Authors: Erin Golding

Run to Me (18 page)

I continue to stare out the window, tuning out
Luke’s incessant attempts to get me to respond, and drain my glass.

***

I don’t even get to school on Thursday. Mum
tells them Bianca and me are taking the day off before I’ve got a chance to
stop her.

‘But Mum,’ I say. ‘I don’t need to take a day
off.’

‘One day won’t hurt. And I need you.’

‘Yeah, Paul. Since when have you loved school so
much?’

‘Shut your word hole, Bianca.’

‘Stop it. Let’s just all be there for your
father today. You can both go to school tomorrow if you want.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Surprise, surprise.’

‘Paul, leave her alone. Go and get dressed,
please. I want to leave for the hospital soon.’

I end up spending the whole day in the hospital
waiting area. I can’t stand it in his room. Mum and Bianca fuss over The Chief
like there’s no tomorrow. Anyone would think the old guy’s got some terminal
disease. If I have to hear Bianca’s suck-up voice ask one more time ‘Are you OK
Dad? Can I get you anything?’ I’ll hang myself.

So I get the hell out of there and I read the
paper front to back. Then I think about Abby. I decide I don’t care what Mum
says; there’s no chance I’m skipping running this afternoon. I’ve got to see
her.

As I watch the minutes tick towards three
o’clock my palms start sweating. Last time I was this nervous was before my
square off with McFadden. The memory of that brings Amanda into my head. I
haven’t thought about her in a while. It really has been all about Abby lately.
Abby. It’s true what Matt says; it is weird calling her that. But she’s never
been Mrs Fox in my fantasies. She’s always in her running gear or some sexy lingerie.
It’s not the teacher I’m after.

I wait until ten past three then I slip out the
hospital entrance. They won’t even notice I’m gone they’re so preoccupied
playing nurse-maid. I sling my backpack over my shoulders and unhook my bike
from the lamp post. It took some convincing this morning but Mum finally agreed
to let me ride here. Probably thought I planned to bail as soon as we arrived,
judging by the concerned-mother look she gave me, but I’d done my duty. I sat
there all frigging day.

As soon as the wind hits my face and I’m free of
the hospital grounds my stomach starts flipping. Every blonde I pass in the
street looks like her and I know my blood is pumping to only one place in
particular. I try to run over what I’m going to say, but it’s no use. Her hand
on my arm, and the way her lips parted for me, is all I can focus on. I almost collect
a woman with a pram going round Bentley corner because I’m too busy watching
the instant replay of yesterday’s kiss over and over in my head.

‘Watch where you’re going!’ the woman screams at
me.

I lay off the speed a bit and even pull up at
the next red light, which I’d normally just roar on through. I’m watching the
traffic fly past, and trying to will my boner to sit down when someone grabs my
left shoulder.

‘Well, well, well if it isn’t little pussy boy
Beckett.’

McFadden is standing one foot on the kerb, the
other through the spokes of my back wheel. He’s gripping my shoulder so tight
I’m starting to get pins and needles. I try to shake him loose.

‘Let go of me McFatty. Isn’t there a twelve pack
of doughnuts and a case of beer calling your name somewhere?’

‘Ha. Ha. Very funny, Bucket. I got nowhere else
to be but right here. I’m ready to finish you off once and for all.’

‘You’re actually going to fight me here in the
street with all these people around?’

‘You think I care about the audience?’

‘I know you do McFatty. So tell you what. How
about we name a time and place, and do this properly. You don’t really want to
fight without Amanda cheering you on, do you?’

He squeezes my shoulder harder. ‘Nice try
Bucket. You’ve weaselled yourself out of this ‘til now but I ain’t waiting any
longer.’

‘Look, I’m all ready to kick your arse McFatty.
But not here. I’m not risking some nosey-parker dobbing us in to the cops.’

I wave my arm out, indicating all the
pedestrians and cars. His eyes survey the street for the first time and he lets
out a loud snort. I feel a speck of snot land on my cheek and I try not to
grimace.

‘We’ve waited this long so another day won’t
matter. How about the skate park at four tomorrow arvo?’

