Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) (32 page)

Chapter Twenty
Seven

Ten
days.

Ten
days without Jude.

Ten
days of being miserable.

Ten
days of moping around the house, only leaving to go to work.

Ten
days of complete and utter insanity.

I was pretty sure at this point I was going crazy, if I hadn’t already.

I’d thought of going to him so many times and apologizing, but my stubbornness wouldn’t let me.

I had spent hours hoping he’d come see me.

He didn’t.

That scared me like nothing else could.

Between not seeing him, and Rowan’s disappearance—I hadn’t seen her either since the day she walked out—I had myself convinced that Jude had moved on with Brooke. It was easier to believe he stayed away because he’d found something in her that he didn’t have with me, than to accept responsibility for what happened—that I pushed him away.

“What did that pen ever do to you?”

I jumped at the sound of Bryce’s voice. “Sorry,” I put the pen down, the top chewed on. “I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

He stared at the crumpled top of the pen. “Well keep it now. No one wants your germs,” he joked, hoping up on the counter.

It was closing time and I should’ve been helping him wipe down the tables and clean the floors, but I was too lost in my thoughts.

“What’s going on with you?” He asked. “You haven’t been okay for a week now.”

I sighed. “It’s nothing.”

“Boy troubles,” he spoke over me. “It’s definitely boy troubles. I can tell from the look in your eyes.” He reached out and lifted my chin. “The guy’s an idiot to
leave you.”

I pulled out of his grasp and his hand fell to his lap. “There…there was a misunderstanding, and I made things worse,” I admitted. It was the first time I’d accepted some of the responsibility.

“Talk to me,” Bryce said as he hopped off the counter. He grabbed two rags and tossed one to me. I managed to catch it. “You clean those tables,” he pointed, “and I’ll take the ones over here.”

I did as he told me, but didn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say.

“Come on, you can tell me whatever is. I might be able to impart some wisdom, or not,” he chuckled.

I shrugged, wiping the table in circular motions. At the rate I was going, I was about to rub a hole into the surface. I let out a pent up breath and told Bryce everything, from how I found Jude and Brooke, to how
depressed I’d been the past ten days.

When I was done, I pulled out one of the chairs and put my head in my hands. “I’ve ruined everything.”

The legs of the other chair squeaked against the tile floors as Bryce pulled it out and sat down. “You haven’t ruined everything,” he said softly, his voice oddly serious. “Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s what you do after that matters.”

“What do you mean?” I looked up at him, sniffling.

He shrugged. “I just mean, when you make a mistake you either have to own it, or suffer because of it. Apologize to him. If he really loves you he’ll understand. Everyone makes mistakes and you both did in this situation. He shouldn’t have let whatever-her-name-is into his room, and you shouldn’t have pushed him away. Tell him you’re sorry.”

“I don’t know if I can,” I admitted.

“Apologizing isn’t a weakness,” Bryce stood, throwing the damp rag over his shoulder, “it’s a strength.”

Whistling, he headed to the back to clean up there while I finished out front.

I kept replaying his words over that evening and on the drive home.

I was surprised to see Rowan’s car parked in the driveway when I arrived home.

I got out of the car and found her sitting on the top step of the porch. Her elbows rested on her knees with her head in her hands.

I approached hesitantly, like she was a rabid animal that might bite me at a moments notice. After
our last conversation I had no idea where we stood.

“Hi.” My voice was soft as I approached.

She looked up at me and let out a sigh. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” I nodded. I sat down on the step beside her, instead of inviting her inside. I figured if things got bad I had a better chance of running away if we were outdoors.

“I’m sorry for the things I said.” She turned to look at me, and tears shown in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have been such a bitch to you. You were hurting and I wasn’t respectful of that.”

I shook my head. “You were telling the truth. I was being stupid.” I let out a pent up breath.

“How have you been?” She asked.

“Miserable.” I answered without any hesitation.

“He’s—”

“I don’t want to
know about him,” I stopped her.

“But—”

“No,” I said sternly. “I don’t want to know.”

