'I can't believe it, ' Bea wailed the following morning. 'I just can't—uh uh… ' She was weeping so uncontrollably that I could barely distinguish the words. 'Feel such a fool… thought he was so nice… up the garden path… what will my friends think?… he just phoned me this morning…
total
shock… '
'How did he, um, put it?' I asked. At this there was another explosive sob. It was so loud, that Trevor heard it, and came over to my desk to investigate; but then he's very sensitive to weeping that dog.
'He said, ' Bea began, 'he—uh-uh—said, that there was—uh-uh-uh—another
woman
!'
'Another woman?' I reiterated wonderingly. I glanced at Beverley as she ripped open the letters. She was trying not to look as though she'd heard but she knew it was Bea as she'd taken the call. Another woman… ? Ah. Of
course
. That's how Henry had delicately put it to me when he'd first told me about his penchant for feminine attire. He'd said that the reason he'd broken up with Venetia was because there'd been 'another woman, ' i. e. him.
'And is that all he said?' I added gently.
'Yes, ' she sniffed. 'That's all. '
'Well I'm very sorry, Bea, I know you liked him.
'Liked him? I
adored
him!' she shrieked. 'And all the time I spent reading up on military history has completely gone to waste. Who am I going to discuss El Alamein with now? Hm?'
'Oh, well, it might come in handy one day, you never know. '
'It's just so
awful'
she blubbed. 'I never saw it coming. How could I be so blind?' Indeed. 'I don't know who this other woman is, ' she added menacingly. I wasn't going to tell her the truth.
'Bea, I really wouldn't worry too much about that. There are lots of other nice men out there and in any case Henry's going to the Gulf for six weeks. Honestly, ' I added airily, 'you wouldn't be happy with him as he's always away. And would you really want to be an army wife?'
Her sobs subsided. 'Probably not—uh-uh. But that's not the point!' she added crossly.
'Then what is the point?'
'The point
is
that now Bella's got someone and I
haven't
!'
Ah
, I thought as I put down the phone. Poor Bea, that was a hard fall. But she's like a bull in a china shop—her lack of circumspection is dire. I mean, some people have absolutely no insight into their own behaviour do they! And I'm afraid Bea just didn't read between the lines. I breathed a sigh of relief for Henry, though; at least he'd done the deed. Now, as Beverley handed me the day's problems I revisited the strange events of the previous night. I had spoken to Ed for the first time in six months and had worked out that the Confettimail was from him: which, presumably, could mean only one thing—that he'd split up with Mary-Claire Grey.
'Beverley, ' I said as I switched on my computer, 'you know your friend, the one on the ball committee, the one who knows my husband's girlfriend… '
'Yes, ' she said, 'Gill Hart. '
'Could you do a bit of discreet snooping and find out what's happened?'
'Sure. I'll give her a ring. '
I tried hard to concentrate on the day's problems, but it was difficult given what had happened the night before. A confusing combination of surprise and yes, pleasure, at seeing Ed again, competed in my mind for space. He'd taken this huge risk, and gone to the twins' party knowing that I'd probably be cold and remote. And I'd tried very hard to be cold and remote but his warm words had deflected my wrath. Which meant I no longer had the luxury of indignation—a channel between us had opened up. It was clear that Ed had real regrets about our split and wanted to make amends. But did I… ? I determined to drive him from my thoughts for the time being, and now, as I handed over some letters to Beverley to draft, I thought again about what Claudia had said. I rummaged in my bag—it's such a mess these days—for her business card, then rang her at
Heat
magazine.
'I'm sorry we didn't conclude our conversation last night, ' I said.
'Well I don't blame you—that stunning bloke turned up! Who is he?'
I explained.
'Lucky you!' she breathed. 'Anyway back to the subject in hand. '
'So you think Electra's record company are behind this?'
'Ooh no, it's more than that. If you ask me it's got Rex Delafoy plastered all over it. ' Rex Delafoy? The P. R. king and tabloid sleazemonger?
'I thought disgraced politicians were more his thing. Why would he get involved with this?'
'Because he wanted to promote Electra and, at the same time, I would say, get at you. '
'Why would he want to do that?'