He sizes me up for a minute and then nods. His
grip loosens on my shoulder but he brings his other hand up to punch me in the
back, just below my pack, right by my kidneys. It’s all I can do not to cry
out.

‘Just a taste of what’s in store for you
tomorrow, Bucket. Don’t be late.’

I keep my head down as he walks away. Once I
know he’s out of sight I reach round and start massaging my lower back. He’s
definitely got a mighty hook on him. I might just have to resort to that low
blow tomorrow. There’s no way I’m going down a second time, I know that much
for sure.

I rub my back for a few minutes while I pull
myself together. My heart was pounding even before McFadden showed up. Now it’s
on fire. I can’t believe I’ve just signed myself up for a re-match tomorrow. I
wasn’t even thinking, the words were just tumbling out of me. I didn’t want to
fight him here and now, that’s what was driving me. There’s only one thing I
need to be doing right now, and it sure in hell has nothing to do with McFadden.

I grip the handlebars and steady myself on the
bike, waiting for the lights to turn green again. I’ll worry about McFadden
tomorrow. For now, I’ve got to see her in the flesh. The second the lights
change, I’m off. Peddling as fast as I can to the school.

***

My hangover headache is still lingering as I
change into my running gear. The empty wine bottle was lying next to me when I
woke on the sofa this morning. Luke was nowhere to be seen, although he had
purposely circled tomorrow’s date in bright red pen on the calendar we hang on
the fridge. His business trip. A whole weekend apart to contemplate my
outrageous behaviour last night. If I know Luke at all, he’ll expect an
explanation when he returns on Sunday night. No one treats him like that and
gets away scot free. Not even me. When I married him, his willingness to work
on our problems was definitely in the pro list. Now I wish he’d drop it, just
this once.

The last thing I want is to see Paul, right now
or ever again for that matter. I can’t get past how stupid I was yesterday. To
let him kiss me at all was dumb, but in public? I must have lost my mind.

Still, when I reach the oval I search the crowd
for him. All the students are mingling, the rugby players and my running team,
so it is hard to make them out individually. Everybody is talking loudly. The
boys are slapping each other on the back, and the girls are giggling. I chide
myself for purposely listening out for his voice. Or worse, actually hoping I
hear it.

As I draw closer Matt emerges from the group so
I scan the faces nearby. But Paul doesn’t seem to be there. He’s obviously
late. I turn back to see if he is behind me. I should probably pull him aside
and get the awkward conversation over with beforehand. The conversation where I
tell him to never come near me again. But he isn’t anywhere to be seen.

‘Let’s go runners,’ I yell and one by one my
team members follow me over to the tracks.

I dump my water bottle on the ground and wait
for everyone to catch up. Matt is the first to arrive.

‘Where’s Paul?’ I ask him.

‘Don’t know. At the hospital I guess. He was off
school today.’

I try hard to fight the smile creeping across my
face. I’d avoided the playground all day so I hadn’t noticed he wasn’t at
school. I silently say thank you to the universe for giving me a reprieve. I
know I’ll have to deal with him at some point, but if it’s not today then
that’s just great.

‘OK guys,’ I say, clapping. ‘Let’s not waste any
time. Off we go.’

I ignore the groans and take off at the front of
the pack. I can feel my legs are weighted down by last night’s binge but at the
same time I like the way my muscles react to the movement. With each pace
they’re loosening up and by my second lap I’ve fallen into a comfortable
stride. I begin to count my steps, up to twenty and then starting again at one.
Whenever I’m without my music, or a running partner to talk to, I go over this
counting rhythm in my head. It helps me disconnect from the pain.

I’m so into my counting that I don’t notice Paul
until he is running right beside me. He gives me that smile of his and my
stomach does a back flip. I hadn’t expected to see him and yet I can’t deny I
am pleased when I do.

‘Hi,’ he says.

‘Hello Paul.’

‘How are you?’

‘I thought you weren’t coming today?’

‘Were you hoping I wouldn’t come?’

‘No,’ I say, and I realise how true it is.

He smiles at me and I can see the obvious relief
in his eyes.

‘Listen, about yesterday...’

I hold my hand up to interrupt him, then I glance
over my shoulder. ‘Don’t,’ I say.

‘There’s no one close. Look, I hope you know...I
didn’t mean to...’

