Saving Grace (4 page)

She sat still
,
staring at me. Just stared at me and chewed on her bottom lip. It felt like an hour had passed when she finally whispered, "Gray, you should just rest now and
we'll
talk about all that stuff when
you're
one hundred percent better and home. Okay?" She inhaled quickly and let out a long low sigh when she exhaled. "You also, um, need to talk to the detectives when you are ready. If you remember anything, the doctors say you may not."
Remember anything?

The only thing I remembered was the back of my angel as he walked away from me, abandoning me in my Hell on earth. It's over, my ass!
I'm
still here.

My eyes stung and welled with tears. I tried to hold them back. I tried to stop them from falling past the edge of my lashes, but one quickly slipped away. It tumbled down my cheek escaping from the deep sorrow that I was filled with. "Where is Shane?" As his name slipped past my
lips,
they trembled and the dam that held my tears was broken. Nothing could console me.

Lea's
shoulders slumped forward and her lips turned down. "I
don't
know. He, um,
hasn't
been here."

He
really was gone. If
Shamsiel's
soul was still in
Shane's
body
,
he'd
be here with me.
He
really left me here, when all I ever did was count the breaths until
I'd
see him again. I
swea
r,
my soul, my spirit, whatever it is that a human is made of, that part of me just fold
ed
up and drown
ed
itself beneath my tears. I
didn't
have to strain to hear
the shattered pieces of what was left of my heart as they scattered across the cold hard hospital floor.

I leaned heavily against the wall. He slowly slid his body against mine.

"
Shane,
" I breathed.

He rested his forehead against mine, his hands slid over my shoulders
and
down to my waist; slow and gentle.
Oh, my God, I'm on fire
.

Brushing his lips across my cheek, he buried his face in my hair, "Grace, all I want to do i
s
kiss you right now," he whispered. Softly, he pushed my hair back and grazed his lips along my neck. His lips were warm and soft; I wanted them all over me.
I wanted him.

"Shane, please," I whispered.

His hands subtly slid to my waist, one finger hooked itself under the lace trim of my panties.

"
O
h,
my God!" I woke with a start. Sweat drenched my body and a maddening ache pulled between my thighs. Panting, I tossed my damp sheets to the floor and stomped out of bed.

I should have been used to the damn dreams already.
The damn
memories
.
I've had them every night I've been back home. It's always Shane and I'm always left wanting. But they were the only thoughts in my brain that felt
real,
everything else was covered in a thick suffocating fog.

Striping out of my sweaty clothes
,
I rummaged through my draws and threw on the first things I grabbed, an old vintage Hendrix shirt and a pair of ripped yoga pants. I leaned against
my dresser and slowly slid my body down the front of it until I was sitting on the floor. The antique metal knobs of the draw
er
scratched lines through my skin as I traveled down. The burn was only a secondary pain to my broken heart.

The only furniture that occupied my room was the dresser and a mattress that
lay
right on the floor without a bed frame. If I breathed in
deep,
I could still smell the bitter odor of burnt wood from the fire from a few weeks before. But honestly
,
it didn't bother me because I was barely breathing.

On the floor next to my dresser laid a half bottle of Jack Daniels. I wondered how it got there, but only for a brief second before my fingers encased the bottle and I twisted off the cap.

My guitar stood next to the window, I hadn't touched it. Although my fingers ached to play my instrument, I had no energy to
pick it up.
Even though I was awarded Grace's body, her beautiful precious human life, I felt
lifeless
. My mind was too cloudy, too ragged
;
as if
I was looking out of someone else's eyes.
What was the point in living when all that I've been living for was taken away?

The soft red glow of my alarm clock red 9:30.

10:30

12:30

2:30

At
3:00,
I found myself at the kitchen table hugging a gallon of ice cream. There was one spoonful left and the bottle of Jack sat empty in front of me. I had no fucking clue how I got there.

"
O
h,
my God, Grace! What the hell are you doing?" Clad in plaid pajamas, Lea stood at the kitchen door
,
eyes wide
,
raking her teeth against her bottom lip over and over.
When had she started that habit?

I shrugged my shoulders and shoved the last spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.
I couldn't even tell you the flavor if you put a gun to my head.

"I just bought that ice cream today," she said. Her eyes opened even wider, "You just ate a whole freaking gallon of ice cream and drank a bottle of Jack Daniels?"

"
Wha
tcanI
say
?
" I slurred.
"
Seems like Ben, Jerry and Jack are the only
guys that are trust
worthy around here. At least I know exactly what I'm getting into when I put my lips to them." I tried to crack a smile, but I realized just then, I was too drunk. And, my tongue was way too thick for my mouth.

