Authors: Ashley Haynes
“Excuse
me? I’m only thirty-four. Women are having children well into their forties,”
Beth chimed in.
“Yeah,
mom, come on. You know she wants to finish school first, give her a break.
We’re just trying to be smart about it,” Hank defended.
“Well
then she should have gone to school when she was supposed to go to school. Did
you go to school Lilly?” Nancy asked, turning to me.
“Uh,
yeah. Um. I have a bachelor’s degree-“
“See?
Lilly’s not letting her eggs die so she can finish school, how old are you,
Lilly?” Nancy interrupted.
“Twenty…twenty
five…” I said nervously. Kill me. Kill me now.
“See,
you should have went to school when you were younger instead of wasting time
doing whatever you were doing,” Nancy shrugged.
“Well
I’m sorry we can’t all be fucking perfect and live our lives according to your
plan. My uterus isn’t really any of your business,” Beth spit. Hank let out a
sigh.
“You
don’t need to talk like that. It’s not right for a woman to talk like that,”
Nancy scolded.
“You
know what-“ Beth started. Hank interrupted her.
“So,
bro… I am really looking forward to our hunting trip next month. You excited
man?” he asked.
“You
hunt?” I asked, “You never told me you hunt.”
“I
don’t really, I don’t know,
hunt,
it’s
more like getting drunk in a deer stand. We go to cabin for a few days a couple
times a year,” he replied.
“They
never catch anything,” Beth said.
“This
year is going to be different. I can’t wait to bag some does man!” Hank says,
excitedly.
“I
thought the buck was what you wanted to kill,” I asked.
“No,
no. The doe is juicy, and succulent,” Hank explains, licking his lips.
“Like
I said, you never catch anything, if all you do is party in the woods, I don’t
see why you never let me come,” Beth whined.
“It’s
brotherly bonding time, no wives allowed,” Hank defended. Cash grabbed my hand
under the table. Hank and Cash kept the conversation moving through the rest of
the meal, much to the delight of absolutely everyone. We finished eating, and I
helped Nancy with dishes.
“Is
Cash going to show you around town while you’re here?” Nancy asked, handing me
a frying pan to dry.
“I
don’t really know what his plans are for the weekend,” I admitted. Getting out
of the house sounds wonderful, but there doesn’t seem to be much to look at in
this town. It was idyllic, post card Midwest. Not a shopping mall or worthwhile
attraction in sight.
“How
long are you staying?” she asked.
“I
think we’re leaving Sunday. I have to be back at work Monday, I think he does
too,” I responded.
“Well,
I’m glad you’re here. It’s nice to see Cash happy. I’m glad he’s finally found
himself a nice girl,” she said, warmly. I wonder what her relationship had been
like with Madison. I wonder if she ever met Claire.
I
walked back into the living room to find Cash and Hank watching television,
drinking beer. Beth was typing furiously on her phone.
“It’s
not even noon yet,” I scolded. Cash rolled his eyes.
“It’s
Christmas. Time doesn’t exist on holiday vacation,” Hank insisted. Beth
scoffed. We spent the day watching old Christmas movies and trying not to
engage Beth, while Nancy bustled around us cleaning things that weren’t dirty
and refusing any offers of help. I decide I want to give Cash his gift. I don’t
want him to open it during the gift exchange tomorrow; I want it to be just us.
That evening after dinner I pulled Cash aside.
“Hey,
is there anywhere we can talk alone?” I asked.
“We
can go up to my room,” Cash whispered.
“Anywhere
with more adequate seating?” I teased.
“There’s
a gas fireplace and porch swing out back. It’s enclosed,” Cash replied.
“Meet
me out there in five minutes,” I said, standing and rushing up the stairs. I grabbed
Cash’s gift from my suitcase, and opened the box to make sure it was still
situated correctly. I bolted back down the stairs, and barely missed smacking
face first into Hank as I skipped out the back door. That would have been
awkward. I stepped onto the back porch to find Cash waiting on the swing.