Rowan sighed and reached for me, putting her arm around me and coaxing my head onto her shoulder. “I hate seeing you like this.”

I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug. “It is what is.”

“You’re not going to fix this, are you?” She whispered into the night air.

I stared out at the yard where lightning bugs glowed. “I still need more time. I need the hurt to go away.” It was basically the same thing I’d told her the last time she was here.

“It’s not going to stop hurting until you get your man back, Tate,” she stated.

I scrubbed a hand over my tired face. “He hasn’t tried to see me.”

Rowan sighed heavily. “He thinks you hate him.”

I pulled away from her, not even bothering to scold her for giving me information on him. “I could never hate him. I tried, but I can’t.”

I started to cry, for the thousandth time it seemed, and Rowan stood up and helped me to stand as well. She led me to the front door and I pulled out my key to let us inside.

Rowan didn’t say anything as she led me to the family room and disappeared into the kitchen. When she returned she held out a gallon of ice cream with two spoons stuck in the top. “Ice cream makes everything better, right?”

“Right,” I replied.

But then before I could take a bite I started to cry harder, because now ice cream only made me think of Jude.

Jude.

Jude.

Jude.

He was every-fucking-where.

He’d invaded every aspect of my life without me even realizing that he had.

Rowan ignored my tears. I guessed she’d decided to let me cry it out.

After a few minutes where the only sound in the room was my hiccupping sobs, she said, “Trent’s family is throwing a Memorial Day barbeque. I want you to come.”

Composing myself, I choked, “Is h-he going to be there?” I knew she’d know which
he
I meant. After all, there could only be one I was referring to.

Rowan shrugged. “He’s invited, but I don’t know if he’ll come or not.”

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s better than no.” She smiled
and set the ice cream aside when it was obvious that even its sugary goodness couldn’t tempt me. “Let’s go out.”

“I don’t want to,” I frowned, my shoulders sagging with a sigh.

“Just for dinner,” she pleaded. “You need to get out and you have to eat. It’s a win-win.”

I couldn’t very well argue with that. Besides, I need to push past my sadness over the situation with Jude and find that strong girl I used to be once more.

With startling clarity I realized that Jude didn’t take away my strength. He gave it to me. He lifted me up, and didn’t drag me down. He pushed me to be better.

I began to toy with my bottom lip as my thoughts began to show me what I’d been to
o blinded by hurt and stubborn proudness to see.

Jude made me better.

He didn’t change me, he just helped me improve upon the person I was.

I’d been too mad to see that and grasping at reasons to stay mad at him.

God, I’d been so
stupid
.

I stood hastily and my hand flew to my mouth. I thought I might be sick.

“Tatum—” Rowan started.

I lowered my hand and took a deep, steadying breath. “You were right,” I gasped, “I’ve been so stupid. I…I…I was so
hurt
over seeing him with Brooke, and pissed over my own reaction. I hated that I cared so much, but I can see now that if I hadn’t got upset
that
would’ve been more disconcerting.” I shook my head, my hair falling forward to frame my face. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” I lifted my head to look at her. “Why do I do this to myself? Why do I push everyone away?”

Rowan wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. “You’re so much like me,” she whispered in my ear. “I did the same thing with Trenton. Over and over again I pushed him away because I was scared to love him.” She stepped back but rested her hands on my shoulders. “
But being without him was the worst kind of pain I’ve ever felt.”

“I-I need to go to him,” I stuttered, looking around for my purse and car keys. I couldn’t remember where I’d laid them when we came inside.

Rowan reached out and grabbed my arm, halting my frantic search. “It’s late, Tate. Wait till morning.”

My face fell. “Has he moved on?”

“God, Tatum,” she rolled her eyes, “don’t be ridiculous.”

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” I frowned.

“I promise there’s not, it’s just late and…” She started.

“What?” I prompted when she didn’t continue.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “it just seems like you should do something nice to apologize. He’s really torn up.”

“
He’s
torn up?” I snapped. “What about me?” I pointed to my chest. “What about what I feel? Huh? The past ten days have been hell for me.”