'I don't know. But have you ever crossed him? He's notoriously vengeful. '
'No. Although… I did write a profile of him last year, for the
Post
, just before I became their agony aunt. It wasn't that nice, but then it didn't say anything about him that hasn't been said before. In fact it was a bit of a cuttings job as I only had a day'
'Was it a signed profile?' she asked.
'No, it was anonymous, they always are. '
'But he could have found out that it was by you. '
'Yes, probably. It wouldn't be hard—'
Ah
. I suddenly remembered: Serena's sister works for Rex Delafoy. Knowing what I now know about Serena, she probably told her that it was me.
'Well, ' Claudia added, 'I'd take another look at that profile if I were you. '
I went down to the library, leafed through the thick file of Delafoy clippings and found my piece near the top.
Delafoy's legendary ruthlessness… consummate media manipulator… purveyor of sleaze… makes reputations… breaks reputations… Fleet Street eats out of his hand… ruthless, rude and backstabbing
… And then I'd added, in a flourish of my own,
The hair is improbably luxuriant while his curiously smooth and bagless eyes suggest that he's been under the knife
.
I phoned Claudia back and read it to her.
'Oh God he'd
hate
that!' she exclaimed.
'What, ruthless, rude and backstabbing?'
'No, the last bit—he's notoriously vain. He's had hair weaving and he
has
had his eyes done—but he'd never forgive you for saying so in a million years. I'd talk to your editor about this if I were you. Good luck!'
'The Electra story appears to be a scam, ' I said calmly to Ricky five minutes later. 'I believe I've been stitched up—or rather "turned over" to use tabloid-speak. ' Ricky leaned forward on his desk, his balding head gleaming in the spotlights as I explained Claudia's theory to him.
'But her letter was genuine, wasn't it?'
'Only in as much as she wrote it, but in every other respect it's probably fake. '
'You mean she's not a dyke?' His face expressed a strange mixture of stupefaction and disappointment.
'No, I don't think she is. I think Rex Delafoy dreamt up the whole thing with the aim of giving Electra a massive media blast to hype her new single, while at the same time getting at me. Delafoy's lot then tipped off Serena about it. '
Ricky looked at me then rubbed both temples -with his index and middle fingers as if it helped the cogs in his brain to turn. 'But how could they possibly
know
that Serena would definitely leak the letter?'
'Because her sister works for Rex Delafoy. That's why Delafoy's lot targeted Serena because they knew that she was broke. Then all she had to do was get hold of the letter, copy it, take it to the
Daily News
and Pass Go. '
Ricky steepled his fingers and stared into the distance, an expression of childlike bewilderment on his face. 'But
how
did she get hold of it? You said you were so careful. '
'I was. But what I didn't know was that Serena had a set of keys to my desk, probably a spare set of Edith Smugg's. I went down to the canteen for about half an hour and she must have opened my drawer then. She'd made a great show of saying that she was going home, but she clearly didn't—she hung around. '
Ricky's brow was pleated with concentration while his lips were pursed into a thin line. 'But in that case why didn't Delafoy's lot just
give
Serena a
copy
of the letter. '
'Because they needed her to believe it was real. She wouldn't have taken it to the
News
if she thought it wasn't genuine. '
'Hhmm. Shirley!' he shouted to his secretary, 'get me all the latest cuts on Electra!' He reached for the phone. 'I'll get my investigative boys onto this. ' A wave of relief swept over me. Maybe I wouldn't lose my job after all. I'd felt so indignant at what had happened, but maybe it was going to turn out all right after all.
As I returned to my desk, Beverley was on the phone and I heard her say, 'Thanks Gill—talk to you soon. Rose, I've found out a bit about Mary-Claire Grey, ' she said as I sat down. 'All Gill knows is that Ed didn't leave her. '
'Didn't he?'
'No. She dumped
him. '
'Oh?'
'It happened a month ago apparently, but Gill doesn't know why. She said she hasn't spoken to Mary-Claire for a while— apparently she's moved up to Newcastle—but when she's got her new number, she'll tell me more. '
So… Mary-Claire had given Ed the push. How interesting. But why?
'Maybe he snores, ' suggested Bella a couple of nights later as we were sitting in my kitchen. 'God this curry's fantastic, Rose, I can't believe you made it. '
I still couldn't quite believe it myself. Theo was out giving a lecture on 'Sunspots, Aurorae and Other Cosmic Commotion' so I'd done it unaided. To my amazement it hadn't been hard.
