Rippled (11 page)

You know you could always—

No, I couldn’t. It would’ve been different if I hadn’t agreed to be his sub last night. He didn’t have to take my control. I gave it to him.

Drawing in a shaky breath, I exhaled when Brian walked his fingers along my spine. My nerves sparked with red flame. I didn’t think I could get any warmer.

Keep going like this and you’re going to spontaneously combust.

It would’ve been a good death, but we were nowhere near it. If anything, the growing fire inside me—around me—made me feel more alive. Normal.

Not infected. Not a shifter.

With very little force, Brian pulled me down to him so my forehead was right against his. I was still on top, leaning over him, but I’d lost whatever control I’d had while sitting upright. He held me there, in that position, for some time. Wanting. Waiting. Needing.

He stirred beneath me, and my heart skipped a beat when his hardened cock pressed against my pussy. Right there. Almost there. Hovering. Teasing.

Licking my lips, I managed to say, “You in a hurry or something?”

Oh God, say yes. Please, for whatever sanity I have left, say yes.

Brian paused and looked right at me. “Against time? Always.” He moved his hips so he was pressing against me one second, and gone the next.

“You know that isn’t what I meant.”

He stroked my hair and hugged me to his chest. “Once the drugs wear off and you stop taking the capsules, you’ll be begging me for sex.” He lifted my chin with a hand. “And no matter how much we both want it—no matter how much we need it—we won’t.” He thrust up again. Barely there.

“That doesn’t sound very fair.”
And this isn’t fair at all!

“I didn’t say you couldn’t please yourself, Krista. We just cannot risk sex when you’re going through withdrawal. Your mind won’t be where it should be. You likely won’t even know that you’re asking for it. And you, more than likely, will forget about it days later. That’s how it worked with all the others.”

There.

Gone again.

I bit back a growl of frustration. “Others?”

He smiled and caressed my cheek. “Don’t worry, Krista. You’re the only she-cat for me.”

Fighting against my delirium, I asked, “She-cat?”

“Shifter terms. You’ll have to learn the lingo at some point.”

“So, if I’m a she-cat, what does that make you? A he-cat?” I must’ve lost my mind. Shifter lingo?

Does it really matter? Not with his cock between my legs. There
.
Right fucking there.

“A tomcat, of course.”

He thrust up again, only this time, he didn’t stop. I yelped around my surprise when his shaft pierced my folds. Brian groaned and withdrew slowly, using the same slow strokes he’d used when we had first come together last night.

“There’s something…something you should know,” Brian said, pressing against my pussy but never going in.

I tried to ignore how close he was or how much I needed him right then. “And that is?”

His grip on my hips tightened. “That I’m always in control.”

He thrust up again, pushing himself deep inside. Someone moaned. I might have cursed. I didn’t even know. English or any other language was lost on me when he moved like that.

Right there…just like that
.

I tried to thrust back, to rock my hips and take him deeper, but he held me in place.

He’s in control. Let him have it.

It was harder than it seemed. Every time he thrust into me, all I wanted to do was to push back. To get lost in the rhythm. Unable to do what instinct told me to, my hands searched for something to hold on to…as if that alone would keep me from falling. From losing myself. I was already gone.

“Fuck…” Brian gasped. “Have I ever told you how much I love your cunt?” He thrust again. Harder this time. “Tight and wet.”

God, I loved it when he talked like that. And he knew it, too. If he hadn’t been holding my hips, I would’ve taken over. I finally rested my hands on his shoulders, clawing at his skin so hard I was surprised when I didn’t draw blood. Brian’s thrusts quickened, making sure to hit my G-spot to keep me right on the edge—the same as he had before.

Hell, I hope he doesn’t make me wait again.

I needed this. We both did. But I was pretty sure I needed it even more. The need for sex was always there, but something had changed. There was no hesitation on my side. And every single time he pulled out, all I could think about was how angry I was with him. Frustrated.
Starving.

“Please…” I almost cried. “Don’t make me wait.”