“I’m not saying they haven’t, but…let’s face it,” she played with the ends of her hai
r, a nervous gesture, “Jude pursued you, I think it’s time for you to do a little chasing of your own.”

I narrowed my eyes. “This ‘chasing’ you speak of sounds a lot like groveling. I won’t beg him to take me back.” It had nothing to do with pride, but I wasn’t going to turn into a pathetic mess because he wouldn’t take me back—at least not in front of him. In the comfort of my home? Now that was a different story.

“No,” she laughed. “I just think he deserves a romantic gesture.”

“What if he laughs at me?” I frowned.

Rowan sighed. “I’m not saying it needs to be something overly romantic and gooey. Do something from your heart. Something that will make him smile.” She threw her arm over my shoulder. “Come on, we’ll talk about it over dinner. I’m sure between the two of us we can come up with something brilliant to blow his mind.”

Chapter Twenty
Eight

“Lucinda,” I walked up to my boss, nervously fiddling with my fingers.

She looked up from the cupcakes she was icing, arching her brow in question.

I decided not to mess around, because if I stalled too long I’d lose my nerve to ask for her help. “I…uh…I made a mistake.”

“With the register?” She asked, flicking gray hair out of her eyes with a shake of her head.

“No,” I laughed, but it came out nervous sounding, “with my boyfriend.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she stood up straight. “But I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”

“You see,” I fidgeted restlessly with unease. “I want to apologize to him, but my friend says I need to do something romantic so I was thinking…”

“Yeah?” She asked, icing more cupcakes while she waited for me to get on with it.

“I want to make him a cake, and I know how to make a cake, that isn’t the problem…”

“So, what’s the problem?” She asked. “I’ll help you in anyway I can,” she smiled, alleviating some of my stress.

“He loves gummy bears, so—”

“You want to make him a gummy bear cake,” she chuckled, setting the bag of icing to the side. Wiping her hands on her apron she said, “I can do that, but you’re helping. I have to head out of here in a little bit, but we can do it first thing in the morning and I’ll give you the rest of the day off tomorrow so you can, hopefully, make up.” She winked and picked up the icing bag once more.

“Thank you!” I cried. I was a bit upset I had to wait till tomorrow morning—probably the afternoon by the time the cake would be done and I could get it to him—but I would take this as a victory.

I returned to the front and Bryce stepped away from the register so I could take over.

“From the smile on your face, I’m going to guess it went well.” I’d already told Bryce my idea and he’d thought it was great. His exact words had been, ‘No man can resist the temptation of a cake and a hot girl holding it.’ He’d looked me up and down then, grinning slowly before adding, ‘You should totally hide in his room and when he opens the door you’ll be standing there naked holding the cake.’

I’d responded by telling him to shut his mouth and that I bet his girlfriend wouldn’t like hearing him say that. Having met his girlfriend, a pretty redhead named Charlotte, I couldn’t help wondering how those two ended up together. While Bryce was loud and said whatever he wanted, Charlotte was quiet and barely spoke. Maybe that’s why they worked. They did say opposites attract, and look how opposite Jude and I were and I loved him deeply.

“It did,” I finally answered him, “she said she would help.”

“Sweeeet,” he rubbed his hands together. “I told you she’d be in.”

“Why are you so excited?” I asked, leaning my hip against the counter. “It’s not like you’re getting any cake.”

He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. His shaggy dark hair fell forward, shielding his face. He always reminded me of a dog for some reason when he did that. His personality was kind of dog like too—super friendly and frighteningly hyper.

“You’ve been super cranky during this whole lover’s spat. I’m looking forward to getting the more pleasant version of Tatum back, although,” his eyes sparkled with laughter, “you can still be kind of bitch when you’re normal.”

I grabbed the first thing I could get ahold of, which happened to be a pen, and threw it at his head.

He ducked so fast I swore his body blurred. My mouth fell open in surprise as the pen bounced off the wall. “W
hoa,” I breathed. “You’re like Superman.”

Bryce chuckled and bent to retrieve the pen. He placed it back on the counter and returned to his previous position. He snorted. “I’m way cooler than Superman. Everyone knows that.”

