Resistance (The Institute Series Book 2) (18 page)

“He’s the one, isn’t he? He’s the one you’ve been seeing?” I ask. After seeing the state Shilah’s in, the answer is pretty clear. He doesn’t respond, he just puts his head in his hands, guttural sobs emanating from his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I wrap my arm around him, trying to comfort him but I don’t know if it will help.

Shilah wipes the tears from his face. “I’m fine,” he blubbers. “I’m fine.” The second time he said it was an improvement, but it’s obvious he is not fine. “I didn’t tell you because he’s your best friend.”

“Exactly, he’s my best friend. I would’ve been nothing but happy for you both. But I didn’t even realise you were—”

“Could we maybe talk about this later?” he asks, starting to break down again.

I rub his back awkwardly. “Of course.” I look at Mum and Dad, but they both seem equally as shocked and clueless as I am.

“What are we going to do?” Shilah whispers.

I don’t know if it was meant to be rhetorical or not. “We have to go back,” I say, and feel a shift in everyone as they look up and stare at me. “If there is any chance – even the slightest – that Tate is alive and being used as bait to lure us back? We have to take it.”

“And if he’s already dead?” Drew asks. “Chances are we’ll join him.”

We could be walking to our death. It’s stupid of us to go back, right? Tate wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t want us to do it. Then why is everything inside of me screaming to go back?

“You know that if we go back and Tate is alive, he’ll kill us himself, right?” Chad says with a pained smile. One that says, ‘should I be joking at a time like this?’

“Brookfield won’t let us be agents anymore,” Drew says. “We’d be given crappy guard jobs or janitors or something … that’s if he doesn’t throw us in the Crypt forever.”

“There might be a way to solve everything. We could save Tate, take over the Institute, and save Allira from becoming the fourth wife of an egotistical narcissist,” Paxton says.

“How do you propose we do that?” Mum asks.

A gleeful smile starts on Paxton’s face. “If we can take over the Institute, we’ll have the power to prove that Defective people are still
people.
We could free everyone, and stop the propaganda of the dangerous and unpredictable Defectives.”

“Do you really think that taking Brookfield out of the equation will fix that? What about the laws that state we belong there?” Drew asks.

“Well there’s clearly ways around those laws or Brookfield wouldn’t have a full team of Defective agents, would he? Taking Brookfield out is a necessary step towards where we have to go,” Paxton replies. “And if nothing else, it will stop the poor treatment of everyone there. We may not be able to accomplish freedom and equality in measurable time, but we can take steps towards getting there.”

***

After the last few hours of trying to sort out some sort of plan, we seem to be going in circles. Part of me is about to give in and let Cyrus do whatever he wants with me … okay, no, I’m definitely not at that point yet, but I am considering the artificial way of becoming a mother – what Millie was suggesting.

“Maybe I should just do it,” I say in exasperation. “I could be a mother.” I don’t know if I’m trying to convince everyone else or myself. If I comply, we can keep on living here. Like Belle said, everyone here has made some sort of sacrifice. This could be mine. I’ve never rejected the idea of kids, I’ve just never really given it any thought – any proper thought.

Chad stands up, frustrated, muttering something about going to yell at his mother before walking out, still avoiding eye contact with me. I don’t think he’s looked at me all day. Maybe this is his way of saying ‘I told you so’. He knew nothing good would come of telling everyone about my double ability.

“I think we need to take a break,” Paxton suggests.

“We’ll go get some food and bring it back here. It’s probably best if no one knows what we’re doing,” Mum says. I look at the clock and realise that we’ve lost track of time, it’s almost 2:00pm. No wonder everyone is getting frustrated, we’re all hungry.

After Mum and Dad leave to get food, I slip onto the veranda where Shilah is leaning against the balcony, looking into the surrounding forest. He excused himself from the group about half an hour ago.

“Hey,” I say, trying to sound sympathetic.

“Hey.” His response is flat, distant.

“What do you think we should do?” I ask, hesitantly.

“I don’t know,” he replies shaking his head. “I really don’t know. Everything in me wants to run back to him, make sure he’s safe. Everything except common sense that is. I’ve tried to get a vision of what would happen if we were to go back, but I get nothing. I keep telling myself I’d be foolish to go back. We’d never see the light of day again. We’d probably end up dead, too.”

“Too,” I say quietly. “You think he’s dead, don’t you?”

