Rounding Third (11 page)

    
The thought of Josh’s body tanned was almost more than Rob could stand. “You
heard him the first day of practice—‘this is not a friggin’ beach,
gentlemen...’”  Rob said, glad to be able to do his Coach Hudson imitation
and break the spell he felt coming over him.

    
“Take your shirt off,” Josh said suddenly. Rob was a little startled by the
request. “Let me see those abs.”

Rob
swallowed, but knew he wouldn’t refuse any request Josh made of him. “Wish I
had a washboard like that,” Josh said with a low whistle. “Hey, who locks up
when Coach leaves?”

    
“The janitors come in about six. When we get back from away games, we see them.
Why?”

    
“Oh that’s right, oh, uh, no reason. Just wondering. The place seems deserted.”

    
The locker room did seem especially empty. Rob had been alone in it often
enough with Josh, but didn’t know why it seemed so different. The bulge in
Rob’s shorts was getting worse and not showing the slightest sign of
dissolving. He had read about some guy who had taken too many Viagras and had
to be admitted to a hospital; he wondered if that could be happening to him
even without the drugs. 

    
Rob and Josh each went to his locker. Rob couldn’t help but stop and peek
around the corner to watch Josh strip. The light shimmering on Josh’s back was
not helping things any, but still Rob couldn’t pull his eyes away as he watched
Josh stand and yank off his gym shorts. Rob didn’t understand why he suddenly
found the blue shorts with the gold hawk emblazoned on so sexy.

It was bad enough when thoughts of Josh just
tormented him in the middle of the night but now his waking thoughts were overrun
as well. Rob’s eyes wandered up Josh’s lightly hairy legs to the jockstrap.
That small scrap of clothing. That modern day loincloth that was all that stood
between Rob and all of Josh. Rob watched as Josh hesitated before pulling off
the jock and Rob realized why. Josh was hard. 

    
Josh turned and looked at Rob. Rob’s gaze was so transfixed below Josh’s waist
that it took him a moment to realize Josh was looking at him. He was now far
too embarrassed to stay in the locker room any longer with a soon-to-be-naked
Joshua Lawrence Schlagel.

    
“Shit,” Rob said, slamming his locker shut.

    
“What?”

    
“Forgot my towel. I guess I’ll just wait and shower at home.” Sometimes it
amazed and annoyed Rob the frequency and conviction with which he routinely
lied. He was accustomed to lying to his teachers and parents, but hated lying
to Josh.

    
“No prob. You can use mine.”

    
“I don’t want to use a towel after you have wiped your scummy ass with it,” he
said.

    
Josh smiled, and still wearing only his jock, grabbed his towel and walked
toward Rob. “Then I’ll let you use it first.”

    
Rob took an involuntary step backwards; Josh closed the gap without even
seeming to notice Rob’s sloppy retreat. Again Rob backpedaled, and Josh didn’t
break stride.  

    
The sweat was still shimmering on Josh’s chest. His large brown nipples were
erect. The few hairs that surrounded each nipple and the few hairs in the
center of Josh’s chest each vied for Rob’s attention. Unconsciously, Rob tried
to step back again, but this time his entire body slammed into the lockers.
From the sound of the collision, Rob knew that the unexpected contact should
have hurt, but he was in full fight-or-flight mode and the pain didn’t even
faze him.

    
“You okay?”

    
Josh’s voice startled Rob as though he had never heard it before. It seemed far
away and very foreign. Rob was so focused on his own fear that he almost forgot
that the reason for his trauma stood in front of him, less than a foot away.
His terror wasn’t just inside him, but in front of him, in the flesh. And what
flesh. Flesh that he hated himself for wanting to touch. Flesh that he
had
found every excuse
to
touch in practice, wrestling, basketball or any
other time. Now that flesh was in front of him. So exposed, so vulnerable, so
alluring, so wonderful. He wanted to reach out and touch it. But if he did,
Josh would hate him. Josh’s girlfriend, Jenny, would hate him. Coach Hudson would
hate him. His parents, the team, his sister would hate him. He hated himself
for wanting to. His eyes were moistening with tears at the pain he felt trying
to restrain himself. 

