Authors: Julie Frayn
August slit her eyes, and then little by little, opened them fully. The sky was saturated in vibrant shades of orange and mauve, the rising sun just peering over the horizon across the river.
She reached out to Reese but her hand found only the empty blanket. Adrenaline shocked her awake and she sat up.
He was right there, sitting at the end of the cardboard, the new jacket folded neatly in his lap. Except for the bandages wrapped around his left arm he looked like himself again, his eyes bright and alive. A cleansing relief washed over her, her head light and giddy, her body drained of tension.
He stared at her with unabashed intensity, grinning like he knew a secret she didn’t but was busting at the seams to tell her.
She ran a hand through her hair to flatten the bed head, her cheeks hot under his scrutiny, and smiled. “Morning. Are you all right?”
Without a word he set down the jacket, shuffled forward and kneeled next to her. He cradled her head in his hands and stared down into her eyes, his face just inches from hers. A gentle kiss landed on her forehead, then brushed one cheek and then the other.
She closed her eyes, awash in heat, every nerve on high alert. With each searing touch of his lips to her skin he branded her. She was his.
His kiss was a feather stroke on each of her eyelids before gliding down her nose. When their lips touched they froze, suspended, breathless.
She opened her eyes and gazed into his. The rising sunlight slivered across his face turning one eye from cool ice to a shock of electric cornflower.
Of all the kisses they’d shared, this was different. She stood on a precipice. One step forward plunged her into a splendorous abyss from which she would never want to be rescued. Her head demanded she take one step back – but her heart was about to explode. To hell with the head. The heart would have its way.
She tilted her head and parted her lips. The response was immediate and overwhelming. All of her senses were enveloped in a consuming, passionate, open-mouthed kiss. No tongue down her throat, no grab-hands copping a feel. Just slow, sensuous, devouring kissing for countless minutes, her entire body aching, arms and legs trembling, heart racing.
Without releasing her kiss he eased her down to the ground until she was lying on her back, him propped up on one elbow, his other hand resting on her hip. She covered his hand with hers and guided it over her shirt, inching along her body until he was cupping one breast over her clothes. They froze and opened their eyes simultaneously. His breath seemed to cease completely and then start again in quick shallow puffs of warm air, their mixed breath an intoxicating cocktail in her mouth.
He released her long enough to reach back and one-arm his shirt off. He tossed it aside, then stripped her shirt over her head and off of her arms in one fluid movement. He bent and kissed her, their eyes open and staring, neither blinking. Then he ran his hand along her naked torso and slid it inside her bra.
An adrenaline rush burst in her belly and flooded her entire body, every inch of her on fire. Her heart hurt from pounding so hard, her legs jelly.
A reckless fury followed, both of them pulling off clothes from themselves and each other. Urgency and desperation resulted in an awkward tangle of limbs and skin, lips and breath.
He rolled on top of her, staring down into her face, and hesitated. He pulled her hips toward him, careful to just touch himself to the outside of her. “I…. I don’t have –” He swallowed. “Protection.”
She stared up at him, her gaze locked on those bewitching eyes. Every fiber of her being, every tingling nerve ending, every thought that raced through her brain insisted she be his. She put her hands on his shoulders, wrapped her legs around his backside and pulled him inside. She ignored the pain that rippled through her abdomen.
“August, we should get some condoms.”
“Don’t stop. Please?” She drew him in again and again until he no longer needed encouragement.
She closed her eyes, mesmerized by the feel of his skin on hers, immersed in all of him. This was how sex was supposed to be. Passion, desire, heat. Love.
This was her first time. Nothing else mattered. The past two days no longer existed. Everything started now.
When they finished, he lay on top and inside of her. He wrapped her in his arms, their hearts beating against each other’s chests, and then slowly and tenderly kissed every inch of her face.
*****
August sat on the rock next to Reese. She analyzed every movement of his jaw when he bit into a cinnamon bun and chewed the sticky treat, sheer pleasure written on his face. She scrutinized every flick of eyelash, every flinch of muscle, every lick of his lips. When he sucked orange juice through a straw sending his Adam’s apple jumping with each gulping swallow, her entire torso ached.
He finished his breakfast then put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him. They shared a long kiss.
Her entire world was atilt. His simple glance sent tremors through her heart. His touch was painless heat that burned long after he pulled away. Kissing him released her into an oblivious chasm of joy. She was drenched in feelings she didn’t know how to process, drowning in sensations she had never known before. The sudden absence of his lips from hers snapped her back to the rock. She opened her eyes to find his glinting gaze watching her. Her cheeks burned and she turned away, certain he was reading her mind.
“August, I’m sorry.”
She spun around and looked into his eyes. “For what?”
“For yesterday.”
She flashed a quick smile. “It’s all right.” She didn’t want him to be sorry for what they had just done that morning. She certainly wasn’t. “You said you were sorry yesterday, too.” She ran her fingers along the scars on his arm above the bandages. “Why did you cut yourself?”
“I was sorry yesterday because I fucked it up. I really thought I could go through with it this time. Really thought I would die.”
“But why? Why would you want to die?”
He turned her whole body to face him and held both of her hands. “I’m not sure I want to. Not anymore. But I think – if it weren’t for me – you would go back home. If I was gone, you’d have no reason to stay in this shit box.” He looked down at their hands, then brought them up and kissed her fingers, one at a time. “What you thought you had to do. With that man.” He looked back at her face, tears welling in his eyes. “You did that for me, didn’t you?”
“I’d do anything for you.”
“Yeah, I see that. I’m not used to that. It scares the hell out of me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Look, you can’t save me, August. No one can save me. Please don’t try.” He let out a loud exhale. “And don’t fuck up your life for me, I’m just not worth it.”