“That close already?” Brian asked, sounding somewhat amused.

I managed to nod before letting my head fall back.

Don’t let go. Not yet. He hasn’t given you permi—

To hell with permission! He could see what he was doing to me. He couldn’t possibly make me…

I tensed as the first wave of an orgasm washed over me.

Wait for him.

I couldn’t. While my mind and body fought over loyalty, submission and need, I lost myself deep inside. Someplace dark. I couldn’t see. Couldn’t hear. But I felt it all! Whenever he touched me—wherever he touched me—was like a shock to my system.

Keep going like this and you’re gonna—

“Krista.”

I could vaguely hear his voice somewhere outside my subconscious. I tried to focus on it. Hold on to it. As soon as I thought I had a hold of it, Brian’s voice was gone. Without opening my eyes, I focused on his thrusts, his steady rhythm. He wasn’t slowing down, but he didn’t speed up, either.

He’s going to keep you here for as long as he can.
As long as his endurance would allow, and damn if he didn’t have enough of it to run us both into the ground.

What’s wrong with you?

I’d never been this needy before. Never this…insistent. In the back of my mind, I knew going slow would lead to a stronger orgasm, but I didn’t care. The longer it took, the more frustrated—the angrier I became. I was sure if I focused all that energy on my hands, I could punch a hole through a wall without even feeling it.

Someone touched my cheeks. Brian’s voice came again. Barely a whisper.

“Look at me.”

I furrowed my brow when my eyes refused to open. I shook my head and murmured something I couldn’t understand.

Brian’s thrusts stopped just long enough so he could roll me onto my back. Whatever I’d said must’ve worked, for as soon as he was on top, his rhythm changed. Fast. Hard. Just the way I liked it. Exactly the way I needed it. Needed him.

This time, he didn’t hold me down when I thrust back and rocked my hips, drawing him in even deeper. And when he lifted my legs to rest on his shoulders, I didn’t hesitate.
Sweet bliss.
It was coming, harder and faster than I could control. White light flew past my vision, and I opened my eyes. Brian was looking right back at me.

It was permission enough for me. I let go.

Chapter Ten

Krista

“What the hell was that?” I asked once I’d finally caught my breath.

I wasn’t sure when he’d managed to put it on, but Brian rolled off his side of the bed to get rid of the condom. When he came back, he looked even more exhausted than I was. After tucking me under the covers to fend off the chill, he propped his head up, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Are you okay?” he asked, ignoring my previous question. “Not too cold?” He knew as well as I did that, once the endorphins wore off, my hot flash would turn into chills.

I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I paused and lowered my gaze before looking back at him. “At least, I think I am.”

He cocked his head to one side. “You think?”

“I don’t understand what just happened.”

He stroked a hand through my hair. “I can’t really help you unless you tell me about it. You kind of zoned out there and started talking gibberish. I was about to stop when you told me to keep going.”

“I don’t remember any of that. I was…in a dark space. Not depressed, but it was dark. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t open my eyes, but I felt everything.”

He smiled. “Is that all?”

I didn’t bother hiding my surprise from him or his amused glance. “I take it that wasn’t a big deal?”

“Not at all.” He drew me to him. “Though I’m surprised you reached subspace like that. I’ve never had a sub who’s gone into subspace just from having sex before.”

“I don’t even know if it was the sex actually. I was really pissed at you.”

“What? For messing with your mind again?”

I bobbed my head. “I didn’t mind it so much last night, but now it’s almost like I can’t get enough.”

“The drugs. They’re working their way out of your system.”

“But I thought you said getting them out was to get me to shift.”

“It doesn’t always result in that kind of energy. Looks like your feral side loves sex.”

“Does that mean we can keep—?”

He was shaking his head before I could finish. “Afraid it doesn’t work that way. Besides, what would we do if you shifted during sex?”

I sighed. “I hadn’t even thought of that.”

“I was hoping we’d have more time, but if what you say is true, your subspace came more from the lack of drugs than anything I was doing. This means we’re ahead of schedule and can start your working on your shifts sooner than expected. Sadly, this also means sex is off limits until you can control it.”

