagan.”

“You’ve been together for twenty years.”

Dad picks up his fork and continues eating from his lump of spaghetti. The room gets quiet, except for the sound of Dad’s fork clinking on his plate and Rey’s heavy breathing.

Rey leans back and crosses his arms over his chest. “Finally got balls to leave her?”

“Rey,” I say.

He rolls his eyes. “You’ve wanted to get out for a long time, haven’t you? You were just scared.”

“Shut
up
, Rey.”

“You shut up!”

“Boys.” Dad drops his fork. “That’s enough. Finish eating.”

Rey’s chair scratches against the floor as he shoves away from the table. “I’m not hungry.” He marches to his room.

Dad continues eating, his eyebrows furrowed. I push some spaghetti around in my plate. “Why, Dad?”

He sighs. “There are some things you don’t need to know.”

“Like what? You cheated on her?”

He doesn’t say anything.

“The hell?”

“I didn’t cheat on her.”

“She cheat on you?”

“Cruiser—”

“Why won’t you just tell us?”

“What do you want me to tell you?” He throws his napkin onto the table. “That I never loved your mom? That my parents pressured me to marry her?”

My mouth drops. “What?”

“Finish your dinner.”

I don’t want to finish my dinner. Don’t want to push this away. I knew Mom was always the dominant one in the house, but to learn Dad never loved her? It ain’t right.

“So why did you leave now and not years ago?” I ask.

“Cruiser,” he warns.

I gather my plate and Rey’s and dump them in the sink. I rinse them out. When I’m done, I head back to my room. Rey’s got the stress ball, throwing it against the wall. I drop down next to him.

He sits up. “What?”

“Dad left because he never loved Mom.”

His eyes widen. “What?”

I shrug.

“That’s a little messed up, isn’t it?”

“Yep.” I take the stress ball from him. Squeeze it. “Does it matter if you love the person you marry? You’ll end up with a broken heart either way.”

Rey studies me closely. “You’re talking about Lex.”

I don’t say anything.

“Did you talk to her?”

“She won’t answer my calls or texts.”

“Man, I’m sorry, Cruise.”

I roll onto my back. “Feels like I have no reason to live anymore. She was my world. She gave me a reason to live. I know, pathetic.”

“You’re not going…” His voice shakes and he can’t finish his sentence.

“I’m not gonna kill myself.”

He sighs in relief.

I shut my eyes tight. “Damn, I wanted her so bad for so long…” My eyes open and I look at Rey. “Sorry, I’m being a dick.”

“For what?”

“For talking about wanting Lex when she was with you. That’s very selfish and inconsiderate of me.”

Rey waves his hand. “I told you I’m over her.”

We’re quiet for a few seconds.

“You should try to get her back,” Rey says. “You can’t give up that easily.”

I swallow the lump in my throat.

“Hey, if you squeeze my ball any harder it’ll explode all over the place.”

I loosen my hold. “Sorry.”

He slaps my shoulder. “Just trying to lighten the mood. But, Cruise, it’s not like you to just give up.”

“How’s that not like me? I gave up on everything in my life. Violin, school, the Navy. I’m a quitter. A loser.”

Damn, now I feel even worse for feeling sorry for myself.

“You’re not a loser. I don’t hang out with losers.”

I snort. “Have you seen the guys you were hanging out with back at South Beach High?”

He slaps my shoulder again.

“Don’t get in with the wrong crowd here.”

“As if there’s a wrong crowd in that lame school.”

I sit up, keeping my eyes on him until his reluctantly move to mine. “I’m serious, bro. You got a chance to start over here. No one knows you left Kelman’s. You don’t need to go around having to explain why you’re no longer attending such a famous school. No shame, no excuses, no nothing.”

I see my words spinning around in his head. Hopefully, he’ll get his head out of his ass and fix his life.

“It’s a great way for you to start over, too, you know,” Rey says.

I raise an eyebrow.

“All your life, it’s been you and Lex. Well, besides for when you were in New York. But now you’re away from her and maybe can start dating other girls? I mean, the girls here don’t know what a douche you are, so I’m sure at least a few would want to go out with you. Once they get passed your hideous looks, of course.”

I launch at him, locking an arm around his neck and forcing his head into the mattress. “Your face looks just like mine.”

He laughs into the bed. “No, it doesn’t.”

“Except you look like some idiot with a bad haircut.”

“You’re the one who gave me the haircut.”

“Yeah, because you decided to grow some damn Mohawk.”

