Save Me From Myself (14 page)

Matt continues to run his mouth, talking about the girl he fucked around with behind Lyric’s back, but I’m more concerned with how upset she is. Hugging her closer, I press a kiss to her forehead before lifting her chin so she’s looking at me. Seeing this sweet girl with tears running down her face, looking so broken, makes me want to murder this stupid asshole. “Give me a minute, darlin'?” I tell her, and she nods, even though she’s obviously confused.

Standing, I walk over to Matt and grab him by the shirt, pulling him up so that he’s standing in front of me. Getting right up in his face, I snarl, “Did you get what you came for, Matt? Does it make you feel more like a man because you made her cry?” The look on his face has me so pissed off, and the fact that Lyric’s crying so hard she’s shaking doesn’t make it any better. Then, the dickwad says something really fucking stupid.

“Hey, look man, I’m just going to warn you. She’s a cold one. You know, in bed? Just ask her. I had to find someone else just to get some satisfaction.” He grins, like he thinks he’s doing me some kind of fucking favor. He’s standing in front of me, with a smug smile, and I can’t keep myself from planting my fist in his face. I hope I broke the dickhead’s nose. He needs to have some damage done to that pretty boy face of his.
 

Dragging him up off the floor by his collar, I drag him back down the hallway to the door. Opening it, I shove him out of the apartment and into the hallway.

“Look, you bastard, I don’t give a fuck who you are, or what you think you know about Lyric. That girl, right there,” I say, pointing back towards her, “is fucking perfect. Even after all the shit you’ve put her through. Unless you really want your mother fucking ass kicked, you’ll get the fuck out of Nashville.”

He just looks at me, blood streaming down his face, and says nothing. I fold my arms over my chest and stare at him, until he finally decides that fucking with me isn’t worth it. This fucker isn’t even worth my time, so turning, I head back into Lyric’s apartment and slam the door. I can hear her still sobbing in the living room, and I know I need to take care of my girl. It’s way past time for us to have a talk.

I’m a little bit in shock. Out of all the outcomes that could have happened tonight, David losing his cool and punching Matt was not what I expected. And God, Matt and his arrogance, I don’t even know what to say. He honestly seemed to believe that we were going to get back together, and I was going to go back to Manhattan with him. Matt must be delusional, because that will never happen.

I hear the door slam, followed by David’s footsteps coming back down the hallway towards the living room. I attempt to wipe my tears with my hands, after not finding the box of tissues that were sitting on the end table the other night. David walks back into the room, and I know I look like a complete mess. I can’t even look at him; he must be so disappointed in me. This is why I didn’t want to tell him about what happened. I can’t take anyone else being disappointed in me. When my mom found out I had been pregnant, she told me that I was going to ruin my life. She told me repeatedly while I was staying with her to recover that I had disappointed her and was upset with me. I ended up staying with Aria before going home. I couldn’t take living with my mom anymore. That was the first time she’d ever been really upset with me, and I couldn’t handle it.

David sits back down next to me, and I avoid looking directly at him. Of course, he doesn’t let that go one for very long, and tips my chin up to meet his gaze.
 

“Oh baby,” he whispers, “please stop crying. I can take just about anything but your tears.” He looks so unsure, like he has no idea what to do with me. It’s almost enough to make me giggle, but all I manage is a small smile.

“I’m sorry,” I breathe, barely able to get the words out.

David shakes his head, “No baby; you have nothing to be sorry for. He’s the one who should be apologizing, not you.” He looks at me questioningly, like he’s trying to figure something out, so I try to turn my head. He grips my chin tighter, not enough to hurt, but enough to hold me there.
 

“Did you know he was coming?”

I nod, still not able to say anything.

He sighs, “Is that why you’ve been pushing me away?” How does he know me so well already? I . He shakes his head, looking at me with a determined expression.
 

“Lyric, why didn’t you tell me? I wouldn’t have judged you. For any of it.” He sounds different, and I open my eyes to look at him. He’s looking down at me, and I’ve never seen this expression on his face before. He looks hurt. Oh no. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him.

“I’m sorry David, I just didn’t want you to know what happened. I feel so stupid for falling for his lies.” And, that’s the biggest part of the problem. I believed everything he told me, never questioning anything. I even told my sister she was wrong when she saw him with another woman. Now, David knows all my secrets. He knows about the baby, and he knows how unsatisfying it would be to sleep with me.

His eyes narrow, “You weren’t stupid darlin', you were just young and you were going through a lot. Nobody, aside from that jackass, would expect you to be perfect. Don’t let him keep causing you pain. Not letting anyone in isn’t hurting him. It’s only hurting you, and it makes him feel good. Is that what you want?”

I hadn’t thought about it that way. Is that true? I don’t even really have to think about it. I know that making me cut myself off from everyone would absolutely make Matt feel good. It would make him think I was still his in some way. I hate knowing that!

“Lyric,” David starts, but then seems to think better of it.

“What is it?” I’m genuinely curious, but I’m sure he wants to talk about other things that Matt has revealed.