He hangs his head, “I don’t want to, but yeah, deep down I think I do.” A tear falls on his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb before taking him in my arms. “But I have to know for sure. What if he’s alive and we don’t do anything? If Brookfield is using him as bait, he won’t wait forever before he does kill him. Once he realises we aren’t coming back, Tate will be killed. We have to do something.”

I give a half smile. Not because of his words – they are scaring the hell out of me – but because of the look in his eye when he mentioned Tate’s name.

“You two … you’re pretty serious then?” I ask.

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone,” he replies.

“I didn’t realise you were—”

“Into guys?” he interrupts. I nod. “To be honest, neither did I. Before we were sent to the Institute I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything for anyone so I never gave it much thought.”

“You must have sort of known, right – on some level?”

“I guess.” He shrugs. “You’d think I would’ve had a crush on someone at some point, but I can’t recall anyone in particular, male or female.”

“He’s a bit old for you,” I say with a smile. Tate is twenty-four, Shilah just turned seventeen a few months ago.

“I told him you’d say that.” He laughs. “But he said you once told him that age shouldn’t be a factor when it came to loving someone.”

I swallow, hard. “You … love him?”  I have never used the L word. I thought a long time ago that I may have loved Drew, but that was when I was wrapped up in first ‘love’, having a boyfriend, and his ability to always make me smile. Finding out he was an agent sent to arrest me ruined me for Chad. I’m not saying I don’t love Chad, maybe I do … I don’t know. I feel more connected to him than I ever did with Drew, but saying the words? Out loud? I don’t know if I could do it.

He nods, “I do. I love Tate.” Shilah clearly doesn’t have my problem.

“Then I guess it doesn’t matter, does it?” I say, my half smile appearing again.

“I should have told you sooner,” he admits.

“I should have told you about me sooner.” We look out at the surrounding bushland, at its peacefulness, with clean slates. No more hiding, no more lying. I reach over and put my hand over his.

“We have to get him out of there, Allira. We just, have to,” he says, beginning to tear up again.

I nod, “I know. Let’s go back inside and sort out this plan.”

“So we’re going back?” he asks.

“Yes. We’re going to take over the Institute and save Tate.”

Chapter Fourteen

“So you’re just going to go back?!” Chad yells at me in front of everyone. He returned not long after Mum and Dad came back with some food.

“What other choice do we have? You want me to stay here and have a baby with another man? You’re
okay
with that?”

“That’s better than sending you to your execution!”

“You’re Tate’s cousin. How do you not even care that our actions – or lack thereof – could get him killed?”

His expression turns cold. “He’s probably already dead,” he says without emotion. “He’s not in his cell. Where would they have moved him? He’s gone.” His face is blank.

I don’t know how he can just switch off like that.

“I know where he could be,” Drew says, interrupting. We all stare at him. “There’s another level to the Crypt. I’ve only been down there once. No one is housed down there usually. It’s reserved for …” he hesitates.

“Double abilities,” Paxton finishes for him.

“I thought you believed double abilities were a myth?” Shilah asks Drew.

“Well no one was ever housed down there, so I assumed they were. Obviously,” he says, looking pointedly at me, “that’s not the case.”

“We could have this same conversation for hours. Bottom line is we’re not going to know Tate’s status until Shilah and Allira go back,” Paxton says.

“And me,” Drew says. “I’m going back.”

“Of course you are,” Chad directs at Drew. “I’m not going back,” he says, pacing around the room. “I’ve already risked my life and spent months imprisoned for him and he chose to stay anyway. I don’t see how things will be different now.”

My shoulders slump forward in disappointment. I can’t believe the words he is saying – not when it comes to Tate.

“Allira, can I talk to you outside?” he pleads.

“I think our time will be best spent in here, trying to sort out the finer points of the plan,” I say. I don’t want to face whatever he wants to say to me right now. I don’t want him to try and talk me out of this.

Chad storms out.

“He’ll come around,” Paxton says, breaking the obvious awkward silence that’s always there when two people have a public argument.

I shake my head. “Maybe. But let’s not worry about him right now. I want to make sure this plan will work.”

“I’ve asked the council many times to put this to a public vote but they refuse. We need numbers. We need a list of people who we think can help us – both at the Institute, and here. And we’ll need to do it behind the council’s back.” Paxton says.

“I can give you some names of the people at the Institute,” Drew says.