I laughed and turned to face the register when I heard the bell on the door clang.

“Cussssstommmmer,” Bryce sing-songed. “Oh, cussssstoooooommmmer,” now he really started to sing, “whaaaaaat caaaaan weeeee heeeeeeeeeellllpppp yooooooooooooooooou wiiiiith?” My eyes widened in surprise at the sound of his voice. He could actually sing. Becoming serious, he stated, “Our cupcakes are fabulous. You should have one.”

I laughed. “We only sell cupcakes.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that,” Bryce hissed, like he was letting me in on a secret. “What if he’s here for pie and we don’t have pie? I’ve got to play up the cupcakes.”

I shook my head. I didn’t think Bryce would ever cease to amaze me.

The customer looked from me to Bryce and busted out laughing. Extending his hand for me to shake I took it with a puzzled brow. “I’m Caeden, that thing’s
my brother,” he released my hand and pointed at Bryce. “Don’t worry, I’m used to his antics.”

“Oh,” I breathed, feeling relieved.

Now that I looked I was surprised I hadn’t noticed the resemblance earlier. They were practically identical, with the exception that this guy was obviously a little older. His hair was a dark chocolate brown and his eyes a piercing blue. Like Bryce’s they were so bright they didn’t seem real.

I realized I’d never told him my name. “I’m Tatum, by the way.”

He chuckled. “Nice to meet you, Tatum. I came by because I need to talk to Lucinda,” he pointed towards the back.

“Oh, of course.” I moved out of the way so he could come around the counter and go to the back.

“Thanks,” he smiled as he brushed past me.

The door had no more than swung closed till Bryce narrowed his eyes and said, “I better see what’s going on. Can you handle the front?”

“Yeah,” I replied, but he’d already gone. “Huh,” I huffed to myself, wondering what that was about.

Several customers trickled in then and my mind became distracted as I flitted around filling their orders.

Lucinda’s was usually busy between the local high school, which hadn’t let out yet, and working professionals in the area. It seemed that everyone wanted a cupcake from Lucinda’s.

By the time we closed Caeden and Lucinda had left a
nd it was just Bryce and I.

We cleaned up, talking
about random things before heading our separate ways.

I managed to get some sleep that night with the comfort that in the morning I would make my apology cake and set things right.

Hopefully.

Because there was always the chance that I had damaged things beyond repair and Jude wouldn’t want to take me back.



Lucinda removed the two round pieces of chocolate cake from the pan to cool. With each passing second my body tightened a bit more with anticipation.

While the cake cooled I made the icing—a whipped buttercream that smelled so good that I couldn’t resist dipping my finger in and tasting it. It was delicious.

Lucinda narrowed her eyes, having caught me, and smiled. “I saw that,” she chuckled, “you know you’re not supposed to do that.”

I shrugged. “It’s for Jude, he won’t mind.”

Together we iced the cake when it cooled enough. Alright, I let her do most of the icing, but only because she did it so much better than I did.

Once all sides of the cake were covered in icing I grabbed the bag of gummy bears and sprinkled them on top, as well as sticking some to the sides.

And that folks, was how you made a gummy bear cake.

Lucinda appraised our handy work with a small smile. “They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, if this doesn’t work then I don’t know what else would.”

“Thank you so much for helping me with this, Lucinda,” I hugged her.

Patting my back, she said, “It was no problem at all.” Stepping back, she looked over my disheveled appearance, cake batter and icing covered my clothes and I felt something sticky on my cheek. “You better clean up and get out of here.”

I’d broug
ht a change of clothes with me so I wouldn’t have to go home.

I cleaned up in the bathroom, wiping icing from cheek a
nd freshening my makeup. I swiped on some mascara and put a red gloss on my lips. I fluffed my hair and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. Nothing fancy, but that wasn’t me, and I knew no pretty dress would erase what I had done. Only I could do that with my words—and the gummy bear cake of course.

“Thank you, again!” I called to Lucinda as I dashed out of the bathroom.