'Ed doesn't snore, ' I said.
'Does he smell nasty?'
'No. He smells of Penhaligon's Lime. '
'And he's not boring is he?'
'No, ' I agreed as I passed them the nan bread. 'He's amusing. '
'Horrid political opinions?'
'Not as far as I know. '
Bella furrowed her brow. 'Then what could it be?'
'He's not a secret cross-dresser or anything is he?' asked Bea with another large slurp of white wine. She'd been drowning her sorrows all evening. 'That would be a
total
turn-off in my book. '
'Er, no, ' I replied. 'He's not. ' As the twins continued to speculate, I glanced at the glossy publishing catalogue lying on the table. It listed
Heavenly Bodies
, which was due out in May. There was a photo of Theo, leaning casually against my front door, his blond hair haloed by the lemony sun.
'Maybe Ed was unfaithful to Mary-Claire as well, Rose, ' I heard Bella say.
'Hmm. I doubt it somehow, but yes, maybe. Pak choi for anyone?'
'Well, it's all a mystery, ' said Bella as I passed her the dish of lightly steamed leaves. 'But don't you feel happy, Rose, now that she's gone?'
'Well, yes, I suppose I do. But although I've spent the past six months absolutely loathing her, the whole thing makes me feel
weird
. I was really getting over Ed—I wasn't even reading his horoscope any more—but now the blighter's popped up again. '
'That's my fault, ' said Bella guiltily. 'Although from what you say about the Valentine confetti, he might have got in touch anyway. '
'Maybe. '
'Perhaps he simply misses you, ' said Bea with a shrug. 'I mean, you did love each other to start with. '
I looked at her. 'Yes, ' I said quietly. 'We did. In fact I was besotted with him. '
'Well you had a funny way of showing it, Rose, because let's face it, you totally neglected him. ' Alcohol—and her unhappiness—had made her tactless: I flinched. 'That's why he had the affair, ' she went on heavy-handedly. 'Because you spent too much time working. Bella and I thought so at the time. Frankly, the burglars have a good point. '
'Well I think they're very
nice
burglars for returning Rudy, ' said Bella diplomatically as she fed him a grape. 'It's so nice to see you again, Rudy, ' she trilled. 'We were
so
worried about you. How's he been since he got back?' she added. 'Has his trauma affected him in any way?'
'No, he seems perfectly fine. In fact I think he's got Stockholm Syndrome as he seems to have positively enjoyed himself; but he keeps shouting "Vowel please, Carol, " and "You are the weakest link!" so I guess they watched a lot of daytime TV.
'They would do because they'd be busy burgling in the evenings, ' Bella pointed out.
'Where's Beverley?' Bea asked tipsily. 'I'd like to have seen her. She's nice. '
'She's got another date. '
'Lucky her, ' said Bea bitterly. 'Who's the guy?'
'I think it's this Scottish bloke, Hamish, who she met again at New Year. She saw him last week too. He's a conductor. '
'Of buses?'
'No, orchestras. Apparently he goes all over the world. '
'But I thought she was mad keen on Theo, ' said Bea.
'Well, she is, in the sense that they see a lot of each other— but I don't know what's going on. When it conies to her love life Beverley doesn't really confide in me and so I don't like to probe. '
Suddenly, Rudy started bobbing his head, and shaking his wings. 'We've got to ditch the bloody mynah, Dave!' he shouted as he hopped along his perch. 'That effing bird's driving me mad!!'
'Dave? Oh, that's interesting, ' said Bella animatedly. 'The burglar's name is Dave. '
'I've tried, John!' Rudy yelled. 'I've tried! But no-one wants him mate!'
'And John, ' said Bea lifting her head from the table. 'Got that?' I wrote down Dave and John, and resolved to phone the police the next morning, idly wondering whether Rudy could be a witness for the prosecution in any trial.
'I hope Andrew's enjoying himself this evening, ' Bella added, as Bea groaned and rolled her eyes. 'He's at an awards ceremony, but partners weren't invited. Still, ' she said happily, 'I'll be seeing him tomorrow. '
'And the next day, ' said Bea viciously as she cleared our plates. 'And the day after that, and the one after that, and you'll be seeing him next week, and next month and next year and next decade and next fucking
century
for all I know!'