She slid her tiny frame into the chair across the kitchen table from me. She pulled her long wavy blonde hair away from the front of her eyes. "Yeah, Grace. One hell of a killer headache and a fat ass, that's what you're
gonna
end up with." She leaned across the table and grabbed the empty ice cream container and spoon from my hands. "You need to talk to me. You've been hiding in that room for three days. You haven't talked about anything since you woke up. I'm really freaking out about what to do for you and the detectives
keep calling to set up a formal interview with you."

She dumped the container in the garbage and tossed the spoon into the sink. It made a sharp metallic sound as it landed against the basin, echoing through my head. She pulled her chair closer to me and sat down grabbing my hands. "Please tell me what's going on. Please?"

"Psf. For centuries I believed I was taking the advice of the beautiful angel that was sitting on my shoulder." I choked out a laugh
. "But, the truth was
,
the freaking devil on my other shoulder was just one hell of a ventriloquist." There was a
small
drop of
the dark bitter liquid
left
i
n the bottom of the liquor bottle, and I reached my hand for it. My body craved the numbness.

Lea yanked it away quicker than I could grab it. Her eyebrows pulled together and she offered me a strained smile. "Is that a quote from somewhere? I don't understand." Her big brown eyes pleaded with me for an explanation.

I offered her none.

"Grace! Snap out of it! You almost died!
Again! He
tried to kill you
. The doctors said you probably wouldn't make it, but YOU'RE HERE! Okay, so Blake wasn't the person you've been looking for. So what? After all this
time,
you're going to give up? That's not the Grace I know." She slammed her palms against the tabletop. "I don't even know the person who is sitting in front of me right now, and Grace, really, I'm the only person who knows who you really are!"

My vision of her blurred.
When I stood up it became worse. Then there w
ere
three to four Leas floating and circling past my eyes. I didn't know which one to focus on, so I just walked past her and held onto the
door frame
of the kitchen. "Nope. You're right, wasn't Blake. Turns out my angel is gone, he chose something else, something much better than me. But at least my
punishment is over. This will be my last life. He gets to go back to heaven, and I get all this," I waved my arms in the air franticly almost making myself fall over. "I hope they staple his fucking wings back on."

I tried to stumble my way back towards my
bedroo
m,
but
I
passed out somewhere along the way.

Somebody who was about to get a smack in the face, was shaking me awake. "Hey, Grace
,
come on, you have to get up and return to the land of the living," Lea's voice whispered. She pulled me forward, "Come on
,
Gray, I have a cup of mint tea for you here."

My mattress spun under me. Sharp painful throbs pulsed in my temples and my stomach muscles convulsed. I forced my eyes to open, fully expecting to see my liver crying in agony on the pillow next to me. Nope, just Lea sitting next to me with a cup of something that smelled a hell of a lot stronger than mint tea.

I slowly pulled myself up and groaned.

"Grace, we need to talk. You can't keep this up," she said handing me the cup.

Carefully I took the cup from
her, placed it to my lips,
and sipped.
Oh, holy horror, the woman spiked it with Jack
Daniels
!
I cringed and swallowed. "Ugh, that's nasty."

She smiled and offered me a water bottle. "They say you have to give yourself a little alcohol when you wake up with a hangover, it's supposed to make it better. You
know
the hair of the dog that bit you?"

"Lea, just let me rot in here for a while. Please?"

Pinching the tip of her
nose,
she scolded me. "You certainly smell like you're rotting in here. And no
,
I'm not letting you do that, so shut the hell up about it."

I placed the cup of mint poison on the floor next to my mattress and pulled myself up more to lean against the wall where the headboard of my bed
used
to be. I ran my hands through my hair, wel
l at least I tried,
but
tangles of knots stopped me.

"Listen to me," she begged
,
nudging my knee softy. "I have no idea what happened with that angel of yours, but if he chose something else over you
,
he doesn't know what he'll be missing and he sure as hell isn't worth all the time you spent searching for him.
Bu
t,
Grace, you are here and from what I can piece together
,
he isn't. So my
advice to you is pull yourself together and start
living your life. Forget about him."

I exhaled a long breath. "Yeah. Just forget him."

Something sparked in her big brown eyes. "You've heard the saying that I live by, right?"

"Hmm. Which one is that?
The one that Mae West said?
A hard man is good to find
."

"Oh, yeah that's a good one. No.
The best way to get over one man is to get under
another one!
I don't know the first girl who said it, but those are words to live by!"