“I didn’t think they were,” Walter said quietly. “I have no idea if they are violent or not.”
“Don’t you think they’d have killed us all if they were?” Aaron asked. “I mean, when they shift, as wolves? They are huge.
Huge.
Not like the coyotes we’ve seen or the wolves we saw that time a few summers ago. They’re twice that size. I could probably ride one.” As soon as he said that, arousal began to warm Aaron’s blood. He squashed it back down, more than a little disturbed to feel that way considering his father was right there.
“So…” His father cleared his throat. “You talked to them, eh?”
Aaron had to sit up. He needed to see Walter’s face clearly so he could gage what his expressions meant. He put his back to the wall and his knees against his chest. Aaron looped his arms over them. “Yes, and they weren’t bad.”
“Did you learn their names?” Walter asked.
Aaron weighed not being honest. The problem with that was he was a horrible liar, and he couldn’t see the harm in telling his father. “Yes, actually. Rivvie is taller and has blond hair. At least, I think it was blond. With the moonlight, that would be my guess. I suppose silver or white can’t be ruled out.” Aaron took a breath and told himself to stop babbling. He began to tingle in the most interesting places as he thought of Valen. “Then there’s Valen. He’s shorter than Rivvie, and still taller than any of us. He’s…”
Got so many muscles that I want to lick.
“Er, he’s really strong. He has dark hair. If anyone was the leader between them, it was Valen.”
Walter canted his head, angling his chin at Aaron. “Tell me more about Valen.”
Aaron’s cheeks heated with a blush. “W-why?”
“Because he is the one you said was in charge, so if we’re going to be attacked by them, knowing what I can about him might help. A name makes someone less of an idea and more of an actual person. It humanizes them, and us, and that can save lives.”
“I told you what I know, which isn’t much.” Aaron wasn’t going to confess to the sexual things they’d done, though. Those were private memories and didn’t come into this. There was something he felt inclined to share, however. “I remembered you saying it made people less likely to hurt you if they had a name for you, because it made you kind of familiar to them, not a stranger. I don’t think they were going to hurt me anyway. They, um, Valen just wanted his belongings back.”
“Which you shouldn’t have taken,” Walter said.
Aaron knew that to be the introduction to his lecture. “I shouldn’t have taken the horses or put anyone else in danger.”
Walter pointed at him. “Or yourself. You are a valuable member of our community.”
Aaron laughed. “Yeah, I can see how I’m so much help since I can’t stand to hunt and I have horrible aim with any weapon including the slingshot. I can’t build anything without getting hurt.”
“Stop running yourself down.” Walter used that firm tone of voice that meant he would be obeyed. “There are other things that you do to help. Like take care of the young ones, and work in the garden. You’ve made sure Lin and several other people know how to read.”
“All things that women do,” Aaron muttered. His father had to know that.
“Bullshit.”
Aaron gasped. Walter had only ever cursed one other time that Aaron knew of, and that was when the Markhams’ house had collapsed in an awful storm and old man Chatwick had said it was punishment from the gods for the Markham family for some unnamed sin. Aaron had then wondered what Chatwick had done to make the gods so angry they’d ensured he died a painful death, gangrene consuming him. Nothing, that’s what Aaron thought. Things happened.
“Aaron, get your head out of the clouds and listen to me.”
The urgency in Walter’s voice pulled Aaron back to their conversation.
Walter had gotten old at some point, Aaron noted. He always pictured his father as the virile, strong man he’d been in Aaron’s childhood. Now deep lines creased his face, his skin had been darkened by the sun and chapped by the wind. Circles ringed his eyes, and his once thick brown hair was now receding. It was also thinned enough that his scalp shone through at the crown. Walter was still muscular, but he looked worn, and it tugged at Aaron’s heart to think of his parents growing old.
Walter cupped his cheek. “Aaron, I had a brother in Redwood. Life there was so different from this.” Walter let go of him and gestured between them. “People weren’t required to reproduce. It was actually a happier way of life, in most cases. Very little judgment or demands were made except that everyone was to contribute in some way. It didn’t matter what gender one was—there were no his or her jobs.” Walter grinned. “I’d forgotten about that. I’ve lived this way for so long, first because I loved your mother, then because it was simply how it’d been in this village. Change can be a scary thing. It can take time.”
