Rival Dreams (Rival Love #3) (19 page)

“Caleb?” Erin knocks before she opens my door.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

She takes a seat at my desk and says, “Sit.”

I take a seat on my bed. “What’s going on?”

“You tell me. My daughter is miserable and seeking solace at her father’s. You’re sitting up here sulking, contemplating whether or not you should call her.”

“How did …”

She interrupts me. “I’m a mother. We know these things. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. But I am going to tell you this: don’t call her, don’t give her hope, only to dash it away again. Call her because you’ve got something important to tell her. Call her because you want her to know that you will never make her feel this way again. But don’t call her because she’s not here.”

“I was …”

She gives me a look that says, “I know what you were doing.”

I shake my head. “Okay.”

“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes.” She walks out of my room, leaving me with even more to think about.

***

It’s Easter. I’ve told myself not to call Sky, to give her space. So I did. But my palms keep itching and I have this burning desire to hear her voice. Even if it’s a sigh, a laugh—hell, she can scream that I’m an asshole, for all I care. I just need to hear her.

The phone rings. Once. Twice. And then “You’ve reached Skylar, I’m not able to answer right now, leave it at the beep.”

The beep comes so fast I barely register the words I want to say. God, I hate answering machines. And voice messages. “Hi. I hope you’re having a good Easter. I miss you. Okay. Um … bye.”

I hang up. Fuck I want a do-over. She’ll probably listen to that and say, “What the hell?” I know I would, if I were her. Jesus. I smack my forehead and stare at my phone. Should I call her back? Text her? No, I’ll just sound even more like a jackass.

I grab my iPod and decide to go for a nice, long run. That’ll help clear my head. At least I hope it will.

Of course, as soon as I step out into the hallway, there is her room. Empty of her, obviously, but the door is slightly ajar. I walk in, because I’m a glutton for punishment. There are pictures of us all over the place. Damn, we were happy. I walk over to the framed photo on her nightstand and pick it up.

Her face is brightly lit, her kissable lips drawn up into a smile, and her wild, orange-colored eyes seem to glow. I’m laughing in the picture, about what I can’t remember. All I know is right now I miss this. I miss her and the way we were. And yes, this is my own damn doing. I set the frame back down and head down the street.

The April air still has some bite to it, but it’s fine. I need this. So I run. Hard, fast, and to nowhere, really; I just need to get lost for a while. And I do. I end up near the old track. There in the center of the field is an orange and black Bulldog. Nice. I guess some things never change.

I take a picture and send it to Skylar. It’s a sign. This right here is how she came into my life. An enemy, my rival, a girl who didn’t belong, but grew on me. So much so, that I wouldn’t change a thing about the day she moved in and we were face to face.

Skylar: Wow. Is it me or was our class much better at this shit?

Caleb: You should definitely come back and teach them a thing or two.

Skylar: Um. No. How’s Easter?

Caleb: It’s missing something.

Skylar: What’s that?

Caleb: You. How’s your Easter?

Skylar: Going to call.

I take a seat on the grass and answer my phone when it rings. “Hi.”

“Hey. So … things are weird.”

“What’s weird?” I know us avoiding each other and then me saying Easter isn’t the same without her is weird. But I didn’t think she’d come right out and say it.

“Okay. At the airport we ran into Malcolm. You remember him?”

How could I ever forget him? I thought he was hooking up with Skylar when I went to New York to bring her back to Ohio our senior year of high school. “Yeah.”

“Anyway, since then, Lidia hasn’t come out of her room. He also has been coming by. Like every day, three times a day. Lidia won’t see him. I don’t think she’s even come out to use the bathroom. She might be dead in there for all I know. And Julie is like, ‘Oh, give her some time to herself,’ and Dad is just as bad. ‘Girls need to have a broken heart here and there to appreciate true love.’ What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Um.” I scratch my head. “I honestly have no answer for this.”

She grumbles, which also means she is rolling her eyes at me. “I tried talking to her. She’s pissed off at me for talking to Malcolm at the airport. But I had to. He was about to get decked in the face if I didn’t stop him from running after her. She was … she was so pale. I’ve never seen her like this. It freaked me out.”

