Remembrance (The Transcend Time Saga) (22 page)

CHAPTER 37

I’d never felt so much dread before approaching Chelsea’s house—not even a week ago when I went to comfort her after Drew broke up with her. I still couldn’t believe she’d known about Drew and me for almost a week and didn’t say anything. She must have felt the same anger that Caroline Bingley dealt with in
Pride and Prejudice
when she realized Mr. Darcy preferred Lizzy to herself. The big difference was that Lizzy and Caroline weren’t best friends, so Lizzy never had to feel like she betrayed Caroline by marrying Mr. Darcy.

“What are you doing here?” Chelsea snarled when she opened the door. She crossed her arms over her chest, clearly not about to offer me to come in. I don’t know what I expected. From her perspective, Drew and I lied to her and were seeing each other behind her back. She had no reason to be welcoming.

I shuffled my feet on the doorstep, watching out for a patch of ice. “I wanted to talk about what happened at Shannon’s,” I said, looking down at my feet and then back at her, hoping she would at least talk to me.

She was solid as a statue as she stood in the doorway. Her lips were set in a straight line of distaste, and she glared at me like she was about to take a gun out of her jacket and shoot me on the spot.

Another pair of footsteps sounded from inside, and Chelsea’s dad walked down the hall, smiling when he saw me. He was good looking for an older man, his hair dark red like Chelsea’s, although some grey streaks were starting to form above his ears.

“Lizzie,” he said through his toothy grin. “It’s so good to see you! There’s some leftover Italian food from Alfonzo’s in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”

“Thanks,” I said, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket to protect them from the cold. “But I already ate.”

“Alright.” He looked from Chelsea to me and back again, realizing something wasn’t right. “Well, I’ll leave you two alone. You know where the food is if you get hungry.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Chelsea said, turning her attention back to me.

“Can we go upstairs to talk?” I asked, hoping she would invite me inside. My hands felt like they would turn into icicles if she left me standing on the steps for much longer.

“Fine,” she huffed, stepping aside and standing next to the door. I squeezed by her, making sure to stay as far away as possible. The last thing I wanted to do was make her madder than she already was, and I had a feeling that anything could set her off.

She stayed silent as we went up the stairs, and I heard each step creek beneath my feet as I walked. When we entered her room she dropped onto the side of her bed, leaning on her palms behind her for balance. I sat down on the armchair where she’d done my makeup the night before and pulled my legs up to my knees, hugging them to my chest like they could protect me from whatever came next.

“You and Drew were seeing each other behind my back,” she finally said, her voice so cold that it gave me chills. “I can’t believe you, Lizzie. Going after my boyfriend when you were seeing Jeremy? Now I see what he meant when he said you’d changed. I don’t even know you anymore.”

The truth of her words stung. “I’m so sorry, Chels,” I apologized, knowing it wouldn’t be enough. “I promise that Drew never cheated on you, and I never cheated on Jeremy. I wouldn’t do that.”

Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back, not wanting to show weakness. “So the two of you broke up with us so you could be together. How
nice
of you. But it doesn’t make a difference; you stole my boyfriend. How could you do that to me?”

I flinched at the accusation. It sounded terrible when she said it, but I knew she was right. I considered telling her everything—about our past lives and how we couldn’t help it; how I loved Drew from the moment I saw him. But it sounded crazy, and there was no way she would believe me. I wouldn’t have believed it either—except that I’d experienced it myself.

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, knowing she deserved a better reason. “It wasn’t intentional. It just sort of … happened.”

“It ‘just sort of happened?’” she repeated, looking at me in shock. “Going behind my back with my boyfriend doesn’t ‘just sort of happen.’”

I decided to try my best to explain. “Do you believe there’s one person in the world who you’re meant to be with?” I asked, holding my breath as I waited for her answer. “That people are connected to each other from a life other than the one in the present?”

“No.” Her answer was solid; she didn’t even need a moment to think. “There’s no one person out there who’s perfect for us. That’s stuff from fairy tales.” She paused to examine me, crossing her arms when I remained serious. “Please don’t tell me you think you and Drew are ‘meant to be.’ If you think you’re making me feel better, you’re not.”

I looked down at the ground, unable to meet her eyes. “I don’t know,” I said, sitting back in the chair. “But can I ask you a question?”

She blinked, and I took her silence as a yes.

“What was going on between you and Drew in the library?” I took a deep breath after asking. It wasn’t my place to expect her to explain herself, but I had to know the truth.

“Oh yes. That.” She laughed, tossing her head back so that her dark red hair flew behind her shoulders. “I’m sure Jeremy told you everything. It almost worked perfectly, don’t you think?”

