Authors: Latika Sharma
“I am so angry at you. What will Vikram say when he finds out? What will your fiancee say?” She was playing me along. I did not answer.
“Mr. Kabir I just asked you a question?” she looked up at me.
“And you think I know answer to every question asked. You coach me first, and then I will give the right answers,” I smiled at her and saw a tiny flicker of smile around her lips.
Yes! She loved me, with all the fervour and all the sincerity she loved me! That was all I needed to know.
“You were always a weak student. You’ve done well for a weak student.” Riya swayed lightly in my arms.
“I had too. Someone broke my heart and I nearly died of the heart burn. I lost everything, my will to study, to play, and even to live. She does not know what all I endured. I was dead for a long time. God! How much I wanted to hurt her just as she had hurt me. I turned all that hatred into labour and you can see the fruits it has borne.” I said.
“You must have hated her lots, for you have fared quite well. Why don’t you hurt her now as you had planned Mr. Kabir,” Riya was looking at me with goodness in her sweet eyes. I could drown in those eyes.
“I tried. But I failed. With her around I always fail. I love her, you see ... I have always loved her.” I looked in her eyes and poured my heart out. She saw her reflection in my eyes and I saw the love she was feeling for me. I remembered all those years ago how I would swing close to her and how she pushed me back. I was beginning to feel a strong swell of desire burn my stomach. I wanted to touch her again, kiss her lovely lips, her eyes her face. I wanted to hear her say my name like she had on our farewell; I wanted to leaveher breathless with my love. I simply wanted her, wanted her back in my life. Our bodies united in a sweet embrace, we were lost to the noises coming from the party. A blaring round of music distracted us from our union.
“Leave me Mr. Kabir. I have to go. Leave me!” She wriggled a little.
“Can you?” I looked straight in her eyes maintaining a firm gaze and I freed my grip on her. She backed away a few steps looking at me, then turned to her heels and rushed out of the parking lot.
“K
abir, your phone is ringing . . .” I had not heard Manya shout my name.
I was lost in thoughts. She had been calling my name for quite a while, I suppose. I think I heard her push something aside and come dashing into my room. She stood near me for a while, hands crossed on her chest and a glare in her eyes. I looked at her, blankly, wondering what it was she expected me to do.
“Kabir . . . your phone is ringing!” Manya had an annoyed expression on her face and I finally realized my cell was blaring and was perhaps disturbing Manya’s yoga cycle.
I picked it up deliriously and mumbled, “Hello?”
No one answered. I looked up at Manya, she turned and walked away.
“Hello?” I asked again. No response. I was about to hang up when on an impulse I held on.
“Hello . . . Riya?” I held my breath and prayed for a response.
I got one . . . a deep breath and I knew it was her. The revelation drove the wind out of my lungs and I got up and went out to the beautiful long balcony of my apartment, closing the glass door lightly behind me. It had been a long time since we spoke on a phone.
“Say something . . . please!” I said resting against the wall, slightly secluded by the lush
Cycas
plant’s foliage. I suppose I was thrilled at receiving her call. I was desperate to hear her voice. It had now been several years I held a phone with so much madness and craving in my hand. Surprisingly, the last time I had done this, it was the same girl! The same me!
“Kabir . . . I . . . I got your number from Vikram’s cell phone. He . . . is out. I mean in the garden with my dad. It seems like an important talk. I . . . Eh . . . We . . . I mean . . . Oh god! This is so hard to say . . .”
“What? What has happened? Are you all right?” I was alarmed. I could not imagine her being hurt.
“Yes, I’m fine. What I wanted to say was . . . I want to meet you. I mean, don’t get any ideas . . . it’s about what we need to settle between us. I can’t let myself slip like . . .”
