Roman: Book 1 (22 page)

The day after our ‘family get together’ all wedding decisions, including the brides dress and shoes were cancelled and resubmitted… for my approval.

I vetoed every single one of her choices even though ninety nine percent I agreed with, but because they were her decisions, they were rejected.

I picked out the floral arrangements and I couldn’t tell you what color they were, much less identify the flowers by name. I did the exact same thing with every other aspect of this wedding, including Heather’s dress, shoes, makeup artist, and hair stylist.

It was of no concern for me, other than the sheer fact that Heather had no say in the matter.

Today is the day before Heather and I are going to get married. At my mother insistence, her and Heather left early this morning for a spa day which will be followed by a stay in the most luxurious hotel in Seattle. The makeup and hair stylists will meet them for brunch tomorrow before they assault my bride with creams, powder, blush, curling irons and God knows what else before the limo brings my Heather back home and I make her my wife under, the only thing she held firm against changing, the wisteria canopy in the gardens.

With Heather and mother gone, my father and I head to the golf course trying to cure our idle hands.

I ended the phone conversation between Heather and her brother before she was able to mention me, our child or our wedding.

The night after the phone call incident, I lied to Heather, telling her I invited her brothers to the family dinner and our wedding. I told her that the story she came up with worked like a charm and her brothers couldn’t wait to see her.

I could see how hurt she’d been when her brother’s didn’t show up to dinner, but all I was able to muster was a shrug.

Tomorrow, when they don’t attend the wedding, I’m not certain I’ll be able to maintain control over her obedience.

My father clears his throat pulling me from my thoughts at the seventh hole, his eyes remain on the golf ball, however as soon as he speaks I know it isn’t the ball he is seeing.

“Roman, I tried, son. I swear to God I tried to be the father you deserved. I chose the best woman, not just the prettiest, but the smartest and the kindest.” He abruptly stands before dropping his Callaway golf club into his golf bag and narrows his eyes on mine. “I have cleaned up eleven of your twelve messes, son. One of them physically, and ten of them legally. Heather… she is different.  Do you honestly think you’re the only Payne man to make damn sure he’s done his homework?” He chuckles before shaking his head and looking at the golf courses grass. “I know who she is, I know why she’s in your life. But for the life of me I can’t wrap my head around how you ended up sleeping with your enemy. Much less create a living life with her. I guess what I’m trying to say is, any bed you make in the future, you will be made to lie in. I’ve transferred your entire trust fund and family inheritance to not only Heather but the child she carries now and any child she carries and delivers after. Your child or not. The first time I see a bruise, black eye, or torn skin on her body like I saw in France, you’re done. I will cut you out of not only the threads of this family, but any red cent your family name caused you to inherit.” Both his hands pat my shoulders before they fall back to his sides.  “Son, you’re self destructive, yet somehow, you stumbled upon your soul mate. Your one and only. And if you don’t think I am paying attention, making note of every whispered, hateful word you think has gone unheard, you are wrong. Roman it’s time you find those demons of yours, and annihilate every one. If you don’t, you’ll never be happy, I can promise you that.”

I let his words and threats settle between us until I am calm enough to speak. When I look into my father’s eyes I do so with a smile on my face, “Thanks for the chat, pops. I think I’m old enough to take care of myself, so why don’t you let me worry about that.” I slap his back before loading my golf bag onto the golf cart and wave for him to hurry up. “Come on, I only have one more day of freedom.”

I will admit this to you and no one else…I am nervous as hell. The odd thing is, I don’t know why. I can’t put my finger on it, but something—No, everything about this day feels wrong.

My father and I are in the Library dressed and waiting for the ceremony to begin when Sebastian strides in and notifies me, ““Roman, the wedding coordinator wants us in our places outside.” 

Heather and my mother haven’t arrived yet and it doesn’t sit well with me. At all. If my father had his little heart to heart with me yesterday, I can only imagine what Heather and mother have discussed. I know my mother loves me and wants this marriage to not only happen but succeed. The question is, at what cost?

My eyes narrow on Sebastian’s as I remain unmoved from my chair. “Heather is not here. I will not stand in place until she is. Something isn’t right.”

“Son, come on. The ladies will be here soon.” I look between Sebastian and Father before abruptly standing. As I stalk from the room straightening my tie, I curse Heather for her damn tardiness.

We’re all under the wisteria canopy and in place. The flowers and decorations are all elaborate, it’s a wedding fit for a king and queen. When the bridal march begins…the curtains are pulled back.

The moment Heather steps through them my knees buckle at her sheer beauty. Luckily my father was more prepared for this reaction than I was, as he’s instantly behind me and it seems to go unnoticed.

She isn’t wearing the gown I chose, she’s dressed in a cream colored dress with sapphire gems sewn into the bodice that stop at an empire waist where silk chiffon gathers and runs to the length of floor with a billowing train behind her. Her blond hair is swept up with loose ringlets around her face. A veil cascades down her back from a sapphire tiara at the crown of her head.