He is struggling to find the words. It sounds
like he is trying to say it was a mistake and I feel my whole body tense up. I
don’t want him to say that.

‘I’m sorry if I freaked you out, but I’m not
sorry I kissed you. I really wanted to. I really…I want…’ He pauses, looking at
me. ‘I want
you
,’ he says finally.

I let his words wash over me. My heart is
beating faster now. I can feel it even through the exercising. It is like there
is an electrical current running through me. I want to reach out and touch him,
just like I did yesterday.

‘I really like you, Abby.’

My name is on his lips again, but this time I
like it. The current sparks, and my insides are on fire.

He takes my silence as encouragement.

‘Can I see you? This weekend?’ he says.

I shake my head. ‘Um, no. Luke’s away so I
have...’

I stop talking. I can’t believe I’ve just said
that. His eyes linger on me for a long time.

‘Oh. OK. Gotcha,’ he says with a wink.

Shit. I grab him by the wrist and we pull up.

‘No. Paul, I didn’t mean that. I really think it’s
best if we just leave this alone.’

The words are flying out of my mouth.

He smiles. ‘Yeah, sure thing. Don’t worry about
it.’

‘No, I don’t think you’re listening. I shouldn’t
have said that about Luke. It doesn’t mean what you think it means.’

‘Yep. Look the others are catching up. I’m going
to go talk to Matt. See ya.’

He swings his arm close to me as he moves away
and his fingers brush against my skin. The touch is so fleeting, so intimate,
that it sends a shiver through me. The fire coursing around my body collects in
my pelvis, leaving me unbelievably turned on. I stand there, breathless,
watching him run away.

Fourteen

Mum is surprised when I ask her for Friday off
as well.

‘He probably has some test he’s trying to get
out of,’ says Bianca.

‘No, I don’t,’ I say, flipping her the bird
behind Mum’s back. ‘I just thought you might need me for something.’

‘Well, thank you Paul. That’s lovely.’

Of course, I have no intention of helping Mum
out today. The two of them pottering around his bedside is more than enough. I
just don’t want to go to school because I know I can’t face Abby again. She’ll
try and convince me that she’s not up for us seeing each other over the
weekend. Even though we both know that’s not true. I recognise an invite when I
hear one.

I give Matt a call before we leave for the
hospital.

‘I’m not coming today,’ I say when he picks up.

‘Why not?’

‘She might change her mind if she sees me.’

There is silence on Matt’s end. Finally he says,

‘Fair enough.’

‘I’ll be at the skate park for four though.’

‘You’re going to fight him?’

‘Of course.’

‘I just thought...I mean last time we talked
about it...’

‘Yeah I know. But I just want to get it over
with. I’m sick of having this hanging over my head.’

‘Things aren’t the same with Amanda.’

‘No, it’s not really about her anymore, hey? But
McFadden’s expecting another go so I’d better show up.’

‘Righto. Well I’ll see you there later.’

‘Yep, see ya.’

I spend most of the day in the waiting area
again until Bianca runs out to tell me The Chief is being released. I feel my
chest tighten.

‘Already? But isn’t he meant to have physio or
something?’

She rolls her eyes at me. ‘He did some yesterday
and again this morning. You’d know that if you hadn’t been out here all the
time.’

I ignore her. ‘It still seems pretty quick.’

‘Yeah, well, Dad’s been complaining. He wants
out of here and I think they’ve gotten sick of listening to him. He’s allowed
to go home but he’s meant to stay in bed for a few more days, and Mum has to
bring him back here for physio in the mornings.’

‘Great.’

‘Are you coming to help us, or what?’

I follow her down the corridor to room 103. He’s
sitting upright on the edge of the bed, a pair of crutches leaning beside him.
His face is pale and his eyes are kind of bloodshot. When he sees me he looks
away. Mum is fussing around, packing up his stuff, while Bianca picks up the
one bunch of flowers and one ‘Get Well’ card from the windowsill. I know Mum
bought the flowers, not sure who sent the card.

Behind me a nurse brings in a wheelchair.

‘I don’t need that,’ says The Chief.

‘We’re already letting you leave early, Howard.
You’ll let us wheel you out of here. Besides, it’s hospital policy.’