David pulls me to him, and I try to pull away. He doesn’t let me though, and suddenly, I’m straddling his legs and his hands are holding my waist firmly. I frown at him, but he continues to just look at me. He’s staring at me like he can see all the way down to my soul like I’m laid completely bare for him, and it makes me uncomfortable.

“Now that you can’t get away from me, we need to have a serious discussion.”

I stiffen and try to pull away, but his hands just grip me harder. He is so much stronger than I am. I hold my breath, waiting for him to say whatever it is he needs to say.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the baby,” he asks softly, like he’s almost afraid of the answer.

Inhaling a sharp breath, I feel tears start rolling down my cheeks again. Just the mention of the baby brings on tears. Losing it felt like the biggest failure. I look away from him, and he says my name sharply, bring my focus back to him.

“I’m not going to judge you. I just want to know what happened, and why you never said anything.” He sounds so sincere, and I before I can stop myself, I tell him everything. He doesn’t say anything, just sits beneath me, his hands on my waist anchoring me, and just
listens
. It’s been so long since anyone listened to me.
Really
listened to me. Anna and Aria listen, but they don’t really count.

I tell him about finding out I was pregnant, about how I freaked out. I tell him about going to tell Matt, I was so scared of how he’d react, about the things Matt said, how he told me to “deal with it”, how I ran away from him and fell. About waking up in the hospital and finding out the baby was gone. By the time I’m done, I’ve told him everything he could ever want to hear about the baby. I sag against him, my head on his chest.

Telling him all of this is like reliving everything, but it’s helping too. Now that I’m not looking at him, it’s easier to tell him about everything else. I need to tell him about Matt and his cheating. I want to explain what Matt meant when he said I was “cold” because I don’t want David to believe him.

“I didn’t handle losing the baby,” my voice breaks, “very well, David. I cut off everyone, my mom, Matt, my sisters, my friends. I just wanted to be left alone.”

He starts rubbing a hand up and down my back, soothing me, “Darlin', you’d just been through something terrible. Something that changed you. It’s only natural to want some alone time.”

I shake my head, as much as I can considering it’s against his chest, “No, David, you don’t understand. I stayed in my apartment for three weeks after I left my mom’s. I just couldn’t stay with her anymore, not knowing how upset she was with me. I wouldn’t answer my phone; I refused to answer the knocks at the door. I just cut myself off from everyone.”
 

I stop to take a breath, and he says, “Baby, that’s perfectly okay. Everyone handles grief differently, and you were entitled to do your grieving in private. No one can fault you for that.”

“Matt did,” I whisper, and David stiffens beneath me, continuing to rub my back.

“What do you mean?” he asks me.

“He didn’t understand why I would want to be alone. He didn’t understand why I was upset with him when as he put it ‘it was my fault I fell’. If I hadn’t run, I wouldn’t have fallen, and I wouldn’t have lost the baby.”

He grips me tighter, and with one hand under my chin, forces me to meet his heated eyes. He looks pissed, and I try to get up but he doesn’t let me.
 

“No, Lyric,” he relaxes his grip slightly when I relax, “that’s bullshit. No, you shouldn’t have run away, but you didn’t cause the fall, and it’s not your fault you lost the baby. It was an accident, and honestly, if he hadn’t said what he said, you wouldn’t have taken off running. So if he wants to place blame, he can start with himself.”

I feel my mouth drop open, and I have no idea what to say to him. He’s the first person, other than Anna and Aria, to tell me that it wasn’t my fault. He smiles slightly and leans forward to kiss my forehead. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I hold him tightly and let out a shaky breath. He brings both arms around me and just holds me. We sit like that for a while, and I gradually let him go. I need to tell him the rest, and the things he’s said so far give me the courage to finish.

“I found out six months ago that Matt was seeing someone else behind my back. Aria saw him at a cafe with her. They were holding hands, and she said they seemed pretty happy. I refused to believe her, and decided to tell him what she said, figuring he’d laugh and tell me she was wrong. We’d started drifting apart after the baby, but we’d been doing better for three or four months.” I look down, trying to compose myself because I’m close to tears again. David doesn’t rush me, and he doesn’t say anything. He just gives me space, and time to say what I need to. I kinda love him for that.

“When I went to his apartment to tell him what Aria said she saw, he was there, with the girl. I left, without confronting him and went home. Later that night, he came looking for me, we were supposed to meet, and I didn’t show. I told him that I knew about the other girl, and he got mad at me for spying on him. He said that I’d been so cold, so unwilling, that he’d had to go elsewhere. That I shouldn’t have expected him to stay faithful if I wasn’t going to take care of his needs. It was like a punch in the stomach. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do. We ended up having a horrible fight, and I told him I was done, that I couldn’t do it anymore. He said he was fine with that, and stormed out.”
 

I couldn’t say anymore. In fact, I hadn’t noticed I was crying again, until he put his hand on my cheek, wiping my tears away with his thumb. “Shh, darlin', you don’t need to tell me anymore. In fact, please don’t tell me anymore. If you do, I’ll have to go hunt down that fucker and really beat his ass.”
 

I laugh at that and bury my head in his chest. We sit there for a while, not saying anything. He just holds me, letting me cry, giving me the space to deal with everything that happened tonight.

***