Rocked Under (24 page)

We settled down on the couch after having eaten and Scott put the film on. We sat with the popcorn between us as we always did, like there was this unspoken rule to keep space between us at all times. There was always this atmosphere around us, warning us to not go too far. He knew that I was attracted to him and I think he must know that I care about him. He didn’t know that I was in love with him and if he ever found out I’d be devastated.
 

Scott didn’t do love. He didn’t do commitment and I knew that and I accepted it. Maybe he wanted more but at the end of it all, he would grow bored of me and toss me away like he does to all of them. No, I’d rather have him this way than have him break my heart, leave me in pieces and we couldn't have any dn'tmentrelationship after that. I looked sideways at him, he was so handsome. Even just lounging around in scruffy jeans he was hot. He had a presence, an aura of masculinity that nobody I knew could contend with.
 

I turned back to the TV as the movie started. I pulled a cushion onto my lap in case of emergency and tried to mentally prepare myself for my first spooky movie in eight years.

Twenty minutes in and I was curled into a ball and flinching wildly with the cushion in front of my face for the bits that I didn’t want to see.

“You’re really that scared?” Scott was laughing.

I nodded, wide-eyed.

He chuckled, “Come here.” He lifted his arm.

I scooted next to him and curled into him while his arm came around me.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe.” He was finding this hilarious while I was seriously scared!

“Thanks a bloody bunch.”
 

Some time during the ordeal, I found myself in his lap with my arms clamped around him tight. When did that happen? Embarrassed, I lifted my head to look at him to see if he had noticed and found myself staring into his eyes. His breathing was heavy and his jaw was clenched. How long had he been watching me? His darkening eyes lured me in and I couldn’t look away. My heart kicked against my ribs. My lips parted to breath easier. His eyes touched on my mouth and then flicked back up again. He moved and he placed his hands under my arms to pull me up onto his lap so I was straddling him properly.
 

My hands instinctively went to his ripped bare chest. His eyes flared while I froze for a moment, unable to believe that I had touched him so intimately and that I could feel him hard beneath the rigid part of his jeans. His pupils were dilating right there for me to see. His lids grew heavy whilst his heart thumped hungrily beneath my hand. He was magnificent. As I went to move my hands, one of his came up quickly and caught it, placing it back over his heart. His eyes bored into me as though he was trying to tell me something.
 

I gasped, my pulse was racing all over the place and the butterflies wanted out of my stomach. I was so aware of him, of his stiffness beneath me, of his heart beating under my hand, his smell. Most of all, it was his eyes; they burned into mine, searing me, scarring me forever. His other hand came up and stroked my hair out of my face and then came to rest on my cheek while a gentle look entered his eyes. His thumb stroked my bottom lip so slowly.
 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This couldn’t happen now. But I wanted it to with every atom in me. My body craved him like his body was it's missing piece, but my mind wouldn’t allow it. My skin was flushed and tingling — sensitive —
 
as I felt his erection growing even bigger. I wanted to test the length. I hungered to move myself along him.
 

The thought s>Thed ent erotic images of us flicking through my head and warm heat burst in my lower belly. My head fell back and he moved his hand from my cheek to the back of my head while his other splayed along my back to support me. My palms still rested against his chest. I needed so badly and I was losing the will to fight it.
 

Scott leaned forward then and at the same time he shifted himself beneath me, I flinched as a spark shot through me from him rubbing me where I needed it the most. My lips parted on a moan and my palms went up to grip his shoulders.

His lips touched my neck and I was gone. I started moving myself against him, unashamedly taking what I needed from him.
 

I was moaning and Scott was breathing heavily, almost growling as his lips caressed my neck. His hands came to rest on my hips. His jaw clenched as his dark eyes watched me slake myself on him.

Back and forth I went, faster, then slower. I circled my hips into him, hitting the right spot. A gasp came from me and I sped up to reach what I needed to.

Scott put a hand between us, the pad of his thumb resting on my clit over my jeans as I tried frantically to end it.

"I got you." His thumb started to move in circles as his other hand went around my back, "Lean back, baby." His voice was ragged.

I did as I was told because it was too late for me to stop now. I needed release and it was building quickly.

"Ah, Scott," I couldn't help it, I actually had no control over myself.
 

He groaned and licked my open lips. "Fuck, I want inside of you so bad."

With those words I exploded my release with a shout. My body contracted so tightly that it was almost painful. Scott pulled me back into his hips to ride it out as the sensation gripped me and shook me.

"Fuck, baby,
fuck!
" Scott leaned back against the sofa. “Emma,” Scott gasped. His hands gripped my hips tight. My eyes shot open. Scott was leaned back against the sofa with his eyes closed breathing deeply.
 

Shame came crashing through me almost straight away. “
Oh god!
” I scrambled off him and to the far side of the sofa so fast that he didn’t have a chance to catch me. My hands came up over my face and I was shaking. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen, I just…”

“No, baby, don’t be sorry, ” his hands covered mine and pulled them away from my face but I couldn’t look at him. “Look at me.”

I turned my face towards him and reluctantly looked at him. He was haunched in front of me on the floor. His eyes were soft.
 

“Why are you sorry?”

Why?
Because I didn't want to lead him on. I didn't want him to think that we were together. “It shouldn't have happened.” I looked away again when he frowned.

Whyor="#000000">“But it did happen and I know why even if you're not ready to admit it to yourself.” His hand came up and moved my face back to his.

