Saven Defiance (The Saven Series Book 4) (26 page)

“I hope you’re right. If anything happens to her…”
He doesn’t need to finish that sentence. Given what was relayed earlier, I completely understand. I squeeze his hand and try to deflect the churning panic attempting to rise from the pit of my stomach. I can’t think about Ella if I’m to get through this night. And Logan needs me to be in the present. This is an important night for him. I won’t let him down.

He presses a chaste kiss to my temple.
“You have no idea how much strength you give me.”

“I do.”
I absorb his stormy ocean-blue eyes.
“Because you do the exact same for me.”

Neve coughs indiscreetly, and we emerge from our cocoon. Logan shares a cautious smile with the table. I hadn’t realized that all conversation had ceased the minute the commander started speaking or that everyone had witnessed our private moment. I fight the blush threatening my cheeks, and I avoid looking at Ax’s heartbroken face. “That is good to hear. What about the other districts? What’s the word at grassroots level?” Logan asks.

“You have the majority of the support, Crown Prince. Groups of loyalists have already formed, and they are preparing to march on the Central City. Given what my son has told me this evening”—he smiles proudly at Haydn—“there’s no time to delay. With your permission, I would like to send some emissaries to neighboring villages and cities to help spread the word. We can’t use the standard comm-channels for fear of interception, which does impede things, but we can get the word out by mouth.”

“Do it,” Logan confirms. “But, please ensure that all volunteers are fully aware of what they are getting into. From our intel, it seems the fighting is vicious in the Central City, and lives will, unfortunately, be lost.”

“I’m sure everyone understands the risks and feels it is worth it,” I say, attempting to deflect his guilt, his fear, his regret.

“Wow,” Haydn says, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. “Spoken like a true Saven.” He tosses the napkin on the table. “Except you’re not. There’s too much human in you.” He flicks his gaze to where Axton is sitting rigidly still. “Too much Tor.”

My heart palpitates in my chest, as a hot flush of embarrassment steals over my cheeks.

“How dare you speak to Sadie like that.” Logan’s tone is outwardly calm, but I can sense the tempest building internally.

I talk in a low voice. “Let’s not do this here.” I glance nervously around. Several heads are angled in our direction, engrossed in our conversation.

“Sadie.”

“I know.”

“It’s—”

“Yes, I agree, but—”

“That is not acceptable to me!” Logan spits out.

Confused gazes bounce between us. Our connection makes it easy for us to have a conversation without even using words, but no one else understands that.

“Stars!” Neve stares at us with a look of shocked awe as the penny drops.

“I’ll handle Haydn
,” I tell him. Looking directly at Neve, I beseech her to stay quiet.

She gasps, and Alex leans forward, speaking quietly into her ear. Her gaze is fixed solidly on me.
“I heard that.”

Now it’s my turn to rock the deer in a headlights look. I jump up.
“Come with me.”
Gripping her elbow, I pull her out of her seat. “I need to use the bathroom, and you, uh, can show me where it is,” I lie as I spot all the inquisitive eyes watching us. Ax stands up. “Sit back down,” I snap before he has even opened his mouth. My tone is harsh and uncalled for. His face pales, and I hate myself. “Sorry for shouting. Please, Ax,” I say, more kindly. “Neve and I need some girl time.”

I pretty much haul Neve down the corridor to the bathroom. Once we are inside, I check all the stalls, and finding it empty, I turn and lock the door. Neve hoists herself up on the counter and drapes one knee over the other. “I can’t believe you Eterno bonded with my cousin—you know the one who’s practically like my
brother
—and neither one of you told me!” she screeches in frustration.

I rush forward and clamp a hand over her mouth.
“Are you crazy? You can’t holler that at the top of your lungs. Anyone could’ve heard you.”

“I’m a little pissed here, Sadie. Shocked, and happy for you, too
”—she graces me with a smile—
“but still pissed. I thought we were friends? This is the type of thing friends tell each other.”

“I get that, but this isn’t about you, Neve.”

“Ouch,”
she deadpans.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”
I reach out and take her hands in mine.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but we thought it best to keep it a secret for now.”

“Because of Ax?”
She threads her fingers in mine.