I exchange a look with Paxton, mentally asking,
Are we really going to trust Drew on this?
Not that he can hear me.

“Are you sure they’ll want to help us?” I ask Drew.

“Well they all pretty much think I’m the worst person in the world – apart from Brookfield of course – so yeah, pretty sure they’ll be happy to help. Just don’t tell them I’m involved.”

“And who do we have here that can help?” I ask looking to Mum. She’s the only one who’s been here long enough to know.

“There’s a few people I have in mind. Allira and Shilah, you should scope out the recruiters – especially the younger ones. I haven’t had a chance to get to know them all that well.”

“Do we really want to send the young ones into the Institute?” I ask.

“We may have to for the numbers,” Mum says reluctantly.

“Well I know of a few already that could help. Licia, Hayden, maybe a few others. It will just be a matter of getting them to agree.”

“Okay, so let’s make a plan,” Paxton says with a hint of hope in his eyes.

***

“Okay, so can we go through this one more time?” My question is met with groans from nearly everyone.

After a full day of brainstorming, planning and arguing, we’re just about ready to put our plan into motion.

Paxton throws his head back on the headrest of the couch. He keeps his eyes trained on the roof as he talks – going over the plan for the millionth time this afternoon. “You recruit from within, behind the rest of the council’s backs. Assemble a team of forty – or as close to forty as you can manage. While you do that, I’ll be recruiting at the Institute. You, Drew, and Shilah return to Brookfield claiming to feel remorseful for abandoning your posts and that you want to come back. You will convince him that living on the outside was too tough, you didn’t realise how good you had it, how well he treated you. Then when we can organise it, the Resistance will infiltrate the Institute. We let them in, they’ll be armed and we’ll take Brookfield down.”

“And if you’re all caught?” Dad is sitting in the corner of the living room, where he’s been practically sulking all afternoon.

Dad seems to be on Chad’s side on this. He’s been throwing his objections at us all day.

“We’ll most likely be killed,” Paxton says quietly.

“They’ll be okay,” Mum says, putting her hand on Dad’s shoulder.

“How do you know, Seph?” Dad puts his head in his hands. “I haven’t worked as hard as I have at keeping them safe, only to send them to the one place that will hurt them.”

Dad starts sobbing, successfully breaking my heart.

“We’ll be fine, Dad. This will work. We’ll make it work,” I try to reassure him.

“I think we should leave it there for now,” Mum says.

I lie down on the floor and stretch out, completely mentally exhausted from the day.

“You can stay here tonight if you want,” Paxton suggests. “I’ve got a spare room that’s already made up.”

“Sounds good,” I say.

Mum and Dad offer up the couch at their place, but at least here I’ll get an actual bed. Mum, Dad, Shilah, and Drew leave as I sprawl out in front of the fireplace. We lit it when the sun started to go down to provide warmth throughout the house.

“Chad
will
come around,” Paxton says, sitting down next to me in front of the fire and handing me another cup of tea. I think it’s about my fifth cup for the day. It’s nowhere close to being as good as coffee, but it’ll do. “He’s just worried about losing you. I can’t say I wouldn’t act the same if I was him.”

“I know. I just thought he would want to do whatever he could to try and save Tate.”

Paxton sighs like he’s deliberating about what to say. “He’s probably weighed up the risks and has worked out that risking your life for Tate’s isn’t worth it. He could end up losing both of you. We don’t even know if Tate is able to be saved; we don’t even know if he’s alive. It’s true what Chad said – Tate chose to stay where he is. He knew Brookfield may find out about him, and he knew that he could be executed for it. They both grew up in this world. They’ve been taught to weigh up the options and choose accordingly. The basic rule of life out here is to survive. It’s all they know. It’s all they do.”

“You think I shouldn’t go back?”

“I’m not saying that. The more of us that can go back, the better this plan will work. I admire you for wanting to go back, but I can also see where Chad is coming from. Can I ask you something though?”

“At this point, I don’t think any questions are off the table.” There have been some pretty personal questions tonight.

“If it wasn’t for Cyrus, would you be risking your life to do this? I only ask because if that’s why you’re doing it, you may want to re-evaluate your decision. There are ways around the baby issue – it would be easy for your aunt to claim that you’re infertile. I just want to make sure you’re doing it for Tate and the Resistance and not purely for yourself, because I can tell you now that when you end up back in the Crypt, you may start to wonder why you didn’t just have the baby.”