I pick at some grass. “Do you think maybe she should talk to him?”

She sighs. “I don’t know. I mean, sometimes I think she should. Sometimes … it reminds me of us. And that scares me. Because I literally debated whether to answer your text or not. A part of me is so mad at you. The other part loves you so much that it doesn’t care how much dumb, hurtful shit you do to me. It’s always pulling me to you. And I don’t know if I can stop it, or if I even need to, but it’s driving me nuts.”

I smile. “I love you. I’m sorry for hurting you. But Sky, I couldn’t let you drop everything for me. Not when you worked so hard to get into Duke. I’d be the biggest asshole in the world if I just said it was cool to give up on your dream. It’s your dream to graduate from Duke.”

“You’re right. I wanted to be at Duke, and I got offered the captain position on the swim team. There’s no reason I’d want to give all that up to follow you. But the point is you made the choice for me without letting me make it. And that right there was an asshole move.”

Damn. She’s right. I toss a few more strands of grass. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I mean, eventually it’ll be fine.”

We hang up shortly after this and I run back home. Sticky with sweat, the last thing I want to do is hang out with people, but inside the living room are Lance and Derrick, both chilling with my uncle and watching Sports Center. Derrick sees me first. “Hey, man.” He gives me a two-finger sign and I return with a nod.

“What’s up?”

Lance looks over. “Watching some highlights with your uncle. Did you just run?”

“Yeah. Going to go grab a shower. Be right back.”

The hot water is soothing. But it doesn’t erase the conversation, or the hurt in her voice, or the guilt I feel. Three weeks left and then I’ll know if this was all worth it. It better be.

***

Run. Workout. Shower. Eat. Relax. Workout. Run. Train. Eat. Relax. Workout. Train. Run. Shower. Eat. Sleep. More like pass the hell out. I’ve been pushing myself to the point of exhaustion. It’s madness, I know, but it helps me not think about Sky as much.

I’m near campus because that’s where my trainer is, but being this close is killing me. She won’t talk to me. Hasn’t since Easter. I have to see her.

So after a quick shower I make my way to her room. With luck on my side, someone exits right as I’m about to buzz in. I slip through the door and decide surprising her is better. At least I can make a better argument when she’s in shock-mode.

I rap my knuckles against the wood, rock on my heels, and wait. The door whips open and Brie glares at me. “What the hell do you want? I thought I told you that note was a onetime deal? And how did you get in here, I thought you were banned from this building?”

“Don’t worry how I got in. Where’s Skylar?”

Brie smiles. I don’t like the evil gleam. “You missed her. She’s out.”

“At the library?”

“No. On a date.”

My face falls. A date? It’s been eight weeks since we broke up. I shouldn’t be pissed, but I am. Not at her, but me. This is what pushing her away did.

I return to Lance’s apartment and start jotting down my thoughts for her in a letter.

Chapter 33

Skylar

During my genetics class all I hear is, “Do you think he’s going to make it?” “Of course he is, they’d be stupid not to pick him.” “Bet he’s not picked in the first round, though.” “You’re on.”

I swear, it just keeps escalating from there.

I know exactly who they’re talking about. It’s all everyone seems to talk about. Except me. Why? Because talking about Caleb opens a wound I am trying my damnedest to close up. The late-night biology group-study sessions and swim practices are helping me not think about him every waking second. I guess getting rid of that box helped too, but there is one thing that remains and I can’t seem to give it back: that stuffed tiger.

Gosh, I know, grow up, it’s a stuffed animal. It should be illegal for a twenty-year-old to sleep with a stuffed tiger. But I can’t help it. I love the silly toy and will keep sleeping with it, no matter how ridiculous or embarrassing it might be.

My hand starts to ache from all the notes I take on genetic traits, dominant versus recessive. How these traits intertwine our DNA, the genetic code that tells an organism how to work and grow. As I’m starting to get into the types of genes that can pass down physical and mental diseases and abnormalities, class ends.