He laughs again. “What cologne have you been using? Damn, you smell.”

My arm falls away from him. I sit back on my knees. The cologne. Lex gave it to me as a present after our second date. Said she loved the smell. I love it, too. At least I did, up until now. I didn’t even realize I put it on this morning.

Rey sits up and looks at me. “Sorry. Lex gave it to you, didn’t she?”

I clench my jaw.

“Let’s play a game,” he says.

Yeah, a game should take my mind off things. At least until tonight when I lie in bed, where all I’ll see before me is her beautiful face.

I shove the image away. “Load it.”

Lex

Dani and I are sitting in a juice bar about twenty minutes away from my house. It’s where we used to hang a month ago, before Cruiser and I rekindled our friendship. Juice Me was our hangout when Cruiser was in New York for a year, and I couldn’t step foot inside once he started working there. Though he’s not working there now, I can’t bring myself to go in. We have so many memories there.

The kids at school were talking and said the Dalton twins moved in with their dad. I didn’t believe it and asked Mom. She told me Shirley mentioned something about the boys living with their dad. I don’t know what to think about that. Did Cruiser run away because of our break up? It makes sense—it would be awkward for us to run into each other here and there. Not to mention the pain he must be feeling. Is it ridiculous for me to feel bad about that? That he gave up on me. I mean, I needed to break up with him. I wasn’t good for him. My heart’s begging me to reconsider and give us another chance. But it has to be this way, until I get through my issues.

Dani taps her fingers against the cup in her hand. “Thinking about him?”

I swallow and nod. She and I adopted a no-mentioning-the-guy-whose-name-starts-with-a-C policy, but it’s really hard. Everywhere I go, I see him.

I shake my head. “I guess I can’t believe he and I are actually over. Only a few days ago, we were talking and having fun.” Tears collect in my eyes. “It makes me question if I should bother getting close to someone.” Maybe I’m not cut out to have a relationship with anyone. Maybe I’m just too messed up.

Dani lays her free hand over mine that’s resting on the table. “Getting close to someone, opening you heart and letting yourself feel vulnerable, is a very terrifying thing. But it can be so, so awesome. Sometimes you need to risk your heart.”

A tear slips out of my eye.

Dani says, “All your life, it’s always been you and the Dalton Twins. You fell in love with…
him
, then fell in love with his brother, then went back to him. You haven’t met other guys.”

I place my elbow on the table and balance my forehead on my palm. “I don’t want to meet other guys. I just…I don’t know what I want.” I want to not be so screwed up anymore. To be able to have a healthy relationship with Cruiser without hurting him.

“Well, you don’t need a guy,” she says. “There’s nothing wrong with being single.”

“Yeah, until I’m lonely.”

“I’ll spend more time with you.”

I shake my head. “No. I want you to spend time with Simon. He’s a really good guy and has been great to you.”

“He’ll understand if I want to spend more time with you.”

“No. Thanks, I really appreciate it, but I think I need to be alone. Maybe I’ll find a new hobby or something.”

“That’s actually a pretty good idea,” Dani says. “I learned a lot about myself when I took a break after the Jackass. I spent more time with my family and gave a lot of time to myself. You’ve grown to rely on the Daltons because they were always there for you your whole life. Maybe it’s time you let go.”

I take a few more sips as her words of wisdom soak my head. Ever since I was five years old, I grew dependent on the Dalton Twins. They were always there for me, especially
him
. When I was thirteen, I used to lie awake in bed and pretend he and I were together, a real couple. It’s like I promised myself we belonged together because I really wanted that. Maybe all this time I’ve been holding on to a fantasy and projected it into my relationship with Cruiser.

Maybe it’s time to let it all go so he can finally move on.

My phone buzzes. I know who’s texting me. Reaching into my pocket, I pull it out.

“It’s him?” Dani asks.

I nod. “I’m deleting him. Both him and his brother. It’s time I let go.”

My thumb hovers over the delete contact button. I close my eyes for a second and take in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Before I can change my mind, I delete him. Then I delete his brother.

“I’m so proud of you,” Dani says. “This is the start of a new life for you. Now you can focus on yourself and be the person you want to be. Everything will fall into place. You’ll see.”

I get up and wrap my arms around Dani. “Thanks. You’re such a good friend.”

She half-returns the hug before shrugging away. “Enough with this mushy shit.”

I laugh. “You still haven’t changed. Hey, let’s go do something. Maybe catch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“No romances, though.”

She nods. “Yes, ma’am.”