    
“That must have hurt. You look like you’re going to cry...” Rob couldn’t speak.
The wind had been knocked out of him, whether by the collision with the lockers
or his own fear he couldn’t tell. “Let me see the back of your head. Are you
bleeding?”

    
Rob let out a sound he had only heard once before when a baby rabbit got stuck
in the fence at his house. Josh reached up to feel Rob’s hair. As soon as
Josh’s hand gently touched his head, Rob felt a shiver shoot through his body
and goose bumps rise everywhere in spite of the sweat on his body and the heat
of the locker room. 

    
“I’m fine!” he blurted more adamantly than he meant to. He broke past Josh and
into the open area of the locker room. Josh threw his hands wide to let Rob
pass. “I’ll just go home and shower,” Rob said, heading toward the door without
looking back. 

    
He was halfway across the parking lot when he realized everything--his books,
street clothes, house keys--everything was still in his gym locker, which was
still unlocked. His shirt was still on the bench in front of his locker. But he
couldn’t go back now and face Josh. He broke into a run. He headed
cross-country and down the railroad tracks. He didn’t want to see Josh drive
by.

    
Rob’s confusion had been so bad for so long: now that confusion had an
embodiment. What would Josh have said if he knew he was partially responsible
for the abs he was jealous of? Rob could hardly have told Josh that it was his
lust for Josh that drove him to work his body so hard. First the workouts had
been caused by nameless, faceless urges, but now there was a name to his fear.
And a face and a body.

At home, he opened the back door as quietly
as he could, and tiptoed up the stairs. He went into the bathroom, closed the
door and collapsed against it. His legs were already cramping; he had taken the
run home at a mad clip. He looked at his body in the mirror. His dark brown
hair was matted in a crazy pattern on his forehead. His body was flushed from
the run in the cold evening air. His tiny nipples stood out fiercely from the
small firm plates of his chest. There was no way Josh would ever give up Jenny
for a scrawny little body like this.

In the shower he felt the lump on the back of
his head. Maybe he could blame his strangeness on head trauma. Or maybe he’d be
lucky and there would be internal bleeding and he’d just drop dead.

    
Dinner was enough to drive him insane, expecting a question about Josh to
reduce him to tears at any moment, but his flustered look must have kept any
questions at bay.

14
    

Rob woke at 2:30. His legs were cramping and
he tried to convince himself that it was that pain that disturbed his sleep and
not the raging hard-on pressing again the sheets. The reason for his erection
gave him a sudden pain in the chest. The heaviness in his chest got worse when
he remembered how he had acted in front of Josh. The twitching in his legs and
the twitching in his brain kept him awake until his alarm went off. 

    
 He ran to school and headed right to the gym. He went to his locker and
was surprised to find it locked. He quickly did the combination and opened it
to find that everything was in place. His shirt was gone, but he was lucky that
it was the only thing missing considering his stupidity in leaving his locker
open.

    
He knew he couldn’t face Josh today. Or maybe ever again. If he could avoid
Josh at baseball practice, tomorrow was Friday, he could dodge him again all
day and he’d have the weekend to figure out a way to avoid him for the rest of
the school year. He laughed out loud when he realized how stupid it sounded to
drop out of school to avoid Josh. 

    
When Josh saw him at baseball practice and said “Hi,” Rob gave him a quick “Hi”
in return and dashed off to the outfield. Rob always imagined that there was a
special tone in the way Josh said
hi
to him that wasn’t present in
Josh’s greeting to others. Today, in particular, there seemed to be a warmth
and a depth there, or in the eyes, that made Rob tingle. But he knew it was
just wishful thinking and that there was nothing special about the way Josh
said hello to him. 