I pack up my things and start to head out. The noise about the draft continues, except this time it’s about me. “Think she’s hoping he fails?”

I don’t have to look around to see people are talking about me or tilting their heads in my direction. Will it always be like this? Will they start to forget once he’s off to his pro team?

Back in my dorm, Brie has a happy glow about her. She’s been like this for a few days. I wonder if it has anything to do with her new relationship? I hope so. Maybe then she will leave me alone.

“You just missed Caleb.”

I look up at her. “I did?” My heart pounds hard at the sound of his name.

She nods. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I think he gets the point now.”

“What point?” God, what has she done?

She smiles. “Well, the other night he came by, but I told him you were out on a date.”

My jaw drops. “Why would you do that?”

“Um, he hit my boyfriend. I’m still pissed about that. And the jackass has never apologized.” She turns to her mirror and applies makeup. “Besides, he hurt you. You’ve been so depressed for months. I figured this would help cheer you up.”

Is she kidding? This does everything but cheer me up.

She grabs a thick envelope and hands it to me. “He told me to give you this.”

I take it quickly and rip through crisp paper and unfold two pages. As I read the words all my love and understanding come flooding in like a mountain of water breaking the dam walls. I instantly crumble to my cold floor and sob. He’s leaving me for good. This is really real. It was real enough before, but this seems so final, like he’s never coming back for me. I can’t have that. I need him to know that I’m miserable without him. I can’t disguise this pain that’s eating away at me anymore.

He’s what I want and need. Screw everything else. If we have to be distant for a little bit, so what? I can do that. I can do that. And I’ll be a junior, so if I have to, I can put in the hours and earn a captain spot again. But it’s not everything. Love is everything. Without love, what’s the point of doing anything?

Without another moment of doubt I snatch up my computer and book a flight to New York. I’m going to do this. I’m going after him this time.

Brie walks over and peers over my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving. For a few days.”

“Um … can you really afford to visit your sister right now? We have exams coming up. And you were in the hospital for a week and a half. Aren’t you still making up for that?”

“I’m all caught up. And I don’t care about exams. I know most of it.”

She presses her palm to my forehead. “Are you okay? What have you done with my bookworm roommate?”

I shake her off and keep looking for flights I can afford. Shit. All of them are 700 bucks or more, probably because it’s so last minute. I grab my phone and dial Lidia.

“Hello?”

“Hi, I need to ask you a huge favor.”

“Shoot,” she says.

I smile. She’ll get this done. I know she will. And with any luck this will change her outlook on Malcolm. “I have about $400 in my savings account, can you spot me $300 for a plane ticket? I’m coming to New York. I need it tonight if you can, just no later than tomorrow.”

“Sure, I can spot you. Why are you coming to New York? If it’s to see me, I swear I’m doing better than I was at Easter. You don’t have to hide knives from me or anything.”

“I’m not going there to hide all the sporks. I’ll tell you more later. Thanks so much for doing this.”

“No worries.”

I give her my account info and she instantly sends me money. I grab my suitcase and start packing. As I round my desk to grab some things from my closet my roommate latches her hand onto my arm and jerks me back. “What are you doing? Please don’t tell me you’re going after that prick.”

“So what if I am? You had no business making him think I had moved on without him. You had no right to try and hook me up with Matt, either. Don’t stand there and pretend that wasn’t your intention. Brie, you don’t understand, and maybe you never will, I don’t know. But what Caleb and I have is something special. Beyond special. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing, and for me to deny it is like me saying I don’t need oxygen to survive.” I yank my arm out of her grip and continue to pack. “I have to do this.”

“You’re stupid.” Brie glares at me as I pass her with an armful of clothes. “He’s just going to break your heart again. And you know what? I’m not going to listen to you cry over him. I will not do it. Or watch you mope around like you have been. You need to get the hell over him. That’s what you should be doing, not jetting off and going after him. Isn’t it clear he doesn’t want you anymore? Wake up, Sky! He dumped you on a street corner, for Christ’s sake, and on Valentine’s Day! It doesn’t get any clearer than that.”