Authors: Christine Zolendz
After spending the entire day with them, the detectives dropped me off at the curb in front of my apartment. It was five o'clock
in the afternoon
. I stomped straight up the front steps and kicked the door open with a loud thud. I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. I stormed in and slammed the front door as hard as I could. I didn't give a damn if it ended up falling off
its
hinges.
When I walked into the
kitchen,
I was met by three of the guiltiest faces I had ever seen. Lea, Conner
,
and Ethan sat around the table; their voices cut short. Slapping my palms down on the cold
tabletop,
I stared into each face one at a time.
Lea, as always
,
was the first one to speak. She fold
ed
her arms across her chest defiantly. "It's about time you woke up from wherever the hell you've been. I've tried to talk to you for days."
My tense outstretched arms softened a bit and I collapsed onto a chair. She was right and I had no right to be angry with any of them. I'd been keeping myself shut in my own
darkness,
mourning the loss of something I never had the right to have.
It was time to surrender to this life.
He
was gone, the one I loved for so long and so intensely. He left me here. I needed to get over it. Get over him.
"I feel horrible that Shane has been in jail this whole time. And Blake? I just can't..."
Ethan grimaced, but then the beginning of a smile crooked his lips. "Please
,
Grace, it's not the first time Shane's been locked up. He has one hell of a past, it's only in the last few months or so that he's changed his ways. And Blake. Blake always used drugs
and
that's why we
never hung around him. I'm not saying he deserved to die or anything, but when you mess with that heavy stuff, it's bound to happen."
"I just..."
"Need to take a shower? Brush the knots out of that hair? Slap some make-up on that face? Get the fuck outta the house? Talk to us? To me?" Lea snapped.
"But..."
Ethan cleared his throat, "That's some really awesome advice
from Lea
right there." He took my hand and pulled me to my feet, "Come on. Go clean yourself
up;
we're taking you to Boozer's for a drink, some music
,
and laughs."
"What about Shane?"
Ethan pulled me through the hallway and gently pushed me into the bathroom. He raised his enormous arms over his head and leaned them on the top of the
doorframe
. "Tucker and his father are getting Shane. Don't worry about him. Just put yourself together
,
Grace, you've completely unraveled and we need you back together again." He closed the door quietly and slipped back down the hallway.
A few moments or hours later, I had no idea which, I found myself hugging my knees under the icy cold stream of my shower. My clothes were still on. I tugged and yanked the cold wet material from my body, and for the first time in days
,
washed myself.
When I was finished with trying to scrub my sorrow
away,
I stood in front of the misty mirror and wiped it clean until Grace's reflection stared back at me.
My reflection
. I held my stare for a long time.
I was strong enough to get through this. I was strong enough to move on. Millions of people have lost someone they've loved. Millions have had someone walk out on them. This was no different. I've lost everything and everyone worth anything to me so many times over
,
I could probably write one hell of a book about it.
It might not be good, but I could write one
.
Life goes on. So will I.
I dried and brushed my hair. The amount of strands left on my brush from the war with knots I waged was staggering.
Walking back through the
hallway,
I could hear the murmurs of my friends in the living room.
Emotion
al
wreck. Lost. Depressed. Withdrawn
. And of course
,
Lea's
,
'she just needs to get laid.'
In
time,
I knew I would tell her the truth about Shane once being my angel. I wondered how he pulled it off, not allowing Shane's body
to
die with his soul. Was the old Shane Maxton back or some other new
,
poor soul? Whoever it was
,
I had deep sympathy
for,
Shane was a hard act to follow.
I dressed in a simple pair of jeans that were so old they had tears ripped in both knees, the bottom cuffs and to my surprise, where the curves of my ass were. I didn't care, they were comfortable and they really didn't show too much. I showed more flesh doing one of Mad World's gigs. I dug through my drawers in search of my favorite
tee shirt
. I smiled when I
finally found it, a tight black tee shirt with the words
,
All I Need are Shoes, Booze and Bad boys with Tattoos.
"At
least slap some heels and lipstick on," Lea said from the doorway. "Come on
,
Gray, it's time for you to be human."
I just wish
ed
I knew how
.
I slipped my feet into a pair of black stilettos and smudged a bit of creamy red wine colored gloss on. I dragged my leather jacket over
my
shoulders, dragged my butt into the living room,
and followed my friends to Boozer's Bar.
Boozer's was litera
lly
right around the corner from our apartment
,
which made it very convenient when wearing freaking pinpoints for heels. A bright
,
pulsing
,
neon light screamed it
s name and usually mu
sic and laughter spilled out it
s front doors, though tonight it seemed quiet. Antique lanterns hung on each side of the doors and reflections of their dancing lights flickered against the large glass window. It felt good to be back.
The bar was practically empty
,
save for a rowdy bunch of frat-looking college boys surrounding a table full of empty beer bottles. It looked like they were building something with them. They
drunkenly
whistled at Lea and I as we passed
,
and Ethan protectively put his arm around my shoulder and flipped them off.
