Rescuing Rose (47 page)

'It isn't, Ed, it's quite short. '

'But we're
married
, Rose. '

'That's got nothing to do with it. '

'Why do you hesitate?' he asked gently as he kissed my hand again. 'Can't we bury the past?' For some reason I had a sudden vision of Theo, standing in Holland Gardens, his hand on my shoulder, his breath warm on my cheek, pointing out the stars. 'Why do you hesitate, Rose?' Ed repeated quietly.

I fiddled with my wine glass. 'I don't really know. '

'You must know. '

'Well, I suppose because we made such a hash of it before, I want to be quite sure that we don't get ourselves in a mess again. '

'Well, ' he said, 'I have an idea. Easter's coming up, so why don't we go away?'

'Oh… ' I felt my face flush.

'Just for the long weekend. '

'I see. '

'Wouldn't that be nice?'

'Hmmm. '

'How about it? Just you and me, Rose, on a nice little Easter break somewhere warm, hm?'

Up until now Ed and I had been having purely platonic dates, if we went away that would change. Even though he was my husband and I still found him desperately attractive, something made me demur.

'We could go to Paris, ' he went on. 'I know a sweet little hotel. '

'The Crillon?' I said with a laugh.

'Er, not quite. Or we could go to Florence if you like, or Rome. '

'But… who would look after Rudy?'

'Theo would. '

'But he might be away himself. He goes off sometimes, star-watching, or giving talks. He's making quite a name for himself on the lecture circuit actually. He's a brilliant speaker. '

'Well, think about it, Rose, and let me know. Would you like another drink?'

I shook my head. I'm drinking less these days.

'Ed, ' I said suddenly. 'It's really nice seeing you again like this, and going out together, but—'

'But what?'

'Well, why do you want me back?'

'Why do I want you back?' he repeated.

'Yes. I need to know. Is it simply because I'm the devil you know, and you don't want to have to start again with someone new, because, if so, that's not good enough. '

'No, ' he said with a wry smile. 'It's not that at all. ' He drew in his breath. 'The simple truth is that I love you, Rose. I was devastated when you left, even though I deserved it, and I'd like to put things right. Life's too short, and too precious, to live with huge regrets, and I feel we have a real chance to be happy again. Think about Easter, ' he said as the bill arrived. 'I've accumulated loads of air miles: we can go wherever you like. '

Over the next few days I did give it some thought—it was a seductive idea in many ways. We could go to Prague, I reflected, or Barcelona; we could go to Madrid, or Venice or Nice. I imagined us driving down the Grand Corniche, stopping for lunch in Antibes; I visualised us wandering around the Prado, or strolling through St Mark's Square. I saw us clambering up a Tuscan hillside, a sea of wild flowers at our feet. We'd never been anywhere when we were together, apart from on honeymoon, because I'd never had time. It seemed incredible to me now that I could ever have been so obsessed with my work. Edith Smugg didn't reply to all the letters personally, she simply answered as many as she could. And if one of my readers was behaving as I had done to Ed, then I'd have to tell them that it just wasn't on.

Theo was right. I could see that now as clear as day. Out of a perverse 'wish' to be rejected, I'd neglected Ed's needs; he deserved another chance. People don't have affairs for no reason, I reflected. They don't just happen, out of the blue. Ed hadn't been in
love
with Mary-Claire, she was simply a cry for help. I could be a better partner now, I decided, because I finally understood a few big things about myself. It was as though Theo had shone a torch into the darkness of my mind and shown me the tangled mess.

The next day I decided to tell Ed that I
would
like to go away with him. We could have a really lovely weekend somewhere and, in any case, I desperately needed a break—I hadn't had a holiday for over a year. Going with Ed wouldn't commit me to moving in with him, it was just another step on the way. And I was sitting at work, drafting replies, and mentally packing for Cap Ferrat or Vienna or Rome or wherever, when the phone rang.

'
Daily Post
problem page, ' said Beverley pleasantly. 'No. No, it's not, but she's here. Who shall I say is calling? Oh. ' Her tone of voice suddenly changed. 'I see. ' I glanced at her. She looked serious. 'I'll just put you through. '

'Who is it?' I whispered.

'It's Chelsea and Westminster hospital. ' Oh, they probably wanted to get me on some committee or other. What a bore.

'Mrs Wright?' said a business-like female voice.

'Er, yes, ' I said, taken aback at being addressed by my married name.

'This is Senior Staff Nurse Howells here. '

'Oh:

'I'm afraid your husband has had an accident. I think you'd better come in. '

I was there within half an hour. All I knew was that Ed had broken his arm very badly, and fractured two ribs, and that he'd been severely concussed. He'd been up a ladder and it had slipped from under him and he'd fallen fifteen feet. If it weren't for the fact that he'd landed on the grass he could have been killed, the nurse had said. I felt sick. The taxi drew up outside the hospital main entrance and I half walked, half ran through the long corridors to the admissions ward on the fourth floor. Ed was in the far bay, by the window. I parted the mauve curtain, and there he was, his eyes closed, a huge bruise on his brow like a small thunder cloud, his face grey and mottled with pain. I gently touched his left hand, and his eyelids flickered, then slowly opened.