“I hope it goes well.” She turned on one of the beaters as she started making cupcakes for the morning crowd that would be arriving soon. I couldn’t believe she’d offered to come in before opening time to help me. I really liked her, and Bryce too. I’d lucked out with this job.

I grabbed the cake up—which was fixed in a glass cake platter—and went out to my car. I prayed to the cake gods that nothing messed it up and it would make it to Jude in one piece. Even if he said he never wanted to see me again he should at least get to enjoy the cake. Although, with my fiery personality it was more likely I’d try to throw it at him.

I drove to Jude’s townhouse, my heart thundering in my chest and my blood roaring in my ears. I was about two seconds away from breaking out in an all body nervous sweat. I was terrified to see him after twelve days apart. But I was even more terrified of living my life without him.

Jude was my future and I wasn’t going to let my pride ruin that. It was time to stop running and hiding from my feelings. I had to accept them and give Jude my whole heart. Not part, not half. All of it.

No more holding back.

I was going to lay it all out there.

I parked on the street in front of the townhouse and turned off my car.

“You can do this, Tatum,” I chanted quietly to myself. “Get out of the car and get your man back.”

Repeating this mantra in my head I grabbed the cake and forced my stiff body out of the car.

I stepped onto the walkway and up the steps. I adjusted my hold on the cake so I could ring the doorbell.

I held my breath when I heard footsteps approaching. I lowered my head, not ready to face him.

The door swung open and I heard a gasp of, “Tatum?”

It wasn’t the voice I longed to hear. My head rose slowly and my eyes connected with Dylan’s.

His face darkened and he glared at me. I flinched. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from him, but he was Jude’s best friend so of course he was mad at me.

“Why are you here?” He snapped, moving his body so that it was clear I wasn’t invited inside.

My palms grew sweaty against the glass cake holder.

“I-I came to apologize.” I stuttered, flicking hair from my eyes.

He narrowed his eyes. “Apologize? It’s a bit late for that,” he growled. “Don’t you think?”

Tears pricked my eyes but I dammed them back. Squaring my shoulders I held my head high. “I understand if he doesn’t want to see me, or if he’s moved on,” I swallowed the lump in my throat that my words had created, “but I need to see him. I have to let him know how sorry I am for overreacting. I should’ve listened to him and—”

Dylan cut me off with a heavy sigh and his eyes softened. “He’s not here.”

“He’s not?” My face fell. “Oh,” I mumbled as realization dawned on me. He was
out
. Probably with her.

I turned to leave, but Dylan called, “Wait!”

I stopped with my back to him. I didn’t want him to see me break down.

“You really fucked him up,” Dylan whispered and I heard his footsteps approach me on the walkway. His hand came down on my shoulder and he turned me around. “I’ve never seen Jude like that before. You broke his heart.”

My eyes closed as pain lanced my body. “I saw them kissing and…and…I thought he didn’t want me anymore.”

“I know what you saw,” Dylan said. When my eyes widened with surprise, he added, “Yeah, he told me. He also told me she kissed him, which I’m sure he told you,” Dylan crossed his arms over his chest. “Jude’s not a liar,” he stated. “He wouldn’t play you like that.”

“I know.” My voice came out as a squeak. “I fucked up, okay? I used that kiss as an excuse to push him away because what I feel for him is so powerful that it scares me more than I’d care to admit. I love him, Dylan, I really do. With all my heart and soul.”

Dylan’s jaw clenched and he looked away. “I’m sorry for being a jerk,” he took a step back. “But I’ve hated seeing my best friend so fucked up over you. That’s not him.”

“I understand,” I whispered and started heading towards my car once more.

“He’s at his grandpa’s!”
Dylan yelled, surprising me.

I closed the passenger door where I’d just set the cake down and turned to face Dylan where he stood just outside the door to the townhouse.

“He’s at his grandpa’s,” he repeated when he knew he had my attention.

I nodded my head in thanks and circled around to the driver’s side.

I was a bit nervous that I might get lost on the way to his grandpa’s since it was hidden away and down an old country road.

But I
knew if I didn’t go to him now I never would.

I paid careful attention to everything I passed and crossed my fingers that I turned onto the right road.