“Like last night?” I finished it for her. I knew she had felt the pangs of passion just as strongly as me. There was a connection between us, all right. It was strong and powerful. It drew us like magnets. I had acknowledged it the moment I had seen her again. She was in a state of denial. That was her, a fighter . . . but one can’t fight truth for long. It had taken Riya time to realize it when we were young, it would surely take time now. But did we have that time now? She was a child back then, but now she is a woman, so strong and in control of her emotions . . . so much more in love with me, if only she listens to her heart.
“Can you meet me, today? But no one should know. I need to speak to you.” Riya spoke hurriedly.
“Sure. I will pick you at one, near lunch and . . .”
“No! No Kabir! This is not school! You will not come around my home like old times and pick me up!” She sounded so freaked out I could not contain my smile.
Yes! Oh yes! She remembered everything.
“You’ve always underestimated me doll! All I ever needed was a sign from you . . . remember? I will pick you, in my car, from outside the shopping mall. Wait near the parking area. All right . . . Madam Curie,” I smiled. I felt so alive talking to her again. I knew I was venturing into deep water, but I loved the thrill of it. It had been years since I had felt the adrenaline pump in my system like this. I suppose I was the stubborn captain as she had said last night.
“Yes. That would be quite appropriate. Good. I will see you then at one. Please don’t be late.” Riya said softly. I knew our conversation was concluding, and I wanted it to go on so badly.
“Don’t worry. I will not be late.” I said.
“And Kabir . . . one more thing . . .” Riya said.
“What?” I wondered what she would ask of me now. Knowing Riya I could expect anything at this moment.
“Don’t . . . call me doll . . . it was a long time ago.” She said.
We held the line for a few more seconds. So many words flew out between us, as we spoke nothing . . . just being connected. My heart felt it would burst with the love I felt for her. The craziness I would do just to make her satisfied, happy and in love with me again. And yet, she displayed so much restrain and aloofness, it did hurt.
It was then that it struck me!
She needed to be reminded! She needed to be made to realize what she was blinding herself from. The fact that she loved me, was clear as the morning sky, she was being stubborn now, not me, in not accepting it. Perhaps she lacked courage, perhaps she was scared or perhaps there was some other reason . . . I needed to know. And I need to make her face the fact . . . we were in love with each other. More now than ever before. We needed each other and only we could fill the hearts that were beating in us. No one else. It was only with each other that we would find true happiness and completion.
I realized it. It was time she did too before committing a huge mistake.
T
ime is a player with its own rules; when you need it the most it flies; and when you don’t, your patience it tries!
I must have seen my watch for the zenith time that day. How long these hours were. My work which usually did not allow me to see the clock tick three till lunch time was being unbearably slow today.
I tried to concentrate on work; I had loads of it on my table. A major client had rescheduled his appointment and I had to reschedule it in my planner, a fax had just arrived from Florida, my headquarters and it needed my immediate attention, a few letters and e-mails needed replying and I had a meeting coming up within minutes of my coffee getting cold. My mind refused to work today. I kept thinking of her, and last night’s events floated back in my mind. Did I pull her close or did she glide towards me? Were we hugging or was she just standing close? I think I almost said ‘I love you’ . . . or was I just thinking that?
She will deny it. She was like that. She will deny every emotion I felt, will call it a mistake and say she should never have met me. Like always, she will turn me away. But I know, deep inside, shewould be hurting. Like that time in our twelfth grade, when her dad had forbidden her from seeing me, she had said all the right things, pushing me away from her . . .
It was Monday . . .
Riya had Chemistry practical that day. I remember walking to the lab, hoping she will come out to do her experiment as some kind of a glass bottle was placed right outside the lab, emitting the most repugnant smell.
“You have some nerve
. . .”
Anjali had walked up behind me as I stood under the tall Eucalyptus trees looking madly towards the lab’s exit.
“Go away Anjali. This does not concern you.” I was angry and hurting.
It had been a week since she had spoken to me and I was in panic. I missed her; I wanted to talk to her and to hold her hand. I was livid at her dad, but mostly I was worried that she would never speak to me again. I also did not want to be caught as the Principal had given our families last warnings to withhold our board admit cards if we both stepped out of line again. A futile attempt on the part of school authorities to keep us away from each other, to keep me away from Riya. If only they knew how much we needed each other
. . .