Walter shuddered then. “Or it can happen like a sudden storm, tearing through everything and destroying it in the end.”
Aaron didn’t know what to say, so he waited, a feeling of dread cloaking him.
“My brother’s name was Hank, and he was something else, let me tell you.” He smiled fondly. “Handsome, gregarious, everyone loved him. Everyone but Murray, despite what Murray claimed.”
“Who was Murray?” Aaron asked.
“Murray was Hank’s boyfriend, his… His husband, if you will.”
Aaron pondered that. “Murray is a different name for a girl, I guess.”
Walter’s expression intensified. “Murray wasn’t a female, Aaron. Murray was a man.”
Aaron was sure he’d just gone as white as the clouds in the sky. “I don’t understand.” Except he was afraid that he did, and it terrified him to be found out.
“There was nothing wrong with Hank or any other person loving someone of the same gender. There still isn’t. It’s just not been something that has come up here.” Walter waited a beat, then added, “Until now.”
Aaron shook his head and tried to slip around his father to get off the bed. He was filled with fear and shame and not sure why he felt the latter. The former he understood. He was, once again, not fitting in here.
“Aaron, no. Don’t run off.” Walter caught his wrist then glanced at it and frowned. “You’re bruised. You were bruised when we found you, too. What happened? I’ve heard everyone’s version except yours. To be honest, I was afraid to push you on it.”
Aaron wanted those marks to stay with him forever, but they were almost gone now. He wanted to remember the way Valen had held him down and rutted with him. Those were not answers he was giving to Walter. “Why didn’t you ask me what happened sooner?”
“Because.” Walter huffed and folded his hands together. “Okay, because you’d left. You showed me that you didn’t need my rules, and you could and would leave. What’s to stop you from doing so again?”
“I wasn’t going anywhere,” Aaron explained, confused as to why anyone thought he’d leave and not come back. “I wouldn’t know how to survive outside the village.”
“You had your friends with you,” Walter said. “They would have helped you.”
“I wasn’t running off. Surely they told you that.”
Walter shrugged. “They’re your friends, Aaron. They might not tell me the truth if it was a betrayal of your trust. And what would they say, that you wanted to find a reason to get me to think about the world beyond this village? Son, I
do
that. This place, and the people here, have to come first. My family has to come first, and I know that there’s nothing beyond what I have now, that I want. I understand it is probably different for you.”
“I don’t know,” Aaron mumbled. He didn’t want to talk about being different, so he decided to explain how he’d come to hurt his knee and wrists over a week ago. “Did you know Valen and Rivvie, that’s the shifters, they’re brothers?”
Walter shook his head. “No. No one has said.”
Well, who would have if not for Aaron? “I tried to hit Valen and Rivvie with my slingshot. You know how good I am at that. Then I fell out of the tree, and Valen was there. I would have tried to run if I’d had the chance. I didn’t.” Aaron pulled his wrist free and rubbed it with his other hand. “If it matters, he stopped holding me down and we did talk.” A little, after they’d had their releases.
Walter’s eyes likely saw everything he didn’t say. Aaron couldn’t bear to meet his gaze for another second longer.
“Talking is good. Brothers are special, Aaron. Love yours while you have the chance. Hank and Murray met when Murray came to our village after being run out of his because of his attraction to men. No one in Redwood cared. We had couples and more of all gender combinations. As long as people were good to each other, that was what mattered.” Walter seemed to be staring at Aaron’s wrists. “Murray was good to Hank at first, then once he had Hank in love with him, he began to change. Hank stopped seeing his family and friends. When we tried to visit, Hank was scared, and bruised. He always had an excuse.”
Aaron couldn’t grasp what Walter meant. “I don’t understand.”
Walter nodded. “I know you don’t. I will not tolerate anyone abusing their spouse or mating partner, or children. Disciplining the kids is one thing. I’ve taken a belt to you and your siblings when it’s been necessary, although now I… Now I wonder if there isn’t a better way of raising children up. More violence, that’s what I thought every time I did spank one of you. Murray, he wasn’t spanking Hank, wasn’t disciplining him. He was abusing Hank, hurting him for reasons I’ll never know.”