Before she could say anything he dropped her hands, jumped off the rock and trotted away toward the river.
She sat alone, tears slipping down her cheeks. How could he say he’s not worth it? She’d never met anyone more worthwhile, more caring and kind – even though it was obvious he’d gone through hell. Maybe she didn’t even know the half of it, but she didn’t care. Her life was one long vacation compared to his. All she knew – all that mattered now – was that she didn’t want to live without him.
Guy came from around the bushes, an aura of energy emanating from him, his face beaming. “Morning, September! How the hell is our boy today?”
Amber was right behind him. She flashed a wide smile when she saw August, then stopped short. “Uh oh. What’s wrong?”
At that moment, Reese came back up the path and ran to August. He kissed the top of her head. “I am so sorry,” he said into her hair. He lifted her chin and looked her in the eye. “I’m such an asshole.”
She shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, swallowing hard. She refused to cry now, not in front of Amber and Guy.
Reese jogged over to his friends and hugged Amber. Then he and Guy clasped one hand, half hugging, half shouldering each other.
“Hey, dudes. Thanks. Sorry about that. Won’t happen again, I promise.”
“No worries, Reese-man. I just did the heavy lifting. September did everything else. She even fed us and got me this new shirt!” Guy looked over at her and winked. “Thanks, by the way.”
She smiled. “No problem.”
“Look what I found, man!” Guy pulled a beat up foam football from under his jacket and tossed it to Reese. They started throwing it back and forth, widening the distance between them.
August hopped off the rock and sat on a patch of shaded grass. She picked up a nearby stick and doodled nothings in the dirt. Amber strolled over and plopped down beside her, then gave her a quick rub between her shoulder blades with one hand.
August tossed the stick and watched the boys. “So, what’s Guy’s story anyway?”
“I’m not really sure. He doesn’t talk about himself. He’s always sarcastic, brooding, cracking bad jokes.”
Guy jumped to pick off a throw that was way over his head. He lost his balance on landing and went down hard. After a long second he held his arm straight up in the air, the football extended. “Yeah, baby!” he yelled.
Amber laughed. “Up ‘til yesterday I thought he had no soul.”
“Are you here because of Tanya?”
“Nah, I left for my own reasons. I just helped her run.”
“Can’t you go home?”
“Nothing to go home to.”
“Where are your parents?”
“Dad died a few years ago. Heart attack. He was real young.” Amber wiped away a tear that sprung from one eye. “Then I was stuck at home with my mother who just got drunker and drunker without him. She lost her job, couldn’t get out of bed without a swig or three of something. The apartment got so disgusting. She never gave a damn if I was there or not, if I went to school or not, if I brought boys home and fucked them on the couch or not. Nothing.” She lit up a cigarette and offered one to August.
She shook her head.
“So one day, a couple of years ago, I just never went home. Stayed at a friend’s place for a few days until her stepdad started giving me the up-down and finding excuses to sit beside me.” Amber picked stray tobacco from her tongue and wiped it on her jeans. “My old apartment isn’t too far from here. Sometimes I’ll sit across the street and watch. I saw Mom a couple of weeks ago walking up the steps.” She took a long drag from the cigarette and blew the smoke out her nose. “She looked like shit.”
“What about Ricki?”
“She never knew her dad. Her stepdad raped her when she was fourteen. Her mother blamed her and kicked her out.”
“No wonder she’s so mean.”
Amber laughed. “Yeah, I guess that’s one reason.” Amber stared at the dirt. “Wonder where she is. She usually doesn’t binge this long.”
They sat in silence and watched the boys toss the football.
“So what exactly are you doing here?” Amber finally asked. “You seem so… normal. Mom and Dad smack you around? Pimp you out to all the horny farmhands? Oh, obviously not, virgin girl.” She grinned and gave August a gentle push on the shoulder.
“It seems so stupid now.” She breathed a deep sigh. Compared to what Amber had gone through, her own problems were juvenile. “Just that my mom won’t let me grow up. Won’t let me date or hang out late with my friends. I’m always doing chores, and I don’t think I’ve ever had one nice thing to wear that didn’t belong to someone else first. We fight constantly. And the day I left, she hit me. That was a first. It’s what pushed me out the door.”
“Controlling, manipulative bitch of a mother. I get that. What about your dad?”
“He’s awesome. He’s always on my side. Let me wear make up in tenth grade. Mom went fucking ballistic. They had a huge fight. But my mom’s not manipulative. Not really. And not a bitch. Really.”
“So – what? Your parents care about you, aren’t drunks, don’t knock you around, make sure you go to school, and try to keep you out of trouble? And you left that?”
August just shrugged and looked at the ground. Yup, she left that.
“Man, you are one stupid little girl.”
“Yeah. No shit.”
“So go home! Hell, I’ll go for you. I could learn how to milk a cow or something. What’s stopping you, anyway?”
Reese plopped down behind her. He kicked out his legs beside hers, wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her. “Hello, gorgeous,” he whispered in her ear.
She melted into his body. Wanted to live with him, inside his skin. His embrace was her new home. She reached one hand behind his head, patted his hair and then squeezed his neck. “Hello, yourself.” What had happened on the rock seemed to have passed. She twisted her head around and kissed him with an open mouth, long and slow.
When their lips parted he touched the tip of his nose to hers and then looked up. “Hey! Violets!” He pulled away and loped to a shock of green and purple near the bridge abutment.
“Well.” Amber flicked her still-lit cigarette into the dirt. “There it is.”
“There what is?”
“He’s the most screwed up of all, you know that, right? You’d be better off running back home, hook up with some farm-boy bumpkin who can shoot something for dinner and ride a horse and all that country-ass shit.”