Her tone is a bit strained. She’s obviously had
enough of him.

‘Help your father, Paul,’ says Mum.

‘I’m all right,’ he says.

He pushes himself off the bed, balancing on his
one good leg, and tries to swivel around to drop into the chair. I can see him
struggling but I don’t move. The nurse steps forward and wraps one arm around
his shoulders, the other she shoves up under his armpit.

‘There you go, Howard,’ she says, lowering him
into the chair.

Everyone else is staring at me, including The
Chief. His eyes are narrow and it’s the standard look he always uses on me.
You’d think I’d have gotten used to it after seventeen years, but that look
still gives me the creeps. And I feel like my heart’s been given a Chinese
burn.

‘You can push me to the car,’ he says.

Mum and Bianca leave us alone to go take care of
the paperwork. I push him as slow as I can down the corridor towards the car
park.

‘What is this? Slow and steady wins the race?’

‘I don’t have the car keys.’

‘So? We’ll wait outside. Hurry up.’

I pick up the pace.

‘Where have you been?’

‘In the waiting room.’

‘Lots of use you are there. Your mother gave you
the day off so you could help, not sit on your lazy arse.’

‘I’m helping now, aren’t I?’

‘Sure. It takes a big man to push a wheelchair.’

I want to punch him in the back of the head.
Instead, I shrug and let go of the handles. The chair starts to veer off to the
side, but stops rolling after a metre or so. He turns to look at me.

‘Nice one, big shot. Bailing when the going gets
tough, huh?’

‘Look who’s talking.’

His eyes narrow. ‘What did you say?’

My heart is thumping and it’s all I can do not
to shit myself. I know I shouldn’t have said it, but he got me all riled up,
just like he was hoping to. He does this all the time, hoping to get a reaction
out of me so he can put me in my place. Must make him feel like a big tough
guy, or something.

Luckily, Mum and Bianca are back.

‘Everything OK?’ asks Mum, looking back and
forth between the two of us.

‘Paul was just shirking his responsibilities as
usual.’

I purposely look at my watch, even though I’ve
guessed it’s after three already. I’m right; it’s three-fifteen.

‘Look, I’ve got to be somewhere. I’ll see you
later.’

I take off out the sliding glass doors before Mum’s
had a chance to complain. I can hear him yelling after me, though.

‘Yeah off you go. Run away again.’

I’m cursing him all the way to the skate park. I
can feel the anger in me, like my veins are exploding with the stuff. I never
used to get angry; it was always fear when I was younger. But I’ve been taking
his crap for too long now. I don’t care who he is, my father or not, nobody
should treat me like that. At least I can use this anger today. Normally it
just bottles up inside me, with no way of being released. McFadden won’t know
what hit him.

When I come round the corner into the skate park
I see Matt, Reggie and some of the other guys standing by the dumpster eyeing
off McFadden and his crew, who are huddled near the halfpipe. I swing open the
rusted gate and it makes a loud creaking sound. Everybody looks over. McFadden
curls his right hand into a fist and punches the palm of his left a few times.
I ignore him and walk over to the boys.

Matt raises his eyebrows at me.

‘How’s it going? You ready for this?’ he says.

‘Yeah, yeah. No worries.’

My insides are doing tumble turns though. I
don’t want to end up like before. Last time I faced off with him, he’d given me
a couple of roundhouses to the gut. I almost puked, and it was hard to move for
a week after.

‘All right!’ says Reggie, slapping me on the
back. ‘You’ve got this one, Beckett. Jab him in the nose, then go for the nuts.’

The boys are laughing. Matt just shrugs.

‘Hey Beckett. You ready little girl, or what?’

It’s McFadden. He’s moved out into the clearing
between our two groups and he is standing with his legs spread wide and his
arms crossed. He looks like a bouncer.

‘It’s about time I took you down…
Mc…Fat-ty,
’
I say, stepping forward.

Reggie and Matt are slapping me on the back
again and as McFadden’s crew starts to crowd round I see Amanda push to the
front. She wraps her hands around his arm and leans her head into his chest.

‘I told you he is stupid, baby,’ she says. ‘He
just couldn’t help coming back for round two.’

