Rogue (Relentless Book 3) (27 page)

Desmund appeared in the doorway and started yelling at Eldeorin. “She looks terrible. I told you she was not up for this.”

“Desmund, I’m fine, just a bit wiped.” I smiled at Jordan. “Nikolas and the others are safe. At least I think everyone is safe. We didn’t stick around long once it was over.”

Jordan raised her hand in a high five. “I want to hear every detail.”

I told her and Desmund everything that had happened from the moment we left here to the moment we returned. Jordan was wide-eyed as I recounted each fight, especially when Eldeorin added his own embellishments.

She muttered a few obscenities when she heard about Madeline. “I thought my mother was bad. Are you sure she knew who you were?”

I remembered the recognition in Madeline’s eyes. “She knew.”

“And Nikolas had no idea who you were?”

“None.”

“What about the bond thing? Can’t he sense you like you do him?”

“Not through a faerie glamour. I couldn’t sense him either.”

A phone rang and Heb went to answer it. He reappeared a minute later with a cordless phone, which he handed to Desmund.

Desmund spoke briefly to whoever it was, then hung up and smiled at us. “Nikolas called Raoul to let him know the team is safe. The Seattle team has just arrived on site, and they are taking over the cleanup operation.”

Even though I’d been there and talked to Nikolas, it was still a huge relief to hear that the whole team had made it out. “Did he say when he’s coming back?”

“They should be here sometime tomorrow morning.”

I sagged in my chair, and Desmund laid a hand on my shoulder. “I don’t like you going into such dangerous situations, but I understand why you had to do it.” He looked at Eldeorin over my head. “Thank you for keeping her safe.”

“You do not have to thank me, warrior. Sara is stronger than you could possibly imagine. One day, she will realize that as well.”

Eldeorin spoke with such conviction it was impossible not to believe him. Training with him had shown me I was capable of more than I’d ever dreamed, but tonight had taken it to a whole new level. The whole time I was out there, my fear had been for Nikolas, not for me. When had I stopped being terrified of vampires? I still feared them, yes, but I was no longer the defenseless, frightened girl Eli had pulled into that alley.

I stood, covering a yawn with my hand. “If you guys don’t mind, I think I’ll go to bed.”

Jordan nodded. “I think you’ve earned a good night’s sleep. Too bad no one but us will know what you did tonight.”

“For now. I’m going to tell Nikolas everything when I think he can handle it.”

Laughter filled the kitchen. “Just let us know when you plan to do it so we can be far away,” Jordan quipped.

I gave them a tired smile. “Good night, guys.”

It felt strange entering my quiet bedroom after everything that had gone down tonight. I was so overwhelmed by it all that I barely knew what I was doing as I showered and got ready for bed. I burrowed under the comforter and snuggled my pillow, exhausted but happy. Nikolas was safe, and he would be home tomorrow.

My sleep was deep and restful, unmarred by a single bad dream. Sometime around dawn I awoke to a hand touching my face and an achingly familiar caress against my mind. “Nikolas,” I said thickly, trying to come fully awake.

“Shhh. Go back to sleep.” His lips brushed my forehead. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

I felt his heat pulling away and I made a sound of protest. Reaching for him, my fingers slid through his soft hair as I tugged him back to me. My lips found his warm, full mouth and I kissed him urgently, driven by the joy of having him home and the fear of almost losing him. The intoxicating smell of him and the brush of his day-old beard against my face sent shivers racing through me. I wanted nothing else in that moment but to lose myself in him.

The bed dipped as he stretched out, half beside me, half over me. My stomach careened wildly when he whispered my name against my lips and took possession of them. His mouth was firm and demanding, yet gentle. I felt drunk from the taste of him, and my hands clung desperately to his hard arms.

My breath hitched as his hand left my shoulder to slide in a feather light caress down my ribs and rest against my bare stomach where my T-shirt had ridden up. The heat of his hand was like a brand against my skin, and a small noise escaped me.

Nikolas made a sound deep in his chest and broke the kiss, moving his head until it lay beside mine. I could feel his short warm breaths against my ear and his heart beating as hard as mine. After a minute, he lifted his head and his dark eyes peered down into mine. “I should go.”

Confusion and hurt flared in my chest. “Okay,” I whispered hoarsely.

He groaned and rested his forehead lightly against mine. “Jesus, Sara, don’t look at me like that or I’ll never be able to leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“I know, but you’re also not ready for where this is headed.”