“Partly, but also because of the situation on Saven. Who knows how people are going to react to the news? If Haydn’s attitude is typical—”

“He’s a stubborn idiot!”

“I’m not going to disagree.”
We share a knowing look. “
But my heritage is not going to make this easy for a lot of people to accept. I”
—I look down at my feet—
“I don’t want to make things any harder for Logan.”

She sweeps me into a hug.
“How can you be so delusional? You make his life easier. Have you not seen the way he looks at you?”
She holds me at arm’s length.
“Everybody can see it. He frigging adores you! Worships the ground you walk on.”

“Like the way Alex looks at you?”
I tease.

She beams. “
Yeah, pretty much. But we’re not talking about me. Honestly, Sadie, you don’t see the differences I see in Logan. You could never make things harder for him. You unburden him. He’s always been fairly serious—yes, I know he has a more frivolous side too, but we rarely saw that. Since he met you, it’s like this light has been burning inside him, getting bigger and brighter the closer you two get. Even now, with all the pressure on his shoulders, he is keeping a level head.”

I crank out a laugh.
“You wouldn’t say that if you felt his emotion after Haydn’s little outburst.”

Neve’s eyes pop wide. “
So, it’s true? You guys share everything now?”

I nod. “
It takes a little getting used to, but it’s not as weird as I thought it’d be. It’s actually kinda cool to be able to communicate without words. He knows what I want, what I need, sometimes before I even know it myself.”
The enormity of my admission smacks me full-force in the face. “
To have this degree of intimacy with another person is both surreal and humbling at the same time. I didn’t expect to like it so much. But it feels … natural, like an extension of myself.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”
I grin at her like a total lovesick fool.

“I’m so happy for you both.”

“I love him so much, Neve. Sometimes, the intensity of it scares me half to death. I never believed it possible to feel this much for another person.”

“That I can relate to.”

“I can tell it’s serious between you and Alex.”

“It is, Sadie. He’s the only one for me.”
She bites on her lip, and her forehead creases.

“Is something wrong?”
She looks dazed, and like she’s a million miles away.
“Neve?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Of course.”

“You probably shouldn’t tell Logan.”
I jump when she laughs unexpectedly
. “Oh, stars, what am I saying, you definitely can’t tell Logan, so I guess that means I can’t tell you seeing as you are one and the same now. But I really need to confide in someone.”
Her inner rambling comes to an end.

I nudge her with my shoulder.
“I’m still my own person, doofus. And we only share thoughts and feelings in the moment,
and
I can shut off the connection if I want to keep things to myself.”

Her face drops her habitual cocky veneer, and she looks so young and vulnerable.
“I think I might be pregnant.”

I blink profusely as I stare, wide-eyed, at my friend.
“Oh my God. Does Alex know?”

She shakes her head.
“You’re the only person I’ve told. I don’t want to say anything to him until I know for sure.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I feel great, actually.”

“Are you happy about it?”

She ponders my question for a minute.
“Well, the timing sucks butt, like big time, and my father is going to freak out when he finds out, but yeah, I’m happy about it.”
Moisture pools in her eyes, as she smiles.
“I love Alex, and I can’t imagine my life without him.”

I yank her into my arms.
“I’m happy for you. We are both so lucky.”

“We are.”
Neve lifts her chin up suddenly.
“Uh-oh.”

“What now?”

“Rylan said Logan just hauled Haydn outside.”

My back stiffens.
“Logan?”
I reach out to his mind.
“Where are you? What’s going on?”

“I’m outside having a long overdue chat with Haydn.”

That sounds ominous.
“I’ve already come between you two. Don’t make things worse.”

“That’s only part of it, Sadie. Haydn and I need to get some stuff out in the open.”

“Okay. But go easy on him.”
It’s probably more than he deserves, and it doesn’t mean he’s forgiven for the hurtful remarks he made earlier, but there is still compassion in my heart for him. I know how troubled he was a few weeks ago, and I can only imagine how recent events have added to the turmoil. With a pang, I realize how much I actually miss having him in my life. He was such a good friend to me. His loss weighs heavy on my soul.

“That’s very generous of you.”
Logan adopts a conscious light tone.

“I’m in love. I can afford to be charitable.”

