Authors: Ella Col
When we get to the hospital, I start to get nervous. I know I’m not responsible for whatever happened to Amy. But, I haven’t helped the situation. Bree made me see this. Another problem is that I don’t know what I am walking in to. What if she is in really bad shape?
Finally, we reach Amy’s floor. Eric is sitting in the waiting area. I’m surprised. He hates her. I walk over to Eric and pound his fist with mine. “So, what’s up?”
“All I know is that she has been here two days. The first two days she was completely out of it from what they tell me. Today, she was able to give them her emergency info. When they couldn’t get a hold of you, they called me. “ Eric explains. “I think she wants to see you, man.”
I sigh and then look at Bree. I don’t want to go in to that room alone. Who knows what the fuck I will say to Amy. I’m already pissed that I’m here. What if I make her worse?
“Josh, go. I will be here when you come out.” Bree plants a feather like kiss on my lips, and then discreetly licks my lip ring as she pulls away.
“I’ll watch your girl, man. Go ahead.” Eric pulls Bree in to a seat next to him.
I make my way down the hallway. All the while I’m cursing the asshole that killed my sister. If he hadn’t killed her, I wouldn’t have turned in to such a dick. If Lindsay were still here, I wouldn’t have been drowning my sorrows in booze and women. I would have never met Amy.
Her door is open and I walk in to find her lying in bed watching television. To my surprise, she looks good. Clear. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her when she wasn’t high. Her eyes perk up when she sees me.
I give her a fake smile, “Hey.”
She smiles, “You came.”
“Yep. I did.”
“I’m glad.”
“Amy, what happened this time?”
Amy lets out a long huff, “I overdid it.”
“You always do. Tell me what the fuck happened.” I’m getting impatient. I don’t want to spend anymore time here than I have to.
“I will, in good time. Where’s your girlfriend? Does she know you’re here with me?” Amy smirks like she pulled one over on Bree.
“She’s here. In fact, she’s the only reason I’m here. If it weren’t for her, you’d be sitting here alone. So, spit out whatever you fucking got to say to me.” The tears form in the corners of her eyes and I’m the asshole again. Fuck my life. I don’t mean to be callous. Like Bree brings out the best in me, Amy brings out the worst. “I’m sorry. I am. I just don’t know why I’m here, Amy. We never had a real relationship. I wasn’t the nicest guy to you. You know that I’m in love with someone else. Yet, here I am.”
The tears fall from her eyes in a steady flow. She sniffs and looks me right in the eye. “I don’t love you. I want you to know that. It’s just I don’t have anyone that gives two shits about me, Josh. When we were together…if we can even call it that…I knew what was going on. I wanted to say a few things to you before I leave for rehab.”
She surprises me. I know that she doesn’t love me. I know what love is now and no one could confuse the real thing for something else. It’s that she is going to rehab that really gets me. “You’re going to rehab?”
“Yes. I am. My mind has been clear the past 24 hours and I have had time to think. I brought you here because I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the all of the shit I put you through. I hope one day you can forgive me.” Amy fiddles with her hands to keep them from shaking. “I am happy for you, Josh. You deserve to be happy. As I watched you the last few weeks, I see a completely different person. It’s because of her.”
I collapse back in the chair, stunned. “So, you brought me here to tell me that you are sorry?”
She laughs. “You look like you don’t believe the word could come out of my mouth. That’s too funny. But, yes. I want what you have. I want to be high on life instead of high on something else. The drugs can’t give it to me. You can’t give it to me. If Bree can get you out of that dark hole you were drowning in, then I know there is someone out there for me too. But, I can’t be…well…me. At least, I can’t be a junkie anymore. I need to get myself straight.”
My fingers run through my hair and I let out a sigh of relief. She’s getting help. That’s good news. “Thank you, Amy. I mean it. I’m sorry for being an asshole. I’m glad you are getting the help you need. And, I hope you meet someone some day that you fall in love with.” I get up to leave but she stops me again.
“Josh? One more favor before you leave?” she asks.
I turn back around and to take a final glance at Amy. “What’s that?”
“Can I talk to Bree?”