“I...” I wanted to deny it, but he was right. Getting caught up in a few heated kisses didn’t make me ready to go farther. It wasn’t that I believed you had to wait for marriage or anything. I just didn’t feel like I was ready for that level of intimacy.

He rolled away until he lay on his back beside me. I heard a deep sigh and then his hand reached for mine. “I’m sorry about what happened before I left. I didn’t handle it well and I hated leaving you upset. I know how important it is to you to find Madeline, and I should have known you’d expect to be there when we brought her in. But I’m also glad I listened to my gut and didn’t take you with us. This was a rough one.”

I know.
“I was scared for you.”

I felt his face turning toward me, and I turned mine so our eyes met.

“That’s how I felt the whole time I was looking for you,” he said gruffly. “I was afraid something would hurt you before I found you.”

“I’m sorry.”

He exhaled deeply. “I wish I could explain how it feels, this need to protect you, and how crazy it makes me when you’re in danger. The bond is a part of me – us – and it’s not something I can just turn off. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I gave him a sad smile. “I’m trying to, but it’s hard. Put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel if you suddenly lost your freedom and had people telling you what to do? I don’t want to be pampered and taken care of. I’m not fragile, and I don’t break that easily.”

“I know you’re not.” He lifted our joined hands and held them to his chest. “Your spirit and independence make you who you are, Sara, and I never want to take them from you.”

I didn’t reply. How could I tell him his restrictions were slowly doing that?

“All I’ve known for a long time is how to be a warrior and how to command others. That’s worked with everything else in my life. It’s taken me a while to learn that won’t work with us.”

“You figured that out, huh?” I teased, and his answering smile lightened the mood in the room. “Do you think you’ll ever get past it, this overprotectiveness?”

He sighed again. “I’ll never stop worrying about your safety, but I think it will get easier.”

“When I prove I can defend myself, will you treat me like the other warriors?”

He laughed softly. “I can safely say I will never see you as one of the other warriors. But I will try to be less of a tyrant. And when you demonstrate you are ready for a mission, I won’t stop you from going on one. I guarantee I won’t like it, but I won’t hold you back.”

“Thank you.” It was a baby step, but one in the right direction. I wished I could tell him my secret, but I didn’t want to ruin this moment.
Soon.

He unclasped our hands and held his arm above my head. I didn’t need more invitation than that, and I moved over to snuggle against his side with one arm across his chest. He stroked my hair as he often did, and I sighed blissfully.

“Do you want to talk about Vancouver?” I asked after we had been quiet for several minutes.

“Later. Right now I just want to hold you.”

My chest swelled. How could I say no to that?

“I think I’m
starting to like California.” Jordan leaned against the railing of the patio at the back of the house. “I could get used to this.”

I inhaled deeply as I watched the waves crashing against the shore below us. “I missed the ocean when I was at Westhorne. It’s pretty there, but nothing compares to the ocean.”

“Is that an undine thing?”

A laugh escaped me. “Nope, I think it’s just a Sara thing.”

She was quiet for a minute. “So when are you going to tell me what happened when Nikolas got back from Vancouver?”

“Nothing happened, really.”

She gave me a sly smile. “Nothing, huh? Is that why I saw him leaving your room that morning before breakfast?”

“He came to see me when he got here that morning because he knew I was worried about him.”

“I take it you didn’t tell him your secret since we still have a roof on the house.”

I exhaled noisily. “I wanted to, but then he started talking about the bond, and how crazy it makes him when he thinks I’m in danger. He’s not ready to know everything yet. I wish he was because I hate keeping this from him.”

“Bonds are pretty complicated from everything I’ve seen and heard, and hell on the males. He’ll come around eventually, maybe in a decade or two.”

“Maybe.”

She nudged me with her shoulder. “What’s wrong? You have a smoking hot warrior visiting you in the wee hours of the morning. Why are you not grinning from ear to ear?”

I bit my lip, thinking about my talk with Nikolas two days ago. “Sometimes I wonder how much of what he feels for me comes from the bond. I know it makes males overprotective, and Tristan said it can give them some pretty intense emotions. What if there’s no
us
outside of the bond?”

Jordan scoffed. “Are you blind? That man is crazy about you. And it’s obvious you’re head over heels for him.”

“I know he cares about me. But he never talks about his feelings, except for how much he worries about my safety.”

“Guys hate to talk about their feelings.” She smiled again. “Nikolas seems more like a man of actions than words anyway.”

I shook my head. “Not with me. He’s taking it really slow.”

“He headed straight for your bedroom when he got back that day. That doesn’t sound slow to me.”

Heat rose in my cheeks. “We’ve never done anything except kiss. He likes to hold me.”