I take a sip of tea, concentrating on Paxton’s words. “I believe in what we’re doing. I was talking to Drew the other night about our ‘freedom’. As he put it, he does nothing but eat, sleep and work. What kind of life is that? I want to be able to do what I want, when I want. I want the freedom to walk down the street and not be seen as a threat, or feel everyone staring at me for being different. I think you’re right. We need a starting point and the Institute is the perfect place to get started.”

“But is anyone ever truly free? Let’s just say everyone is released from the Institute. Then what? People still need to work to support their families, there are still social obligations to abide by, laws to follow. You know what it was like for your dad to raise you and Shilah – working seven days a week on a farm, before that he was a janitor six nights a week. I’m sure there were a lot of times where he felt that all he was doing was eating, sleeping and working. I work five days at the Institute, more if I have to, just to ensure Nuka’s safety. True freedom is a bit of a unicorn isn’t it?”

“A unicorn?”

“You know, majestic horse like animal with a horn. Farts rainbows and all that.”

I can’t help but laugh. “I know what a unicorn is. I just don’t understand what you mean.”

“You want the freedom to make your own choices, but sometimes your choices – even when you are completely free – are between two evils. Again, I’m not saying you should stay here. I’m just giving you other options if you wanted to take it. Walking to your possible death or becoming a mother … from the outside it seems like a pretty easy decision. You could choose to have this baby and have nothing to do with it afterwards. It was easy for Nuka’s mother to do that to her.”

I give him a sour look. “I don’t think I could ever do that to my child, even if its conception was less than ideal or unpleasant. It would still be a part of who I am. You’ve seen how protective I can be over Shilah, and he’s just my brother.” I see Paxton give an involuntary smile. For a moment, I begin to think he was just testing me to see what my response to him would be. “And it’s not just that. If I were to have Cyrus’s baby, I’d be connected to him for the rest of my life.” I shake my head. “I can’t do it.”

“It would be interesting, though,” he says.

“What would?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.

“To see if you produced another double ability.”

I give a nervous laugh. “You’re not going to make me stay now and find out, are you?”

He smiles back. “No. I’m not
that
curious.”

“Is that how Cyrus chose his other wives? By their ability?”

“I’m not actually sure. He was on wife number three by the time I got here. I get the feeling that she – just like you – felt pressured into doing it. The first two seem to be more in love with him than Nina does.”

“And she’s the one with the cloaking ability, right?”

“Yeah. The one who has Char, Catharine and Camryn.”

“We could use her. Do you think she would help us?”

“I don’t know. She’d have to leave the three girls here and that would be asking a lot of her. I could get your mum to ask though. That way if she reacts inappropriately, your mum can erase the fact the conversation ever happened in the first place. We have to be so careful with who we approach for this mission. A wrong choice could have us all punished by the rest of the council for what we’re doing. The last thing we need is the Defective population to split and start warring against each other.”

We sit in silence, watching the flames of the fire flicker and work their way around the burning wood in the middle of the fireplace.

“So you and Drew are getting pretty close again? Do you really think we can trust him?” Paxton asks, changing the subject.

“First of all, no, Drew and I are not getting close again. I think I’m just finally accepting that he did what he thought needed to be done. I may be able to forgive him for lying to me, arresting me, and doing nothing as they tried torturing information out of me, but I can’t look at him as anything more than a friend. Even the word ‘friend’ is stretching it a bit. As for trusting him? Jury is still out. He hasn’t given us reason to
not
trust him, but he hasn’t exactly given us reason to start trusting him either.”

“Fair enough. I think we should still be wary of him.” He looks at his watch before leaning forward and rubbing his hand over his head. “It’s getting late. I might go to bed.”

“I think I’ll stay up for a bit. Goodnight.”

Paxton gets up and starts to walk out. “Night. See you in the morning.”

“Oh, Paxton?” He turns around to face me. “In case I forget, thank you. Not just for letting me stay here, but for … well … everything.” He smiles and waves me off, like there’s no need for my words and goes to bed.

***

Paxton drives me to another early morning council meeting that he scheduled yesterday after our planning.

“Nervous?” he asks.

“Wouldn’t you be?”

He laughs, “Fair enough.” He looks over at me, then back at the road. “You know, I was thinking last night that it might be an easier getaway for you if you leave from my place. I’m going back to the Institute today, so you and Chad can have the place to yourself if you want. It beats that bunker you’re living in now.”