She is the essence of beauty in its purest, most rare form. Instantly pride swells inside my chest when she finally looks up and our eyes lock. And when she smiles… I remember why I chose Heather, I remember what makes her so unique, what it is about her that makes me a lesser man, and then I promise myself to never forget all while searing the reasons and this moment into the frontal lobes of my brain so I’ll never forget.

The only thing I can remember from the actual ceremony is her rehearsed vows, and the look on her face as my unrehearsed vows, the words straight from my heart, were spoken.

“Heather Joslyn Mackenzie, I have not a clue as to why I was blessed to have you and your love infiltrate my life, my mind, my heart and my very soul. However, I promise you today, in front of our family and in front of God, I will spend every moment, of every day trying to become a better man, a man who deserves a woman as rare and exquisite as you. You take the darkness of my hollow heart, and you fill the void with your incandesce and happiness. For that, I will always remain in your debt. You have given me a life I never deserved. I will love you from this day forward, in sickness and in health. For it is you who has made me realize the meaning of the following scripture, as well created a drive in me, to live by these words, in hopes of becoming a man as good and deserving enough for all the days of our lives. Love is patient. Love is kind; love does not envy nor boast; it is not arrogant nor rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love never gives up, believes all things, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures all. Love never ends. Our love, is that love, on this day and every day to follow.”

I have no idea what I witnessed occur behind Roman’s eyes while he spoke the vows I wasn’t prepared to hear. I do know it scared the ever-living hell out of me; it also strengthens the determination of my resolve. A month ago his words would have turned me into putty in his hands and falling over myself just to hear more.

Roman has a proclivity of believing whatever emotions he feels in a moment are genuine, and at the time they usually are, however over the last year I’ve learned they are also deciduous.

With this learned lesson, it doesn’t matter what Roman says, how many times he says it, or when he says it, I will always remain numb. He has conditioned this response from me…I have nothing else to give to him. He has effectively snuffed out any remaining light I ever held within.

I go through the motions of the ceremony and the reception like the perfect
Stepford Wife
, nodding, smiling, and speaking when appropriate. However, inside I am anesthetized, my only cognizant thought is the ticking of the minutes until this abhorrent pretense of a wedding is concluded.

Once the final guests leave and I am able to escape to the master bathroom, I lock the door behind me and turn on the shower before sinking to the floor. The water mixes with my tears and for the first time, I allow the excruciating pain I’ve been holding inside to seep from me. And fuck it hurts, much worse than I expected.

My skin is pruned by the time the pain subsides enough for me to perfect my mask and detach my mind from my soul. I slip a silk floor length gown on and braid my hair. I’m applying my moisturizer when Roman knocks on the door. “Heather?”

“Yes, I’ll be out in a moment. I apologize for taking too long.” I lather my hands before drying them in a towel, check my appearance in the mirror’s reflection and walk into the bedroom to find Roman sitting in a high wingback leather chair in the corner sitting area of the master bedroom. The first few buttons of his tux are unbuttoned and his tie still hangs from his neck. He’s leaning back in the chair with his head resting in his fingers linked behind his head. He doesn’t acknowledge my entrance, only continues to stare at the ceiling.

Without speaking I pull the comforter back and slide in between the sheets. After what feels like forever I hear him sigh and the leather creak seconds before I hear the door quietly shut.

On my first night as Mrs. Roman Payne, I sleep in our bed alone. I sleep restlessly, waking myself several times crying and thrashing against the nightmares assaulting my sub consciousness. Nightmares of a man who is both evil and loving, an angel and Satan, the man I bound my life to, the father of my child. Evil or loving, an angel or Satan, what lies beneath the surface does not take away from the beauty that embodies Roman.

And after that first night, I am left alone during the following days and nights as well. Weeks go by and still I do not see Roman. I spend my days inside the walls of my gilded cage of Payne Manor. My brothers remain absent and because Roman has removed every phone in the house after ending my call with Bobby, I’m left without answers as to why they haven’t come to see me.

But in my heart, I already know why. I doubt Roman has ever even spoken to them on the phone.

Roman’s parents stayed after the weeding. They’re nice, very friendly and loving, but it does nothing to fill the void I feel growing with every day that passes and Roman is gone.

If I were being honest with myself or hell, even you, I would recognize this voids existence, but I know to the marrow of my bones how slippery that dark hole is…and I avoid it like the plague it is.

Dolores and I continue our previous communication methods of me speaking and her responding by nodding or shaking her head or smiling sadly. Our conversations remain brief and superficial. It’s irritating enough to the point where I have to step from the room to keep myself from slamming her into a choke hold by her throat against the walls she constantly tries to blend in with and demanding answers. Andrew and I do not speak, other than safe topics such as the weather.