Walter pulled Aaron back to sit beside him. “By the time the town elders confronted Murray and Hank, it was too late. Murray killed Hank there in front of them, then he murdered all of the elders save one. She only survived because he missed her heart. His knife and hands were too bloody. Murray set the house on fire, and while the one elder escaped, the fire spread and many, many lives were lost.” He swiped at his cheeks. “I left, after I helped the survivors get set up. I couldn’t stay there, knowing I’d let that happen to Hank. And I did, Aaron. I should have stepped in and ignored Hank’s claims that all was well. It wasn’t. So I came south and east, and saw your mother out by the stream one day. That was it. I was home.”
He continued, “And if you’re wondering what this has to do with you, I think you can figure it out. I loved Hank. Nothing was wrong with him. Murray deceived him into thinking Murray loved him. He didn’t. You don’t hurt the people you love, you don’t kill them. And I love
you,
son. I’ve never said so, but I do.”
Aaron had tears streaming down his cheeks. He was still scared, still didn’t think he fit in. “I… I don’t—”
“You don’t want to have a wife, or a mating partner,” Walter interrupted. “Aaron, that’s okay. I didn’t realize—your mother did, and once she talked to me, I saw that you are like Hank.”
Aaron wheezed, so terrified he couldn’t speak. Here was his chance to deny it. To claim that he was just like everyone else in the village.
“It’s okay, Aaron. I won’t let anyone hurt you, and I think it’s time changes are made here. You will do the jobs you feel suit you, and the same goes for everyone else. I hadn’t meant for things to be defined by gender. Back in Redwood, would you believe that I sewed and made some of the prettiest blankets ever created?”
Aaron goggled at his father. “What?”
Walter smirked. “It’s true, and I miss it. We don’t have the wool or material that was available in Redwood. There we had several close villages and even towns where we could go and trade for what we needed. Here, we’re more isolated. Safer from diseases spreading, I guess, just not near things that could make our lives easier. I’d try to get everyone to move, but they won’t. It’s easier to stay with what’s familiar.
“And before you say anything about me making all these changes for you, it isn’t just for you,” Walter said. “I want some happiness in my old age, Aaron. I want my children to be happy. And I want to be strong enough for my family to stand up and implement rules or remove rules that I think are making our lives harder. Without pleasure, what is life? Pain, suffering, hard work, that’s what. Did you know, we used to have celebrations other than the annual winter gathering?”
Aaron was too busy trying to process everything to reply with more than a grunt.
“We did,” Walter continued. “There were once quarterly trips taken, wherein virtually everyone in the village went on to trade with other people. That stopped before I took over. I’m not sure why. Now, back to the matter at hand.”
“Um.” Aaron squirmed and still couldn’t look his father in the eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You haven’t got to say anything. I wanted you to listen. What you feel, if we’re right? There’s nothing wrong with it. Being attracted to the same gender isn’t as common as being attracted to the opposite gender, but it isn’t wrong at all.” Walter smiled. “Hank used to say that’s why it was special, because it wasn’t done as frequently.”
“I still don’t know what to say.” Aaron needed time to think and worry. Okay, maybe he didn’t need to worry—it’d happen regardless.
“Now, the shifters, that’s more worrisome. If there are several of them, and they attack us—”
“They aren’t going to attack us,” Aaron said. “Why would they? We have nothing they want. They aren’t vicious beasts in either form.”
Walter cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure we have nothing they want?”
Aaron hated blushing.
Damn it all to hells.
Walter patted his knee. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready, I suppose. This has been an emotional day for us both. I understand you’ll need time to believe I mean what I’ve said.”
“I believe you,” Aaron said quickly.
“You do?” Walter inquired.
Aaron bobbed his head. “Yes, of course I do. You’ve never lied to me, or to anyone, as far as I know. Why would you do so now? There would be no purpose.”
Walter ruffled his hair then surprised Aaron with a kiss to his brow. “I wouldn’t.”
Before Aaron could reply, someone banged on the bedroom door hard enough to rattle the frame.
“Walter! There’s trouble!”
Aaron recognized the voice of his oldest brother Matthew.
“What’s happening?” Walter called out as he darted to the door.