I didn’t want to hear him say it. “I don't want to talk about this, Scott.” I brushed his hand away. “It was an accident and I'm sorry okay. Can we drop it? I like us as friends.”

Scott stood and walked over to the balcony doors. He stood with his back to me and his arms crossed. “What’s so bad about the thought of
us
? I want you—you want me and you can fuckin' deny it all you want but I know the truth.” He turned around and started walking towards me.

“I know the way you watch me. You’re always watching me.” He inched closer. “I see the look on your face when I'm with someone else and I know what it is because I had the same look on my face when I saw you with Adam and Kyle.”
 

I stood before he could reach me. The intent in his eyes made it clear that he wasn’t going to stop. I went around the sofa and stepped back with every slow step he took my way.

“The way you care and look after me. I recognise that too. I remember the night in the alley when I had that fight. You were crying for me.”

“Of course I care," I threw my arms in the air, "you’re my friend, Scott.”

“It’s not fuckin' friendship, Emma!” he boomed making me flinch.

“You’re probably the best friend I have here and I don’t want to lose that just because
you
want a fucking fuck buddy!” I yelled back.

"That's not true!" He fought back, his face darkening.

“Why do you have to try and get every girl you meet into bed then? What is
wrong
with you?” My chest was rising and falling sharply as I stared him down.

He looked away then and buried his fists in his pockets.

I knew I was being nasty but I'd had enough. “If you’re willing to chuck our friendship away for one night in the sack then you can’t respect or care about me at all so what exactly do you feel for me Scott? Is it really friendship or is all this some ploy to get me into your bed because you can’t any other way!” I took a deep breath and stared at him, spitting fire.

“What I
feel
for you?” Scott’s expression was incredulous.

“Yes,
please
tell me because I don't know what to think anymore when you have a different girl here almost every fucking night and then get rid of them in the morning. You really expect me to believe that I'm going to be any different?" 

He was quiet for a moment and if I could only read his mind as his expression grew pensive.
 

"Answer me a question first." His voice was soft. "Are you scared because of what happened between your parents?" 

Cold tingles went up my spine and I could only look away. 

He came closer until I was backed against the closed door but he stopped inches from me.

His eyes bored into mine. "The look on your face tells me I'm right." His fingers grazed my cheek. "I'm sorry for the hurt your dad caused your mom and," he paused and took a breath, "I'm sorry your mom hurt
you
in the process of her pain and made you afraid.”

He implied that my mum hadn't been a good one and that hurt. Anger came to my rescue, “You don't know what you're talking about." I got closer to him and in his face. He knew nothing about what my mum had been through. "You have no idea about me or my parents so keep them the hell out of this. You don't know me!" My fists were clenched at my sides and I was breathing heavy.

He grabbed the top of my arms and squeezed, "And why is that?" He shouted, his neck straining with the force of his words. "You keep everything hidden away. I had to find out about your past from a fuckin' video on the internet!" He shook his head in defeat, "I take what I can goddamn get with you but you give me little amounts of yourself." His tight grip loosened and a hand came up again to my face.
 

His face relaxed, "I've committed every part of you to memory, did you know that?" a pained expression entered his eyes, "You're so fucking beautiful that sometimes I can't see straight." His other hand came up to my face. "I want you so bad, I can't take this shit. The first night we met was like being hit by a tornado all over again. You entering my life was a huge event and you shook and shifted everything for me.
 
I want you to be mine and," he paused. "I want to be yours."

I went to turn my face away but he wouldn't let me hide, he never did. His words touched on something deep within me and I couldn't ignore them but, at the same time, it was hard to let go of fear. I was a coward. Too frightened to take a chance on him. I needed to think, I needed to get away from him, clear my head. Figure out what I wanted.

"When I saw you with Adam I wanted to rip his fuckin' head off." He sighed heavily.

"When you slept with him, I hurt like crazy and it still kills me to think of you with him. The thought of you with anyone else…" he swallowed and shook his head as he looked away from me. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, slowly. "I can't take this shit, babe. I'm stuck. I feel as though I'm trudging through waist-deep mud with you." His voice broke and he abruptly turned away from me. His hands went through his hair as he sighed.

"Scott," I took a step forward but stopped.

"Don't, Emma." He turned around. The pain in his eyes tore through me and I wanted to comfort him but I couldn't.

"Don't say what I know you're going to. I can't hear that shit right now."
 

I couldn't let this happen. I didn't trust it. In my heart I wanted him, I believed him but my head was telling me to be cautious. To be aware of what I would be setting myself up for. An eternal walk down Hea wahearrtbreak Lane. A world of hurt and pain and wanting and wishing and regrets. 

"Scott, if you really want me so much then why do you still mess around with other girls? How can you expect me to believe anything you've just said when I see you with girls all the time?" I clasped my hands in front of me and looked down at them.

"Shit, babe, if only you knew."

"Knew what?"

He looked away and I thought I saw a faint red tinge to his cheeks. "Nothing."

Then, it hit me —
hit by a tornado all over again. All over again?
My God, I didn't know he'd been hit by a tornado. "When did you get hit by a tornado?"

He frowned, "Huh?"

"You said, hit by a tornado
all over again
."

His face cleared as understanding dawned in his eyes. "I was; Tornado Emma hit me twice."

It was my turn to be confused now.

"Macy's wasn't the first time we met."

"What? I don't remember." I was surprised.

He sighed and shook his head. “Just forget I said anything. Let’s forget this whole fuckin' night and it’s mess along with it.” He stormed away into the kitchen leaving me standing there wondering if things had just changed for good.