“Kabir, have some shame. The whole school knows what happened with Riya’s dad and you and the warning. Are you still standing hoping she will act like you and come out publically so that all teachers see her and then you both are suspended? Why don’t you behave, at least for her sake? She has come to school after four tough days. Our entire class is gossiping about you two . . . right in her face. You realize how tormenting it is for her to just sit there pretending not to get affected by all this?” Anjali was saying the truth. I was facing the same in my class, but as a boy I could stare some people down. Ofcource, Tejas was on top of the world, bragging nonsense about how exactly Riya’s father slapped me, spicing it up along the way with Ayesha’s and Madhuri’s assistance. Dev was being very prudent and holding me down from punching Tejas’s face blue black; not because of some apprehension but because he did not want me to get suspended from last semester as well.
But I had to meet her. The mere sight of her, so close yet so far was irritating, almost maddening. I needed to hold her hand again and say how much I was missing her. And yet all I was doing was waiting under a tree.
“I have to meet her Anjali. I won’t go.” I said to her and looked straight in her eyes. For the first time I saw her look at me with some feeling. Perhaps she read my melancholy or saw my unwavering look.
“Fine. I will tell her you are waiting for her. But this place is not safe. You wait near the back of the canteen and I will send her. Make it quick.” I saw her turn around and head for the chemistry lab.
After what seemed like an eternity, I saw Riya approach the canteen, in her white lab coat and casting side glances, least some one should see her.
“What do you want now Kabir?” she asked as we stood face to face, only she looked away.
“I . . . I . . . am sorry for what happened Riya. So sorry!”
“Yeah, I know. But it’s over now.” She said plainly.
“Yes. Let’s put it behind us. We will be very careful in the future. I will make sure . . .”
“No Kabir. There is no ‘future’. I said it’s over.” Riya said slowly.
“What? What do you mean?” I took a step closer towards her. She stepped back.
“I think you understand pretty well. My dad is right; this is not the time for all this Kabir. We are kids; we have our full lives ahead of us. What we need now is time for education to build our future . . .
“Wait a minute . . . this is what you think. Riya? You think I will build my future staying away from you? You think I would want a life ahead of me without you?” I asked her, angr welding up in me.
“Try to understand Kabir; we will not achieve anything like this . . .” Riya finally looked up into my eyes. I knew she was lying.
“Achieve what Riya? A mark sheet with A’s on it? A bunch of teachers who would pat your back and then forget you the day you leave this school? A bunch of aunts saying what a studious girl you are? O.K . . . Even if I achieve everything a guy wants but I don’t have you next to me, it’s worthless! I think it’s your dad’s ideas that you are airing, not yours. You tell me, you think this is wrong? That ‘we’ are wrong? You tell me Riya . . . you don’t love me?” I took a step closer to her and gently held her hand in mine. She pulled it away.
“I like you a lot Kabir, you know that but . . .”
“No . . . I meant love. Don’t you love me Riya? Look me in the eye and say it, because I love you, I love you soo very much!” I knew I was pushing her, but there are times when a boy needs to know things and this was that time.
“Kabby please . . . go. Someone will see us and then . . .”
“Then what, damn it!” I shouted out of frustration. “I will not go till I hear you say it . . . Do you love me Riya? Say it . . . say it once . . . please say it! I am going mad without you. I can’t study or play or do anything. Please put me out of this misery . . . do you or don’t you love me?”
She was looking at me now. I held her gaze. How much I was controlling my emotions, even I could not comprehend. She looked so scared and fragile. I wanted to comfort her, to hold her in my arms, but there was an ocean between us now.
“I will not go Riya . . .”
“Then my answer is this . . . my father thinks you are a bad influence on my career and studies. And I agree with him. We must not see each other anymore. I am sorry too, but this is my answer, now go.”And she turned her back and ran towards the lab.