The protective instinct I have for Bree shines through. “Amy, it’s not a good idea.”
“Please. Just this last favor.” She pleads.
“Fine. But, I’m staying right here.” I text Bree to come to Amy’s room.
“Fair enough.”
Hesitantly, Bree enters Amy’s room. I take her hand and kiss it. I look at Amy and nod.
Amy examines Bree from her bed. “It’s okay, Bree. I won’t bite.”
“Amy.” Josh warns.
“Kidding.” Amy laughs.
Bree is obviously puzzled. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yeah, I wanted to say that I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I’m sorry for trying to hurt you,” Amy apologizes.
Bree nods her head, “Apology accepted.”
“How do you do that?” Amy asks.
“What?” Bree answers.
“Just accept an apology. Don’t you want to tell me off? Don’t you want to tell me to back off of Josh?”
“Not really. Amy, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t like what you said to me. I don’t like that you run to Josh when you have problems. But, I love Josh,” Bree looks at me, and I swear I fucking melt standing where I am. “He’s why I’m here. He’s the reason I accept your apology.”
Amy examines Bree carefully. “Wow. So, this is what love looks like, huh?”
Bree and I gaze at each other and snicker. I answer Amy the best way I can without making her feel like she is intruding on Bree and me. “The fact is, Amy, we weren’t right together. We didn’t flow, mesh, gel, or blend. But, you will find yours, when you at least expect it, just like I found Bree.”
Amy smirks a little, “Hope so.”
I grab Bree’s hand to lead her out of the room and she turns to look back at Amy. “Good luck with everything, Amy.”
“Thanks.”
I put my hand up and wave. I know this will be the last time I will ever see Amy. It’s a liberating feeling. One I will never forget. I leave my past behind and look forward to my future.
~CHAPTER EIGHT~
BREE
“So, that’s it? She’s in rehab?” Lena asks me as she stuffs a mouthful of lettuce in to her mouth. Lena and I are having are usual lunch at the sandwich shop down the street.
“Yup.” Something inside of me can’t help but be relieved. Not so much because Amy is out of my life and Josh’s but that she is getting the help she needs.
“I bet Josh is thrilled. I kind of hung back that night she showed up at his place. But, I saw that he was pissed. She was completely wrecked.”
“Yeah, she was. Hey, how did the pictures come out of Dread?” I change the subject to work because I really want to leave Amy and every little piece of shit in the past. I’m too damn happy.
Lena catches on because she’s cool like that. She answers my questions regarding work and we make basic chit chat for a while. Atypically, Lena grows quiet. I have never seen anyone concentrate so hard on a salad before.
“Len, is something wrong?” I’m concerned. Ever hear of the expression ‘Cat Got Your Tongue’? It certainly applies to this conversation.
Looking up, her beautiful, porcelain face meets mine. Something is hiding behind the pretty blue eyes. “What do you know about Eric? Bree-you know I’m not the type of chick to ask about guys or do girly heart-to-hearts. As you know, Eric and I have been spending a bunch of time together. I, normally, don’t spend time with anyone. It’s not my thing.”
I want to tell Lena everything. Part of me knows it’s not my story to tell. On the other hand, if it was me, and this was Josh, I’d want to know. “You know he dated Josh’s sister, right?”
She sighs, “Yeah. He did tell me what happened, all of it. That’s not what I mean. I know he’s broken. He’s told me as much. Hell, I’m broken too. It’s just this thing that were doing is flipping confusing.”
I’m curious. It’s none of my business, but, shit, we all want to know what is happening in other people’s beds. “What ‘thing’ are you doing?”
Her grin implies something naughty. She jokes, “Not what you think. Not everyone is like you and Josh. Seriously, do you guys ever take a break? It’s hard to sleep at Eric’s crib because of the noises coming through the paper-thin walls.”