“Almost?” I asked, the word catching in my throat.

“If it worked, Drew and I would be back together,” she continued. “Not that it mattered; from the way you freaked out in there you would think that you walked in on us doing more than just talking. All it took was that devastated look on your face to make me realize that what Shannon told me was right. You and Drew were sneaking around behind my back. And then there was the way you ran out of there, like some sad heroine in a movie when she realizes that the love of her life cheated on her.” She paused to collect herself. “I just can’t believe you could do that to me.”

I widened my eyes, taking in everything she’d told me. “You mean nothing happened between the two of you? Besides just talking?”

“I tried.” Her lips formed into a snarl. “But Drew didn’t go for it. He acted like everything between us didn’t mean anything. He’s the most cold-hearted person ever. I would watch out with him if I were you—you think you’re special now, but just wait until he moves onto his next ‘challenge.’ He’ll leave you in the dust, and don’t expect Jeremy or me to care.”

I barely registered what she’d said other than that nothing had happened with Drew and Chelsea. Alistair was right—I couldn’t separate the past from the present. We had the chance to change, and Drew did it right this time. It still stung that he was alone with Chelsea in the first place, but she could be manipulative when she wanted to. All that mattered was that he didn’t repeat the same mistake he’d made in the past. Maybe he
had
changed. I wanted so badly to believe it was possible.

“You really think you’re different, don’t you?” she hissed. “Well, you’re not.” She wiped a tear from beneath her eye and stood up to walk over to the desk on the other side of her room, starting to shuffle papers that didn’t need re-organizing. “I have a lot of homework,” she said, glancing at her planner. “I think you should leave now.”

“Okay,” I said softly. Chelsea needed space, and I could tell that being around me was only hurting her more. “I’ll see you in school on Monday.”

“Right.” She didn’t bother looking at me.

I stood up, watching her hovering over her planner like she was studying something more important than what assignments she had due in the upcoming week. I walked towards the door and waited for her to say something more, but she remained in place, saying nothing as I shut the door behind me.

I opened my bag to get my cell phone, realizing a moment later that I had turned it off and thrown it in the corner of my room after the events of last night. It would be a waste of time to backtrack to my house, and I pulled out of Chelsea’s driveway, my heart pounding as I started on the familiar route to Lakeside Circle.

CHAPTER 38

There was nothing to say to Drew to make up for the way I’d acted last night.

So instead of worrying myself further, I turned the music up louder. A contemporary version of the song “Hallelujah” filled the car, and I focused on the music, trying to feel it traveling through every part of my body. The song was one I’d heard played in many movies during a dramatic scene, and the experience of driving to Drew’s felt so surreal. I didn’t know how I could fix everything between us, and it felt like I was an observer of my own life instead of actually living it.

I inched up the driveway leading to his house, the columns around the double doors resembling the mouth of a giant about to swallow me whole. The multitude of windows stared at me like large eyes, and I wondered if he was standing in front of one, watching me approach.

I hated arriving unannounced, but I had to talk with him. I was the only one who could make everything right, and if he felt even half as awful as I did, then it couldn’t wait. My head pounded as I walked up the steps leading to the entrance, and I rang the bell, waiting for someone to answer.

The door swung open, and Drew stood completely still when he saw me. I stared blankly at him, trying to think of what to say, but came up with nothing.

“Elizabeth,” he said my name slowly, like he was convincing himself I was really there. He opened the door wider and stepped to the side, motioning me to come in. I kept my eyes focused on the ground as I entered the foyer and heard the door shut behind me, the sound echoing throughout the room. I finally looked up, the guilt setting in again when I saw him under the light. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night—but judging from the small smile on his lips, he was happy to see me.

“I hope you don’t mind that I came over,” I said, stumbling over my words. “I was already out and was about to call, but then I realized I left my phone at home.”

“Of course I don’t mind.” He started to take a step towards me. Then he stopped, like he was afraid I would turn and leave if he got any closer. “Do you want to come up to my room to talk?” he asked. “My mom’s been hovering over the divorce papers all day, and she freaks out at the drop of a pin.”

I nodded and followed him up the curved staircase, trying to be as quiet as possible. He didn’t turn to look at me until we were both inside his room. 

“I’m sorry for not listening to you last night,” I said, shaking my head in apology. “I talked to Chelsea and she told me nothing happened. She hates me, but at least she was honest. I just…” I paused, gathering my thoughts. “I saw you two together, and the memories of you with Catherine returned so quickly—all of the images rushed through my mind and blended together. Seeing you with her again hurt, but I finally separated the past from the present, and I realized that what matters is that nothing happened between you and Chelsea this time around. The present is what’s important; not the past.”