Her hand went to her heart. “Nikolas Danshov likes to kiss and hold you. You poor, poor thing.” She sighed dramatically. “Where did I go wrong with you?”

I pushed her away. “Forget I said anything.” I loved every second I spent with Nikolas, no matter what we were doing. But I’d give anything for him to tell me his feelings went deeper than caring and protective instincts. I loved him so much. What if he never felt the same way for me? I wished I was brave enough to tell him how I felt and hoped he loved me back. But I wasn’t that brave, and my heart couldn’t handle it if he didn’t return my feelings.

“We are a sorry pair, aren’t we? We’re surrounded by hot male warriors every day and neither of us is getting any action.”

Happy to move the conversation away from Nikolas and me, I said, “Whatever happened to that Egyptian warrior you liked – the one with the
big
sword? What was his name?”

“Hamid.” Her eyes turned dreamy for a second before she huffed. “He left for LA before we could get better acquainted.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

She grinned. “Don’t worry. I’ll see him again if I have anything to say about it.”

Laughing, I turned to look at the water again. Poor Hamid. That man had no idea what he was in for.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Jordan said after a few minutes. “You haven’t really said much about seeing Madeline in Vancouver. What was it like to finally see her face-to-face?”

“Strange. She looks our age.”

“So does everyone else we know.”

I shrugged. “I know, but it’s different when it’s your mother.”

“Too bad you didn’t get a chance to talk to her before she ran.”

I nodded. “I shouldn’t be surprised, but I can’t believe she ran away like that.”

“After everything I’ve heard about her, I can believe it.” She grew quiet and I looked at her.

“What?”

She shifted weight from one foot to the other. “I was thinking. What happens if we find Madeline and she won’t tell us anything? Or what if she really doesn’t know anything about the Master?”

“Why would she be running all this time if she didn’t know something?”

“I don’t know. Why wouldn’t she tell her father and let him take the Master down? She wouldn’t have to run anymore if he was dead.”

I couldn’t answer that. I had asked myself the same question many times over the last few months. The possibility that Madeline might not know the Master’s identity was one I wouldn’t consider. I couldn’t.

“There you are.”

I turned around to see Desmund striding across the lawn toward us, wearing jeans and a thin gray sweater that clung to his muscular body. In the months since he’d recovered from his illness, he had returned to his former warrior physique and his skin had taken on a healthy glow again. Today his hair was tied back in a ponytail, showing off his handsome aristocratic features.

Jordan let out a low whistle. “Damn! He makes me wish I was male. And gay.”

“Did you forget our training?” Desmund asked me as he stepped onto the patio.

“I was hoping you’d forget.” After three days of training with Desmund, I longed for our quiet times together in the library at Westhorne. He was on an unrelenting mission to teach me to bond permanently with my Mori or to go insane in the process. It was like a freaking boot camp. If I thought hiding would get me out of working with him, I’d be under my bed right now.

His dark eyes gleamed wickedly. “Oh no. I have something new planned for us today.”

I think I actually gulped. My eyes went to Jordan who gave me her “oh shit” look. “What is it?” I was almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Nothing you can’t handle.” He beckoned me with a wave of his hand.

“Later,” Jordan called, and I thought I heard her mutter “maybe” under her breath.

We walked to the house, and he opened the door for me. “Wouldn’t you rather play checkers?” I asked him when he steered me toward the training room.

He laughed richly. “I’d love a game later, if you’re still talking to me.”

That doesn’t sound good.

I sensed Nikolas before we reached the gym. At the door to the room I stopped at the sight of him stacking weights on one of the mats. Desmund gently nudged me into the room. “Nikolas has agreed to join us today to help with a new training technique I’ve devised for you. We’ll start with our normal routine and take it from there.”

Our normal routine consisted of me joining with my Mori for as long as I could stand, which was usually less than thirty minutes. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to merge with the demon; I just couldn’t handle the constant onslaught of emotions and the alien power flowing through me. I had no idea how the other Mohiri lived with it every second of their lives, and I wasn’t surprised that orphans went insane if they were not taught to control their Mori.

Nikolas nodded to me but didn’t speak as I walked to the center of the room where he had laid the weights. I closed my eyes and lowered the wall holding back my Mori. Its emotions, which had been muted, brushed against my mind – mainly its joy at being close to its mate. A few months ago, it would have rushed forward, but ever since the onset of my
liannan
, it moved slowly and warily. I assured it every day that I’d never hurt it, and I thought it was finally beginning to believe me.