“I think that’s my cue to say ditto?”
Humor sifts down the line, and it relaxes me.

“You’ll be in big trouble, dude, if you don’t!”

“Ditto. I love you to bits, but I’m going to cut the connection for a while. I’ll come get you when we’re done.”

I refocus on Neve.
“Everything’s okay. You know, I think we should get you looked over while we are here. If you are pregnant, you can’t come with us. It’s too dangerous.”

“The thought had crossed my mind.”
She eases off the counter onto her feet.

“Come on. Let’s talk to Haydn’s mom and see if we can get you hooked up with a medic.”

Haydn’s mom is the model of discretion, organizing an immediate appointment for Neve without prying into the “why.” Neve and I both have tears in our eyes when the medic confirms the news.
“I’m going to be a mom.”
She looks at me with a stunned glaze in her eyes.

I hug her to death.
“You will be an awesome mom. Wow. This is …”

“
Crazy, I know. But it feels so right. I need to tell Alex.”
A burst of excitement stains her cheeks as I escort her back to the main room, leaving her alone to break the news to Alex.

The rest of our party is nowhere to be found, and the room has emptied considerably, so I wander outside.

A sturdy stone balcony wraps around the exterior of the ballroom, and a few people are milling about, looking out at the harbor. Lounging against the railing, I follow the line of their focus. An exuberant crowd has swarmed the harbor. Heads are tilted up as a myriad of fireworks detonate in the peaceful nighttime sky. Shrieks of delight shower my ears and I smile. I’ve never seen a fireworks show before, and the colorful exhibit is as magical as I’d imagined.

“I don’t blame you, so you shouldn’t blame yourself.” Logan’s sincere tone is close by. A tiny tingle zips up and down my spine. I still, looking left and right. No one is paying me any attention, too enamored with the spectacular show in the sky.

Tiptoeing away from the railing, I tentatively peep around the adjacent alcove. I detect two shadowy silhouettes tucked into a hidden recess. I know I should walk away, to afford them privacy, but curiosity gets the better of me.

“How can you say that!” Haydn yells. “You could’ve died! And it would’ve been my fault. I let my feelings for her cloud my judgment, and you nearly paid the price. If I hadn’t been so sure that I was in love, so obsessed with protecting her, and so consumed with desire for a different life, then none of it would’ve happened.”

I’m pretty much rooted to the spot now, and good luck to anyone in prying me away.

“I failed you. I’m so sorry.” Self-loathing is obvious in his tone, tugging on my heartstrings.

“Haydn, you can’t blame yourself. Even if you hadn’t felt like that, you still wouldn’t have been able to stop what happened from happening. Neither could Sadie. You weren’t there. You didn’t see how hard she tried to fight Griselda off. How far she went to protect me when the Tor showed up. She let them take her—she willingly sacrificed herself so that I could get away. So that we all could.”

Advancing footsteps come close, and my heart rate picks up. Inching away from the alcove, I lean over the railing, pretending to be fascinated by the streets below. A man and woman pass by, nodding politely at me before they move out of sight.

I scoot back over to the alcove, flattening my back against the wall.

“I’m sorry, Logan, but I don’t see it like that. I don’t understand how you can so easily forgive her. How you can rest easy with those two silver-haired freaks in tow.”

Indignation surges to the fore, and I feel aggrieved on Ax and Izzy’s part. They have done nothing to earn Haydn’s distrust, and his attitude toward them is undeserved and unfair.

“I love her, and I trust her,” Logan says. “I know Sadie inside and out, and she’d never do anything to deliberately hurt me. Come on, Haydn,” he pleads, sounding exasperated. “You spent months with her. You know she’s a good person, through and through.”

He wouldn’t think that if he knew I was basically spying on him right now.

“I used to think that,” Haydn says, and I swallow the pungent lump in my throat.

“Nothing has changed.”

“Dammit, Logan, everything’s changed! You are just too blinded by love to see it.”

“You love her too!” Logan snaps, and I jump, startled at his tone and his statement. My foot collides with a plant pot on the ground, and I watch in horror as it teeters precariously for a few beats before steadying itself. I place a hand over my chest, urging the pounding in my heart to calm down. Almost getting caught knocks some sense into me. Eavesdropping is wrong.