Rob had managed to duck Josh during practice
time, but the only way Rob could think to avoid the ride was to get himself
laps. His legs were sore and spongy from yesterday’s run, but he had no choice.

 Late in practice when he saw Hudson
approaching, he turned away, pretending not to see him, cupped his hands to his
mouth and yelled out across the field, in the distinctive nasal twang, “That’s
it, gentlemen! Let’s see some hustle!” Josh gave him a look to warn him, but
Rob did another line of his imitation to make sure the coach heard him.

Hudson shook his head and turned to Rob, “Two
laps.”

“Yes, sir,” Rob answered with feigned
dejection.

As he took off to run his laps, he saw Josh
heading for the locker room. “Rob!” Josh called.

Rob’s chest tightened. “Hi,” he responded.
“Don’t bother waiting for me. Screwed up and got myself more laps.”

He glanced back to see Josh still standing
outside the gym door staring at him. He felt guilty ignoring Josh, and he wanted
more than anything to see him, talk to him, and be comforted by him, but
instead he flew off down the trail. He took the laps much slower than usual to
make sure Josh was gone when he finished.

    
When Rob got home, he went into his room and took off his shirt in preparation
for his shower, but before going into the bathroom it hit him how much he
missed talking to Josh all day. Before he realized what he was doing, he had
opened the one drawer of his desk that locked and pulled out the shirtless
photos of Josh he had printed out. He sat down on his bed with the photos of
Josh.

    
The knock on his bedroom door startled him. He glanced at the photos spread out
on the bed and he figured he would just have to keep Meg at the door and away
from them. He crossed the room and opened the door. The sight of Josh stunned
him into silence.

    
“Hey, Rob,” Josh said. He took a few steps into the room before Rob could
react. Now any attempt to place himself between Josh and the bed would look
ludicrous. “You forgot this.” Josh held out Rob’s baseball undershirt, which
had been laundered and neatly folded. “I locked up your locker, but didn’t want
to stick this sweaty thing in there to stink up your other clothes, so I took
it home and washed it with my stuff.” Rob just stared at the shirt. “When I
locked your locker, I noticed you did have a towel in there.”

    
“Oh, I, uh, mustn’t have seen it.”

    
“It’s red, white, and blue. It was on top.”

Rob’s panic level was rising again. He tried
to gauge Josh’s tone. Was this an accusation? It seemed more of a question.
Josh didn’t seem angry at all. He was just stating facts, and nervously probing
for more. His tone seemed more one of concern. “Are you okay?” Josh asked. Rob
nodded. “I thought maybe you hurt your head, like you had a concussion, or
something, you suddenly started acting so weird. I was going to call you last
night, but there’s never any privacy to use the phone. What are all these?”
Josh asked, reaching toward the bed. 

    
“I printed out those photos I took. For you. I made copies for you,” Rob rushed
to say.

    
“Bobby, dinner!” Meg’s voice bellowed.

    
“Gotta go eat,” Rob said, relieved to be saved by the dinner bell.

    
“Sorry, I guess I got here right at dinner time.”

“I’ll catch you in school Monday, okay?”

    
“Sure,” Josh answered, disappointment evident on his face.

    
Rob grabbed a shirt, pulled it on and followed Josh out the door. As they hit
the bottom of the stairs, Rob’s mother said, “Josh is welcome to stay to
dinner.”

    
“He has to get going,” Rob said.

    
Josh didn’t answer at first, but looked at Rob, getting the hint. 

    
Meg came over and took Josh’s arm. “C’mon, Josh, stay.”

    
Josh looked at Rob. Rob swallowed and looked away. Josh said, “Not tonight,
Meg, sorry. And thanks, Mrs. Wardell.” Josh looked so hurt, it was all Rob
could do not to invite him to stay.

    
“You know you’re welcome anytime,” Mrs. Wardell said.

    
Rob walked Josh to the door. “See ya,” he said as he let his friend out. Josh
gave a small nervous wave in reply.