“What’s
wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing,”
I replied, “why does something have to be wrong?”
“I
don’t know. You’re being weird. Are you going to tell me you want to go home? I
know breakfast was painful. I’m sorry. I’ll talk to my mom,” he lamented.
“No,
no. I mean. That was fucking awful. But, whatever. I just- I wanted to give you
your Christmas present,” I said, presenting him with the tiny box. It wasn’t
anything super awesome. It was an ornament. A bulb made to look like an antique
globe. It said, “ashite imasu” over Japan, “iche liebe dich” over Germany, “je
t’aime” over France. “I love you,” in delicate script over North America. I
watch his expression as he takes the globe out of the box to look at all the
interpretations emblazoned across the map. I start to feel a little stupid. I
thought it would be this grand gesture, finally expressing how I feel, but now
it just feels kind of corny. Cash looks at me, and smiles coyly.
“What
does this mean?” he asked. Motherfucker was still going to make me say it.
“It
is what it is it doesn’t mean anything. Do you like it?” I prodded.
“Yes.
I love it. Thank you,” he replied, smiling.
“You’re
welcome,” I said awkwardly.
“I
love you, Lilly,” he purred.
“
I love you too,” I said, biting the inside of my cheek.
“Let’s
go somewhere,” Cash suggested.
“Where?”
I inquired.
“Somewhere
we can talk without someone walking out on us,” he replied. That sounded
ominous. I agreed. Cash went inside to let his family know we were taking off
for a little bit, and I met him at the car. We drove out past the town and down
a wooded back road. He pulled inside a covered bridge and put the car in park.
“You
can’t just park in the middle of the road,” I cautioned.
“No
one lives back here anymore. No one comes down this road,” he insisted. I
shrugged and looked out the window. I wasn’t sure why we were here.
“Lilly,”
Cash began, “move in with me.”
“Why?”
I asked, genuinely befuddled. I practically already lived with him. Most of my
clothes were at his place because I was too lazy to drag them back to my
apartment after using his washer and dryer. I showered there. I ate most of my
meals there. I slept in his bed almost every night.
“Why
not?” he challenged.
“Because,”
I replied, “I would have to break my lease. What would I do with all my
furniture that I just bought? I don’t want to pay for a storage unit either.”
“I’ll
pay out your lease. And help you move your furniture to the dumpster. Where it
belongs,” he responded.
“That’s
ridiculous. I basically already live with you. Why does it have to be this
formal thing,” I contested.
“What’s
ridiculous is paying rent on two apartments just for yours to turn into some
creepy hoarder nightmare because you’re never there and you never clean it. I
bet if we went in there and kicked around some pizza boxes and Gatorade bottles
we would find a mummified cat,” he teased.
“My
lease is up in a couple months. I just don’t see the urgency,” I replied,
ignoring his derogatory comment about my housekeeping skills.
“Maybe
I just want to tie this down now that I know that you aren’t just tolerating me
until something better comes along,” Cash said.
“Oh,
come on. Theirs is no way you ever actually thought that,” I groaned.
“Maybe
not. But, I don’t know. I want to cohabitate,” he mused.
“Fine,”
I relented, “But you’re moving everything.”
“Say
it again,” Cash prompted.
“Fine,
but you’re mov-“
“Not
that,” he interrupted, “tell me you love me.” I blushed and smiled like an
idiot.
“I
love you,” I whispered. Cash pulled me towards him and kissed me.
“I
love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” I breathed into his mouth. His
kiss grew more urgent, hungry. He was pulling me towards him, grasping to undo
my seatbelt.
“Stop,
stop. What are you doing? I’m not climbing over there. I don’t want a steering
wheel up my ass,” I laughed.
“Let’s
get in the back seat,” he suggested.
“No!
You’re not supposed to be trying to get me to fuck this weekend,” I said
sternly.
“I’m
not trying to fuck you. I’m trying to make love to you. And I thought you just
didn’t want to fuck in my mom’s house. This isn’t my mom’s house,” he
countered.