“Has he been at your place? I wondered where he was most mornings.” I pun. All kidding aside, I know Eric cares for Lena. Josh said he hasn’t seen this side of Eric in a long time. But, heartache is a stifling, darkening nature that runs deep. Eric seems to be pushing past this and moving on but very slowly. I get it. I do. He didn’t break up with Lindsay. She died. “Seriously, from what I know of Josh and Eric, it wasn’t good, Len. They both were man whores for a period of time after Lindsay passed. They worked hard and played harder. From what Josh has told me – it was booze and girls.”
“So, basically, he is a used model. He couldn’t possibly want a girlfriend with all of the shit he’s been through.”
“We’re all used models, Len. I came to Josh with my own shit. He came to me with his shit. It’s trusting someone with your shit that’s important,” I say matter of factually.
Lena chuckles, “You have such a way with words, my friend. That was a very poetic, bold statement.”
I laugh at myself for a moment but then turn serious. “Eric is getting better. I see it. Josh sees it. If you really like him, don’t give up on him. And, you are going to have to accept whatever he did after Lindsay died because he can’t take it back.”
“That’s just it. I can take it as slow as he wants to go. It’s the ‘why me’ that gets me. If he was happy whoring it up, then why stop now? I don’t put any restrictions on him,” she confesses.
“Okay…so do you want him whoring around? Now, I’m confused. I thought you were asking me about him because you like him.”
“I do like him. I just want to keep it cool. If he was happy doing his thing, then he should continue doing his thing.” If I didn’t know any better, this girl was scared shitless. If I am reading her right, she’s afraid Eric has feelings for her.
I take a long sip of my tea. I don’t want to respond right away. What I have to say is important. “Lena, the one thing that I’ve learned from my past is that fear is crippling. Actually, I stole that from my shrink. She also told me that to overcome my fear I just had to do whatever it was that I was afraid of doing. I was petrified when I met Josh. What if he turned out like Nick? What if I was the type of girl that encouraged guys to hurt me? Fuck, I’m still scared of Josh sometimes.”
Lena looks like I just slapped her. “I’m not scared. I just don’t do relationships,” she barks.
Yeah. I don’t buy it. “Bullshit. Why? You never had a boyfriend? Ever? You never cared for anyone?”
Lena heavily exhales. “I’ve cared, Bree. I care about Eric, too. You’re right. There’s something that is probably holding me back. I’m just not ready to expose myself to anyone yet. You, Josh, and Eric may be the closest thing I have to family. I can’t lose this.”
I lean in to hug Lena because, well, she needs one. Hell, there are days we all just need someone to hug us. “We come from the Island of Misfit Toys, Lena. We are all broken in an endearing way. Just like the toys on that island made their own family, we will too. When you are ready, you let us know which toy you are.”
She lets out a tearful, but hearty laugh. “I know who I am. I’m the ‘Dolly for Sue’. My question is who are you?”
I think about this. ‘Dolly for Sue’ had issues with abandonment. Her problems were purely psychological. She suffered depression from being unloved. Suddenly, the pieces of Lena’s past are coming together. In time, I am sure; she will let us fix her. To make her laugh, I belt out, “Duh, I’m the gun who shoots jelly!”
By now Lena is hysterical. “Yeah, I never thought that was a problem. I wanted that gun when I was a kid!”
“Me too!” I agree.
“Okay, so who is Josh?”
I laugh. This is too easy. “No doubt that he is the elephant with polka dots.”
“Hah! Definitely! How about Eric?”
This is way too much fun. At the same time we belt out, “The cowboy who rides an ostrich!”
Lena and I are definitely causing a scene with our laughter. But it is cut short by my phone ringing. “Damn it.” I look down to view the number. I’ve been getting calls from a ‘Private Number’ for the last few days. Most of the time, whoever it is, doesn’t leave a message. This time, I answer the phone. It sounds like someone is on the opposite end of the receiver but isn’t speaking. I hang on for a second to hear a click on the other line. “Hmm. Strange.”
Alarmed by my comment, Lena asks, “Everything okay?”
I set my phone down on the table. I’m flustered. The calls are becoming more and more frequent. “Yeah. Fine. It’s just…I keep getting these calls from a private number. When I answer, the person doesn’t say anything.” I feel silly. It’s probably a wrong number. I’m overreacting. “It’s probably nothing.”