My throat tightened. “I was afraid you were going to say that.”

“Well, you don’t want to accidentally injure or kill your sex toy, do you?” He forced a smile and moved closer to me as the chills began to set in.

“No, I guess not.”

He lifted my chin to kiss me on the lips. “Don’t say it like that. This will be over before you know it.”

“So, when do we start?”

“What, your lessons?” I nodded, and he continued, “In a few days. I need you to stop taking all of your medication first. The capsules they have you on can still make you forget.”

“Forget what?”

“Everything since before now. They can even make you forget the first time you shifted.”

“Did I shift?”

He bowed his head. “You did and didn’t.” He shook his head. “But that doesn’t matter now. What does matter is the fact that you’ve forgotten about your first shift, how it made you feel or how long it lasted.”

“And I need to remember that to shift again, right?”

“It’s as good a place to start as any.”

We were both silent for a long moment. My mind trailed off to other things—things I could’ve forgotten. Family. Friends. The life I had before the virus. Every single memory I’d forgotten was stuck in processing.

Did I have a favourite pet? Did I like dogs, cats, or both? What about siblings? Had I won a spelling bee? Where did I work? And more importantly, why the hell had I let them give me the damned injection without asking about it in the first place?

Malcom lies.

It was something Brian had warned me about. I might not have remembered what had got me there, but I remembered Malcom’s face.

I guessed I should’ve been happy they hadn’t cut me into a million pieces. Still, considering the amount of crap they’d injected me with, along with the amount of blood they’d removed, it was amazing I could still lift my arms.

I closed my eyes and shook my head as if to remove any thoughts of a past life from my mind. “So, these pills…what do you expect me to do with them?”

It was bad enough I had to take four horse pills and a few smaller ones every morning to ‘keep the virus at bay’. I wasn’t sure how Brian expected me not to take them.

“The vent,” he began, gesturing to the air vent off to one side of the room. “It’s loose. You can put the pills in there.”

“Umm, I’m not sure if you noticed, but they tend to watch me when I take them.”

“Press them against the inside of your cheek. Don’t swallow them. I assure you, getting them to come back up again is much worse. Not only that, but you’ll need your strength, which also means no skipping meals.”

I ignored the fact that he wanted me to keep a variety of pills in my mouth without swallowing them while still hiding them from the nurses. “But I don’t…”

“You’ll want to skip meals once your withdrawal sets in. The nausea is the worst part of it, but I promise that’s all it is. Your body’s just trying to find its footing again.”

So, that was what I had to look forward to?
Can’t wait.
I rolled my eyes, which resulted in a stern look from Brian.

“Not really much to be excited about,” I explained. “It’d be different if I was getting something out of all of this. Kind of like water after a long marathon—only better.”

“With any luck, you’ll get your memories back. You’ll start to understand the old half of your body that’s been in lockdown for the last two months. Not to mention the ability to walk out of here and into a normal life.”

“Normal life as a shifter? Does such a thing exist?”

“If you learn to control it, but don’t suppress it entirely… Yes, I think it does.”

“You mean, even if I learn to control it, I’ll still have to shift? Please tell me there’s an upside to this.”

“If you don’t let the leopard out every now and again, it will eat you from the inside out. It’s a part of who you are. Accept it, let it out every now and again, and you don’t have to worry about it coming out on its own later on. Remember what I said about no sex until you can control it?”

“How could I forget?” It hadn’t been that long.

“Same thing goes for the rest of your life. There’s no cure for Ripples. No vacci—”

“Ripples? What the hell?” I stifled a laugh. “Is that seriously what this is called?”

He smirked, then gave me a serious look. “You’ll understand after you see me or anyone else shift.”

“But I did see you—”

“I mean really shift. Not just that, though. The news of this virus—if it ever got out—would spread like ripples across a pond. That’s where the name came from—a constant reminder of what could happen if news of this ever reached the public.”