“How
the fuck we gonna ‘make love’ in the backseat of your car? Chill. I know we’re
all fucking… emotional and shit right now. But let’s wait until we can be
comfortable and give it our undivided attention,” I suggested.
“You’re
right. I’m sorry. But, ‘fucking emotional and shit?’ You are a poet,” he
teased.
“I
know, I know. Let’s just… I don’t know. Is there anywhere to get a drink in
this town?” I asked.
“It’s
Christmas Eve, the bar is going to be a very depressing place, I imagine,” Cash
laughed.
“Fuck
it,” I sighed. Cash put the car in reverse and backed out of the bridge,
heading back towards town. He parked in front of a sad little worn down bar
with decades old beer advertisements and a flickering “Open” sign in the darkened
window. We walked inside to find it bustling with life and movement. Commercial
country poured out of the speakers as people twirled around the small dance
floor. I don’t know what I was expecting. We sat at the bar and ordered our
drinks. A busty blonde came and plopped down on Cash’s lap.
“Oh
my goodness! I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. It’s fate. You coming home
with me tonight?” she cooed. I burst out laughing as Cash nudged her off his
lap.
“Uh.
Absolutely fucking not,” he said, sipping his whiskey.
“Why?
We had so much fun last time you were in town!” she insisted.
“Ha.
You… you had fun. I had to go get antibiotics the next day, I’m pretty sure you
gave me the clap,” he said, turning away from her.
“Oh,
I’m so sorry about that. But hey at least it wasn’t one of the scary ones you
can’t take medicine for,” she bleated. I bury my face in my hands to try to
stifle my laughter.
“This
is my girlfriend, just go.. go away please,” Cash said, turning away from her
again. The woman finally stormed off, and started flirting with a man twice her
age at the other end of the bar.
“Did
she really give you an STD?” I asked.
“No.
But she’s one of those girls that you need to wrap it twice and then go ahead
and wrap it a third time if you’re going to venture down that dark alleyway,”
he laughed.
“That’s
so gross. Why would you sleep with her? She’s a damn mess, who just throws
themselves at people like that,” I wondered.
“I
don’t know. I was drunk and lonely, I make bad decisions sometimes, I’m human,”
he laughed.
“Weren’t
you in town for Thanksgiving? Did you fuck her over Thanksgiving? I’m gonna
fucking murder you in your sleep!” I exclaimed.
“No!
I mean yeah I was here for Thanksgiving but she doesn’t know that. I haven’t
been to this bar in forever. It was a couple years ago when I threw her a pity
fuck. I would never, ever, ever cheat on you with some townie bar slut that
peaked in high school,” he promised. I’m starting to notice that Cash kind of
holds women in low regard. If they’re not benefiting him, they’re disposable. I
shrug it off.
“Why
do you have groupies?” I quipped.
“Have
you seen me?” he boasted. I rolled my eyes.
“Her
outfit was what’s really tragic, who wears short shorts, a crop top and cowboy
boots in December?” I observed.
“She’s
got two kids at home and is out trying to find them a new daddy, she’s got to
market herself. Don’t hate,” he claimed. I shrugged my shoulders and watched
her scoot around the dance floor with a chubby man in a sweater vest, who was
probably here avoiding his in-laws.
“You’re
right. This is super depressing. Let’s go back to you mom’s and sneak bourbon
into our hot chocolate. I might even get drunk enough to sleep with you, you
never know,” I baited.
“Yes.
Yes let’s do that. We’ve only got like fifteen minutes until the liquor store
closes. Race you to the car,” Cash said, jumping from his seat.
I
did get drunk enough that night to lose my nerves, and we made love soft and
slow. The rest of the weekend was warm and friendly and I felt at home with
these strangers. Even Beth started to warm up after receiving a very thoughtful
gift from Nancy. The holiday spirit was in full effect, and come Sunday, I
didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in this little lull in time surrounded
by food and twinkling lights. Cash let me listen to whatever I wanted on the
drive home, and never let go of my hand.