We walked straight to the bar and when Ryan the bartender saw
me,
he
hopped over the bar like a gymna
st and grabbed me in his arms. "Damn girl, it's good to see you out of that hospital bed." He held me at
arm's length
and looked me up and down
as if
he didn't believe it was really
me
. "How you holding up? Grace, I swear
,
if I ever lay eyes on that son of a bitch Shane again, I'll kill him." His pale green eyes were serious, fright
e
ning.
I grabbed Ryan's arms. "No, no
,
Ryan. Shane did not do that to me. We were attacked,
Blake and I
. Shane was the one who saved me. I gave my statement today. He'll be released soon. He's innocent."
My God, everyone thinks that Shane tried to kill me. How much is this man going to hate me if he sees me again?
"
Ry
, I need to get drunk. Think you could help me with that?"
His face softened and I knew he was relieved to hear about Shane. "Came to the right place. What's your poison tonight, Sweetheart?"
"A bottle of Jack."
He cocked his head seductively and with a huge grin emerging across his lips
,
he vaulted back over the bar.
"And
Ry
? Not in a glass.
The whole bottle.
Whole. Bottle."
His eyes stared into mine and he winked at me as he walked backwards toward the wall of liquor bottles. "Yeah. Sure
,
Grace. Whatever you need tonight, anything you want, it's on me."
Wow, awesome customer service, does that come with a massage
?
I jerked my gaze off him only to find Conner, Lea
,
and Ethan gapping at me with open mouths. I rolled my eyes. "Only God can judge me, I don't need a three person jury right now," I snapped.
Ryan placed four shot glasses in front of them and the bottle in front of me. He leveled his line of sight with mine and gave me a little smirk.
Holy hot bartenders, he was flirting with me!
I felt my face heat up.
"Want a straw with that too?" Lea asked in a shaky voice.
I turned my gaze right to her eyes and gave her a disgusted smile. "
Wanna
me
et
me in the bathroom in a minute?"
"Yeah. Why don't we go now?"
Grabbing the
bottle,
I poured each of us a shot. I nodded to the glasses. "Shots first." I put the hot liquid to my lips and waited for them to follow. I wished I could have erased the looks on their faces, but I couldn't. And I was burning, dying on the inside. I wished they would understand. They hadn't picked up their shots yet
,
so I growled at them. Yes, I
growled
.
They each took a hold of their glasses. That was the affect I was looking for.
"Cheers," I whispered and gulped the fire down.
Four more
shot
s,
and
Ethan brought his hand to my knee
,
gently tugging
the material of my jeans. His eyes pleaded with me. But all I wanted was to get
his hands off my body. I didn't want anyone else
's skin to touch mine. I was no
where near being drunk enough.
Lea yanked me off the bar
stool. "Let's go! Now!" She pulled me across the empty dance floor and
passed
the front of the quiet empty stage, it made my stomach drop. I followed her
,
remembering the first time I tried to follow her to the bathroom in a crowd of dancing people, the same exact path I took now. The first night I saw Shane, heard Shane; smelled Shane; felt Shane.
Oh God
.
I actually missed him!
We barely made it all the way into the bathroom before Lea flipped around and got in my face. "You are scaring the
hell
out of me
,
Grace! I've never seen you like this. Not after your
accident. Not
after your parents died. Not after Jacob died. Tell me what's going on! Is it what happened? Tell me what to do for you! Tell me how to get my best friend back!" Tears streaked down her face and she wrapped her arms around herself.
Oh, Lea
.
I closed my eyes tight and took a long
,
deep
,
breath. I opened them blinking back tears and exhaled slowly. "Shane," I whispered his name because I could barely stand to hear it pass my lips.
Her eyebrows drew themselves together, her eyes red and swollen still spitting out tears. "You're mad at me because you didn't know he got locked up? You haven't talked to me. We had no idea what happened, we thought maybe he got jealous..." She looked down at her hands and twisted her sleeves between her fingers. "Please tell me what happened," she said sobbing.
I leaned my back against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall and slid down, my hands falling limply to my feet. I stared past her. "Shane was an angel
, Lea
.
My
angel." Cool tears rolled down my cheeks. I could feel them hang off the curve of my chin and fall to the floor. "This has nothing to do with being stabbed or by who." I looked at her then. My eyes went wide and I stammered and spit, "It was Shane all along. He tried to forget me with every girl he took home. Then he, he...left me." Lea didn't need to know more. She didn't need to know fallen angels were around and prayers don't get answered anymore. She didn't need to know that humans were
play things
, easily broken and replaceable. She just didn't need to know.
She wiped at her tears, huddled next to me and held me. "Gray, I'm so sorry
.
Shane
, wow, well that explains the deep intensity between the both
of
you. What are you going to do?
"