‘That’s right babe,’ he says, shaking her loose.
‘
Bucket
shoulda thought more before he showed his face again.’

Amanda smirks at me and steps back into the
crowd. I can’t believe I’m fighting this chump because of her. She’s not worth
the effort.

‘All right. Enough chit-chat. Quit stalling,
McFatty,’ I say, hoping I might call his bluff. Talking is better than getting
my face smashed in any day. But I should have known he isn’t up for that. He’s
here for one thing only. To make me suffer.

‘Let’s go then,’ he says, pulling out his first
punch of the day.

It collects me right on my cheek so I swing
round and knock him one straight on his nose. He steps back, gripping his face.
I can hear The Chief saying ‘it takes a big man to push a wheelchair’ and I
know my anger’s bubbling over. McFadden is shaking his head and moving towards
me again, so I picture The Chief’s face.

Before he has time to think I jab him in the
guts, twice, then another quick one to the face. I’m getting in some good shots
and all the guys are cheering me on. But I forgot McFadden always recovers
easily. In no time he is in again, loading my guts and head with punch after
punch. He even goes for an uppercut but I duck to the left. His knuckles catch
me just on my hairline and I feel the skin split. Blood starts to ooze down my
forehead. I lift my hand to wipe it and he smacks me another one square in the
nose. I step back and hold my hands up.

‘What’s the problem, Bucket? You had enough
already? Hey? McFadden too much for ya?’

I hold my stomach and bend over. My blood is
dripping onto the concrete. The pain is so bad it’s overtaking my anger now. I
just want to lie down. I feel like I’m going to puke or worse, faint. Out of the
corner of my eye I see McFadden step towards me. I’ve got no more in me. I’ve
got to take the low blow, or he’ll wipe me out. As he moves forward to give me
one final blow I reach out my fist and jab him right in the nuts. He doubles over
in pain and Amanda comes screaming out of the crowd.

‘You fucking arse, Beckett,’ she says, kneeling
to comfort him.

I shrug. I don’t even care anymore. It’s over. He’s
the one lying crumpled on the pavement, not me.

***

The doorbell rings just before seven. I’m hoping
it’s not Kim, who usually takes it upon herself to ‘entertain’ me when Luke
goes away. Like I can’t possibly last a couple of days without him.

Paul is standing there when I swing open the
door. He is leaning awkwardly on the door frame and he has pulled the hood of
his jacket right down to his eyes.

My heart starts pounding.

‘Paul. What are you doing here? I thought I made
it clear...’ I begin. But I stop talking. I’m not even convincing myself.

‘Can I come in?’

‘It’s not a good idea.’

‘It’s important. I really need to talk to you about
something.’

‘What is it? Are you OK?’

Until now he’s kept his head down, looking at me
through his eyebrows, but now he looks up. Both his eyes are bloodshot and a
trickle of red is leaking down from his hairline.

‘My God, Paul. What’s happened to you?’ I reach
out and pull back his hood.

‘Ouch. Be careful. That fucking hurts.’

Once the light hits his face I realise how
battered he is. Rings of purple are forming around his eyes and both eyelids are
starting to swell.

‘Who did this to you?’

‘Look, can I come in or what?’

He takes a step forward, but I raise my hand to
block him.

‘I still don’t think this is...’

‘Please, Abby. I can’t go back home right now.
Not with The Chief there.’

He stares at me for a moment, then drops his
gaze to the ground. Out in the blackness of my front yard I hear the wind
rustling the trees and my bare arms feel the chill of the night air.

‘All right. Come in where it’s warm and I’ll get
you cleaned up. But then you’re out of here, OK?’

‘Sure.’

I hold the door open for him. When he gets
inside he bends to take his shoes off and I notice the caked blood on his
knuckles.

‘Who have you been fighting?’

He dumps his shoes and starts to remove his
jacket.

‘This guy. McFadden.’

I recall Isabelle saying that name. ‘Is he from
school?’

I take his jacket and hang it on the coat rack.

‘Nah. He finished last year.’

I nod. ‘Why were you two fighting?’

‘Can I get a drink or something?’

I know I shouldn’t let him any further into my
house but I can’t stop myself.