He kept his gaze focused on mine, like he was afraid I was about to disappear in front of him. “I thought I was too late,” he said, sadness shining in his eyes. “I figured you’d gotten in the car with Jeremy and I expected…” His face twisted in pain, and he shook the thought out of his head. “I’m just glad you’re alright.” 

I stepped forward and reached my hand towards him, the same way he did last night out in the rain. He didn’t move, allowing my fingers to wrap around his. “I just wish you’d told me everything from the beginning,” I said sadly. “Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want to scare you.” His answer was simple. “I wanted to prevent you from remembering that night. I didn’t want you to have to re-live…”

“My own death,” I finished his sentence.

“Exactly.”

I took another step closer to him, leaving almost no space between us. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes and thinking about nothing but the two of us together. It might have been easier if he had told me everything from the beginning, but as much as I thought I would have wanted to know, I understood why he didn’t. I couldn’t imagine living through all of those weeks afraid it would be impossible to stop my own death.

His hands cupped my face, and I looked up at him, hoping that he could forgive me for what I’d said last night. “About everything that happened … back then,” he said, pausing for a moment. “You know I’m a different person now. I would never do anything with Chelsea. I love you, Elizabeth. I believe what you said earlier—if we weren’t supposed to be together, we wouldn’t have this second chance.”

“
Now
you believe me.” I said, glad that everything was finally coming together.

His lips curved into a small smile. “I’ve always believed you.”

“But if you believed me … then why didn’t you tell me everything?” I asked. “Then we could have worked on fixing all of it together.”

“I guess I wasn’t convinced it could be fixed.” He shrugged, looking down at me in apology. “I was afraid if I told myself it could be changed and I was wrong, it would be harder when everything happened all over again. I thought it would be easiest to just stay away from you; then you could live a long life without me in it and never know any differently. But we both know how that worked out.” He paused, and I could tell what he was about to say next was hard for him. “If you don’t want to be with me after I kept so much from you, I understand.”

“Of course I want to be with you.” I laughed, unable to imagine Drew and I not being together after everything we’d been through. “If you remember, the first time Mr. Darcy asked Lizzy to marry him in
Pride and Prejudice
, he went about it all wrong,” I started, smiling at the connection I’d just made in my mind. “He insulted her and her family. But after her refusal, he made a conscious effort to change for the better, and everything worked out for them the second time he proposed. It’s the same with us. You learned from your past mistakes, and everything’s different now. Just as Lizzy gave Mr. Darcy a second chance, I’m going to do the same for you.”

“I’m glad that Lizzy gave Mr. Darcy a second chance.” He smiled at the comparison. “She was the only one for him. He would have been miserable without her.”

“And she would have been miserable without him.” I laughed. “Even though she might not have admitted it.”

He leaned back, his hands remaining in mine. “I have something for you,” he said, the light returning to his eyes.

“And what’s that?” I asked, intrigued. 

He walked to the mahogany nightstand next to his bed, rummaging around for something buried in there and pulling a small light green cardboard box out of the drawer. I walked towards him, sitting on the side of his bed. He sat next to me and lifted the top open, revealing a silver chain bracelet with a heart charm, each link slightly smaller than the tip of my pinkie finger. It was modern—unlike anything produced in the early nineteenth century—but it was perfect.

“I got this for the day we could finally be together,” he said, lifting it from the box. “It’s something current, since we’re not quite the same as we were back then.” The metal glimmered in the light, and I realized there were words engraved on the heart.

“Lizzie & Drew,” I read the words aloud, brushing my fingers against the charm and turning it over. “Always and Forever.”

“Do you like it?” he asked, his eyes sparkling like he already knew the answer. 

“Like it?” I was amazed he even had to ask. “I love it.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled and put it around my wrist, leaving a trail of warmth where his fingers brushed my skin. It fit perfectly. I played with the heart, reading the inscription again. “What’s wrong?” he asked, cupping my chin with his hand.

“I was just thinking,” I began, unsure if I should even bring it up. “Since my memories of the past ended with what happened that night, then what comes next?”

“I have no idea,” he answered. “But the hard part’s over. You’re here and we’re together. That’s all that matters.”

“You’re right,” I agreed, deciding it wasn’t worth worrying about. “Now I need to figure out how to patch things up with Chelsea and Jeremy.”

“They’ll get over it,” Drew said without a second thought. “Whatever happens next, we’ll deal with it together.” He paused, his eyes turning serious again. “You know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

“Yes,” I said confidently. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. “Always and forever.”