'Rose, ' he whispered. 'You're here. I—' he was suddenly seized by a spasm of pain. He clenched his teeth and the sinews in his throat flared like flying buttresses, while drops of sweat beaded his brow. 'Uuuuuuh, ' he groaned. '
Uuuuhhhhl
The pain. '

'Ed, you're lucky to be alive. '

'I know. '

'What on earth were you doing?'

'Clearing leaves out of the gutter, ' he croaked. His mouth looked dry. I held a glass of water to his lips. 'I had a day off, ' he explained, 'and I was trying to fix a few things round the house. '

'Why didn't you get a roofer to do it?'

He rolled his eyes. 'I don't know. Don't give me a hard time, ' he murmured. 'I'm in agony. ' At this the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. 'And you're my agony aunt. ' I looked at his arm, in its fibreglass cast, and its pristine white sling. It was his right arm. Shit.

'The nurse says you've broken your humerus. '

'That's why I'm not laughing, ' he groaned.

'And you've cracked two ribs, and badly sprained your wrist. ' I looked at his red, swollen fingers protruding from the cast. 'This is going to be tricky, Ed. '

'I know. When I said we should have an Easter break this wasn't quite what I had in mind. You should have heard the noise when my arm snapped, Rose. It was deafening. Uuuuuuhhh, ' he groaned again.

'How did you get help?' I asked as I helped him sip some more water.

'My mobile was in my pocket, and I just managed to punch in 999 with my left hand. Then I fainted. I was out cold when they came. '

'The nurse said you were lucky you didn't have to have surgery. She says it's a closed fracture, so your arm will heal without pins. '

'Thank God, ' he shuddered. 'I couldn't have stood having an operation. I couldn't have stood it, ' he repeated vehemently. 'The injections. I loathe hospitals, ' he croaked. 'Get me out of here, Rose, I absolutely
loathe
them. '

'I know. ' Ed's always had a phobia about hospitals ever since he had appendicitis as a boy. His local hospital didn't treat it properly and he got peritonitis and nearly died.

'But at least this is a nice hospital, ' I said soothingly.

'It
isn't
a nice hospital. It's a horrible hospital. They're
all
horrible, just get me out of here, Rose. '

'Okay, okay—try to keep calm. '

'Mrs Wright?' The curtain had drawn back and standing there was Nurse Howells. 'Could I have a word? Your husband's going to be fine, ' she whispered as we stood outside his bay. 'We're just going to keep him in tonight for observation because he took a bad knock to his head. But we're worried about him going home alone. Now, I understand that you're separated, but on friendly terms. ' I nodded. 'He'll need help for at least ten days. ' 'I see. '

'The ribs will heal of their own accord in due course, but the break to his arm is quite bad. There's no nerve damage, but he's going to be incapacitated for a while. Is there any chance you could help out?'

'Well, yes. Yes, of course I will, ' I said.

'He'll be discharged tomorrow after the ward round. Could you come and collect him at twelve?' I looked at Ed. He had closed his eyes again. The painkillers were making him drowsy.

'Ed, ' I murmured as I bent over his bed. 'I'm going to come home with you for a few days to help. '

'Oh, ' he smiled faintly. 'That'll be nice. You'll think I did this deliberately, to get you back, but I didn't. '

'I know you didn't, ' I smiled. 'Do you want anything before I go? A newspaper? Some mints? Some orange juice?'

He shook his head. 'I just want to sleep. '

'Okay, ' I stroked his forehead. 'I've got to go back to work now, but I'll come and collect you tomorrow. And don't worry, Ed, ' I kissed his cheek. 'You were very lucky, and you're going to be fine. '

On the way back to the office I decided what I'd do. I'd spend two days at Ed's house, then go back to my house for a night, then I'd go back to Ed's for another two days, and carry on like that, so that he wasn't on his own for long.

'You could take your laptop and work there while I hold the fort here, ' Bev suggested when I got into work. 'In any case it's Easter so there won't be much going on, and I'm sure Theo will look after your house. '

When I got home, Theo was in the kitchen, cooking. He was 'wearing his
Astronomy is looking up
! tee shirt with a photo of the M33 Whirlpool galaxy. He looked at me and smiled.

'Theo, ' I began, 'I'll be staying at Ed's for a bit. You see—'

'So it's all lovey-dovey again is it?' he said dismissively.

'No. No it's not like that. It's just that he's broken his arm. ' I told him about Ed's accident and Theo visibly relaxed.

'I see. Well, that's… bad luck. '

'So what I'm going to do is spend two days at his house then come back here for a night, and then go back to Putney. But I'd be really grateful if you could look after Rudy when I'm not here. '

'Yes, of course I will. '

'Still no replies to my ad?' I added tentatively.

'No. I'd tell you straight off if there were. But it's got two more weeks to run, so there's still hope. '

'Yes, ' I said. 'There is. '

At twelve the next day, Good Friday, I collected Ed in a taxi, and we went back to Blenheim Road. I'd asked the driver to go as smoothly as possible, but with each pothole and speed bump Ed was possessed by pain. When we drew up outside number thirty-seven I paid the driver, got Ed's keys out of his bag, then opened the door. It felt strange to be going into his house again, when I'd left it in such fury seven months before. As I put the key in the lock I remembered how I'd stomped out in September with my boxes and bags, insults spewing from my lips like a stream of lava. As I pushed on the door I remembered how I'd sat and watched the house in November, tears streaming down my cheeks. And now here I was back again, the past forgiven, and understood.