It stopped and I knew it was feeling for my Fae power.
Glow?
it asked fearfully.

No glow, just us.
I opened my mind to the black shapeless blob.

Solmi!
A bonded Mori had a one track mind; all it cared about was its mate. The demon forgot its fear and pressed against my mind eagerly.

No matter how many times I merged with my Mori, I reeled from the sensations and myriad of emotions bombarding me. I gritted my teeth and let the initial wave wash over me. After a minute, my Mori reined in some of its emotions until I could think clearly again. It had taken us weeks, but we were both slowly learning how to join without overwhelming each other. I took a deep breath as it slowly released its dark power into my body until my muscles quivered from the increased strength.

“Are you good?” Desmund asked.

I opened my eyes. “Yes.”

“Okay, we’ll start with the smaller weights and work up to the larger ones. You know the drill.”

I moved to the first set of kettlebells that were forty pounds each. After ten reps I moved on to the sixty-pound weights and did ten more reps. The heavier the weights, the more I had to tap into my demon’s strength, allowing me to gradually widen our connection. By the time I got to the eighty-pound weights, I had so much power coursing through me I felt like I could lift one of my trainers.

Nikolas and Desmund stood off to one side as I went through my workout routine, and I heard enough to know they were talking about Vancouver. I almost lost my concentration a few times, trying to listen to their conversation.

“I’ve never seen them behave that way,” Nikolas said. “There were enough of them to wipe out several teams.”

Desmund nodded thoughtfully. “It is unusual to hear of that many vampires working together.” His voice lowered, but not enough that I couldn’t hear him. “I am amazed you did not suffer casualties.”

“I am too. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they were trying to capture us, not kill us.”

A tremor went through me and my Mori, and I lifted the kettlebells with more force than was necessary, sending one of them flying away from me. The thought of Nikolas in the hands of vampires made me want to retch and hit something at the same time.

Nikolas retrieved the weight and brought it back to me. “Are you okay?”

“Great,” I lied. “Sometimes I don’t know my own strength.”

He smiled and laid the weight at my feet. Then he went back to stand near Desmund again. I tried to tune them out, but it was no use. Nikolas hadn’t said much about what had happened that night in Vancouver, and I was dying to hear more.

“You are fortunate then that help arrived,” Desmund said.

“Yes,” Nikolas replied grimly. “We found almost twenty vampires dead in the street and near the house. I don’t know how he knew where we were, but he’s the reason we didn’t lose anyone. The Seattle team wouldn’t have made it in time.”

Desmund’s gaze flicked to me then back to Nikolas. “It sounds like you have a powerful ally out there.”

“We need one. We are already getting reports of more vampire attacks on our people. The team in Houston nearly lost two warriors last night.”

I lost track of what they were saying when I started to feel the strain of being joined with my Mori. Sweat beaded my upper lip and my legs began to tremble. The clock on the wall told me only twenty-five minutes had passed since I’d started, and I knew I wouldn’t make it to thirty. Carefully, I set the heavy weights I was holding on the mat so I didn’t hurt myself when the demon strength left me.

Desmund walked toward me. “You have thirty-five minutes left in this exercise.”

I gaped at him. “I can’t last an hour. I can barely do half an hour.”

“Nonsense. You are stronger than that. Continue.”

My hands curled into fists at my sides as I held the connection with my Mori. The hands on the clock seemed to be glued in place, and I was shaking by the time ten minutes had gone by. My Mori’s presence began to buzz like a hornet’s nest inside my skull, growing louder with each passing minute. “I can’t,” I gasped. I looked at Nikolas, who watched me with eyes full of concern but made no move to intercede.

“Am I late?”

I turned in confusion to the door as Eldeorin walked into the room. He smiled at me then looked at Desmund. “Sorry, I was detained.”

“Your timing is perfect,” Desmund said as the faerie joined him and Nikolas.

I spoke through clenched teeth as my Mori shifted again. “What are you doing here, Eldeorin?”

“Desmund and I talked last night about your training, and he mentioned the difficulties you are having with your demon. We came up with something that will help motivate you.”

Desmund and Eldeorin had discussed me? What would a faerie know about joining with a demon? My eyes moved from Eldeorin to Desmund and then to Nikolas, whose expression gave nothing away. The smile on Eldeorin’s face set off warning bells inside my head, and Desmund looked entirely too pleased with himself. What the hell were they up to?

Desmund approached. “We are going to try something new, and Nikolas has agreed to take part in our little experiment. You must stay joined with your Mori until the hour is up. If you don’t we will start over, but I don’t think that will happen.”